re: my beautiful darling squadron ( @actualreverie )
after 4.1
~
It's almost like they knew they weren't coming back.
Magnus hadn't gone through every last piece of everyone's belongings -- not yet. He wasn't ready yet. But he'd desperately searched for one item in particular that they all had in common, one thing he absolutely couldn't go without, one thing that proved they had ever existed without any masks or surgeries.
And it turned out that without failure, all three of them had left their matching accessories at home.
Wilhelm's necklace. Theana's earring. Lucius's pin. Gleaming like the day they got them.
Magnus placed his own bracelet on his apartment's dining room table, forming a diamond arrangement with the other three pieces.
It took him back to the day they'd all sat together at this very table, jewelry-making kit haphazardly brought along for the ride.
Lucius was the only one who wore his four-pointed star the way it was meant to be, a pin in red-yellow-blue-grey that sat neatly on the lapel of his favorite blazer. That night, he'd just sighed as Wilhelm and Theana fought over the pliers. Magnus patiently waited his turn, picking out the beads he wanted to accentuate his bracelet.
When they were finally done, they had laid out their individual pieces in that very same diamond arrangement. Each of them -- even stoic, above-it-all Lucius -- took a photo, and Wilhelm wasted no time in posting his to social media. My team's the best!! he'd said with no shame, and Theana was just as fast in reposting it.
Who would've thought that the actors who were happy just to make friendship trinkets among themselves... would go on to endanger everyone they swore to protect, in the name of glory?
Magnus wondered why they'd left their accessories at home, on the day of Star Rail FEST. He'd taken his with him, for good luck, and kept it hidden under the suit. Its weight against his wrist had kept him from trembling at the Xianzhou stage, had kept him from faltering at the Astral Plaza, had kept him from giving up in the torn scroll...
He knew it was stupid to feel that in leaving behind their pieces, the other three had left him behind too. But that's what he was -- stupid, sentimental, and now the necklace; the earring; and the pin were all he had left of them.
Author's Note: It’s been such a joy to take part in @vampemoqueen’s WoD HalloZine—my very first zine! Thank you so much for this experience and putting it all together. Here’s a short story of Kai, my beloved Ventrue, and the shadows of the past that haunt them.
Content Warnings: Brief references to drugs, self harm, maybe suicide (if you squint?), nihilism, and murder of a child.
“Jesus!” they cursed as their feet plunged into the silty drainage and mud squelched underfoot.
It had only been a little over half an hour since Kai entered this godforsaken place, burrowing their way underground like vermin. Beyond the manhole covers overhead, cars zoomed by and train tracks rumbled. They were still close to the surface, close enough to hear the city breathe.
However, down here, filth and grime carved out names for themselves on the grooved walls. At first, they gagged at the stench, finding it unbearable, but as their senses adjusted, one smell blended into another, like a sickness they could no longer distinguish.
Under normal circumstances, they would never be caught dead wandering around the sewers downtown. But since when were things normal? Like all fledglings turned neonates, they had been obeying tall and elusive orders every night since their Embrace. Except, they weren’t like the others—they were groomed to succeed and never to fail.
There was another splash as the ground sucked them in, causing them to sink knee-deep.
“For Christ’s sake!” they yelled again in frustration.
All at once, they heard the scolding voice of Liezel, their mother, resounding in their head just like it was yesterday, “Kai! How many times must I tell you? Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain!”
They mouthed the words as it came. Liezel’s arms were akimbo, her brows furrowed as spittle flew across the room. She had rapped their knuckles harshly with the wooden handle of a feather duster for good measure.
Kai could feel the sting of pain upon their hand, as clear as day, but sharper still was the humiliation, the hurt pride. Their younger stepbrother, Alfie, had giggled to himself in the corner. They clenched their fists. People said they took after their mother’s temper, and more often than not, they found themself agreeing.
At this point, their tailored pants and leather shoes were soaked through and ruined. Even dry cleaning wouldn’t be able to salvage them in their miserable state. Grimacing, they brushed beads of waste water off their waistcoat—it was Sisyphean, almost—as new drops replaced old, blooming in piss-drunk patches across silk weaves.
Why had their sire, Elena, sent them here again? Oh yes, “The sewer rats,” she said. “They’re hiding something from us. Find out what it is.”
They flipped their damp bangs away from their face in annoyance. Nearly two decades as a Kindred and they were still an errand runner—to Elena, to Lady Josephine, and in turn, to Baron Judge, the overarching Camarilla… Stringing them along with faint promises of power, like seductive wisps of smoke unfurling from their tongues, slithering into their ear and making a home in the hollow cavity of their skull.
Well, there were no sewer rats here. Through the dimmed shadows of light, all they could hear was the sound of sewage flushing through the system, pipes hissing and shaking, and molded moisture leaking from the arched ceilings. As they took a right, a group of vagrants huddling over a naked fire in an oil drum eyed them suspiciously. One crawled out from his tattered cardboard bed and shambled over to them.
“You got any er—”
Fentanyl. Meth. Heroin. He probably thought he could score some. The mole people—the homeless, the addicts, the outcast. They lived underground, in the flood tunnels, because there was nowhere else to go. Sometimes the water would reach so high that a bunch of them would drown. Not being quick enough made them easy pickings for the Nosferatu, but still bad blood all around.
Kai scrunched their face in disgust before relaxing their expression. Maybe they would have some use for this pitiful thing in front of them. With a practiced smile, they simpered, “I do… but first, tell me, how well do you know this place?”
The man coughed and shivered, grinning with swollen gums and putrid teeth. “Like the back of my hand.”
A guide. The gatekeeper of the sewer entrance had talked at length about its subterranean depths. Perhaps this man would know more. Raising an eyebrow, Kai focused their gaze, making sure their eyes met. A thin ring around their irises glowed—subtle, enticing, yet demanding. “Take me to its belly.”
He blinked slowly, once, twice, and then nodded. “This way,” he beckoned, turning around and trudging off through the labyrinth like a good soldier.
And so, Kai carried on, past winding corridors and forgotten lairs, crushing soiled glass and used needles beneath their heels. At the sides, strange altars decorated with melted wax candles and rotting pomegranates honored secret gods. The tunnels got darker and colder, so much so that they had to rely on their phone light to brighten up the path, but the guide didn’t seem bothered. In fact, he became livelier the deeper they went, as if he were drawing energy from some unknown source.
“Albert and Persephone would have a field day with this,” Kai grumbled under their breath, mocking the two absent members of their coterie behind their backs. Sarcasm dripped from their lips, cloying and condescending.
They recognized that same unease they felt whenever Albert conducted one of his ceremonies, or the time they witnessed Persephone casting eerily-shaped shadows from her bare hands. The taint of Oblivion clutched at their unbeating heart and made their skin crawl.
Distant screams and moans from an alley interrupted their thoughts and a gnarly hand tugged at their arm. “Not there,” the guide warned before taking off again along another passageway.
The metallic stairs they descended afterward screeched on its hinges, clanking against the wall. Kai wondered how far down they went. It felt like they had been walking for miles. At some point, their phone light flickered and went out, and they stood in total darkness on the suspended staircase swaying in the chilled air.
It was so silent you could hear a pin drop, which was weird, precisely because they heard nothing. No creaking, no footsteps, not even the sound of one’s breathing.
Where had their guide disappeared to? Was this some kind of twisted prank they had fallen for? But it couldn’t be, that mortal should’ve succumbed easily; they saw him submit, enslaved by their will, he couldn’t—
“Kai! Help me, please!” a shrill cry pierced their left ear, shocking them to the core as they stumbled blindly forward, tumbling down the flight of stairs.
When they finally hit the rock-hard ground, something wet and sticky trickled down the side of their face as a dull, throbbing ache blossomed from the crown of their head. “Shit,” they muttered, tasting tangy iron on their lips, like licking a battery.
Dazed, they tried to pick themself up, only to slip on the waxy surface, falling into the muck on all fours. Shame and embarrassment rushed in twofold, rising like waves of heat towards their chest. That prickly feeling at the back of their throat returned, threatening to come apart. This couldn’t be happening—not to them, they didn’t deserve this.
“What do you think you deserve?” the same voice whispered in their ear. Cold, unnatural, and unfeeling, but uncomfortably familiar.
“I deserve a lot more than you!” Kai had screamed, back when they were kids playing on the cliffs along the coast. Resentment reared its ugly head as they glared down at their stepbrother. His chubby hands grasped the cliff’s ledge while he dangled in mid-air, squirming beneath Kai’s feet.
“I deserve all of this!”
They could crush him right now, that stupid weakling who’d never worked a day in his life, who’d everything handed to him on a silver platter, just because he was the favorite.
No one would know.
Crush him.
Do it.
The whispers grew louder as they buried their head in their hands and growled.
“Kai! Help me, please!”
They took one more look at their stepbrother’s soft brown eyes and the ocean of tears that had welled up in them, before setting their foot down on his tiny fingers, treading on them like ants. Alfie lost his grip and Kai had watched quietly as his body was reduced to a simple ragdoll in the tempestuous wind. His limbs tossed about wildly as the howling gust drowned out the boy’s cries. Jagged bedrock by the cliffside framed its subject like a moving watercolor painting. If they squinted, they could pretend it was a bird diving to catch its prey.
They waited, patiently and then some more, until the red sea foam turned pale, and all that was left was a memory of what once was. One less mouth to feed, one less child to fawn over, one less rival to tussle with. Time didn’t bring any remorse. Perhaps they had been a monster even before they were reborn.
From afar, an unearthly roar and mechanical whir shredded through the stillness, jolting them back into the present. Was this what the Nosferatu were hiding? Kai had heard stories of otherworldly entities that existed on this plane, undecipherable, unseen to the naked eye. There were more than just Kindred around, and they were beginning to realize that they weren’t on the top of the food chain.
Bolting forward, they couldn’t care less if they looked more animal than human as the sludge clung to their feet. It felt like a mass of hands creeping up their legs, dragging them down into the dirt where they belonged. They should’ve been put down for what they did. But they felt nothing. Years and months of nothing. At the funeral, they pressed a shard of glass into their palm, squeezing it within the pocket of their trousers, so that they would cry. Liezel couldn’t look at them for weeks.
Maybe this was the day of reckoning, their last chance to repent, but was there really something to feel guilty for? They had merely taken what was rightfully theirs from the beginning—before their mother remarried another man they were forced to call father, before they were told to sacrifice whatever they had for the sake of the other son.
They had reached the end, knowing this to be so as loose stone and rubble gave way, crumbling into the void pit below. It was pitch black, a long drop into a vortex of emptiness. For every second they stopped to pause, the darkness enshrouded them further, heavy and suffocating as it seeped in through their orifices.
And they were back on the cliff, at the scene of the accident. Although, instead of Alfie, it was Kai who was standing at its edge, waiting to be pushed.
“How does it feel to be in my shoes? How does it feel not to exist?” The tone was derisive, contemptuous.
Did Alfie expect them to accept their fate? To beg for forgiveness and mercy? They convulsed with laughter, the sound ricocheting off the walls. Their body was hollowed out, empty, a vacuum where nothing could be replaced.
There was only one thing left to do. Fear and weakness had no place in the Clan of Kings.
“Don’t you know?” they remarked, eyes black as coal. “I always win.”
