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Secret Love Songs

Okay so this was my submission to the Phanficexchange for theinsanityplays, hope you all like it!

Summary:The best sort of notes are turning up in Phil’s locker: song lyrics from a secret admirer. But who could be sending them?

Word count: 2252 Tw: none except extreme cheesiness!

~~~~~~

I dragged my feet across the floor of the hallway, taking as much time as I could to get to my locker in a vain attempt to stall having to go into math class. I hated maths. Who ever need to know the solution to differential equations anyway? When was that rubbish ever actually useful in real life ? Arriving at my locker, I unlocked it and opened it to take out my comically oversized maths textbook, when I see a small piece of yellow paper fall to the ground. Huffing at having to bend over whilst holding the massive textbook, I grab the paper and look at it curiously. It’s folded in four and Phil is written on it in black ink, the handwriting neat and cursive. I shuffle my books around in order to open the note. As i unfold it, more black cursive writing reveals itself.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don’t know what to do, ‘Cause I’ll never be with you. –Your Secret Admirer –

The first thing that came to mind was “Dafuq? Did I just get James Blunt quoted to me?”, but then came the blushing. I’d never had a secret admirer before. Who the hell would be interested in ME ?!? I looked around, as if the author of the note is watching me from around or corner or something. Unfortunately, I couldn’t that was visibly paying attention to me. As usual. The bell rang at that moment, forcing me to shove the note in my pocket and make my way towards Maths.

“So who do you think it could be?” My friend PJ asked 2 hours later in English, taking advantage of the fact that Mr. Smith, our teacher, was turned towards the board to correct the homework from yesterday. “I have no clue ! All I know is that they like James Blunt.” “JAMES BLUNT ?! Jesus on a boat ! You’re probably better off not knowing then !” He joked, but was silenced abruptly by Mr. Smith turning around and glaring at him. Mr. Smith don’t take no crap from nobody. The bell rang, and we raced to get back to our lockers, so we could stuff our things in there and go to lunch. As we approached my locker, I noticed our friends, Dan and Chris waiting for us. They had Art and always got out early, lucky ducks. I opened my locker and another yellow note fell to the floor. “Oooh, what’s that ?” Chris sang, bending down and snatching it up before I could react. “It would appear that our little Philly is growing up and attracting the ladies. Or lads. We don’t know. Either way, he has an admiiiiiiiiireeeeer !” PJ said, grinning wide. Chris laughed a little, opening up the note and reading it out:

“Baby, you light up my world like nobody else, The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell, That you don’t know you’re beautiful, If only you saw what I can see, You’d understand why I want you so desperately, Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe, That you don’t know you’re beautiful –Your Secret Admirer xx –

Awww, so sappy !” Chris exclaimed, poking my now surely fuschia cheeks. “First James Blunt, now One Direction? Wow, this person’s music taste is weird !” PJ snorted. “Come on, OneD isn’t that bad !” Dan objected. “If you say so Danny boy. Chris teased. But the important thing is, who is this dude?” “I hope it IS a guy, otherwise there’s going to be some awkward conversations once I find out who it is.” I said. “Well everyone round here knows that you’re 100% flaming homosexual, so it’s probably a dude” PJ reasons. “Yeah, I suppose” I replied, feeling slightly relieved, but nonetheless curious. “But who could it be ?” “Well who do you want it to be ?” Dan pressed. “I don’t know ! It’s hard to imagine anyone feeling that way about me ! I bet it’s just a prank anyway. Come on, let’s go eat” I stated, pushing past the boys towards the lunch hall. I could swear I saw Pj and Dan share a look as I walked.

———– All week, at every break when I went to my locker to get my books, a new note would appear. This guy never seemed to run out of musical culture. The songs ranged from hard rock to musicals, pop to folk. I found myself liking him more and more each day, despite not knowing anything about him. How messed up is that ? But with every new note I’d read, I’d feel this pull towards Him, like those little scraps of paper contained part of His soul, which He revealed to me little by little. “Phil ? You listening mate ?” Dan’s voice knocked me out of my reverie, reminding me that we were in French lesson. “Sorry, I kind of zoned out for a bit” I apologized. “Thinking about mystery boy again?” He teased. “I just want to know who they are ! why don’t they just tell me ? Do I really look like I’d judge someone straight away without getting to know them ?” I