Dear Chloe, Love Chloe || Solo
Dear Chloe,
I’m
You are
We kind of
I know my life is
I know our life sometimes
In the future
Right now you’re most likely
I wonder what
You probably don’t know this but
So, in the future
.....
Hey there,
I’m writing this letter for the younger me. I know it’s impossible for you to read this, but I thought maybe it would help me get some of these thoughts out of my head. Recently, I’ve just been thinking about how innocent I used to be. I was so full of life and joy. I guess things looked pretty promising for me, didn’t they? Or they do, I guess. Since I’m writing this in present tense.
The thing is, life isn’t like a movie. Life isn’t all happy go lucky, and when it gets too bad or things look happy enough to suit you, it doesn’t just end right there. It keeps moving on, and you continue to find happiness, or sadness, or maybe a mixture of both, because it’s okay to have a balance. But it’s not okay to be stuck on sadness for too long. It really brings you down. I would know - or, we would know. Or, I know now. You probably don’t realize that yet. I don’t think I did.
I don’t know what’s happening to me lately. I seem to just panic out of nowhere. I think I may need to get some professional help, but I refuse to do that. Here's some advice: if you need help, get it. Because you do need to put yourself first sometimes, even though it's hard. And it's living hell to pretend you're fine when you know you're not.
Oh, and that's another thing. You're going to change. A lot. Right now, you don't like cursing and you don't let anyone's criticism get to you or mold you into someone you're not. That's all going to change. And so is your outlook on life. And it's going to suck. And you're going to try with everything you have to get back all of that, to become the girl you used to be again. But you know what? Maybe you can't. Maybe that's impossible. Life is full of twists and turns and changes and honestly, you're going to be okay. You are. You just have to learn to love yourself. And that's going to be harder than everything else. But once you do that, you'll be okay.
So stop thinking everything is your fault. Stop telling yourself that you break everything you touch, that you hurt every single person you get close to. Or that they'll hurt you. Because that's how the world works. Suck it up. And stop hiding from everyone just because you don't want them to know what a failure you are. Because guess what? You're not a failure. You're not. You just feel like you are. But you shouldn't. You've worked too hard and long to be a good actress, to be a good person. You can't just throw that away, even if it seems like the easiest option.
And I'm sorry for the tough love but you need it. At least it's love. That's better than nothing. Take what you can get. That's another thing. Take whatever you can get and be happy with it. Because you may be sad and you may hurt but there are people that have it worse than you and while you need to love yourself, you can't always put yourself first. Don't always think about what's going on in Chloe's life. Don't always talk about what Chloe's doing. Branch out and talk about other people. Talk to new people. Because you're going to learn that people will hurt you and it will be awful but in the long run, you're going to need friends. You're going to need someone you can come to and talk about your issues even at 3 am without making them mad. You're going to need people who will make you laugh and smile; really and truly smile, not just that fake smile you'll end up wearing for awhile.
I'm starting to learn that sometimes, what seems to matter isn't as important as it seems. And that can be a good thing. I'm realizing that things are going to happen to you, and how you react is just going to determine what else happens to you. I used to be so positive, nothing could bring me down. But it turns out years of negative comments chip away that tough exterior, and it's really hard to get back up. Still, though, I'm trying. And you better be trying to.
The thing is, I started writing this thinking about all of the advice I would give to thirteen year old me if I bumped into her on the street. But now that I'm thinking about it, I honestly doubt I would tell her anything else. Because she'd figure it out. She's brave. She's strong. And so am I. I may have changed, but I'm the same person underneath it all, when you get to the parts that actually mean something.
I'm going to be okay, you know. You're going to be okay. And in the end, that's all that matters. So just... don't give up. Don't give up on your friends and don't give up on your family. Don't give up on life and most importantly, don't give up on yourself. Because it may turn out to be worth it.
Love, Yourself.
Please love yourself.