"He'll be fine Beck, please." Kai elbowed him to get him to back up a little - Beck had been hovering over her shoulder as she worked on Rinzler's disc, repairing some extensive damage. Normally she didn't mind, but the close hovering was actually becoming a bit distracting, and she needed to focus.
[Preview image by @birdykane, commission]
All your life you had been told to stay away from the Southside of your city. You were taught from an early age that the Demon’s who lived over there were monsters, as you could have already guessed. Your mother warned you time and time again that your soul would be stripped from inside you, taken by the monsters and given to the devil, who would then have a claim on your life. He would be able to force you to do whatever he asked of you, even if you tried to fight it.
She instilled so much fear into you that you never went close enough to even see that side of the city. You always remained in the protection of the north side, the side of the humans.
It wasn’t to say that you were never curious about the Southside though. Whenever you heard your friends talk about it, it peaked your curiosity but you had never been brave enough to defy your mother and end up in more trouble than you’d be able to handle.
Through out the years your eagerness to see for yourself what it was truly like. If your mother had made up some sort of fictional concoction of a story to keep your far away, if your friends were in fact correct about it being a fun place to go.
It wasn’t until one of your coworkers and friend, Angie had asked you if you wanted to go to her birthday party on Saturday. You had spent most of your time working too much, never allowing yourself to take a break to have any type of fun, so you immediately agreed.
You had made the mistake of not asking where it was going to be held.
Once Saturday rolled around, you were told to be ready for 9pm, that the party bus would be stopping by your place to pick you up. You took extra time that evening to do your makeup, giving yourself a smoky eye with red lips.
You slipped on your little black dress, pairing it with a pair of red heels. Your hair down, curled almost to perfection.
You were excited.
At 9pm on the dot, you hear a few honks from outside. Quickly you grab your purse and your phone before heading out to be greeting by Angie and a few of your close friends.
“Let’s go!” Angie yelled with a glass of champagne in one hand and a shot of something in the other.
Your friends pass you shot after shot, trying to get you up to their level of drunk. It doesn’t take much for you, considering it had been months since you last drank heavily.
You were far too preoccupied with drinking, dancing and laughing to notice where the bus was headed. It wasn’t until it had stopped and opened its doors that you realized you didn’t recognize the part of town you were in.
“Where are we?” you laugh, getting out of your seat.
“Southside at a strip club called Obsession.” Lisa smiles.
“Southside?” you whisper, feeling a little panicked.
“I know you’ve never been, and your mom told you some God-awful lies about it but trust me, you’re going to be fine. This club..” Angie pauses taking a deep breath while fanning herself. “Has the sexiest men I’ve ever seen" she huffs, making a lustful face.
‘Don’t worry, we’ll be with you the whole time" your other friend Jennie smiles.
Taking a deep breath you nod your head, linking arms with your friends before walking into the club.
The first thing you notice is the amount of smoke lingering in the room. Definitely wasn’t cigarette smoke, but from a smoke machine. The red lights didn’t do much to help the darkness, the music was over powering, you could feel the bass vibrate through your body as you walked further in. But somehow you felt.. at peace, calm and excited. Your nerves vanished the moment you walked in and was replaced with excitement.
Looking over to your left, you see a crowd of women fawning over the dancer who was clearly enjoying the abundance of attention he was receiving.
“That’s Suho" Jennie whispered in your ear. “He’s a very popular dancer.”
You could definitely see why, his red hair stood out significantly, his muscular arms and abs were a sight for sore eyes.
Moving along you come across a few more dancers on side stages like Suho, all of them with swarms of women desperately trying to get the men to notice them.
“Chanyeol and Baekhyun and Yixing” Jennie tells you. “They’re very popular as well, along with Chen and Sehun over there" she says, pointing to two more overly attractive and muscular men on the other side of the room, all with the same amount of women surrounding their stages.
“Why have you never brought me here before?” you question, even though you were pretty sure you already knew the answer.
“You know why" Lisa chimes in, giving you a look.
The four of you manage to get front row seats at the main stage, which was currently empty at the moment.
“Whose stage is this?” you ask, placing your bag at your feet, and taking off your jacket.
“His name is Kai.” Angie says. “He is the most popular one here. His moves are.. well they’re the work of the devil, I’m sure. He’s sinful, a delicious tease, the most seductive man.”
“Avoid making eye contact unless you’re prepared to be wrapped around his finger” Lisa laughs.
From behind you, a man clears his throat. “Hello ladies, my name is Minseok, can I get you beauties anything to drink?” he asks with a devilish smile.
Why and how were all the men who worked here literally the most perfect men you had ever seen. They looked and acted exactly like humans, minus the obvious almost black eyes they all had.
“Four rounds of tequila shots" Angie yells over the music with a big smile.
Minseok chuckles slightly before nodding his head, and heading over to the bar.
“I so want to fuck him" Lisa groans, watching him walk away while biting her lip.
If you were being honest, you’d probably fuck anyone of them. That was, until Kai came out, and then your eyes couldn’t leave him as much as you tried.
“Ladies, ladies, I hope you’re all ready for the main show tonight" the announcer says over the speaker. As soon as the first words left his mouth every single woman who had been previous melting over the other men, were now surrounded at the main stage, eagerly waiting the one everyone was obsessed with. “Welcome to the stage, Kai" he yells.
You can barely hear the music over the loud shrieks of women behind you. Though, it quiets down awfully quick when the lights suddenly shut off, leaving you all in the darkness.
As the music begins to get louder, a single spot light shines in the middle of the stage, you look right at the light, as you slowly see a man emerge from the darkness.
The moment he enters the light, your jaw drops. This man, was the most handsome man you had ever seen in your entire life. Your heart raced as you walked him smile a sincere smile, and then like the flip of a switch turn into this incredibly sexy monster. The way his hips moved, his slow thrusts into the air, the devious smile that crossed his lips, everything about him hypnotized you, especially the blue hair that stood out on him.
Kai takes a small running start, before getting on his knees, sliding towards the front of the stage. Directly in front of you.
For a moment his eyes connect with yours, a smile creeping across his face as he stares at you. He sneakily winks at you before moving on to pay attention to other women.
Your heart beats even faster, you find it hard as you try to catch your breath.
“Now for the first time ever, one lucky woman will be brought on stage for a special dance. Who should it be?” the man over the P.A system announces.
Everyone screams, begging for him to choose them. But you, you just sit there, still concentrated on Kai as you watch him smiling at everyone, while he tries to pick a special lady.
He stands in front of you, a smirk on his face as he walks down the stares to stand directly in front of you, his hand extended. You slowly raise your head, your eyes meeting with his for a second time tonight.
You feel a lump in your throat as you gently place your hand in his, everything else surrounding you is tuned out.
It’s just you and him, up on the stage.
“I’ve never seen you here before.” He whispers in your ear as he sits you down before straddling you.
“My first time” you whisper back, nervously. “My friends brought me"
“Well I am certainly glad they did" he smirks, beginning to grind himself on you.
You feel almost paralyzed as Kai dances on you. You can hear your friends loudly rooting for you, and the other woman praising him.
You’re still unsure of what to do with yourself, having this be your very first lap dance, you didn’t think you could touch him, although you wanted too badly.
Your time passes in a blur. Kai steps away from you, offering you his hand again to pull you up, helping you down the stairs and back to your friends. You didn’t know what this feeling was that took over you, but you already wanted to see him again.
As the night came to an end, you didn’t want to go home. You didn’t want to leave this club, you wanted to talk to him, to touch him. Your friends had to practically drag you out and back to the bus.
That night as you laid in your bed, you swore you could still feel the lingering touches of his finger tips. You could feel his bulge grinding against you, leaving you yearning for more.
You dreamt of the all the things you would do to him if you ever had the chance. The nasty things you never thought you’d be into came into play in your dreams.
Waking up the next morning, you made a conscious decision to go back to the Southside. You mainly wanted to explore the forbidden side of town that you always wondered about, but a huge part of you desperately wanted to find Kai again.
You didn’t know if he would even be interested in you but in this moment you didn’t care. You had no reservations about your plans, so you hopped out of bed and began getting yourself ready.
An hour later, you’re exiting your taxi, that refused to cross the boarder to the other side of town, claiming he needed to keep his soul to enter heaven.
You’d gladly give yours up if it meant you got to meet Kai again.
Slowly, you walk down the sidewalks, admiring the large amount of stores, restaurants and coffee shops. You didn’t understand what your mother thought was so terrifying about this place. It was almost exactly like the North side, buy the people were just a little different.. and not human but you didn’t mind.
You walked for a few hours before stumbling upon a small hole in the wall type coffee shop. With a smile on your face you walk in and up to the counter to order an iced coffee.
You sat down at a table, admiring the small shop when you heard a few men a few tables away from you, murmur about a human in the shop. The nerves that you didn’t have before crept up into your stomach, making you want to leave as quickly as possible.
As you impatiently waited for your coffee, you could hear them talk about how they wanted you, some of the things they would do to you if they had a chance to get their hands on you.
You quickly stood up from your table, just as your coffee was set down in front of you. You mumbled a quick thank you before grabbing it and heading for the door. Peaking behind your shoulder, you see the men stand up and begin walking to the door the same time as you, their sights clearly set on you.
You never should have done this. Clearly humans weren’t always welcome into every place on this side. Exiting the building, you quicken your pace down the sidewalk, the men’s foot steps behind you becoming louder as they keep up with your pace.
You turn the first corner you find, now running to try and get out of their sight. You begin to pass by and alley, when a hand reaches out for you, pulling you in before softly slamming you against the brick building. Your eyes are closed, you’re terrified of what’s going to happen. The persons hand covers you mouth, not allowing you to scream, their body pressed against yours.
“Don’t make a sound” the man whispers in your ear. Something about his voice is so familiar to you, it’s dark but calming, husky but smooth.
You slightly peak one eye open, and are surprised yet relieved to see Kai is the one pressing his muscular body against you.
The two of you stand still for a few moments, hearing the men shout, trying to find you. They pass by the alley without a look and continue on with their search. Kai releases you from his hold, stepping back from you.
“I thought Demon’s were supposed to be good trackers or something” you said, a little confused. You had always been told that they would always find you if you tried to escape from them.
Kai lets out a small chuckle. “That’s the first thing you say?” he questions. “but most of us are excellent trackers, like me and then some.. are not, like them” he explains.
“Were you tracking me?” you ask, knowing it was probably a long shot but you felt the need to ask anyways.
“I was.” He admits. “I almost crossed the boarder to the North side" he smiles.
“Why?” you question. “Why did you want to find me?”
“The same reason you came here to find me. You felt the pull, didn’t you?” he asks, stepping closer to you. “You wanted more from me last night, just like I wanted to strip you down and fuck you right on that stage. I almost wish I would have too" he whispers in your ear, tucking a strand of hair behind you ear.
“I..” you begin but stop, not sure how to respond.
“What do you want?” he asks. “Do you want me to fuck you?”
Before your brain can even process what he was saying to you, your mouth had already answered.
“Yes" you huff.
Kai steps back from you again, putting a good amount of distance between you, which you didn’t like.
“Come find me at the club tonight, around 1am.” He smiles before beginning to walk away. Before he gets too far he turns around to look at you one last time. “But this time, try not to get yourself in trouble” he winks before practically disappearing.
