For our very own, @joaxotome; one of the sweetest, kindest, and most amazing humans I have had the honour to meet. I don’t think I write Soryu that well, because the last Soryu piece I wrote was over a year ago lmao, but I tried. I hope you like this, Joanne. Thank you for being such an amazing ball of energy who can cheer anyone up in a mere few seconds. Love you. <3
Also, since you said you love yourself some angst to love, I tried to make it come true. Cheers to me writing better Soryu fics, hahaha.
This one’s for the discord exchange, and I’d just like to take a moment to thank our very own @voltage-vixen for hosting this beautiful event <3!!
TW: Angst (with fluff... or so I hope.) This work is based around the ideas of abuse; mental, emotional, physical. If you are in any way uncomfortable with that, do not read this.
“Are you going to cry now?” He smirks, his eyes glinting in a way that make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
All I see is black as my eyelids force shut, not wanting to look at his face for a second longer, too scared to think about what will happen to me if I do.
“Hahaha,” he laughs and I sense him bending low, his face coming closer to mine. “Look at you, scared and shivering like the mess you are.” I shift uncomfortably, feeling his breath creating warm spots on my neck as his voice lowers, almost down to a whisper, “You asked for it, baby.”
“Ugh!” I jolt, my groan muffled against the cloth stuffing my mouth when I feel his fingers stroke the sides of my waist, teasing, testing the waters.
And then, before I know it, his palm comes to rest on my chin and in one swift motion his fingers pull out the dirty piece of fabric gagging me. My eyes burn with unshed tears at the pain in my mouth, caused by the sudden pull, and I take a deep breath, refusing to admit defeat in front of this bastard.
It’s okay. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I’ll survive. I know I will. At least I hope I will.
“Baby,” he purrs, almost as if coaxing me, “Open those beautiful eyes of yours for me, won’t you?”
My breathing shallows and goosebumps show up on my skin at the nickname, the way he calls out to me in that god forsaken voice.
His rugged fingertips graze the corners of my jaw, almost as if luring me back into him, back into that web of pain, lies and suffering. “Look at me,” he whispers, and I shiver at the tilt in his tone, reminding me of the days when things between us started to go awry. “Don’t worry Joanne, I’m not going to hurt you.”
Just as his fingers tighten around my jaw, I hear the sound of a mobile ringing. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, and my sigh of relief goes unnoticed. I hear his footsteps as they back off and walk in the direction of the device which refuses to stop ringing.
My guess is that he picks up the incoming call, because no sooner than his feet stop do I hear him let out a muted, “What is it?” Again, I hear his footsteps move away, and then a door opens, and then it shuts. And then? Complete silence.
My uneven breaths echo in the silence so eerie you would hear it if a snail moved.
As I try to calm myself down, my mind chooses the worst distraction it possibly could have; my past with this man.
When did we become like this? Why did we become like this? What went wrong?
We had started off on such good terms. Both of us were madly in love. He was the perfect boyfriend; he would take me out on dates, message me constantly, shower me with his love, call me nicknames, spend time with me... or so I thought.
About a year into our relationship I realised how badly had I fucked up. I realised how blind I was to the changes in his behaviour; the way I didn’t notice how him taking me out on dates turned into him forcing me out when I didn’t want to go, just to show me off as his trophy girlfriend, how his constant messaging turn into something obsessive, how him showering me with his love turned into showering me with his abuses, how calling me nicknames turned into calling me a whore or a slut whenever I so much as even looked at someone else, the gender didn’t matter, how him spending time with me turned into him gluing himself to my side, never once leaving me.
Always on the look-out for when I’d commit even the slightest of errors. Because then he would unleash all his names, curses, abuses at me; making me feel like I didn’t deserve to be loved.
Well, maybe I didn’t.
Over time, those curses and abuses turned physical as he turned more violent, slapping me or beating me up for even the most minor of mistakes. Those verbal slurs turned emotional, making me feel like I didn’t deserve to be alive. Hah, what a cheeky little failure.
“Heh,” I scoff at myself, laughing at how naive I was to not realise when our love turned into something that would make most people sick to their core.
What makes me feel the most miserable about our past is that I allowed myself to be used and abused. Even when he didn’t reply to my texts, ignored me for days sometimes, and clearly had stopped even so much as glancing my way... I still hadn’t given up.
