#levy debarbo

[leeeovitate]

Today:

✔️my med friends decided to meet

✔️my college friends, currently nurses decided to meet

✔️our attending scheduled our OB-GYN shifting exam today at 4pm

✔️Me: stuck at home not even studying just lost in the online web of things that may or may not matter

OH WELL IT ALWAYS HAPPENS THIS WAY 😭

Update: June 16,2020 6:06pm

[leeeovitate]

The insides of my soul

[leeeovitate]

I have just found out the art of replying to the replies on blog posts 😂😂😂. I have been active these days more than ever. Yay! I hope tumblr never flops. 🙏🏻 I find so much inspiration here. At first I made this my dump of quotes I screenshot from my favorite movies, kdama or tv series. Then it became like a virtual diary nobody ever reads. It’s sort or like the things I want to tell my future self. Now it is an archive of my innermost thoughts and the things I love. Yay. It’s like a substitute to friends, sorta 😂

[leeeovitate]

Inside Levy’s Notebook

Lev’s Notes: Neck Muscles Lateral View

2 days ago, I went to the mall with my parents to buy a dress for the grad pic. I have literally no presentable dress at home. Lol It rarely happens these days, me going out I mean. I went to my favorite go to place, National Bookstore while my mom paid the bills and stuff. I had to wait at the door because they only let 15 people in at a time. I felt like I needed to buy something because well I couldn’t just go there to do sightseeing 🥺. I have not been there in more than 3 months and it is such a selfish thing to go inside with just the pleasure of doing so. I went to the pen section but it is too much of a hassle to ask the saleslady, nobody was there so I would have to call and everything was covered in plastic. There is so much to do and I still have an ample supple of pens anyway. I looked at the books, none of them were on sale. Then I saw this sketch pad. Another hobby I picked up in high school was drawing. Sometimes I fill them, with colors using pastels or pencils or paint but mostly, I don’t. I was bad at it lol but I loved doing it. I have not done it throughout medical school so it is something I miss. In grade school while we were practicing for graduation ceremony, my friend Ryan asked if I wanted to be an architect and I was like what? Then I saw he was on a page where I drew our living room, it was mostly just the coffetable. The succeeding pages of my sketchpad were places I wanted to go or scenes from my fvorite tv series at the time, mostly Vampire Diaries. Lol but but nope, I did not want to be an architect. So I got myself this sketch pad that day and decided that my first entry would be something related to neuro. I love neurosurgery. I wanted something simple to draw so I chose muscles.

IG story: I felt like I need to study because my brain’s experiencing drought since March 16, our last day at the hospital if I remember correctly. So I did without actually studying. Neuro would always be special and this is like the easiest to do LOL 🙄 Truth is I got bored

[leeeovitate]

Hate When I Remember

Oh

I don’t wanna miss you

But we both know I would

I don’t wanna say goodbye

But everybody knows we should

Now everything’s black and white

Still don’t wanna leave your side

Thought after all this time

I could tell when they spread a lie

Oh oh

Didn’t wanna believe what I know

Oh oh

Too consumed with thoughts of you oh

Empty coffee cup and Im reminded of you

There’s a guy standing 6 foot 2, I see you

Like when it’s 7pm we’re walking til the am

Can you tell my heart has been racing too

Love how you cave in whenever I apologize

My name, your lips, you look me in the eye

Hate when I remember but I don’t wanna forget

Oh

Maybe you didn’t mean to

Cover me up and take the blow

How am I still falling

When you’re never around never close

You’re gone but these walls remind

The only thing on my mind

Thought after all this time

I’d know how not to fall in love

Oh oh

Didn’t wanna believe what I know

Oh oh

Too consumed with thoughts of you oh

Empty coffee cup and Im reminded of you

There’s a guy standing 6 foot 2, I see you

Like when it’s 7pm we’re walking til the am

Can you tell my heart has been racing too

Love how you cave in whenever I apologize

My name, your lips, you look me in the eye

Hate when I remember but I don’t wanna forget

No I don’t wanna forget

Felt safe whenever you’re around

But you’re the one thing I cant talk about

Group photo, no words just eyes

And my best friend points you out

Didn’t know my type til I met you

Short lived memories playing on repeat

These days, Tuesdays don’t feel the same

Cause Empty coffee cup and Im reminded of you

There’s a guy standing 6 foot 2, I see you

Midnight phone calls, 4 am elevator rides

Oh I can’t tell you but Im happy too

Love how echo my words every time I talk

You name, my lips, forever on my mind

Hate when I remember

I Hate when I remember

Hate when I remember but I don’t wanna forget

Oh

This is simply about loving someone, who you should not, in secret and enjoying it.

[leeeovitate]

My apologies

I am sorry. I have done too many wrongs the past few days that I'm not sure which ones I feel truly sorry for. The tension has been bottle up way too long. The aftermath of the silent, unexpected explosion had been a little bit too much to handle. I wish I had done things differently. For the people I have snapped at, please watch your words because I would never do such a thing if I weren't triggered. In a world like the one we live in, the mantra to survive would simply be to watch out for yourself. I had been raised to always look out for people but it isn't worth it all the time. I have wondered why I had been meeting a bunch of difficult-to-understand-human-beings my entire life. I am so freaking tired. Why can't they be respectful as fuck? Why do they give people like me a reason to hate them? Why do you make people change when they need something? Why do everyone always think they are right? Why is everyone suddenly so aggressive and straightforward? Why do we always think of ourselves all the goddamn time? 🌙I am too sleepy to continue. Lol

[leeeovitate]

That feeling of finishing another paperback.