Taking a deep breath, you quickly find your way back to the boarder and back to your side of town. You head home, ready to take a long ass nap after the eventful day you just had. As you crawl into bed, your phone rings before you can close your eyes. You groan as you see it’s your mother calling. You did not want to deal with any of her shit today, although you did kind of want to tell her that you crossed the boarder, but she might actually try to drag you back to your childhood home, despite you being in your late twenties.
“Hello, mother” you sigh into your phone.
“Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all afternoon" she yells.
“I went out for a bit and forgot my phone. Sorry" you yawn.
“You stayed on our side right? You know what will happen if you cross that boarder.” She says, her voice harsh.
“Good lord mother, I’m old enough to make my own decisions. And for your information, I did cross the border to explore, and you know what? Nothing happened to me. I still have my soul.” You told her.
The line was silent for a few second before the line went dead. She was so dramatic.
Tossing your phone down, you rolled over, closing your eyes and quickly falling into a deep sleep, dreaming about Kai, again.
**
At 12:30am, you made your way back to the border, hoping to maybe catch Kai's last dance of the night before the two of you went off to do whatever he had planned.
Walking into the club, you felt the same sense of calmness you did on the first night you were there. Without any hesitation you made your way to the main stage where Kai was already dancing. Luckily for you, you managed to snag the a vacant front row seat, unnoticed by the other women who were too busy watching him slowly take his clothes off.
You had to remind yourself more than once to close your mouth, not wanting to end up drooling everywhere.
As the show came to an end, Kai was left in what you could only describe as a small speedo, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. You could tell he had a hard cock, and you couldn’t wait for him to stretch you out.
Before he walks off stage he motions to you to head back stage to meet him. You can’t get rid of the smile across your face as you leave the crowd of disappointed women behind you to follow the sex god.
When he asked you if you wanted to go over to his house, you should have said no. You didn’t even know this man, but somehow you felt like you could trust him. Ever since the dance he gave you, you couldn’t stop thinking about him, it was almost as though you were addicted.
The two of you walked out the back door of the club to Kai's car. He opened the passenger side door for you, allowing you to slide in, twiddling your thumbs as you wait for him to get into the drivers seat.
Kai turns on the radio as he pulls out of the back parking lot, heading towards his house.
“You seem nervous" he says with a smile, turning his head to look at you.
“I don’t know. I don’t feel nervous, though I know I should be.” You reply with a shrug of your shoulders.
“Why? Why should you feel nervous?” he asks.
“Because I don’t know you at all. I know nothing about you, yet I find myself wanting to be around you, close to you. It’s like I crave it.” You explain.
“That would be my fault.” He chuckles.
“What do you mean?” you ask.
“I have the ability, when I decide to use it, to make someone become addicted to me, in sense.” He smiles.
“Well that would explain why I couldn’t stop thinking about you" you whisper.
“However. There’s something about you, y/n. Something about you that makes me crave you. Ever since I laid my eyes on you, I wanted you. No needed you. You’re like a drug, and I’m already hooked.” He smirks.
Jongin stops his car in front of a lavish looking apartment building. The two of you walk in, you trailing a little behind Kai as you both step into the elevator.
He presses the penthouse button causing the elevator to jerk and begin moving up. Kai stands close to you, his finger tracing the inside of your palm.
The elevator dings and Kai grabs your hand, pulling you into his large place. He stands in front of you, staring at you. You’re unable to break away from his piercing gaze.
Your breath hitches as he leans in closer to you, his plump lips almost touching yours.
“If you don’t want this, tell me now, otherwise I don’t think I’ll be able to stop after" he whispers, eagerly waiting for your response.
“Yes I want this" you breathe, closing the gap between the two of you by placing your lips on his.
Kai deepens the kiss, pulling your body into his, keeping his hands on your hips. You wrap your arm around his neck, keeping yourself balanced as you melt into his kiss.
He traces your lips with his tounge, wanting to be able to enter. You slightly part your lips, allowing him to slip his tounge in. His hands travel down your hips as he bends his body slightly, placing his hands behind your knees. He pulls on the a little, signaling you that he wants you to jump up.
You jump, wrapping your legs around his waist, the kiss never breaking.
He walks towards what you can only assume is the bedroom. Within a second, you’re thrown onto his bed, he stands beside the bed with a smirk on his face as he watches you attempt to catch your breath.
He takes a step forward, pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his set of rock hard abs. You licked your lips at the sight of him, the oh so delicious sight. You wanted so badly for him to take off his pants and whatever underwear he was wearing underneath. You needed to see his cock, you wanted to put it in your mouth, sucking until he came and it slid down your throat.
Without even realizing it, you had sat up, and began discarding your clothes which was the reason Kai had stopped. He was watching you slip your shirt over your head, revealing the red lace bra you hid underneath. He groaned as you stood up, unbuttoning your pants to reveal a matching set of red lace panties.
Kai wanted so badly to slam you down on the bed and rip off your lingerie set, shredding it from your body. He wanted to taste you on his tounge, have you squirm beneath him as he makes you cum over and over. He wanted ram his cock inside you, feel yourself tighten around him, screaming out his name.
But he couldn’t, at least not yet. He wasn’t sure of what you were into and he didn’t want to end up scaring you off with his rough fucking. So instead, he climbed in the bed, pulling you down and laying you flat on your back. He hovered himself over you, placing small kisses along your neck, collarbone, and moving down towards your breasts.
“I’m going to rip your bra and panties off of you, okay baby?” he whispers.
You can only nod your head as your body tingles everywhere with the need for him to give you more.
In one swift motion your breasts were free of your bra, your nipples perky due to the bit of draft in his room.
“Mhmm" he groans, tilting his head to the side before lowering it, placing his lips around one of your nipples and sucking. He opens his mouth to graze it with his teeth, while simultaneously rolling your other nipple between two fingers.
You throw your head back in pleasure, your pussy aching to be touched by him.
“Please” you cry out, needing him to move further down your body. He looks at you waiting for you to continue. “I need more” you whine.
“Tell me what you want” he says.
“I want your mouth" you pant.
“My mouth where?” he smirks.
“Down here?” he asks, moving down your body. “You want my mouth sucking on your clit?”
“Oh god yes” you cry as his fingers slowly graze in between your lips.
“Are you sure?” he asks, placing his thumb on your clit, rubbing in small, soft circles.
“Yes yes, please" you cry, desperately needing more.
“Mhm" he says, laying on his stomach. He parts your legs even more, as far as they would go before he attaches his lips to your clit and starts sucking.
“Oh my god" you moan, your eyes almost rolling into the back of your head. It had honestly been so long since you were with anyone, you forgot what it was like.
You buck your hips up, moving your hips in a circle, needing to get as much friction as you could.
“Shit" you cry out. Kai lays his arm across your hips, pushing down to prevent you from moving. He really was trying to kill you.
“Oh oh” you cry out, your orgasm coming with great speed. But before you were able too, Kai moves his mouth away from your pussy, letting your orgasm slowly drift away.
“Nooo" you cry out, covering your face. “why!?” you demand to know.
“The first time you cum, I want it to be all over my cock" he growls, taking his pants off, allowing his large, thick cock to spring free.
He wraps his hand around his cock, pumping a few times, coating his length with his precum. You lick your lips as you watch, just wanting him to shove it down your throat until you choke.
He crawls in the bed, lining himself up with your entrance. He places your legs on his shoulders, gripping your thighs tightly as he pushes himself into you, completely stretching you out.
Once inside of you, Kai is still for a moment, allowing you to adjust to his size. He fills you up like no one has before.
“Move" you pant, needing to feel him move inside of you.
Kai smiles as he slowly pulls out of you, pausing for a moment before ramming his cock back inside you which jolts your body.
“Fuck baby girl, you’re so tight” he groans as he quickens his pace. He moves his hands from your thighs to wrap them around your calves, holding them closely to his chest.
Kai's thrusts become harder and deeper, hitting your G spot every time.
“Rub your clit" he grunts, loosening his grip on your legs.
You reach down, placing your fingers in between your lips, rubbing your sweet spot.
Your orgasm hadn’t gone too far away, the moment you touched yourself, you were almost right back to cumming.
“Oh fuck" you scream out, rubbing circles on your clit faster as Kai fucks you harder.
“You feel so fucking good" he groans.
“I think I’m going too..” you trail off, your eyes rolling back.
“Cum for me baby. Cum all over my cock" he demands.
So you do. Your orgasm rips through your body, as you scream out in intense pleasure.
“That’s a good girl" he moans, his pace and thrusts becoming erratic.
“Where can I cum?” he grunts.
“Cum in my pussy, please cum in my pussy" you cry out.
Kai’s orgasm takes a hold of him, his thrusts stopping completely as he empties himself inside of you, coating your walls with his juices.
He pulls out of you, his cock tender, and he lays down beside you, your sweaty bodies partially touching as you both try to catch your breath.
“That was..” you pause.
“Amazing" Kai huffs, finishing your sentence.
“I guess I better get going.” You sigh after a few moments, getting up to gather your clothes. You look for your underwear before you remember they’re in pieces throughout his room.
“You don’t have too.” Kai says, turning on his side, resting his head on his propped up hand.
“You don’t really want me to stay. I get what this was. Its fine" you smile, slipping on your pants.
You pull your t-shirt over your head, looking at Kai one more time.
“What do you think this was?” he asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“A one night stand.” You declare, walking out to grab your jacket.
He follows quickly behind you, yanking on his boxers.
“Wait, no" he begins.
“You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to try to come up with some kind of reasoning as to why you want me to stay when you really don’t. Like I said, it’s fine. It was a fun night. Maybe I’ll see you again" you finish before the elevator dings at his apartment.
You watch his face, which looks confused as the elevator door closes. You can’t imagine what he actually wanted to say. There was no way a man like that would be genuine in saying he wanted you to stay. You were severely out of his league. As much as you didn’t want it to hurt, it did.
You liked him but unfortunately for you, it was a one night thing that you would remember forever.
**
9am came quickly the next morning. You hadn’t gotten home from Kai's until 4am and crashed almost immediately when you hit your bed. Thank god for you, you didn’t have to be at work until 10am but you did not get enough sleep.
Your feet were dragging as you walked into the office, Angie sitting at her desk, impatiently waiting for you to sit down so she could ask you about why you were so tired.
“What did you do last night?” she practically yelled.
“Um well.. I went back to Obsession” you admit shyly.
“Oh my god. Did you go see Kai? I knew it. I knew there was something between you two” she smiles. “what happened?”
“I went back to his place and uh..” you trail off.
“Did you fuck him? Please tell me you did. Was his dick huge? I bet it was huge.”
A giant grin plasters on your face, confirming her suspicions. “Yes and oh yes” you admit.
Angie let’s out a high pitched squeal as she tries to pry every bit of information out of you.
After you finish telling you most of the details of your night, she stares at you in amazement. “that is amazing. You’re so lucky" she gasps. “are you going to see him again?”
You shake your head. “No, it was just a one time thing" you say.
Before she can reply, a man stands in front of your desk, holding a giant bouquet of flowers. “Are you y/n?” he asks.
“Yes?”
“For you" he says, placing the vase on your desk and walking away.
“Oh my god" Angie gushes. “They’re totally from him.”
You roll your eyes as you stand up looking for a card. Once you do, you sit down and open the envelope.
*I’d really like to see you again, and no I’m not just saying that – Kai*
You couldn’t get rid of the smile for the rest of the day, and Angie couldn’t stop gushing about how lucky you were.