Not until that one fateful day when I saw him. In my bed. With not just one, but two bloody women.
Silly girl, one of his sex friends had said, smirking in all her naked glory, can’t you see the truth right in front of you? This is his little kingdom, and you’re not the queen anymore.
“Argh,” I groan, my thoughts coming back to the present when I feel my bound wrists numb with pain at a tear in the thin skin that covers them. Rolling my shoulders to forget about the pain for the time being, I pull at the rope tying my wrists behind my back, in futile hopes that it would come loose.
“Ah, I always loved the feisty side you hid underneath all that cute drama.”
I jump and my body freezes in its spot, my eyes widening at the proximity of his voice.
In my peripheral vision I see his face, his chin coming to rest on my shoulder with him standing right behind me.
When did he come back?
“While you were too busy reminiscing about the beautiful bubble you had created for yourself with me,” he chuckles, as if reading my mind. Looking at the way my eyes refuse to un-widen, he continues, “You were always easy to read. Now weren’t you, Joanne?”
“Why are you doing this?” I whisper, my head bent, refusing to stay up any longer.
“Because, Joanne,” he starts, a lewd smirk lining his face when I let out a choked sob on the use of my name, “I want you to have your epiphany.”
“My what?” I ask, looking up at him, wondering if I heard him right.
“Your epiphany,” he repeats. I feel the throbbing in my wrists relax as the ropes slowly come undone, surprising me. He slowly walks around me, coming to a stop just in front of me. My heart only pounds faster when I catch the glint of the knife in his hands. “I want you to realise what a useless little bitch you are without me in your life. Nobody loves you, kitten. Nobody did, nobody would.”
“Stop...” I whisper, bowing my head in defeat, trying to mute out all his words in an attempt to stop them from having their effect on me.
“You, Joanne, are a pretty little good for nothing.” He smiles, his palm resting on my shoulders. “Your friends run away from you, your peers refuse to talk to you. Ever wondered why?”
No, Joanne. Don’t listen. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Every thing will be fine. Just breathe.
“Because, oh darling,” he murmurs, dragging the knife’s tip up my neck, slowly, “you are so very broken and no one cares to notice.”
“I trusted you,” I say, finding the courage to meet his eyes from god-knows-where. I meet his challenging gaze head on, trying to sound as angry and frustrated as I feel, “I trusted you so much.”
“Well then you can’t exactly blame me, can you? It was your mistake.”
“What the fuck do you want?!” I yell, immediately regretting it when I see how his smile turns from teasing to predatory.
“What do I want?” He mutters, bringing his face so close to mine I can feel his disgusting breath on my lips. He drags the tip of the knife lower... and lower... and lower, until it reaches my abdomen.
I can’t think.
“You want to know what I want, Joanne?”
I can’t breathe.
"I want so many things," he whispers. "I want your mind. Your strength. I want to be worth your time."
His eyes hold me still, as if commanding me to stay where I am.
His fingers graze the hem of my top and he says, "I want this up." He tugs on the waist of my pants and says, "I want this down." He touches the tips of his fingers to the sides of my body and mutters, "I want to feel your skin on fire. I want to feel your heart racing next to mine and I want to know it's racing because of me, because you want me.
And then I hear the sound of something sharp piercing skin, and the sound of blood oozing out. My eyes slowly travel down to look at my waist where the knife rests, buried deep in my body.
Because you never, " he breathes and pulls me up to him, and looking up, in the depths of his eyes I see the formation of something that makes me lose my mind, "never want me to stop. I want every second. I want every inch of you. I want all of it." He smirks, pushing the knife deeper into me as his fingers come to rest on my chest, where I feel my heart pound, "I want your soul."
And I drop dead, all over the floor.
“Joanne?” I hear a voice call out my name. It’s almost distant. Almost.
All I see is pitch black as I feel my heart pound out of control and my body grow hot.
“Joanne, love,” The voice says, insistent, and it’s as if my body automatically relaxes a little at the familiarity of it. “Can you hear me? Wake up, baby.”
I feel the urge to reach out and grab at the voice, and so I do. I stretch out a hand into the darkness that surrounds me, in the hopes of grasping on to something, not knowing what it is.
