#katashi asu

[incorrect-hku-quotes]

Sooga: Is this the part where you tell me that if I hurt her, you'll kill me?

Katashi: No, if you hurt Jou, she is perfectly capable of killing you herself

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

*places some terrible old men on your dash*

Link

[hyrule-kingdom-fortunes]

KATASHI! WHY IS MY DAD SAD SOMETIMES!

...Good morning, Your Highness...do make yourself at home in my private quarters...

[incorrect-hku-quotes]

Elane: The floor is lava!

Elane: *Helps Astor onto the couch*

Casimir: *pushes Katashi off the sofa*

[incorrect-hku-quotes]

Katashi: I'm not an early bird or a night owl

Katashi: I'm some kind of perpetually exhausted pigeon

[incorrect-hku-quotes]

Katashi: We don't want any trouble

Casimir: I do

[hyrule-kingdom-fortunes]

Does that not prove he's smart? If he truly "gamed the system" like you say, why would you think he's an idiot?

Well I never said he was an idiot—

But he certainly is one. Total fool. It's less, "gaming the system" and more...being unfairly lucky.

Think of it like this. You're some stupid commoner, your parents are...what's the story, witches?

Professors. For physics and historical documentation.

Ah right. So you got these parents with nice enough jobs, and then they die. Boohoo. You're so special, you're an orphan like thousands of other people across the country. Congrats.

But then you somehow meet Princess Kleos as a kid. How lucky. You become friends. Even more lucky. You even get put into better housing and are cared for by the Princess herself. Wow, aren't you a lucky guy?

But maybe that doesn't seem like enough. So one day, you fancy yourself a job at some nobleman's estate. Bosphoramus Estate to be exact. You sweep shit, you play nice. Even though you're already considerably well off thanks to your royal connection, you cozy up with the family there.

You're so cozy with them, in fact, that at the wonderful age of 17 they decide they're gonna adopt you! Wow. How lucky, lucky, lucky you are. Their first son, they've got big plans for, so why not adopt another cherished little guy to care for House B, itself. Give him the lesser job, cause the lesser job is still something marvelous for a rotten, dirty, street lounging, asshat

But then a few years later, you want to marry a certain girl.

The Bosphoramus' feel they've been cheated. They adopted the little tyke out of the kindness of their heart, but a brat like him doesn't belong in the world of Hyrule Castle. He's got no real training, no skills. That was meant for their real son. They start to question everything: Why was a lucky little orphan sweeping floors in their estate to begin with? Did he even really need to be adopted when he was almost 18? Was there a plan from the start?

They disown you. You, a lying, stealing, bastard.

But, lucky, lucky you. You got married in secret, before they had publicly denounced you.

There's a few internal fights about whether it's legitimate, whether he was really a noble when he married, if it counted if he was disowned privately and not yet publicly.

You become a king anyway.

And just like predicted, it's so, so obvious that you really don't belong here. You can't do the things that a real king is supposed to do. This wasn't meant for you, but you stole it anyways.

And no one really wants to hear you complain about it now, so you don't. Everyone warned you, you idiot! You couldn't be satisfied with all the luck you've had, so lie in the bed you made, and shut up.

You no longer have to speak, you can just sit in your little cushion and play friendship with whoever you can. Meanwhile the people that actual worked for their positions also shut up about the whole thing, cause that's just how it works.

But everyone's thinking the same thing.

[hyrule-kingdom-fortunes]

Language! You swear in your head or do something creative like sugar honey iced tea

Right, right...no. I'll do what I want. I’d fuck your mom for six rupees.

Do you have to stare at the egg so intensely when you say that???