However one thing confused you. How did he know where you worked?
At the end of the day, you’re leaving the building, your giant bouquet in hand.
“Do you like your flowers?” You hear a voice question you.
Peaking from behind them, you see Kai standing there, leaning against his car. His arms crossed, his suit fitting him perfectly.
“I do" you smile. “but how did you know where I worked? You question.
“I’m a very persuasive man when I want to be.” He smiles. “Look, I don’t know what gave you the idea that I only wanted one thing from you last night. I thought I had been rather obvious about how much I actually like you. I didn’t want it to be a one night stand" he explains.
“I’m sorry, I just assumed..” you trailed off.
“What?” he asks.
“I assumed that it was all you wanted because, well, look at me and look at you" you say. “I didn’t expect you to want more. I honestly just figured it was a line" you say.
“I make it very clear to women what I want. And I thought I had been clear with you, that you were different.” He tells you.
“I’m sorry" you whisper.
“Don’t be sorry. All I ask is you believe me when I tell you something, that I’m not saying it just to say it.” He smiles. “Now, would you like to go to dinner with me?”
“I would love too" you smile.
**
Over the next few weeks, you and Kai were pretty much inseparable. Unless you were at work or had plans with friends, you and he were together.
On the weekends you’d head over to Obsession to watch him dance, and watch all the women who were completely enthralled by him. You sat back and laughed to yourself whenever he would look at you, or wink, it had the other women fuming.
That night, you spent at Kai's, where he asked you to be his girlfriend, of course you said yes without any hesitation.
“I need to ask you for a favor" Kai sighs, as you partially lay on top of him, your head resting on his bare chest. His hand had been tracing along your back, lulling you to sleep, until he spoke.
“What’s that?” you ask, wiggling your self slightly so he would continue to rub you.
“Don’t.. don’t come to the Southside alone anymore. Not even with your friends, please.” He says.
“Why?” you ask, sitting up, holding the sheet to cover your naked body.
“Those men from the night after we first me, caught wind of you and I. Not that really any of the other Demons care, but these guys are different. They’re called Malum demons, which means evil. I know everyone has heard the stories that all demons are evil and whatever, but most of us just want to be able go coexist here with everyone, not cause harm.” He sighs. “However, the Malum demons just want that. They’re the ones who want to take souls, kill the humans, torture and murder the men, rape the women to have half human half demon children, who are supposed to be stronger than ever”
“W-what can we do? Can we do anything?” you ask, your body beginning to shake.
“There are people working on it but they seem to be getting more and more demons siding with them, thinking that it’s how it should be. But they’re pissed off that you got away from them. They wanted you, they still do and wont stop until they’ve got you. They’ll find out your friends, family, acquaintances. Anyone in your life and they’ll take it all away so you have no choice unless you give yourself to them." he tells you.
“Oh my god" you cry. You hadn’t been expecting this. It felt like too much. You weren’t safe now. What about your friends? Your family? You’ve put everyone in danger because of your selfish wants of getting to know the demon you met that was dancing at the strip club.
“Hey baby, don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Kai says, scooting closer to you, holding you tight. “It’ll all be okay” he smiles.
You knew he wanted to make you feel better, but you weren’t sure if he could.
The next day, after you laid awake in Kai’ bed for the remainder of the night, he was the one to drive you home.
He parked in front of your building, turning off the ignition and turned to look at you. “Please remember baby. Don’t go anywhere alone, don’t come to the Southside unless me or one of my friends are with you and don’t answer the door if you don’t know whose behind it. I’m going to get this figured out, I promise. Those fucks won’t get to you.”
Forcing a smile, you nod your head before leaning in to give him a quick kiss on those plump lips you loved before heading into your apartment while he waited for you to get inside. You turned, giving him a small wave goodbye before you closed your door behind you, taking a deep breath while taking off your shoes.
How the fuck were you supposed to fix this? How were you going to keep everyone safe, especially Kai. You didn’t want him out there, possibly getting hurt because those men didn’t get what they wanted.
You barely slept that night as well. Your stomach in knots, as the possibilities swam through your head of what was going to happen. You didn’t want anyone to get hurt, including yourself. But what if you just offered yourself up to the men. Maybe no one would get hurt.
You couldn’t do that. No one would ever let you sacrifice yourself to save them, especially not Kai.
Pulling out your phone, you dial the number of the one person you knew could help you figure something out.
“Hey Angie, I know it’s late but I need your help..” you begin.
45 minutes later, Angie is sitting in your living room with you on the floor as you both eat Chinese food.
“So let me get this straight” she pauses. “These guys are planning to attack everyone you know, essentially because you ran away from them and they couldn’t live out their fucked up delusional fantasies with you?” she asks, cocking her head to the side.
“Yeah, basically" you nod. “I don’t know what the fuck to do.”
“I wish I had an answer for you. But really, it’s going to have to be your decision to make.” She says, glancing around your place, like she hasn’t been here multiple times.
“Is Kai coming over tonight?” she asks nonchalant.
“Not tonight. He had some stuff to take care of.” You answer.
“I’ll be back. Bathroom break.” Angie announced, quickly getting off the floor and heading to the bathroom.
You didn’t understand why she was suddenly acting so weird. Pulling our your phone, you send a quick message to Kai, telling him how weirded out you were by her sudden change in behaviour.
[8:38pm] Kai ♡: I’m coming over.
You didn’t protest, you loved seeing and maybe you’d be able to convince him to finally stay the night. He always would decline because being on the North side made him nervous.
You hear a knock at your door, right as Angie steps out of the bathroom. “I shouldn’t answer it.” You whisper to her. You knew that Kai couldn’t have gotten here that fast.
She just gives you a smile before she walks to your front door, unlocking it and pulling it open. Standing in front of you are the two men from the day in the coffee shop, you’d never forget those faces.
“Close the door! Run!” you scream.
Angie laughs. “who do you think told them to come here?” she chuckles.
“W-what?” You ask, unable to fully process it.
“I called them. I’ve been telling them all about you, sweet y/n. Everything they needed to know.” She smiles as one of the men puts his arm around her waist.
“Why?” you whisper.
“Because you stole what was supposed to be MINE.” She yells. “Kai was supposed to be mine. Do you know how long I’ve been going to Obsession? How long I’ve been working on trying to get him to notice me? How many times I’ve done whatever I could to talk to me? I was so close and then you go one night and he acts like you’re the best thing in the world.” She snaps. “So, when they approached me, telling me that they wanted you and for you two to not be together, I figured it was the perfect opportunity. They get you, and I’ll finally get Kai" she smiles.
“Do you know what they’re going to do to me!? What any of their fucking plans are?” you cry. You can’t believe this.
“I don’t really care, to be honest. I just want what’s mine.” She shrugs.
“I thought we were friends" you whisper.
“We were. Until you stole from me y/n. I don’t like thief’s”
The three of them stood there, staring at you. You were shocked and felt betrayed but more so, you were trying to figure out a way to escape. Hoping that Kai would be there soon enough to help you.
“Enough of this sappy shit. Take what you want, boys.” Angie says, moving to the side as the two men walk towards you.
You turn to run but you’re not quick enough, one of the already has his hand wrapped tightly around your wrist.
“No!” you scream.
“Fucking let her go, right now" you hear a voice snarl behind you. You turn around, seeing Kai with an angrier face than ever.
“Kai, baby. Just let them go. You have me now" you hear Angie purr, in a desperate attempt to be sexy.
“What’s it going to take with you? I don’t fucking want you. Never have, never will" he snaps at her.
“Back off Kai. We just want what slipped away from us.” One of the men growls, his grip tightening. “We don’t want you to get hurt, pretty boy"
Kai laughs. “I think I’ll be fine. Besides, there’s a lot more of us then there is of you" he smiles, cocking his head to the side.
Before either of the men can say a word, there’s four men behind Kai, men that you recognize from the club.
“So again, let her go.” Kai snaps.
The two men look at eachothers and smile. The one holding onto you pushes you back harshly, causing you to stumble back, tripping over the area rug and hitting your head on an end table.
You try to keep your eyes open, but with in seconds your world turns black, as you fall unconscious to sight of Kai lunging for the man, his eyes black.
**
When you wake up, you’re expecting to still be in your apartment in your bed, hopefully with Kai laying next to you.
But instead you’re laying in a hospital bed, with an IV in your arm and Kai’s head resting on the edge of your bed.
“Kai?” you whisper. His head shoots up, his eyes wide. “why am I in a hospital?” you ask, looking at his face to make sure he had no cuts or bruises.
“You hit your head when that piece of shit shoved you” he says, looking you in the eyes. “I needed to make sure you were okay"
“I would have been fine in my own bed too. This is going to cost a fortune” you groan, getting out of the bed.
“Don’t worry about that. It’s all covered. I just wanted to make sure that there wasn’t anything else wrong, something more. You hit it pretty hard" he says, offering his hand to you.
“I’m just fine. Don’t worry. What happened?” you asked. You almost didn’t want too. You were worried about what words might come out of his mouth next.
“All I’m going to say is you wont need to worry about those two. They’re not going to be trying to bother you anymore.” He smiles.
The two of you begin to walk out of the room, when the doctor stops you, asking to speak with you for a second.
“Why? You said she was clear to go when she woke up” Kai says.
“Y-yes, but I just have a few questions to ask her, privately.” The doctor stutters.
“Its okay. I’ll be right out" you say to Kai, letting go of his hand.
Once the door closes, the doctor looks at you with worried eyes. “are you okay? Do you need help? I know what he is.” The doctor whispers.
“What? Help? No? He’s my boyfriend.” You laugh. “I don’t need help. Not all demons are bad, doctor” you laugh, opening the door, slipping your hand in Kai's and walking out the front entrance.
Kai takes you back to his house, claiming he needed to do some cleaning at your house before you could go back. You were pretty sure you knew what he meant but decided you really didn’t want to know about the possible dead demons laying on your living room floor.
**
The next day you went to work, and sitting at the desk next to yours sat a very sad looking Angie. You didn’t bother to look at her, or even acknowledge her. In fact, as far as you were concerned, she was dead to you.
“Y/N..” she whispers.
“Don’t.” you snap, your eyes never leaving your papers. “I don’t want to hear anything from you. Ever.”
“Please.” She cries. “I don’t know what came over me"
“I know exactly what came over you. Greed, jealousy, selfishness to name a few.” You spit.
“Let me make it up to you" she whispers.
“Why? So you can stab me in the back again? No thanks.” You say, walking to your bosses office, in hope’s of being able to be transferred to a different desk, or yet a different department.
**
A few months later, you and Kai were still going stronger than ever. He had met your crazy mother, who pretty much fell for him the moment she saw him walk through the door. At that moment she didn’t care what he was, she only cared on how he treated you.
She had been so wrapped up in the fact that he was a demon that she never thought that he would be anything but terrifying to look at, and a monster.
As it turned out, she had never actually seen a demon before. She could have passed one on the street and never would have known considering she was always looking for a terrifying creature, which they were anything but.
Once you had transferred desks at work, you never saw Angie again. Not even when you, Lisa and Jennie had gone to Obsession together.
The fear of the Southside had slowly diminished as people from the North crossed the boarders and saw for themselves that they meant no harm to them. It was finally acceptable for humans and demons to be together, and everyone could come and go from each side as they pleased.