“JOANNE, WAKE UP!” I sense someone’s fingers curl around mine, grabbing my outstretched hand, and pulling me towards a strong, warm chest, immediately jolting me awake.
“Wha-What?” I whisper, not quite catching up with what is going on. All I see in front of me is a navy blue hoodie, covering a broad, strong frame, and I look up to meet a familiar pair of eyes, as calming and deep as the ocean.
“Hi,” he says, giving me a relieved smile. But for some reason, while my body calms down, my mind delves right back into the state of panic as I feel my nightmare overlapping with my reality.
“Get away from me!” I yell, pushing him away, and jump away from the bed, running to the opposite end of the room.
“Joanne?” He calls out, his eyes widening in surprise, maybe not expecting me to run away. Oh no, maybe I angered him. Maybe he will beat me up now. Oh no.
“Don’t take my name!” I say, covering my ears. I can still hear his voice ringing in my head, letting my name out from his sickening lips.
He gets out from the bed, slowly, steadily, and looks at me with a warm, comforting gaze, “It’s me, Joanne. It’s Soryu.”
“S-Soryu?” I murmur, slowly looking up to meet his eyes. I try to calm my ragged breathing down as I gradually start registering what is going on. But the moment he takes a step towards me, I immediately jump back.
“Love,” he coaxes, “at least let me clean you up. You’re all sweaty.”
Wait. I am?
It’s when he says that do I notice the state I am in; my face wet with tears, my body sticky with sweat and my fingers trembling with fear.
‘... Joanne, I’m not going to hurt you.’
“Come here,” Soryu says, opening his arms for me.
“Why?”
“Just come here,” he mumbles, taking a step forward.
“No!” I shout, stopping him in his tracks as I flinch away. “You’re going to hit me.”
“I’m not going to hurt you, Joanne.”
“I’ve heard those words before.”
He looks at me, his hair still a mess, and in that moment in the pale moonlight he looks more handsome and more human than I have ever seen him. “I guess I’m asking you to trust me,” he says, opening his arms wide, once again, for me to fall into.
I stand there, shaking in fear for a moment, but when I see his deep, grey orbs look at me with so much longing and care, I finally start to take slow, deliberate steps towards him.
Within a few steps, I fall into his strong embrace, letting it consume me and make me forget about whatever I dreamed of.
When his fingers comfortingly start stroking my back with extreme patience and give me that sense of security I was so desperately searching for is when the dam breaks and all the tears I had been holding in rush out.
He stands there, silent as a graveyard, patting my back in a rhythmic pattern, not once judging.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask not being able to think of an answer myself.
“Doing what?” He murmurs, his voice muffled by my hair as he rests his mouth against my head, kissing the spot before staying there.
“Treating me like a person,” I whisper.
“I’m doing this because,” he starts, pulling away to look in my eyes. His fingers gently grab my chin, guiding my face towards his, to make sure our eyes are locked, “I love you, Joanne.”
My lips form a smile when I realise how much he means every one of his words. “I love you too, Soryu.”
He smiles, his fingertips stroking my cheek, patient. His other arm wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
“What are you thinking?” I ask, my fingers reaching up to play with the soft fabric of his hoodie.
“I’m thinking of how I want-” he stops when he sees my face go pale.
‘I want your soul.’
“Never mind what I want,” he whispers, effectively stopping me from going too far into my nightmares again. “What do you want?”
“You.”
I suck a breath, surprising myself at how I don’t even waste a second to say it to him.
Always you.
“Love,” he brings his face closer to mine, his voice low, “You already have all of me.”
I gasp at the amount of emotion in his voice, the ineffable level of care those eyes hold for me, and he bends lower, his lips almost touching mine.
“May I?” he asks...
... when he doesn’t need to. I smile, gently standing on my tip-toes and pressing our lips together.
- i was literally itching for angst so i thought i would write this
- my circus au is being worked on (,: i’m writing this solely out of inspiration
- as always, say any feedback in the comments! ty!
————————————
A tall man solemnly walked through the field with a bundle of flowers held tightly in his hand. He moved so..familiarly. Knowing where to step, and where not too. Knowing what root to walk over. From afar, he saw the fated tree that covered his beloved from the harsh exposure to the breeze. Leafs that seemed to dance in the wind’s harsh melody slightly grazed the tip of every blade of grass, tickling it to move to the beat as well. Not an ideal condition for a hushed greeting, but nonetheless it was the only place where he could meet her. His footsteps grew silent as the distance between the two shortened. There she was. He looked down lovingly at his beloved, his skin crinkling near the far end sides of his eyes as he smiled. How long had it been since he’s seen her?
