Naeema

Writing and poetry is all I do

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

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I made it up in my mind

excited, I found myself alive

reliving a life that was not mine

and I counted the seconds of time

eagerly trying to find a sign

but my heart stood aside

stewing in my disappointed bliss

I shouldn't have made this bed

in those fabricated memories I lived.

Now it has come to an end

something that I can't seem to comprehend

the hurt of your changed mind,

it doesn't want to rest.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

If I lost my way

Then I'm okay

For my mind is a maze

And I don't really mind

Losing my way.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

accept the plea, there was nothing left to give open hands are all that can be seen only in the gaping hole it forgives in the place where the heart use to go now emptiness feels like an old thing from liveliness to emotionless, unable to hold it in, lost in forever's relief just to be inevitable unseen afraid that they will call your name. unable to recall but darkness remains perhaps that was all that was left in the end, unable to escape in serenity’s scene, in a prison that has already been made.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

The Lies I Protected

they speak my name as though they know me, deep within i reside, death aside i find the broken signs in the echoes of my lies slowly reforming me into something else, she smiles like everyone does the eyes shines just as bright and the voice sounds like wind chimes i desperately watch through, inside where the knocking doesn’t seem to win.

they speak my name as though they know me, like in those opens fields that i hide in the tall, winding grass seems to be a wall with no way through but the aching wind i can almost smell that sweet scent of life but here i stand staring in, trying to fit in, hopelessly lost in this tunnelling mind of greed only ever turning black as the dust dance with the wind there nothing left to fight within.

they speak my name, as though they always knew me but i sit here in my mind, pretending.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Cold Logic

i am not going to pretend that i know distant to the core, i fell into this moment of alone lost in the injustice of being fair, let go there where you hold, there is no hope my heart doesn't beat like the old only on a pedestal, would i ever find the unknown but let's pretend that i somehow just know the master of this castle, a king or a queen that's how it's supposed to go, i just know, being alone is just as cold and unreliable and perhaps that is how we are all supposed to be. incredibly incomplete.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

How are you doing

mostly tired. my vacation is over now it's back to work... yipee!

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

How was your day ☺️

My day is okay even though it just started... How about you?

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

I spilled your name on the floor crushed and unknown, my knees hit the floor I spilled the letters one by one hoping that it would spell love but there was nothing but a big mess Unreasonable and suffocating a situation of my own making asking the hard questions and hoping In the never-ending notion but an answer out of you was like an erupting volcano destroying everything that should be me leaving nothing but the seams and the last dying emotions, Could have stopped it only to silence this dying heart and decided to take that chance Only to break in half. I spilled my name on the floor Hoping that it was an end to this fall Then you stepped in and messed it up Now we are starting this mess once more.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

An unspoken plea

Forget me.

It’s the only way to be free.

I’ve gripped you long enough;

the agony must have made itself a home

Buried deep within your heart,

you have the scars to prove it.

It’s been too long.

You look like a statue, dressed in green,

with birds dressing you down.

with a breeze you seem to freeze

I’ve kept you up long enough.

Bury me in the soil below,

where I only found warmth,

my eyes looking up, longing towards the sky

the only place I found love.

Peace has never been my friend, always out of bounds.

It must be hard to breathe,

having to take care of me.

Lonely and bitter, twisted in your heart,

yet still you held on.

And I forgot how to let you go.

Please, forget me.

Find your way back to that path.

Let it lead you back towards love.

Let go of this baggage gripping onto you.

Be the person you were always meant to be,

and only remember me

when you are completely happy.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Unwelcome

I don't like this face

I bury that tinted skin

Pretend that I'm okay

I don't like the after taste

Slowly dawning upon my trembling faith

They whispered lies

I believe them in my haste

Forgetting that I am at stake

But bury that face, it's a sinner's fate

I'll have a brand new one before the day break

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Left Unspoken

Lost in the words unspoken

I watched as you walked away

Not even noticing the destruction trailing

Something broke deep inside of me

At first,I thought it was my heart

But really it was the last of my faith

It flew away like ashes in the wind

Yet still I prayed for a change

The disappointment chose to stay

Forgetting the road I painfully paved

I fought, screamed and begged, still

I only ever watched you walk away

And unspoken words will only ever remain

[resqectable]

“I need to stop imagining situations in my head that aren’t going to happen.”

— Unknown

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

I think I lost myself in words. Be it a poem, a never ending novel or a short story of yesterday. I immersed myself so fully that in the end , I forget how to live past the ending.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

autopsy

leave my heart aside

it doesn't fit in your hand

breaking it to pieces,

do that so that it can fit

but it hurts every time you smile

those teeth sinked too deep inside

drained my life force right out of my mind,

you threw away the pieces of my heart

it never meant a thing to you

spilling its blood is all you can do

and I watched you, like I always do

thinking that's what love is to you.

perhaps being patient was a weakness

and my heart grew ever smaller

sometimes I pretended that it's closure

perhaps that's what I do to grieve,

what did I ever mean to you?

the answer doesn't make this better

but I still sit there with a smile

wondering when it's my time.

forget it, I hear, but my heart

there is nothing of it left

so all I can do is wait for it to die.

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

When he left

His words cut deep.

They told me I was the problem.

But in the end, I wasn’t prepared

for my heart’s demolition.

Leaving the mess everywhere, they stared

blamed me, stripped me, revealed the broken. But

it wasn’t even about me in the end.

That innocence didn’t save me.

It was his the moment he saw it,

devoured it, broke it, made it his own.

I hate these desires.

Break me free. Stop the roots from spreading.

His disease is consuming.

All of me, it’s assuming.

Fall back, I need some helping.

He took what he needed and left me bleeding.

The eyes of the predator.

It wasn’t even his.

That devil was left laughing.

A trap that only naive eyes fall in.

It was me, bruised and broken, but

still I wanted to go back, break my back,

leave my soul bare, let my heart gape

at what’s not there.

I don’t want to go back there!

Leave that innocence there and,

fix what needs to bare and just be?

It’s too much to even speak.

There isn’t any me left to just be.

Can I ever be free?

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

Was It Me?

Do you ever wonder about me?

in your happy ever dreams

behind those lost in the seems

Does my laughter hurt you while you sleep?

faking that I never meant a thing

while your smile brightens as I bleed

Did you ever care about me?

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

pretend...

then let's just be friends

my back has no space for knivies

but yours are completely bare.