After a few more months, you and Kai had moved in together. You happily left your small apartment with some bad memories for his penthouse which held only good ones.
You and Kai laid in bed on the first night of living together, laughing and talking.
“I want to ask you something" he states, sitting up in bed.
“Okay?” you say, a little nervous.
“Now, I haven’t brought this up because I didn’t want you to feel pressured to say yes, and I know it’s only been not even a year that we’ve been together, but..” he pauses, jumping out of his bed to rummage through his dresser.
By the time he walks towards you, you’re sitting on the edge of the bed with your hands in your lap and a tingle in your stomach.
Kai slowly sinks down onto one knee, pulling out a small box.
“I’ve loved you since I first saw you walk into my club. I honestly can’t imagine my life without you. Will you be mine forever?” he whispers, opening the box, revealing a beautiful and large diamond ring. “will you marry me?”
You can’t help the tears from streaming down your cheeks. You can’t formulate any words, your brain was barely working to process what he had just asked you.
“You.. you want to marry me?” you cry.
“Yes baby, it’s you. It’ll always be you" he smiles, taking the ring from the box to slid it on your extended hand as you yell ‘yes' through your tears.
You stare at your hand for a second, admiring your newly acquired piece of jewelry.
You let out a loud chuckle as Kai tackles you back onto the bed, smiling as he hovers over you.
He leans his head down, pressing his lips onto yours. His hand trails from the side of your face down as he slides his body off of you. He reaches under your silence nightgown, cupping your breast before teasing your nipple with his fingers.
He sits up, pulling you up as well. “Arms up" he purrs. You do as your told, moving so he’s able to pull your nightgown off of you, discarding it somewhere in your shared bedroom.
He lays you back down, placing gentle kisses along your stomach, moving his way up to suck on each breast.
He looks up at you again, smiling before climbing off the bed, and onto his knees on the floor. Kai spreads your legs wide, allowing him to see one of his favorite views.
“Mhm” he groans, leaning forward to lick a long strip up your pussy.
“Oh god" you cry out as the tip of his tounge begins to flick your clit, causing your legs to shake.
Kai spreads your lips before he latches his lips to your clit, sucking harshly before sticking two fingers inside of you.
Your eyes are closed as he works on you, your hands reach up to cup your breasts. You then move one hand further down, running it through his luscious blue hair, gripping tightly on a chunk.
Kai continues to thrust his fingers in and out of you while switching from sucking and licking your clit.
“Fuck fuck" you cry out, your orgasm building quickly.
Kai switches the pace of his fingers frequently, going from slow to fast, making your orgasm come faster.
“I.. I’m gunna cum” you scream out, your body slightly convulsing as the high coursed through your entire body.
Kai lifts his head from in between your legs, your wetness shining on his face as his licks it up.
“You always taste so fucking good baby" he smiles as he stands up, his cock pressing harshly against his sweat pants.
You smile as you climb off the bed, kneeling in front of him now. You hook your fingers on the inside of his sweatpants, dragging them down his legs.
His cock springs free, the tip red and almost throbbing while leaking precum.
You lick your lips as you move your mouth closer, opening wide to take him all in.
Kai jerks his hips forward, pushing himself down your throat.
“Fuck baby" he groans, his hands gathering a clump of hair. He gently thrusts his hips, shoving his cock down your throat, a little further with each thrust.
The tears begin to fall down your eyes as you swallow his cock with every thrust he gives you, choking a little each time.
“Such a good little slut for me" he moans, his thrusts becoming faster. “You want me to cum in your mouth?” he grunts, his grip on your hair tightening.
“Mhmm" the only sound you can make.
“Shit" he cries out as he pulls himself mostly all out of your mouth, except for his tip while he shoots his load inside your mouth.
Standing up he smirks at you and your clearly still full mouth.
“Swallow, baby” he whispers, watching you intensely.
You look him straight in the eyes as you swallow everything in your mouth, as he groans in satisfaction. “fuck you’re sexy" he smiles, whisking you off your feet and throwing you onto the bed.
“I can’t wait to marry you” he smiles. “Mrs. Kim Y/N" he says, placing another kiss on your lips.
Rating: 18+ (description of plane crash, explicit sex)
Word Count: 7,950
Summary: A plane crash leaves you stranded, somewhere deep in the Pacific Ocean. Your only company is Kim Jongin - though whether this is better than being alone, you still haven’t decided.
It’s been three days on this island.
Three whole days, since Flight 1032 disappeared somewhere over the Pacific. To me, it didn’t disappear. To me, it crashed. Our pilot frantically steering a malfunctioning plane towards a narrow strip of land. Fumes burning the air, people screaming, my head clutched between my legs as I prayed frantically to whatever god I could.
I’m not a religious person, not by a long shot but in that moment I was. I became suddenly convinced of the afterlife, god, damnation and the certainty that I’d done a very poor job with my life. Clutching my backpack overhead and praying to whomever was listening – I swore that I’d be better, if I only lived.
The moment the plane hit the water, there was darkness. The plane sank so quickly, filled so rapidly there was barely time to think. I’m not sure how I found the hole, only that as darkening water filled the cabin – I felt the brush of a current at my ankles. A current which could only mean one thing – that somewhere out there was a hole.
I yelled to anyone who could hear to follow me. Then I took a giant breath and went underwater. Following until I found the hole, punched through the side of the plane during descent. Water rushed past but when I looked back, I saw no one. I don’t even know if anyone even tried to follow. Not all got their masks on in time. Some weren’t even wearing seatbelts, when we fell. I remember there being a lot of blood, in those final moments.
I somehow got out. Kicking and pushing until I made the hole big enough, and then – I swam. Using my last, weary strokes to propel me towards the surface. The moment I broke, I don’t know I’ve ever felt such happiness. Lungs burning, stomach retching as I took in that searing breath of air. Water rushed into my lungs as well, forcing me to choke. My eyes blurred – I don’t know if it was from fear or happiness.
I offered another prayer, my hundredth, to the fact that there was land. Thanking the pilot, for steering us in this direction. Swallowing yet another gulp of sea water, I turned towards shore. Pushing until I no longer could – and then sinking, letting the current carry me in.
I collapsed on the beach. Clothing wet and waterlogged, backpack still somehow on my arms from where I used it as a cushion. I don’t know how I didn’t lose it in the sea – if I’d been more sensible, I would have thrown it at the first chance I got. It probably made my ascent to the surface slower but by that point, I was glad just to have it.
That was three days ago.
Now I lean against a palm tree, trying once more to create a spark. Taking a rock with my right hand and striking it against the left – over and over again. Pausing, I set them both down to wipe sweat from my brow. It’s so hot out. I stare down at the crystalline sea, the water unnervingly calm and clear. The reason for this being a coral reef around the island – Jongin found this out, our first day.
Jongin. The only other person to have made it off the plane. He sat in row 32, seat D. Finding an opening similar to mine, pushing his way out to swim to the surface. Jongin made it to shore before I did and he was the one who found me on the beach – lying half-dead, limp on the sand.
The first sight I saw was him, dark hair disheveled as he looked downwards. Poking me with his right foot until I awoke. I squinted back, trying to decide if he was an angel before a wave of warm, salt water broke over my back.
Gasping, I choked on sea spray while somehow managing to drag myself into a seated position. The sun was bright, burning my shoulders as I heaved onto the sand. Expelling every last bit of salt water from my lungs.
“You’re alive,” he said blankly, while I struggled to regain myself.
Still peering at the island, I remember a momentary wave of panic. “Who are you?” I asked, barely able to get the words out. Scraping past sand and salt lodged in my throat.
The man exhaled, looking down at me with strange emotion in his eyes. “I’m Jongin,” he said softly. Then his gaze lifted past, to the ocean. “I think that we’re the only ones left.”
Staring at him now, emerging from the ocean, I remember. Remember my sudden fear, the way I scuttled backwards. Searching, scanning the horizon for a sign that he was wrong. For some sign he was lying, that someone else would come to help.
There was nothing. Just the clear, blue sky. The deep, blue ocean beyond. Stretching in an endless, limitless void to the edge of the world.
Our plane deep beneath the waves, the crash flooding back to me as I stared at the sea. Jongin informed me then that he’d circled the island once already – and I was the only person he’d come across. It looked as though we were alone.
Now though, Jongin trudges up from the water. He has on his white t-shirt and jeans from the crash, now pretty frayed about the edges. I imagine I don’t look much better, in my navy tank and shorts. Since our arrival I’ve worn my hair in a top knot. Not really caring about things like make-up or clothes, since all our luggage went down with the plane – all except for my small, black backpack.
It’s unfair for Jongin to still look so perfect. I haven’t told him this, but I remember him from the airport. I remember watching him board, a few groups ahead of mine. He has the kind of face you’d remember, with sharp cheekbones and dark, brooding eyes. I remember staring while he walked through security.
When Jongin poked me, half-dead in the sand – I had a very long moment where I thought he was an angel. It soon became clear to me though, that he was not.
Jongin trudges now towards my shade, dropping a bunch of coconuts at my feet. “You get a fire going?” he asks, peering behind me.
I roll my eyes. “If I did, don’t you think you’d see one?”
Jongin looks back up. “Okay, you didn’t make one. Here’s some coconut milk. Drink up.”
He tosses me one and bends, grabbing a second with one hand. Jongin smashes the hulk against a tree, breaking it open. He takes the bottom half in his hands and drinks, turning to find me watching.
I raise both eyebrows. “There’s a stream on this island with fresh water. This is wholly unnecessary.”
Jongin smiles, wiping the back of his mouth with one hand. “Yeah, but if I’m going to be trapped in this real life Castaway – you can bet I’m going to drink coconut milk from a shell.” He glances past, into the forest. “When I was out on the beach just now, there was a cloud coming over the western end of the island. We should probably find shelter.”
I nod, pushing myself to stand. I slide the two rocks into my backpack, figuring I can continue on our way there – one of these times, it’s bound to work. Jongin falls into step beside me as I trek through the rainforest, pushing back limbs of trees and hanging vines.
I shudder as I step through a spider web, hastily brushing silk from both arms. I let Jongin lead after that, grabbing a stick to push away giant, hanging banana leaves. We walk inland, heading away from the ocean. It takes about fifteen minutes to get there – fifteen minutes spent in complete silence. Then we emerge, panting from exertion in the thickest part of the forest.
There’s a clearing and in the middle stands a structure built entirely of Banyan wood. It’s old, half-rotting from age but the front is mostly intact. We found it on our first walk across the island, following the river until we found this clearing. It seems to be an abandoned military post of some sort, probably from the second World War.
The Pacific is littered with these – although this one is less than helpful, being not equipped with any sort of working radio equipment. The tower which aided this fell long ago, courtesy of some Typhoon or the next.
Jongin enters first, depositing the remaining coconuts onto the floor. We’ve divided the room into three portions – the middle being our main area, where we keep food and supplies. To the left is Jongin’s room. A wooden partition dragged down the middle, hiding his makeshift bed from view. To the right is where I sleep – a small room at the front, which may have once been the office.
At least I have a door though, and the one blanket we were able to scrounge up. Setting my backpack down on the floor, I examine our pile of goods. It’s not much, whatever I had in my backpack.