“Hi, honey..” Soryu whispered through the small hushed cracks of the breeze. Below him, a grave decorated with crusted flowers and muddy dirt responded to him. Again, not an ideal meeting..Not in the slightest.
“I’ve brought you some flowers. You’re favorite. Here. Let me just..” Parting his hand from his pocket, he used the back of his palm to brush away at the impurities that were scattered along his lover’s grave. “There..That does it.”
Even the barrier the tree provided wasn’t strong enough to prohibit the decaying plants to weasel their way onto her resting place. Hah. It wasn’t only the trees fault was it? He neglected the time they could’ve spent together years before this. Always making excuses. He didn’t love her? Nonsense. He knew he loved her. So much, it scared him to stand before her.
“..I’ve-“ His voice cracked as he settled down the arrangement of flowers. “I’ve still haven’t forgiven you.” The violent words expelled off of his tongue and hung dryly in the frost bitten air. His fist that were now empty curled up into themselves to form a tight ball.
“Do you remember? All the promises you made me?” He felt the flood of memories surge back into his head. Each one of them replaying every significant memory they induldged with one another, no matter how minuscule it was. Such precious memories once warmed his heart. That..was years ago. Now, he looked back at those times and only felt an acute pain imbedded into his heart.
“Maybe..you’ve forgotten? I doubt it. But, really..Do you? Do you truly remember?”
Some force incomprehensible to his own mind buckled his knees vehemently down. The silver suit he would wear so proudly now was inches deep into the dirt. Emotions he had prodded down into his soul now started to surface their way to his heart. What was it? Why? He had seen the horrors of hell and yet hadn’t felt even a pinch of remorse. Yet, talking to a grave which held his true love seemed to weaken him beyond repair.
“Are you mocking me?” A voice almost completely intoxicated with grief echoed through the graveyard.
“Why? Why? WHY? You LIED!” The flowers that brought color to such a melancholic place were now struck away with intense brutality. What replaced it was a hard pound of a fist that crumpled the stone structure down to its core. It hurts. It hurts so much. Everything seemed to slowly strangle the air around Soryu, prompting ragged breaths to expel out of his mouth. Why? Why did she leave him? All alone?!
“You were the only one to NEVER lie to me!” Soryu’s chilling facade slowly faded with the tears that cascaded down his cheeks.
“You told me we would die TOGETHER!” He pounded the grave again.
“You said that we would raise a family TOGETHER! You said that you would NEVER LEAVE ME!”
Pictures of the memories so precious to him now started to tear apart savagely in his head.
“Damnit! DAMNIT! I can’t- I cant..I cant do this. It hurts. It hurts too much. Fuck!” He plummeted his head into the stone and weeped. This. This was what he was afraid of. Letting her see the most vulnerable side of him.
“Don’t leave me..Please! I don’t want to be alone..” Child like wails that would never reach her ears again.
“I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU. IS THAT NOT ENOUGH?! Come back! COME BACK, DAMNIT!” Soryu could feel himself steadily losing his sanity to the mourning he neglected all these years. He knew too well she was never coming back. No magic, no love in the world, no matter how strong it was could. All he could do was wish she was standing alongside him.
“....Both of you..Come back.”
An even more selfish request. A child. His child. THEIR child also dancing along in the stars with her. All he wanted was his family. Someone to love. Someone to protect. Must the world be rid of everything dear to him?
“You..” Soryu seized his sanity. Inhaling stuttered breaths that rocked his body with every intake. Keep it together, Soryu. For you. For her.
“I-“ He bit his lips nervously. Did he want to say these next words? “I..love you. I do..forgive you. And I hope..” He cut his words short with another sharp intake of air.
“I hope you’re happy. If you’re happy, I’ll try to be.” Soryu’s head rose up from the surface and stared compassionately at his beloved's and his child’s name carved beautifully into the stone he once despised. He needed to let these negative feelings waste away. She wouldn’t have wanted this. She didn’t want to leave..Soryu was sure of this now.
