From the beginning of 2022, I did not have any energy in me. I starting to view everything from a different perspective, like it was all meaningless. Why was I feeling that way when I have had my life in order until that time? What was supposed to happen now that I was in a slump? Logically, I came up with ideas of what I ought to do: work out, lose that weight, learn everyday, pick up the developer classes, visit family and friends. It seemed easy when I wrote down the ideas, but suddenly, I did not have it in me to do anything. I felt like I had no one to turn to, even when I had. I knew what I was going to be told when I approached someone. “It’s going to be fine, everyone goes through that sometimes.” I woke up every morning, hoping to feel motivated to dress nicely and leave the house, or make a call to a friend. Yet all that happened was me not wanting to wake up, and when I did, I could only sit, sometimes watching TV or sometimes just staring into space. Through that, I was learning about the things I need and don’t need. I also tried to understand human behaviour in different stages of life.
I wasn’t entirely wrong; everything is meaningless. By understanding this, I stopped being hard on myself. I taught myself not to take failure or succes too seriously since everything is actually temporary. One day you laugh, then cry. The inevitable is death, when you’re lucky, you get to die old. I think that is the best kind of death, when you have been given the chance to do much in this world before you leave.
I couldn’t understand some choices, why do some people seek so much of something, when nothing will ever be enough? When they will leave everything behind anyway?
Contentment. Yes. It is my goal to always be contented. I know my limitations, and reality is that I might not get everything that is great in this life. But by God, I should at least be satisfied with what I get. Not to mean that I lack ambition. No. It is good to have money and afford things. But I don’t need to buy myself a jet in order to validate my success. It is cool to have a jet though, for those that can afford, I just won’t see myself as a failure just because I’ll die without owning one. Infact. majority of people don’t even own jets. You get where am going with this?