One (1) small, black backpack
One (1) metal thermos
Two (2) broken and waterlogged cell phones
One (1) paperback novel which, after a dip in the ocean is basically pulp
One (1) First Aid kit – mostly empty and obsolete, being from my hike through New Zealand
Four (4) nail files (thank you, CVS)
Two (2) wallets, full of useless money and credit cards
One (1) deodorant stick
One (1) bottle of facial mist, not useful in this humidity
Five (5) hair ties
This, along with various fruits and food from the island. The shelter already had a few utensils as well – in a desk in my room we found a knife. Something which proved invaluable these past couple of days. This, along with rope and a few tins of what looks like very questionable sardines.
Jongin turns to face me, just as thunder rumbles overhead. “Excellent,” he groans, looking up while drops begin to fall. Pouring thick and fast onto the roof above.
We’re lucky to have found this shelter. As the rain comes down, I shudder to think what it’d be like to be outside in this. “Okay,” I sigh. “I think we should search the cabin. There’s got to be matches somewhere.”
Jongin ignores me, hopping from foot to foot while brushing sand off the soles of his feet. We’ve been barefoot since our second day, discarding shoes in favor of the burning sand. It was uncomfortable at first, but today it hurts less than yesterday did.
“We need to think of a way off,” Jongin says quietly, gaze finding mine. “We can last for a while. But we need to be thinking of our way back home.”
“I know,” I nod, unable to stop my annoyance. “If you have any plans, do share. Because I’m afraid I’m fresh out of brilliant ideas.”
Jongin’s gaze narrows. “With smart remarks like those – who needs ideas?”
I bend my legs to collapse on the wooden floor. Yanking my hair from my bun until it falls around my shoulders. I peer up at him. I can’t say how much I wish I had a sports bra. Or just a change of clothing. Each morning I go down to the river to bathe. Each morning I shake myself dry the best I can before placing back on sopping wet clothes – the water doesn’t really matter, everything dries quickly in this heat.
Jongin exhales before turning away, pausing in his door. “I think fire is the best bet,” he says quietly. “If we burn a part of the island – if we send up smoke signals, we can get attention from a passing plane.”
I nod, letting my hair fall through my hands. “Yeah, fine,” I grumble. He’s right – fire probably is our best bet. “We can try again tomorrow.”
When there’s a bright bolt of lighting I flinch, shifting to face the door. I hate storms and the horrible intensity of those on the island haven’t helped at all. When I look away, I’m surprised to see Jongin standing here. He stares back at me from his partition, arms folded loosely over his chest.
“What?” I demand.
Jongin’s gaze moves to the storm around outside. “Are you scared of thunder?” he asks.
I shrug, pretending I’m not. “Not as scared as I am at the thought of being stuck on this island with you for eternity.”
Jongin laughs, the sound hollow. “God forbid,” he says, turning away to his room. “Goodnight, Y/N.”
“Goodnight,” I murmur, watching him disappear to darkness.
I stare at the storm for a while, watching until it’s too dark to see. Then I move into my bedroom, collapsing onto my blanket and staring up at the ceiling. Shifting for a while in my makeshift bed before I start to cry.
The next morning dawns bright and sunny. Memories of the storm forgotten as I hurry down to the stream. The river is the only fresh water source on the island, trickling from the mountain’s crater to pass our hut about a hundred feet back. I hover at the water’s edge, glancing back before determining myself to be alone. I lift my shirt, shimmying from my shorts to dunk them in the water and set them on a rock to dry.
Then I dive in, the water deep enough for swimming. I make a few lazy strokes backwards, knowing if it weren’t for my current predicament, this would be a very nice moment. I can’t enjoy it though, can’t stop thinking about how I might die here. How I might never see my family again, never see civilization.
They must know we’ve crashed by now. Someone must be out looking for us, but the Pacific Ocean is vast place. Who knows if we were even on course, when we landed in the waves. Our pilot brought us here trying to land. The airline might have lost contact well before that.
I emerge from the river, dripping wet before pulling on my clothes. The path to the hut is slippery and I fall several time, grabbing at a nearby spider web in the process. I yelp, brushing this away – and pause. Staring at the web, almost hypnotic before gasping – I have an idea.
“Jongin!” I scramble up the hill. Running through the clearing to throw open the door.
Jongin looks up, halfway through tugging on his shirt. I blush, looking away as he covers himself. Jongin seems just as startled as I am, not saying anything as I take a step closer.
“Jongin,” I shake my head, remembering why I came. “I have an idea – come quick.” Then I disappear, heading out into the forest.
Jongin frowns but follows, grabbing my backpack and flinging this over his shoulder. “So, what’s your great idea?” he asks, catching up quickly. “Will it help us get off the island?”
I glance over, grimacing. “Unfortunately, no. It’s not brilliant,” I confess, taking the same path we took to the ocean yesterday. As we walk, I scan the woods. “But look,” I stop, pointing at a rock. “Look here.”
Jongin follows my finger with his eyes. “What, exactly am I looking for?”
“Look closer,” I insist, leaning forward and breaking off a stick with one hand.
Jongin looks closer, grimacing. “A spider web?” he asks. “Is it magic? Can it become a raft and sail?”
I huff. “No. I read about it in a book. In South Carolina, back in the early settlement days fishermen would take banana spider webs and throw them out in the ocean. It would create a natural net, which you could use to gather fish. Jongin,” I laugh, eyes wide. “Fish. No more coconuts and breadfruit.”
Jongin stares back at me. “Fuck,” he mutters, grabbing for a stick himself. “That is brilliant.”
I nod, sweeping into a grand bow. “Yes, yes – I know.”
Jongin starts to laugh, the gesture turning his face to something ethereal. “Yeah, right,” he chuckles, gathering more of the web into his arms. “Don’t get too carried away, Y/N. Got to fit your head through the doors of our small cabin.”
I grin, traipsing down the trail behind him. “Don’t thank me yet,” I warn. “Let’s just see if this works. Also,” I add, growing more and more worried. “There’s the small matter of us needing to start a fire.”
Jongin slows, looking back at me. “I wouldn’t worry,” he admits. “We’ll do it together.”
I nod back at him but remain silent, unsure why Jongin is suddenly being nice to me. I don’t have time to ask, since we’ve now arrived at the soft, white sand of the ocean.
“Alright,” Jongin sighs, staring out at the reef. “How do you want to do this?”
I hold the web up to the sun. “I figured we’d go to the reef, fasten this between the coral? You know,” I gesture. “The least sharp kind.”
Jongin looks as though he’s trying not to laugh. “Okay,” he grins, bending to set his stick against a tree. Before I can say a word, he grabs the hem of his shirt and lifts overhead. His hands slide to his jeans, tugging to reveal the top of black boxers.
“Whoa!” I exclaim, throwing up my hands to shield my eyes. “What the hell are you doing?”
Jongin is laughing “Going swimming,” he announces, grabbing his stick and heading towards the ocean. “Coming?”
I stand there for a long second, hovering with indecision. Then I close my eyes, gritting my teeth as I undo the top button of my shorts. Sliding these past my legs so that I’m in my underwear and tank before grabbing a hold of the spider web and following.
“Okay,” I grumble, coming to a stop in the water. “Is this it?”
Jongin looks over and stops, doing a double take. His gaze trails my body, ending where the water meets my belly. Skimming my thighs, which are completely exposed. Jongin swallows, forcing his gaze back to mine.
“Yeah,” he breathes, slightly unsteadily. “Here.”
I nod, refusing to look directly at him. Pretending I don’t notice the water-soaked hair, his bare chest. Instead I move forward, taking my stick to stretch out the web with one hand. I lower myself into the water, pushing with both legs until I find the right spot. I stretch the web across coral, hoping any fish which swims through the opening will be caught.
Behind me, Jongin is doing the same. I stand, watching his back flexing and shifting. Even his leg muscles are prominent, bending as he moves around the reef. I swallow. Shaking my head before wading back to shore. Jongin is beautiful, yes – but we’ve been together for three days and, aside the briefest moments of sympathy, we’ve kept mostly to ourselves.
Perhaps that’s my fault. I was so in shock that first day, I barely spoke. I can vaguely recall Jongin asking me questions while we moved about the island, but can’t quite remember my answers. I remember one-word sentences, too dizzy to fully process his attempts at conversation.
As I move, I hear him splashing in the water and whirl, confused by his waving. “Sea turtle!” Jongin yells, waving again. “Come look!”
I can’t help but laugh, as I try and to run to him. The water slows me though, and I very nearly fall in the cove.
“There!” Jongin points, as I come to a scuttling halt beside him.
“Whoa!” I gasp, so shocked I slip on a rock. Flailing wildly, before crashing sideways and knocking Jongin clear off his feet.
“Ah!” he yelps, trying and failing to keep upright.
We collapse awkwardly into the water and I land on his chest, his face mere inches from mine. My hair falls forward, his hands solid on my hips as his body presses close. Jongin stares, from where his ass lies in the sand. “I, uh,” he says, softer than I think. “Sorry.”
Then he regains control, pulling himself upwards and yanking me with. Jongin’s hand lets go quickly before turning back to face the shore.
“Right. Sorry,” I add, flushing as I follow.
Jongin peers over his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it.”
We’re silent on the walk back to the cabin, a more comfortable one than before. Jongin’s gaze is warm, lingering for longer on mine, as does my own. The intensity makes my blood heat, body tense. I’m too aware of him, too focused on what he and his body are doing.
When we arrive at our hut, I decide to clear my head. “I’m going to get a fire going,” I announce, stopping before I reach the door.
Jongin looks back to shrug. “Okay,” he nods. “I’ll take another sweep of the cabin.”
He disappears inside, leaving me to sag against a tree. I feel as though I’ve narrowly escaped. Or narrowly missed out – I’m not sure which. Lowering myself to the dirt, I grab two rocks. Practicing striking them over and over, until finally – I gasp. There’s a spark.
Almost at the same time, Jongin yelps inside the cabin. I jump upwards, dropping the rocks. “Jongin?” I call worriedly. “Is everything okay?”
He appears at the door, breathless while holding something above his head.
I squint. “What is it?” I ask, eyes widening the closer he gets. “Holy shit,” I breathe. “Is that –?”
Jongin nods, grinning as he reaches me. “Tinder,” he declares, proudly setting the box on the ground. “Tinder, matches and – well, rum,” he laughs, holding aloft the dusty bottle. “It must have been someone’s personal stash, hidden beneath a floorboard in my room.”
I gape, still struggling to comprehend. “Jongin,” I mutter, vision blurring. “Do you realize what this means – we can,” I choke, shaking my head. “We can make signals, we can…”
Slowly, Jongin presses the rum into my hands.
When I look back up, he’s raising both eyebrows. “Care to celebrate?”
Excitement stirs in my veins, making me shiver. “What did you have in mind?” I ask.
The sun sinks slowly below the horizon, dancing across the embers of the fire. I grin leaning back on my elbows, burrowing them into the sand. “This isn’t bad at all,” I sigh, eyelashes fluttering shut.
Jongin laughs from somewhere near the waves. “Not bad?” he calls out. “I think that you may have actually smiled, Y/N!”
I start, opening my eyes. “I smile!” I yell, a tad defensive.
Jongin wanders over, collapsing into the sand beside me. He stares at the flames of the bonfire. “Sure,” he nods, grin fading. “Not much since we’ve been stranded, though.”
“Well. Not much to smile about right now,” I say quietly, watching the flames leap higher. They jump and crackle, personified against the deepening black of night. “You remember what the crash was like.”