Tears still flowed on his cheeks and didn’t display any chance of halting. A smile however, displayed softly on his red stained face.
“You said..You’d grow old with me.” A soft chuckle rolled from his tongue as he traced her name with his fingers. “I’ll let this one slide this time..”
Notes: Here you go ladies, Baba’s fic as promised- tagging everyone who has voted for him shippinglieskakullok, lovverrboii, onholiday61, skullbygloy100, lone-wolf155, brilexa dopeassjaqjack, angelicaelizabeth, serendipitouscrimsonrose, hifftn
To be honest, I just wanted some easy breakup smut but no I had to add a bit of feeling... If I manage to break anyone's heart, well you are welcomed. If not, hope you at least enjoy the sex imaginary sex with Baba. The man who deserves more fics, attention and most of all LOVE!!!
"It hurts, Mitsu..."
"I'm sorry...."
You turn to face the man and look directly into his eyes, his pain-stricken eyes. He opens and closes his mouth trying to form words, "I'm sorry for what I did,” He clenches his eyes closed and shakes his head, "Please, forgive me..."
Your tone is surprisingly calm and steady when all you want to do is cry and scream at him. The man you've been with for three years, the man who has rescued and cherished you for three good years. Yet the very same man has also chosen to destroy the love and trust the two of you have built the moment he pulled his pants down for the other women. Despite the burning tears in Baba's eyes, he remains quiet, "You said I'm your world, you said that was the last time .... but no, you wanted more." You pause as the vivid image and pain of coming home to see your lover in bed with another woman is too strong to be forgotten or forgiven.
Watching him falling into addiction when you stand by not knowing what to do and how else to cope. You witness him changing from a sweet loving man to a lying sex addict. "I can't share you, Mitsu. No matter how hard I try, I just.... It's not me.."
Mitsunari Baba makes a choked sound, "_______ , I..... I'm really sorry. I never meant to hurt you... I love you... I..." He quickly bites his lip and takes a deep breath, "I can't control myself!"
"I know." You whisper, closing the gasp in a few steps but not the great distance between your two souls. You run your fingers through his hair and sigh into a painful kiss which slowly grows passionate and hungry.
His teeth graze your neck and nip sharply, "Baby...I..."
"Don’t." Your voice almost inaudible. He has brought strangers home, to the bed you share and called them babies too. You couldn't risk ruining the rare intimate and last moment with him. With arms still wrapped around each other, the two of you clumsily fall onto the bed.You make sure he's at the bottom, used sheet mixing with god knows how many women's' sweat and scent. You straddle and watch from above before pulling his head back to expose his throat to make your mark, one last time. The sounds he makes as you leave a trail of kisses along his throat, each one sends an ache to your shredding heart but also a bolt of pleasure straight to your core.
You need him, and after all these time- the pain, sorrow, and disappointment. You still love him and there's no doubt that you want him, right now. He could see it in your eyes too, he reaches to his back pocket and slips on the protection.
"Don’t move." You hiss, "And don’t come until I say so." Then line yourself up and sink down on him, both of you let out a strangled "fuck!" at the long-lost sensation. Bracing yourself with hands on his broad chest, you rock your hips, feeling his every inch inside you, stretching you in a way that is beyond words.
For a moment, you almost cry- knowing that possibly no man would ever make you feel the same way- the intimate connection and love you'd still feel from his warmth.
Slowly, you start moving, savoring the feeling while his cock slides almost all the way out and you slam back down onto him. You take charge and adjust your position so his manhood would hit the same spot inside with each thrust. He tries to take control but stops when you pin his wrists in place. Throwing his head back against the pillow with lips parted around the moans dripping from him like the words of a prayer, the grand thief simply enjoys the ride and watches your every reaction from below.
"_______ .... I can't...I'm..." He whines, his hands gripping the pillow, desperately trying to hold back.
"No!" You pant and speed up, chasing your own high. "You .... are ..... not .... allowed.. to...come..yet.." Digging your nails into his flesh, drawing more sounds from him, growls and groans, slamming harsher with each thrust, pushing yourself closer and closer until finally, you're teetering on the edge.
