#kiku vent

[nonspeakingkiku]

Has been a little bit. Was supposed to go out with bio family today, something came up, they had to go back home, gonna try again some time next week. Feel awful. Change, overwhelm. Very bad not good day. Exausted but sleep bad. Try stay awake. Play Silksong. Hate anxiety and change hard. Didn't immediately have a meltdown when change came up at least. Maybe not fully processed yet and meltdown come later. Probably around when plans supposed to have happened. *waves white flag* now all brain wants is skuff and Kiku hate hate hate that. 😖😵‍💫 Also shark week (period, blegh) suppose be soon.

Got breakfast and try stay hydrated. But ate so now snotty. 🙃 Think gonna look at amazon wishlist because sometime that help. Try make self feel better.

[nonspeakingkiku]

*flops* wish wheelchairs not so complicated. Need wheelchair. Walker and crutches help, but only do so much. But not know exactly what need from a wheelchair. Frustrating 😭😭😭 Don't have insurance, don't have a doctor, and honestly going through insurance sounds like a complete nightmare. Haven't been able to find a second hand chair that isn't basically full price or isn't the right size. Just want to know what need so could order it self and pay with payment plan. *flops* but not know enough. Don't know exactly what need. Just know some of what need.

Walker and crutches help a lot but still in pain after go do something. Made realise just how much was suffering before had them. So frustrated.

[nonspeakingkiku]

Kiku not great. Weighted blanket friend got Kiku coming unstitched. Talk to amazon about refund/replace ect, want Kiku return it. Kiku slept under it and it hand wash only, that make feel weird. 😵‍💫 wifey say we return it an get new one as soon as can but autism make hard and feel icky and worry about sleep without it. Help sleep lot. *deep breath* trying to cope.

[nonspeakingkiku]

Kiku so stressed and disregulated and tummy burny hurt, no have pepto or milk, aac ipad almost dead, had to use aac ipad try regulate, now no way regulate, can't read, can't draw because hand ouchie and hands shake and don't have phone or other thing use to regulate. So overwhelmed so bad. Had so may meltdowns since not had phone and been sick. 😭😭😭😭😭 Wish had another ipad.

[nonspeakingkiku]

Kiku having hard time right now. Got an ouchie because sit cross legged all the time, caught it before got too bad Kiku think but it still uncomfy and make have to sit different. And think phone battery swelling so can't use it until get battery replaced, if can be replaced. Won't know until can take to apple store and see.

Lot of change at once and brain very very not happy.

Don't know how active will be here till get phone sorted out because tumblr app on ipad not work good for Kiku and browser not much better. Still gonna share crowdfund post every so often. Other than that not sure because overwhelm and stuff.

[nonspeakingkiku]

We went to a thrift store and there was a TiLite wheelchair and it was almost a perfect fit for Kiku, but it wasn't wide enough and it was in really rough shape. But it was actually comfortable to sit in. Haven't felt that before. Things are usually too big for Kiku because short. Kiku got upset because didn't actually expect to see one. 🥺😭

[nonspeakingkiku]

Kiku hasn't been very active but a lot happening right now and it really hard.

We moving very soon and packing and been very very busy and now Kiku is injured 😭 Think pulled a muscle combined with EDS squishyness and bad sleep positioning. Neck and arm hurt lot lot and have sooo much do and use arm make hurt more.

[nonspeakingkiku]

Kiku's ipad case just broke 😵‍💫 one of the spots where you attatch the strap. So can't wear it anymore like usually do (could wear it in portrait mode but none of Kiku's AAC apps are set up for that. Not sure what to do because can't fix it.