Jongin becomes silent beside me. “I do.”
I look sideways, meeting his gaze. “Then you understand why it’s been hard to smile.”
He looks back, his gaze dark. “I do.”
It occurs to me then that Jongin is, perhaps the only other person who would understand. Who would understand the full horror, the guilt of surviving the way we did. Of narrowly escaping, only to have others die instead. To be handed a chance – but why? Everyone else on the plane is dead but here we are, alive.
For now - but who knows for how long. We have fresh water, we have food, we have fire. It seems like we should last until you’re rescued. But what if we never are?
Seeing this uncertainty, Jongin holds out the rum. “To them,” he says quietly, not needing to clarify whom he means.
Without breaking eye contact, I lean over and accept the bottle. Taking a swig and watching him watch me. Handing it back and seeing Jongin lean his hand into the sand. He takes the rum, drinking a long sip himself. I continue to stare at him, head buzzing with drink and fire and him. He’s so close that were I so inclined, I could reach out and touch him.
Touch the perfect planes of his face, staring back at me. “I saw you in the airport, you know,” Jongin whispers, still looking.
My heart stills. “You did?” I murmur, even as Jongin moves closer.
He nods, hand sliding into my hair. Bringing my face to his, then stopping. “I thought you were beautiful,” he exhales. “I thought I had lost it, thought maybe I’d died as well, the day I saw you on the beach.”
“You poked me with your foot,” I grumble, as his lips brush mine.
Jongin’s lips curl into a smile. “I knew you were alive,” he murmurs. “I could see your chest rising and falling.”
“Yeah, well –"
Jongin kisses me. His lips are hot, pressing in a way which makes me want more. I give him it, opening my mouth to allow him access. Jongin moans as I press closer, arms wrapping around me to lower me into the sand.
His hand skims my side, sliding up my torso to tangle in my hair. I arch upwards, biting his lip and drawing it into my mouth. His kiss, the press of our bodies becomes messier. Legs entangling as he makes a half-broken noise. Lowering his head to kiss down my throat – which is when I realize what I’m doing.
My eyes open, stilling as Jongin pulls back to look at me. “Are you,” he starts. “Is this – “
I close my eyes. We’ve been drinking, we’ve been talking about the plane wreck. This kiss can’t possibly be about just me. Jongin can sense my loneliness, sense my desire – and it makes me shut him out. "I think… I’m going to go to sleep.”
Jongin stills, falling silent until I open my eyes.
“Okay.” Jongin’s gaze shutters, turning to something unreadable.
I’m already up though, already scrambling to stand. I push myself backwards, turning away from the fire, the moon and him.
“It’s alright,” Jongin calls softly, from behind me. “I’ll put out the fire.”
I nod, practically running into the forest. I wind my way back towards shelter, my headache already starting to emerge. When I reach my room I collapse, wishing fervently I had a bed. A mattress and a house and running water and a bath and a refrigerator.
A sob breaks past my lips, unable to control myself. I fall face-first onto my blanket, hiccupping gently as I cry myself to sleep.
The next morning, Jongin isn’t in the room. I exit early, glancing at his bedroom but hear nothing. Normally Jongin is a loud sleeper. He tosses, he turns – though come to think of it, I never once asked why. Maybe Jongin also has nightmares.
He’s not in his room though, so I continue to the river. Bathing quickly and in silence, trying to ignore the memory of his lips on mine. Jongin’s hands on my hips, our bodies flush together. As I close my eyes and let the water run off me in trickles, I shake my head no.
The kiss meant nothing. I need to ignore it happened and get on with my life. Focus on surviving, on getting off this damn island. I pull back on my clothes, yanking my tank top down and heading towards the ocean.
Jongin is already there. He stares blankly across the surf, hands laced casually behind his head. He doesn’t have on a shirt, and there’s strip of white tied about his head. It keeps some of his dark hair from his eyes. I come to a stop beside him, nervously glancing over.
“Hey,” I say, but he doesn’t look in my direction. “You rip your shirt or something?”
Jongin doesn’t move. “Yeah. Caught it on a reef when I went for a swim this morning. I tore the rest up.”
“Right,” I say. Though I wait, he doesn’t say more. “Do you want to see if we’ve caught any fish?”
Rather than answer, Jongin turns away. Walking towards the ocean, not speaking even as he wades in. The sea is calm, a mirror of glass broken only by the ripples we make. Bright coral stretches in every direction as we go farther. The coral used for our trap is yellow and as we close in, I make a tiny exclamation.
It worked – it actually worked. There’s several fish in our makeshift net, wriggling as they try to get free. Jongin seems surprised as well, though he bends quickly to grab an end. “Get the other?” he asks, avoiding my gaze.
I nod, not knowing what to say. We both lift, carrying the net to shore while Jongin shakes his hair free. He picks fish out one by one to toss them onto his shirt. “I’ll go to the cabin,” he mutters. “Get a fire going and try and cook these.”
Then he leaves, gathering the fish and disappearing into the trees. I stare after for a long moment, unsure of how to fix this. Jongin can’t be angry about last night. When I pulled back, he let me. He’s probably just embarrassed, I reason. Probably just regretting kissing me in the first place.
Stomach sinking, I trudge through the jungle. At the clearing I see Jongin, already building a fire circle. He places stones evenly, having already dug the pit for the middle. I come up behind him, hovering for a second. “I’ll go get firewood,” I declare, turning around.
Jongin doesn’t answer, just grunts. There’s plenty of kindling at the edge of the forest, I gather a large pile into my arms. Pausing mid-way to stare at him. Jongin’s lips are tense, brow furrowed while leaning forward. He appears concentrated as I exhale. Wishing I could make this better, but unsure how. I could tell him not to worry, tell him I have no feelings for him.
That’d be a lie, though. As I walk closer, my butterflies only intensify. Jongin might be sarcastic, he might be rough but he’s also helpful, thoughtful and observant in a way that I’m not. The first night on the island, he must have heard me crying. When I awoke the next morning, I found him sleeping against the wall outside my room.
His head was leaned against the wood, mouth wide open while snoring. I stared down at him for a long moment, too startled to scream or run. I just stood there, watching his legs balled up against his chest and wondering how long he’d sat there. How much he’d heard.
Then I slipped past, moving quietly into the dawn of the day.
When I returned, Jongin was no longer there. I didn’t say a word about it, but it never left my mind. Even now, I see him like that. Walking forward, I see the gentle soul who sat outside a stranger’s door and soothed their nightmares.
As I arrive at the circle, I drop firewood at his feet.
“Thanks,” Jongin says, grabbing for a log. He arranges them in an A formation, moving kindling in the spaces between. Jongin pulls out the tin of matches, lighting one and watching the tinder spark beneath his fingertips.
I’m staring. I realize this and turn away, dragging the shirt full of fish closer. “Will you smoke it?” I ask, curious. “That’s probably the best way for it to keep.”
Jongin looks up slowly to meet my gaze. “Oh?” he asks, raising a brow. “And do you know how to make a smokehouse?”
I flush. “No.”
“Yeah,” Jongin mutters, gaze dropping to the flames. “We can just cook it and eat as we go. Let’s focus now on how we’ll get off this island – not how to prolong it.”
My words catch and I swallow them, nodding once before turning away. “Of course,” I mutter, stomping inside.
Of course, Jongin wants to leave. Of course, he doesn’t want to be here a minute longer than he must. I’m the one who got drunk, the one who kissed him. At the same time, a voice in the back of my mind says he kissed me too. Says he kissed me back, found me beautiful.
This voice I push aside though, telling it we were just drunk. Jongin and I are in the middle of the ocean, no other people for miles and miles. Of course Jongin said that. I shake my head once more and stare down at the pile of things we’ve collected. Cell phones – useless. Novel – useless, unless we use for kindling at some point. I exhale, running my hands through my hair.
I wander further into the room. Dim lighting filters in, darker than before and I wonder if it’s going to rain. No sooner do I think this that thunder sounds in the distance. I glance outside just in time to see rain sweep down. Soaking the clearing from one end to the other, Jongin swearing profusely outside.
He darts in from the silvery sheet of rain, shaking water from his hair while shoving his headband back. Chest rising and falling with each breath, as I quickly step aside.
“Is it raining out?” I ask, watching his expression turn from annoyed to incredulous.
Jongin stares, water dripping from his hair. “Are you fucking kidding?”
The corner of my mouth lifts, almost laughing as he turns away. Jongin stalks towards his bedroom and I hear the sound of something being dumped on the ground.
“The fire is ruined,” Jongin calls over the partition. “We can try and catch more fish tomorrow,” he groans, appearing in the doorway. “For tonight though, fruit and coconut.”
I shrug, wrapping arms tighter around my waist. “That’s fine. At least it’s food.”
Jongin nods, jaw tight. “True.”
He stands there, gaze dark with words unsaid. I want to ask what, but I’m afraid it’s me. Afraid I did something wrong by kissing him, afraid he thinks he’s led me on, afraid he suspects my too-strong feelings for him.
“We should try to figure a way off here,” I murmur, looking out at the rain. “Smoke signals. We could light a bonfire on the far side of the island. Maybe a series of bonfires, spelling out S.O.S.”
Jongin doesn’t move. “I guess.”
“Fine,” I huff, shaking my head as I walk towards the door. “I don’t see you coming up with any brilliant ideas. Try and think of some, then let me know.”
“I can’t,” he snaps, even as I turn to face him.
“Also fine,” I hiss, taking a step closer. “But then stop cutting me down every time I do.”
“I’m not!” Jongin breathes deeply, pushing a hand through his still-wet hair. “I just – I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Neither do I,” I mutter, moving to walk past as his hand closes around my wrist. I look up in surprise, finding him closer than before. His gaze meets mine, earnest and open – and scared. “What are you doing?” I ask.
Jongin exhales, still not moving. His hand is warm, fingers firm as his thumb slides against my skin. “Why did you leave?” he asks, so quiet I think I’ve misheard.
“Leave – what?” I ask.
It’s not what I thought he’d ask. I thought he’d ask why we kissed in the first place. Why I was constantly staring at him, why I laughed at all his dumb jokes, why I bickered so much. Why I kissed him with such openness, such passion that it embarrasses me to think about.
Jongin’s gaze lowers to my lips. “I kissed you,” he says softly. “And you left.”
My head buzzes, though I’ve had none of yesterday’s rum. The rain is loud, nearly drowning out my thoughts as Jongin takes another step closer.
“What?” I blink up at the shape of his lips. “We were drunk, we’re out here all alone! I didn’t want you to think – why didn’t you come after me?” I snap, changing the subject. “You moped around all morning ignoring me. Pretending you couldn’t even see me. What was that about?”
Jongin looks incredulous. “Honestly?” he gasps. “You can’t be so dense. I just asked why you stopped kissing me, and you still don’t understand!”
“Understand what?” I nearly yell, trying to be heard over the rain.
“I like you, dumbass,” Jongin growls, crushing my lips to his.
His arms close around me, pulling my body flush to his. His hands slide into my hair, tilting my face upwards. His lips open mine, utilizing none of his previous restraint. No – this kiss is raw, untamed and Jongin’s lips coax fire as they break over mine. He backs me against the wall, pulling me forward. Stopping long enough to slide his lips over my jaw.