"Yes!!! Now, Mitsu, come with me!" You instruct with two fingers sliding down and teasing your clit. With a cry, he shakes and he reaches his high, the throbbing pulse of his cock inside you just enough to push you over the edge. Still panting, you throw yourself down on the bed next to him, everything seems just how it used to be. Watching his warm smile as he caresses your cheeks and falls asleep but it is not the same, it never will be.
Resting on your elbow, you wait and stall, trying to leave the bed you once shared at the last minute. Once he has fallen asleep or perhaps pretends to be, you get dress and pick up the luggage by the door. Funny how little there's to pack- wrapping up three years of life in a 20 inches carry on while the time for healing is beyond calculation.
Leaving the key card and engagement ring, you take one last glance at the half-naked thief who has stolen and crushed your heart, you're quick to shut the door and the past behind.
It is time to turn a new page.
Still not 100% satisfied with this piece, could be much sadder but then again, this’s supposed to be smut focus or spreading love to Baba :)
She hadn’t always loved Mamoru. In fact, there had been a time when she’d sincerely hated his guts. Being bought at a black-market auction and then forced into a cult didn’t usually foster romantic feelings for one’s…owner. At least that’s what she assumed. Since she had fallen for the slacker detective, she guessed she wasn’t in a position to criticize.
In any case, she loved him now. That was why she was standing in an abandoned warehouse by the docks, gun pointed straight at her boyfriend.
Aida pushed her forward. Mamoru put a fist on his heart. “Aim right here, baby. Right at my heart. Don’t miss. You got it?”
“…Mamoru, I can’t do this…” Her hands shook, making the gun waver.
“You gotta do it. Trust me.” He smiled around the cigarette in his mouth.
Aida’s “HURRY UP!” did nothing to ease her nerves, but she took a deep breath as Mamoru continued.
“I’m fine. I promised you, right? I promised I’d always come home to you. And if you do a good job, I’ll even compliment ya. As soon as you pull that trigger, you come runnin’ over and hug me.”
She let out a sob at the idea of pulling the trigger. “But…!”
“…What? You still don’t trust me?”
Aida interrupted again. “If you’ve got any last words, I’d suggest you tell him now.”
What could she say? What words were good enough to be their last? The only truth you know, came the unbidden thought. “I love you, Mamoru!”
The detective smiled shyly. “…You know I feel the same, sweetheart.” The endearment warmed her heart and bolstered her confidence. Mamoru wouldn’t let this go wrong.
She pulled down the hammer and took aim—right at his heart. She pulled the trigger.
A scream.
She didn’t know whose.
Mamoru went down.
She woke up.
The dark, familiar ceiling of Mamoru’s suite greeted her.
“Oh, thank goodness.” She smiled faintly, and turned on her side to face her boyfriend. “I thought I lost you.”
Silence. She frowned, pulled her arm from under the warm covers to feel for Mamoru.
Nothing.
She remembered.
Screams tore themselves from her throat.
Soryu brought the Ice Dragons. Bullets flew.
Mamoru didn’t move.
She ran. It wasn’t that far, but it felt like miles.
Her steps faltered the closer she got. Because there, on the warehouse’s dirty floor was…was…
Soryu fired one last shot at Aida and snagged her around the waist. “You don’t want to see that.” He put his gun in his jacket and covered her eyes.
He was right.
She didn’t want to see her boyfriend’s dead body
She didn’t want to see how badly she had missed.
She didn’t want to see the pinprick of blood seeping out of Mamoru’s forehead.
Words: 1,441
Warnings: none that i can currently think of
A/N: LOl this is so overdue I’m so sorry. I have no excuse. But on the plus side, I got all my college apps in and stuff. pls don’t hate me for not updating.
“Hello,” you warily address the person on the end of the line.
You were walking out at the end of the day when you get a call from an unknown number and decided to let it run it’s course. It was when the same number kept calling you, that you reluctantly answered the call.
“Hey,” the person starts, not expecting you to answer the call. “Y/N…hey Y/N,” a voice that is all too familiar says. After a while of not saying anything, he calls your name again wondering if you’d hung up on him.
“What do you want,” you barely manage to get the sentence past your lips. Your jaw is clenched and the fingernails of the hand opposite the one holding the phone are making white crescent shaped imprints in the palm, but you don’t notice.
“I want to talk,” his words come out choked. If you weren’t so caught up in your anger, you might have wondered if he was having a hard time. “Can you meet me somewhere? There’s this small cafe that Ryo says is good.”
