something, something; the kooks
summary: rafe, topper, and kelce cheers you up after being stood up on a date.
warnings: vaguely based on that one episode from new girl, profanities, violence, sexual innuendos, ending: money in the jar whenever someone makes a douche-y comment. gif credits to @ptersparkers
word count: 1181
“-and are you really sure that you won’t come with us instead?” topper asked for the nth time.
he, rafe, and kelce, were all crammed on your queen-sized bed as they watched you get ready for someone that isn’t them.
as much as you loved your best friends, it was time to put yourself out there.
“c’mon, it’s the annual bonfire, y/n/n. are you really going to miss out on it for that dickwad?” kelce sought, fiddling with the throw pillows on your bed.
“his name is james, and yes, i will.” you replied, focusing on doing your eyeliner.
when you leaned against your chair to admire your work, you caught the eyes of the three of them. “what?”
“ditch him.” rafe said, his voice bored and nonchalant.
you frowned, turning around to face them. “don’t be like that, alright? just- go out, have fun. i really want to go out on this date, but if it all goes wrong, then i’ll be in my room, sobbing my eyes out while i watch a walk to remember again.”
they sighed, exchanging hesitant looks before standing up.
“m’kay, have fun with the dickwad.” kelce snickered, but not before he and topper planted a kiss on both sides of your cheeks.
kelce and topped went out ahead but rafe lingered a bit longer. he pulled you into a side hug and kissed your temple. “just call us if you need anything, yeah?”
“yeah.” you smiled, you walked him out and leaned against the doorframe as they got into the car. “stay safe, you morons!”
“yes, mama bear.”
“don’t call me a moron,”
“we will, don't worry— you look gorgeous, by the way!”
the boys were an hour and a half through the party, not even that drunk yet when they bumped into james and his friend.
“hey, where’s y/n?” rafe abandoned the girl he was talking to, catching kelce and topper’s attention.
“oh, dude, she texted me seven times. like, long ones,” james laughed, pointing his beer at them. “i just wanna hook up.”
topper furrowed his eyebrows, stepping forward. “so is she waiting for you to show up, or did you call her?”
james and his friend exchanged amused looks before snorting. “yeah, that’s what i did. i called her.”
“are you kidding me?” rafe scoffed, his patience growing thinner by each second.
“nah, man,” he chuckled, gulping down more of his beer. “you know how girls are.”
“i don’t actually,” rafe gritted his teeth. “but i do know that they don’t deserve assholes like you.”
and with that, rafe swung his fist towards the guy’s face, making him stumble down from the impact.
kelce and topper grabbed his arms and pulled him away before another fight broke out. “c’mon rafe, y/n needs us.”
you were somehow glad for the loud chatter and clatter echoing throughout the whole restaurant. you played with the free appetizers that the waitress provided for you as you accepted the fact that you got stood up. again.
when the waitress approached you once more, you looked up at her and asked, “do you have anything else that is free but also has bread in it?”
“-because the, the- like, good bread i ate, and the… all that’s left is, like a- it’s like- it’s kind of like a health bread…” you trailed off, blinking away the tears forming in your eyes as you looked down.
“i’m sorry,” she sighed, offering you a sad smile. “we’re gonna have to ask you to give up the table.”
“uhm,” you swallowed the lump in your throat. “can i please stay a little bit longer?”
“we’re here!”
“yup.”
“we’re here, y/n! we’re here,” you snapped your head towards the entrance where rafe, topper, and kelce were running in. “-here for the date.”
“date thing.” topper grinned at the people looking at them.
the waitress gave the four of you a weird look. “you’re all on a date?”
“yeah,” rafe nodded, jutting his bottom lip out. “we’re her, uh, her boyfriends. we are reverse-mormons,”
“one man just isn’t enough for her.” kelce quipped, a small smirk tugging at his lips.
“okay…” she trailed off before walking away to grab more menus.
“hey, y/n, that guy was a dickwad.” kelce pointed out, as he did many times beforehand.
“yeah, he’s a clown.” topper agreed.
“you guys missed the bonfire to come here and see me?” you sniffed, your lips wobbling as you had a difficult time keeping your cries in.
“yeah, we, uh… we care about you.” rafe whispered, threading his fingers through your hair. “we love you, y’know.”
“aww.” you pouted, tears slowly falling down your cheeks.
“aw what is that,” kelce mocked, resting his hands on his hips. “don’t start crying.”
“come on,” topper chuckled. “s’cool,”
“it’s very, very cool.” you let out a teary laugh as you played with the table napkin.
“come on, you crybaby,” rafe sighed, he pursed his lips for a moment when an idea popped into his head. “for i’ve had the time of my life,”
kelce and topper exchanged surprised looks as soon as rafe sung the song that you’ve been singing for the past few days. “what is he doing…?”
“-and i’ve never felt this way before.” he continued, scrunching his nose up as he cringed. “yes it’s true… na na na na na…”
rafe elbowed kelce in his stomach, which made him sing along even though he didn’t know the lyrics. “and it’s something, something, something… there’s beer in my house—“
“it’s the song that makes you really happy,” rafe hummed off-key.
“i’m not participating in this.” topper shook his head, but rafe slapped his chest which made him sing a completely different song. “just remember, you’re the one thing that i can’t get enough of,”
you laughed out loud as the three of them started singing three different songs. you weren’t even sure if they were songs at all.
people started staring as they all sang indistinctly. there were murmurs of complaints when the manager approached your table. “i’m gonna ask you to leave. all of you.”
topper helped you up from your chair and wrapped his arms around you as you all went out of the mingy restaurant, laughing at rafe’s whines about making him sing in front of all those people.
“you were right, y/n,” topper sniffed as the four of you watched jamie and landon on the screen. “this movie’s pretty good.”
you smiled, looking away from the television as you passed the tub of ice cream to kelce. “seriously, thank you guys so much for tonight.”
“listen, y/n, i know you’ve had a really rough go of it,” rafe looked at you as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. “and i just want you to know that, i mean, for me at least, that no matter what… i would still totally do you.”
“aw, that’s so sweet.” you pouted mockingly, putting a hand to your chest, before pointing to the douche jar. “jar.”
“jar.”
“money in the jar, cameron.”