“Is that fucking clear enough for you,” he growls, nipping skin above my collarbone. “I’ve thought you were gorgeous since the airport. Thought you were kind since you shared everything you had with me. Thought you were brilliant since you found way after way to keep us alive.”
My head spins, barely able to think around his lips, his teeth, his words. Around his hardness, grinding against my hip. His body still wet from the rain as my hands slide eagerly over him. Wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer.
“I thought you could tell,” I whimper, while his palms cup my ass. “Thought you could see I was falling for you – and I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why,” Jongin murmurs, pushing my tank top around my shoulders. Dropping gentle kisses to the curve of my neck. “Why hide it, when I was doing the same?”
“We’re alone,” I confess. “I didn’t want you to think that I wanted you because I had to. Because there was no one else.”
Jongin pauses, stopping to look at me. “Wrong,” he declares, gaze intense. “Even if there were one hundred, one thousand other girls on this island – none are you. We’re going to be rescued, we’re going to get home and when we do – I want to take you out on a date.”
“A date?” I ask, wicked grin on my face. “What would that entail?”
“Oh,” Jongin muses, thumb trailing softly from my shoulder down. Tracing the curve of my breast, the hardness of a nipple. “I can think of a few things.”
His hands slide up my top, pushing it above my head. He unbuckles my bra next, letting it drop to the floor. His gaze finds my curves, taking in the swell of my breasts and my hips. “These. Off,” Jongin says roughly, tracing the top of my shorts.
I continue to watch, even as I unbutton one button. Pushing my shorts to the ground, stepping out to reveal I’m not wearing any underwear.
“Ah, shit,” Jongin groans. He bites down on his lower lip, just looking.
I see the outline of him, hard against his jeans and grow impatient waiting. “Touch me,” I demand, sliding hands up and into my hair. “Or I touch myself. In my room, alone.”
Jongin’s gaze snaps upwards. His eyes darken, as he takes a slow step forward. “Touch yourself?” he murmurs, lips finding my neck. “I don’t think so.”
His hands slide up my torso, grazing my breasts as my knees press together. Already I’m wet, soaking and I know Jongin will find out as soon as he touches me. As soon as his hands make their way between my legs, but right now they’re in my hair. One moving down to my ass, pulling me against him.
His lips find mine, mouth opening lazily. His jeans are in the way and I fumble hurriedly with his zipper. Pushing them to his ankles, waiting until he steps free. I see him then, erect and straining against his boxers. The sight makes my pulse race, and I barely stop myself from dropping to my knees.
“Where do you want me?” I whisper, biting Jongin’s earlobe. I watch his body shiver, even as I run my hands over him. “You can have me wherever you like,” I tell him, grasping between his legs.
Jongin groans, eyelids fluttering while he pushes into me. Hardening further, as I trace over his boxers. Jongin opens both eyes. “First on your back,” he murmurs, hand hooking my knee to wrap around him. “I want to eat you out until you’re begging me to come. Then,” he grins, bending to grab the other thigh. “We’ll see.”
I can’t think of a response, because his mouth finds mine once more. His kisses are hot, needy while walking me into my makeshift room. Jongin kneels, first one leg, then the other on my blanket. He drops me before him, staring as I slide one leg against the other. Keeping firmly shut while grinning wickedly back at him. I arch my back on the bed, raising my breasts for Jongin to moan.
“Fuck,” he murmurs, lowering himself to his elbows. “Spread yourself for me.”
I obey. Opening my legs, coaxed by the press his hands and the look in his eyes. Jongin stares brazenly at my thighs, as though wishing to devour me. His hands slide further up my legs, thumb brushing my clit before pushing a finger inside me.
I gasp, arching off the bed. “Jongin,” I moan, while he moves a slow circle .
“Mm,” Jongin murmurs, bending until all I see is dark hair. “My name, already?” he smiles, tongue flicking quickly against my sex. “How’s that?”
My fingers fist in his hair, pushing my hips upwards. I need more, want more and Jongin slowly spreads me further. His mouth moves up, lightly sucking before pulling back. Tracing over in circles, patterns until I’m panting with need, begging him for more. Then he inserts his finger again, swirling his tongue and fucking me faster. Teasing, while I grind my hips messily upwards.
Pushed suddenly over the edge, I snap. Gasping his name as my orgasm shatters through me. I exhale, breathing heavily and finally able to hear the rain once more. Jongin pushes himself onto his elbows to look up, a smug smile on his face. “You’re not done yet, are you baby?” he murmurs.
I stare back, gaze defiant. “Fuck me,” I say. “Please.” I pull him up to taste myself. His tongue slips inside, even as my hand closes around him. “Do you want me to…?” I trail off, suddenly uncertain.
Jongin shakes his head no, dropping a kiss to my shoulder. “I just want to be inside you,” he groans. Hesitant, as his gaze meets mine. “I know this is an odd moment to tell you I’m clean, but I swear. I can get you a doctor’s note as soon as we return, I –”
I capture his lips with mine. Continuing to stroke his length until his breathing is ragged. “Okay. And I’m on the shot,” I murmur. “The answer is yes.”
Jongin hovers for a second, letting my fingers guide him before pushing forward. Filling my body inch by inch, sinking into me with a slowness that leaves me breathless. Forcing me to feel every part of him, his hardness satisfying me in a way I haven’t felt in months. Jongin pauses, wrapping my thigh about his waist.
When he thrusts again, my head falls back. Chest rising as he starts to move. I raise my hips, wrapping both legs tighter as he falls forward. Thrusting slowly, smoothly with hips that take their time. Hips which explore every inch of me, in the best way possible. There’s a thin sheen of sweat on us both but I don’t mind. Arching upwards, brushing his chest as he kisses me again.
Jongin’s tongue is so thorough, so expert I can barely focus. It’s too much, too intense as I open further. Letting his hips drive me steadily towards a second orgasm. My hands seek purchase, searching and finding it in Jongin. I scratch boldly, sliding down to his ass as Jongin moves harder.
His thrusts become jarring, nearly unbearable with my sensitivity but his rhythm is too good to stop. It’s like I’m breaking apart, breaking down only to rebuild around him. His body does the same, for me. He bites at my shoulder, choking out my name as I feel his thrusts become sloppy, uneven.
“Come baby,” he begs. “I want to see your face like that again. I want to hear that noise you make, that he catch of your breath. Oh – fuck.”
I can’t help my strangled groan, the way that I shatter around him. His hips rock once more before Jongin comes as well. I feel his warmth flood my body, hips gradually slowing until he stills.
Jongin exhales, as I push hair back from his eyes. My thumbs stroke his face while raising my lips to his. I kiss him once, twice – until he falls down beside me. Jongin reaches over to grab a leaf – grinning, almost laughing as he cleans up.
I can’t help it – I start to laugh. Falling onto my back and throwing my arm over my eyes. Not moving until I feel him flop beside me, gathering me into him. Jongin softly kisses cheeks, lips, eyelids – until I open them to look at him.
“Hi,” he murmurs, smiling back at me.
“Hi,” I respond, kissing him again.
Four weeks, five days.
Today is a Sunday. Jongin has rigged a device in front of home which marks the passing days and seasons. The days are easier and easier to bear, becoming the same sort of routine. I’m slowly becoming comfortable with the idea of being here for longer – or I would, if it weren’t for how close we are.
The past week, we’ve spotted search planes. At least, that’s what we think they are – it’s hard to tell from this distance. Each day, we light the bonfires. Each day we move them to new positions. Trying to find ways to get their attention. Today we use damp leaves – it makes for a smokier fire.
Jongin dances before the flames, ignoring my laughter from behind. “Jongin!” I call out, collapsing onto the sand as I continue to laugh. “There’s no way they can see that!”
“You don’t know,” he yells, jumping from side to side. “They could have really good binoculars.”
That’s when I still, staring past him. Recognizing something on the ocean, too far off to see clearly.
“Jongin,” I breathe, scrambling upwards. “Jongin, I think –”
Jongin has stilled though, mouth slightly ajar as I come up beside him. He nods, almost reverently while his arms wrap around my waist. Pulling me closer to kiss the top of my head. “It is,” he says, voice tight.
I stare out across the waves, at the tiny black dot coming closer. Nearer and nearer, until I read the giant, block letters written on it’s side.
RESCUE.
I choke, turning to bury my head in Jongin’s shoulder. “It’s real,” I whisper, shaking my head.
He strokes my hair. “It’s real,” he repeats, awed. “Y/N – we’re finally going home.”
But how could he even formulate the words to express that? How could he, when he was rapidly losing control of his physical form? The world was a distorted, colorful blur around him—his mind an aching, painful storm. It felt as if his head was splitting apart from the inside, assaulted by the consequences of his research. No, it felt like the pain had wrapped itself around him, stealing him away from his physical vessel.
Too much. It was too much. He had bitten off far more than even a genius chosen by Nous could chew, he had gone beyond the limits of mortal understanding.
There was far too much data. Amid the unbearable torture, he could only think: I received more than I could have ever asked for.
He couldn’t even bask in his success—only mentally writhe and choke in agony.
Surely this was the end. There was no going back. He already felt like he was dying, and there was no saving him. There was no escape from this neverending rabbit hole of divine information, no escape from the fruits of his research.
There… was no…
A cold feeling washed over him, and a gentle sensation settled over his eyes. The rapids of data ceased, and his mind was relievingly, blissfully clear. Something shrouded him with a soothing sense of unawareness, bringing him a paradoxical clarity.
He was saved, at last.
The scorched earth withers, and I tread it alone.
—murmured the voice of his savior.
To invite life and rebirth, I call upon the waters of Lesmosyne.
He understood innately, then, what this meant. Who had saved him, and what THEY had made him. He didn’t understand why THEY gazed upon him at the most opportune moment, but he was grateful.
Thanks to THEIR help, he had reached true enlightenment.
“...No one knows what happened to No. ▮▮. Why Nous chose him, what he achieved, where he went, what his current status is—it’s all a total mystery. Seems like all the information we had on No. ▮▮ was heavily tampered with by History Fictionologists to the point of almost absolute deletion. That, and every single time I really tried to trace back any possible, credible information, one of two things would happen: ▮▮▮▮▮▮, or ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮, or both. So, researching him via records was a hopeless pursuit.
Therefore, I turned to asking members who came before me. Only Screwllum knew a thing or two, as expected. In his words: No. ▮▮ was a deeply ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮ young man when he joined the Genius Society. Although he could be considered something of a jack-of-all-trades, dabbling in various fields, there was nothing that caught the focus of his undying obsession more than the knowledge that was seemingly unattainable to him. Such as ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮, or the origin of ▮▮▮▮, ▮▮▮▮▮… and so on. That was what he researched.
It’s weird, though. Even Screwllum can’t recall the guy’s name, place of origin, or what went down in his last known moments… other than the fact that he disappeared one day, never to be heard from again. I sometimes wonder if he ended up like one of those enlightened few, who found their answers and left behind an unmatched legacy, and if that’s why the History Fictionologists went to such lengths to destroy records of him… but it doesn’t make much sense.
Really, the whole situation is perplexing—every time you think you have the answer, you keep asking yourself more questions. And every time you try to search for new information to answer those questions, the last puzzle piece doesn’t fit in correctly. It seems like a wild goose chase, a lock with no key. But eventually… Someone will figure out what happened to No. ▮▮, that much I know.”