“I have art club after school.”
“You’re lying,” he deadpans, and perhaps it comes across as a little more hostile than he would have liked and he silently chastises himself, but there was a far larger elephant in the room that needed to be addressed. “Whenever you lie your voice goes up an octave. Just hear me out. Please Kiddo? Teddy bear? Peaches? Hunny Bun?”
“You don’t get to call me those anymore,” you say, stomach twisting in knots at the familiar names. “When and where?”
Your sleep is restless that night. You spend it tossing and turning, your sheets strewn across your bedroom floor. It’s funny, no matter how many times you dream the same dream, it always feels the same. The emotions are always just as intense, and it always leaves you feeling the same way when you wake up.
You dream about the day Iori left to pursue his musical career, the excitement still there. You dream about his dwindling messages, and the feeling of being left behind. You dream of the day you met him at the charity ball, the wounds still fresh. And, you dream about him not showing up at the cafe and leaving you on your own.
You dream of the autumn days where the two of you would jump in piles of leaves together, the days were you could tell him anything. When he was still there for you.
For the duration of the next day, you mind is elsewhere, occupied by thoughts of what will happen after school.
When you walk in to the cafe the two of you (Iori) had agreed upon, and it takes everything you have to not turn and run.
You hate that you know where he is immediately. He’s sitting at a table in the corner and part of you wants to believe that it’s because he knows you like sitting in corners, but you tell yourself that it’s simply to remain unseen.
Seeing you walking towards him, there are a thousand questions swirling in Iori’s mind, and he wants to ask all of them.
“How…how’ve you been?”
The sheer normalcy of the question makes your head spin. “Good. I…” you pause to think about what you say next. “I’ve been good. You…you look like you’re doing well.”
Your brother nods his head and there’s a lull in the conversation—if you could even call it that. You asked if he was seeing anyone, but that just earned you a scowl, his general distaste for women as prominent as ever, but it doesn’t help get a conversation started and the two of you continue to sit there in an uncomfortable silence.
Never having been very fond of the word, you nearly miss the apology that escapes your brother’s lips.
“Did you just…” your question trails off as you look at him wide eyed.
“I’m sorry,” he says a little more forcefully and you the yourself for it, but the slight blush that makes itself visible on his cheeks makes you want to poke fun at the person sitting across from you.
“You can say ‘sorry’ to me as many times as you want, but it doesn’t mean anything unless you know what you’re apologizing for.” Maybe that feeling eating away at your chest is guilt for continuing to be angry at him even after he muttered one of the hardest words he could ever say, but you want to think that you’re justified in your anger.
If it wasn’t for the way he brushed his hair back, you’d have thought he was unaffected by the whole situation.
“You can say ‘sorry’ to me, but it won’t change the fact that it still hurt.” You’re holding your elbows in your hands and avoiding looking at him.
“I did what I did to protect you!” He raises his voice as he defends his decisions, no matter how poor they were. Pride is a silly thing.
“Don’t pretend like you know what’s best for me, that it was for my benefit. I know you, I know how selfish you can be, how you put your pride before your family. Do you know how awful it felt?” You wonder if you’re crying, but you don’t stop to check. “To feel like your own brother was embarrassed of you? To hear so many people talk about your brother as if they knew him better than you yourself did? It felt like I was suffocating! All around me were people going on and on about you, talking about going to one of your concerts and seeing you when I hadn’t seen you, let alone talked to you in years! To know that there were thousands of girls you talked to instead of sending a measly text to your sister!
“Do you know how many nights I stayed up wondering what I did wrong? How I spent every waking minute wondering what I did to make you hate me, until I decided to cut you from my life entirely? How miserable it was when I say you at the charity ball and you wanted to waltz right back in to my life as if nothing had happened?
“You don’t know anything! You know nothing about how much shit I put up with at school after you left. I bet you didn’t’ even know that we moved, you had no reason to since you never visited home to begin with.”
“Fine! Maybe at first it was because I didn’t want you following me like a lost puppy, and I admit that it was stupid of me,” he confesses as he throws his hands up in frustration. “But I know how vicious people can be, how the press would hound you if they knew.”
There’s a break in your heated argument before Iroi takes a break and continues.
