Earlier this week I found my nerve to post my experience on Instagram about @theropegeek-archive (@theropegeek). I’ve been laboring over the emotional processing from the trauma that he caused me and what that means beyond just my own hurt and recovery much of this past year.
When TRG read my posting (as well as the ones from my former girlfriend and former metamour which I am reblogging below) he has responded privately to my statement that he doesn't see any of it as truth.
But the thing is, I’ve long given up hope (after literal countless hours over the course of more than a year and revisiting the same topics over and again while trying to help him formulate healthy changes all while he fought them stating I was only trying to control him) of getting him to clear the metaphorical webs covering his eyes to see the actual errors of his ways.
Though it seems the proverbial light bulb above his head has gone off now and once again he is looking to use his “earnest” words of remorse coupled with the “lessons learned” to ploy a wider audience into buying his self delusions of “finally” getting it and seeing the error of his ways.
If this was solely my own isolated experience then his insistence and disregard could make me question myself, but the actual reality is I am only one of many who have been affected by these behaviours over the course of years, and one of several who have bravely spoken up about it recently...And that this community strengthens me to stand up for myself in the face of his delusions.
I will just take this time to briefly paste the Wikipedia definition of gaslighting... "Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity."
Even if we leave sanity off the table.. he played puppeteer with my exgf and I in terms of trying to change my memory and perception of events for months back in 2018 before the major Consent Violation on the 2019 new years stuff was even on the radar. Playing one partner against the other, keeping people unsettled and sewing seeds of doubt in our minds about each other.
There is a big difference between saying something healthy like "I'm so sorry you felt that way, I feel so sad that my actions were interpreted that way. Honestly that wasn't my intention at all but I can totally see why you felt that." And one of TRG’s typical responses like "I've thought about that and you're wrong. I didn't do that at all, I was actually doing this instead."
The first one accepts the other person’s reality and what was experienced while explaining that a communication gap caused a misunderstanding. The second one merely seeks to smother their experience and replace it with his intent and desire from today. That's the gaslighting element.
I think the reason he doesn't see it in himself is that he does it to himself too. He believes his own lies so passionately. He has created his own reality to protect his fragile self esteem and self worth and there is no convincing him otherwise. He needs to believe that stuff because the alternative is a hell of a lot of hard work. So as long as he is lying to himself too...he's not going to see the lies he tells everyone else.
Below, I’ve included the post I wrote sharing a condensed history of what my experiences with Theropegeek have been like since I initially met him in 2013. This has been such an emotionally challenging writing to compose and I have not chosen any words lightly.
If anyone from his past or anyone who has doubts considering engaging with him now or in the future: My DMs are restricted rn, but please feel free to send an Ask and I can message you directly.