Even after all this time, you must wake
drag your feet across the cold floor,
count the dust motes swirling in the pale morning light,
pretend the ache in your bones is only sleep,
only the weight of another day waiting
Your mother always said the world owes you nothing,
see it in the cracks on the pavement,
in the eyes of the man who asks for spare change
outside the pharmacy where you buy cough syrup
and something close to mercy.
Even when the soup grows cold on your tongue,
when your reflection warps in the fogged-up mirror,
around a letter you will never send.
Love it when your lover forgets to call,
when the silence between you stretches,
a tightrope you no longer dare to cross.
Love it when the power goes out mid-sentence,
when the words never make it past your lips.
Love it when the strawberries go soft in the fridge,
when the milk turns sour,
when the plants wither in their pots
even when everything you touch
this life that does not always love you back.
Forgive the winter for its hollow chill,
the summer for its suffocating arms,
the body for its betrayals,
the mind for its quiet undoings.
It has been a year since she left
or maybe you did, in some small way.
And still, the air smells like burnt sugar,
like the ghost of her voice humming in the kitchen,
like the past refusing to go gentle.
Even now, in the dark of your room,
you watch the ceiling fan spin
the shape of your thoughts at 3 a.m.,
the shape of a world still moving
Even now, your name sounds foreign in your own mouth,
a language you have not yet learned to love.
write it on fogged-up windows,
trace it on your wrist with ink-stained fingers.
Look up at the sky the way you did when you were small,
count the stars as if they mean something,
as if they are trying to tell you
Even now, you must believe
the hum of the city past midnight,
the warmth of a stranger's borrowed umbrella,
the first sip of coffee after a night of unrest.
Even after all this time,
take the hand of this life and hold it gently.
She, too, is doing all she can.
She, too, is waiting for someone