“And I’m sorry. For cutting you out of my life the way I did, and pretending like you were nothing to me.
In hindsight, what you were about to do was stupid. So very stupid. But, you were emotionally and physically exhausted, and all you wanted to do was get in to the nice warm bed that was waiting for you at home.
So, you took the fool’s route. Quite literally. You knew that it was a bad idea to walk through that part of town, but really, when have you ever listened to yourself?
The sun had set about an hour ago, but the light pollution that comes with living in such a big city illuminated your way home. But even with the light from the city, you may have taken a few wrong turns here and there, and now you weren’t entirely sure where you were.
It’s only when you start hearing footsteps behind you that you stop to wonder if it wouldn’t have been a bad idea to take your brother up on his offer of a ride home, even if you knew it was just to be polite. He wouldn’t want to risk any more photos, and you supposed that was one of the few things you still agreed on.
In a moment of brilliance, you remember learning that in situations like this, it never hurt to be on the phone with someone. Or pretend to be. Pulling your phone out of the side pocket on your backpack, you start talking as if there was someone on the other line.
As your steps quicken and your only focus is on the person following you, you don’t notice the person around the corner until you walk right in to them.
You thought that it would last, but it never did. How did it end up like this? How would you have known that the person you deeply loved, would eventually fall. It was if someone had stabbed you in the back, but the knife refused to come out. How could anyone feel such pain?
The rain began to pound on the pavement as you rolled your luggage out the bedroom you both shared.
He watched from the kitchen as you stopped midway to look at him. Your chest tightened as you tried to find the courage to ask the one question that was branded into your mind. Only a small part of you believed that he would still care, but the rest knew the truth. You were too much of a coward to admit it.
“Did you ever think about me?” Tears formed in his eyes as he shook his head. Sighing you nodded your head, not the one bit surprised. The silence alone, filled the emptiness in the house. The pounding of the rain helped keep you in reality, scared that you might drift away.
Adjusting a tighter grip on your luggage, you began to walk towards the front door. You didn’t seem to notice the hand that grabbed your wrist. Holding your breath, you stared at the ground as you felt the intensity of his eyes bore into the back of your head.
“Please,” He begged. “Don’t go..” Anger soon boiled within, feeling your muscles tighten.
“Why? So that I’ll fill the damn emptiness in this house? So I’ll sit around and you can go screw some slut on the street?” Tears soon fell onto your arm as you tried to fight the ones forming in your eyes.
“I’m sorry.._____. I’m truly sorry.” You tried to move forward before his grip only tightened. Turning around, you met his pale face mixed with a trail of tears.
“Not everything lasts forever. I’m not going to live in your pathetic fairytale anymore. Just stay away from me.”
“But..Just give me one more chance...”
There was a long silence as you stared at the ground before sighing.
“Sometimes, I can give someone so many chances before I finally give on them. I did love you Baba, I really did. But some old habits, they never go away. This is goodbye.”
Yanking away from his strong grip, you walked out the apartment door. Straight out of his life forever.
A/N
I seriously just found this from eight months ago, hopefully you guys enjoyed this one!
I am so close I could feel it in my guts, it won’t be long now till I lock that son of a bitch away for good. Closing piles and piles of files without glancing at the crime scene photos or the looks of the dead victims faces before I stuff them all into my drawers, home- that’s where I want to be.
Technically, it’s a hotel room but anywhere with my gal is home to me. Isn’t there some kind of quote about women making everything great- give them a house and they turn it into home; Give her groceries and she gives you a meal. Yeah, she’s definitely my gal. I could not go on a day without her food, making my undercover harder than ever.
I’ve been working a lot of overtime for the past months, soon, this will be all over and I’d return home to my favorite woman (and her cooking) in no time. Close, I am very close.
The moment I set foot our bedroom, something seems off. An uneasiness crawling under my skin as I turn on the lights to see an empty bed, it’s two in the morning, where is she? Endless texts and calls never reach her and my fear begin to get the better of me, I don’t like jumping to conclusion but the next vibration from my cell phone has only brought me the worst fear while my heart stop at the video of my gal cuffed with blindfold and bruises everywhere visible apart from her beautiful and teary face.
[ Back off ] An edited voice plays at the end before the screen fades with the options of “replay” taunting my weakness, hopelessness and inability to protect her.
