#ktcircusdiaries

[cirktrick]

i didn’t really want to post about this…

but it’s been sitting in my chest all day and it’s not going away.

me and my best friend had a little spat earlier, and we talked it out…

but something still feels off.

like the dynamic shifted and nobody said it out loud.

—

i owed her money.

i thought it was around $128… apparently it was closer to $148.

she got me some stuff before the trip, and i thought we agreed on $20 for part of it…

but today she said it was $40.

and at that point i was just like… okay. whatever. i’ll fix it.

so i’ve been trying to make it right the whole trip.

buying food, beach stuff, groceries… picking things up whenever i could

because in my head, i was paying that back.

today i gave her $127 so she wouldn’t be upset with me.

and now i’m sitting here realizing i might not even have enough left for everything i need.

like i stretched myself thin trying to do the right thing.

—

and i thought it was settled.

but then her husband came home…

and i overheard him saying that i “use them for money”

all because i got sushi today.

and i didn’t even hear it directly—

i heard it while i was laying there, supposed to be asleep.

—

and now i just feel… weird.

like everything i did doesn’t matter.

like i’m being seen in a way that doesn’t match what i’ve been trying to do.

and we’re still here for three more days.

so yeah… i don’t really know what to do with that.

i’m not trying to start anything.

i’m not trying to make it bigger than it is.

but it’s sitting heavy.

and i don’t like feeling like this in a place that’s supposed to feel safe.

—

a mess… and this time i don’t know how to turn it into poetry.

[cirktrick]

today felt like something i want to keep forever… but getting there? yeah, that part was messy.

me and my best friend didn’t even make it to the beach right away.

we had to stop at goodwill so i could find a bathing suit… and that took way longer than we thought it would.

by the time we got back, her husband and the kids were hungry, so we went to a restaurant.

and i get it. i do. the kids needed to eat.

but me?

i just wanted the ocean.

i was cramping, hurting, exhausted from everything this week…

and also on my time of the month… so yeah, emotions were a little louder than usual.

and all i could think about was sitting in the water and just letting it take some of that weight off me.

but instead we were sitting there and i wasn’t even hungry yet.

and it all just kind of hit me at once.

so i didn’t get food.

i went and sat in the golf carts we rented instead.

because i was already crying in the store… and the last thing i needed was people watching me fall apart.

so i sat there trying to pull myself together…

and of course—because life is funny like that—

every random person kept coming up asking if i was moving my golf cart so they could park.

like… i’m literally trying to not cry right now 😭

but eventually… we made it to the beach.

and somehow, all of that melted away.

my kiddo got to see the ocean for the first time and he LOVED it.

like pure, loud, beautiful joy.

we stayed until the sun set—

something i’ve never done before.

and it felt… peaceful in a way i didn’t know i needed.

i’m exhausted now. completely drained.

but in a “this meant something” kind of way.

tomorrow i think i’m gonna stay home,

order sushi, watch anime, and just exist quietly for a bit.

i haven’t had any alone time this whole trip.

i’m not complaining… but yeah, i need it.

today was chaotic, overwhelming, emotional, beautiful, healing… all at once.

a mess… but somehow still poetry 🌊

[cirktrick]

spring break, but make it a little chaotic, a little healing, and a lot of love 💭💗

i’m a momma to an 8-year-old (soon to be 9 in april… how did that even happen 🥹), and this past weekend felt like one of those moments you wish you could bottle up and keep forever.

since friday, i’ve been staying at my best friend’s house, just soaking in that kind of comfort you don’t have to explain. saturday, we took the kids to urban air and let me tell you… they lived their BEST lives. spinning bumper cars, zip line, ball pit chaos, all of it. pure joy.

meanwhile, me? 😭

i climbed into the ball pit for a photo like i was part of the attraction… and then got slightly stuck. humbling. iconic. unforgettable.

and the bumper cars? yeah… let’s just say my butt said “not today” 💀

but honestly? none of that mattered.

the kids were laughing, running, just being free. and that’s everything.

NOW… today’s adventure 😵‍💫

we made that EIGHT HOUR drive from kentucky to mississippi THIS MORNING starting at 7am… and when i say chaos, i mean full zoo mode in the backseat.

kids arguing, yelling, pushing… at one point there was a literal fist fight 😭

no music loud enough.

no snack strong enough.

just vibes… and survival.

BUT we made it.

and somewhere along the way, i made a little stop at the dispensary 🌿

got some edibles and a little herb… strictly for those quiet moments after the kids go to bed when the day has wrung you out like a dish rag.

because let’s be real… moms deserve a way to exhale too.

now we’re in mississippi 🌊

her husband’s working down here, so we turned it into a little getaway. i haven’t really traveled much since before my son was born, so this feels… big in a soft, important way.

we’re planning to hit the beach friday when he’s off, and i already know i’m about to spam photos like my life depends on it 📸

for now, you’ll just get a peek at the ball pit incident 😂

we’re staying until sunday morning, and honestly… i needed this more than i realized.

life’s been heavy. we’ll talk about that soon.

but right now, i’m choosing this:

laughter, friendship, messy moments, and tiny pockets of peace wherever i can find them.

more mississippi adventures coming soon