I’m typing this off while I’m at work and basically multitasking. It’s been awhile since I've blogged about anything in particular. Here I am again in that roller coaster kind of feeling because I just closed another paperback and it had once again imprinted in my soul and I feel that there’s too much marks in me already. Summer *sigh*.

[leeeovitate]

Delirious Levy

I might have momentarily forgotten that I’m 18 and I may or may have not left my dignity at the theaters. I was an emotional wreck. They are perfection. I just felt like I was falling in love with them once again. I once wrote a song about them pulling me out of my misery. Bands do really save fans. I broke into tears when they started singing “Don’t forget where you belong”. That’s really the song that dodges bullet into my heart. Young teenage guys with humble beginnings fueled by their dreams. I wish I was as strong and brave as they are to chase my dreams. I remember the X-factor days and the video diaries. From being one of the unwanted bunch of lads to sold out arena and stadium tours. They have come so far. They owned my heart. Other people, my parents included, could never understand that. They indeed write the stories of our lives. They faces while singing “Right Now” was priceless. What the Italian fans did was priceless.

 There are those persons I know who could describe their existence in two words: One Direction. They made us who we are now. They became a huge part of our lives that we could no longer remember how we were before they happened. My best friend is a much bigger directioner but I don’t think we could never really rank ourselves. They have touched our lives in one way or another and they will be forever embedded in our souls. It isn’t an exaggeration. Others would say they are just a mere obsession, a spur of the moment and eventually they will pass and we’ll get over it. The truth is that’s what I’m actually afraid of. Losing them would mean losing our identities. What if they get tired of making us smile and decide to settle down? I love them so much it hurts. I feel like I could never let them go. They might stop singing in the future but time could never erase the memories, the excitement and feeling of belonging once in a fandom.

 Think of the time when a girl felt totally alone because her best friend is no longer her best friend and she has nobody to share her life stories with anymore but then she accidentally stumbled upon “Save You Tonight”. Even for a moment she could feel a little better, gradually pick herself up and lose herself in their music. Imagine someone flipping channels back in 2011 and saw the “What Makes You Beautiful” music video and immediately liked it. She does not have to feel insecure of her imperfections anymore. Maybe somebody scrolling through youtube videos which led to the video diaries and unexpectedly fell in love with the guy who can’t dance or the guy who loves eating carrots. Two best friends who seemed to grow apart because of college and eventually gets together one time talking about the dumb fanfics moments over lunch. Laughing so hard suddenly forgetting about making frustratingly big life decisions and not realizing the boys slowly bringing them back together. Two best friends planning to visit London and Ireland after graduation. Finally giving them something good to look forward to after living the unwanted life. Those are little things often overlooked. To these people, they are more than a band. They are family. They are heroes. They are life changers.

People would always judge and criticize. There are times when you’ve been afraid to admit how big of a Directioner you are. They would tell you you’re wasting your life away but they weren’t there when you can’t sleep at night, were they? And all you could do is curl up and listen to some sad music. They weren’t there to make you laugh at the worst of times. Louis was there to talk about Kevin and carrots, Niall could teach you how to play one thing on the guitar, listen to Zayn’s angelic voice, laugh at Harry’s silly jokes and Liam’s fear of spoons. They make you happy even when they’re a thousand miles away when the people around you could only tell you how you mess your life up once again. My cousin told me once “You never listen to Jonny Cash and people like that but you listen to pop culture like One Direction”. I don’t really see what’s so wrong about them. If you don’t like them, fine. Your life is your own business.

 Words could never say enough of how proud I am for them. Maybe I’m just destined to love them from afar. It’s heartbreaking but that’s life. I’d be lying if I’d say I never imagined ever talking to them. Imagining the things I would say, the photos I would take but it’s been 4 long years of imagining. There are times when it felt pointless, like all these efforts were getting nowhere but their music was there for me when nobody ever was. Even if mine is the name they’ll never know, theirs would forever be in my heart. I’m not losing my faith. Maybe one day we’ll get to make a record together. J Let’s just be happy and take what we can get. Now, with tears in my eyes and a big smile I could proudly say I’m a big One Direction fan, a Directioner.

The entire film was a blast. The boys probably have no idea what they do to us. They really could make or break us. One moment we’re partying so hard and the next thing I know I am in tears but I’m ready to live for the moment because everything is uncertain. J After all, we should enjoy the rollercoaster that is life. J It’s sad that my little sister will never get a chance to see them. Not living in the Capital of the country sucks. And being poor as well. She of all people deserves to be in that concert with VIP tickets and a meet and greet. I wish I was capable of doing something to change that. They are more than a band we admire from a distance they made our sisterhood stronger. We never seem to run out of things to talk about from our fantasies of meeting them someday to marrying them and all that. This could eventually be something we could laugh about in the future but I think the most stupid things ever done are the greatest stories ever told. Certain bands may come and go but only a few can leave a mark. Thank you Katy and Simon putting and keeping them together.

-Levy