whined. I was known around school as not being mean to anyone, so surely “mystery boy” as Dan called him couldn’t be scared of me ! “Maybe they’re just really shy ! I know that I could never just walk up to my crush and go ‘hey, I like you, wanna go out?’, I’d just fumble with my words and end up screwing the whole thing up.” “You have a crush? Who is it?” I asked, “No one, just leave it ! “ He blushed, turning his head away from me to avoid meeting my eyes. “Come on, tell me ! You can trust me !” I nagged, poking his sides. “No !” He said a bit too loudly, and our teacher turned to look at us with a death stare. “Daniel ! Philip ! Ecoutez, s’il vous plaît! Sinon je vais vous virer de cours!” (translation: Daniel ! Philip ! Listen please, or else I’ll throw you out of my lesson!) “Oui, madame Héchard” We chorused and turned back towards the board, but not before I whispered in Dan’s ear “I will find out who it is”. He shivered a bit which made me giggle. We mostly kept to ourselves for the rest of the lesson, passing notes to each other every now and again. I always get along with Dan more than with PJ and Chris. Not that they aren’t two of my best friends, I just connect with Dan more. We don’t need to talk when in each other’s company, we can just be. We stayed that way, silent but entertaining each other until the bell rang and we made our way towards the canteen.

Barely an hour passed before the next note. It was frustrating, this boy was waiting until my back was turned to slide the notes through the gaps of my locker. I was only gone for the 45 minutes it took me to hang out with the guys and eat lunch. Well whoever it is is obviously very keen, I think, as I read the lyrics written in the cursive script I had come to admire:

In your eyes I see you’re lonely, Look at me, I want you only We belong together this I know Just have to find the words to tell you so. I have my lines, story set, You look at me and I forget Thoughts are running through my head, Jumbled up and left unsaid – Your Secret Admirer xx –

PS: Want to know who I am ? RDV by your locker, after everyone else has left for the day.

The end of the day ? It was already 2 o’clock ! Does that mean I’d finally know who they were in just a few hours ? I started feeling anxious, my eyes blurred and I had to lean against the locker next to mine in order to retain some sort of verticality. A million thoughts all passe through my head at once. What if it was all a joke in the first place, and there would be a mob of angry homophobic teenagers waiting around a corner to jump me ? Nobody in school has ever been outwardly insulting to me because of my sexuality, but you never know. Or what if it’s real, but the author of the notes is just not attractive to me ? I’m such an awkward person, there’s no way I could turn someone down without it being truly awful. Since my only lesson was Maths, with Ms. Packman who couldn’t control a class if her life depended on it and therefore didn’t bother trying, I figured I could hide out in the bathroom until the end of day bell rang. I made my way towards the boy’s bathroom, but was stopped short by a hand on my shoulder: it was the headmistress, Mrs. Roxbury. “Skipping lessons, are we Phillip ? I don’t think so. Off to class, NOW.” Ah, crap.

——-

The bell finally rang 4 o’clock, and I couldn’t get to my locker quick enough. Of course, I knew He wouldn’t be there until everyone had left, since He was too shy to talk to my face I’m assuming He wouldn’t like to make a public spectacle of himself, but still I hurried to my locker. I stood there, watching people trickle out of the doors, eventually leaving me alone with my thoughts. Just as I was starting to think the whole thing was a joke, or that He had changed His mind about the whole thing, movement down the hall caught my eye. A paper airplane fell to the ground. A yellow airplane. I walk over to it, looking around for the propulsor, but they were nowhere to be seen. I picked it up and unfolded it, noticing some writing on the inside. It simply said “Turn around.” and so I did. To my surprise, someone was standing there… “Peej?!” I exclaimed. It couldn’t be him could it ? I had never even thought of him in that way before. He smiled at me, shaking his head then he winked. He moved his arms from behind his back, to reveal his beloved ukulele. He started strumming and… singing ? What the hell ?!?

Today, I’m laughing the clouds away, I hear what the flowers say, And drink every drop of rain,

He took a few steps back, and tilted his head at me, telling me wordlessly to follow him, before turning on his heel and walking off, leaving me there speechless. It took me a few seconds, but I was soon jogging to catch up with him.

And I see, Places that I have been, In ways that I’ve never seen, My side of the grass is green, Ooh I can’t believe that it’s so simple, It feels so natural to me

If this is love, Then love is easy, It’s the easiest thing to do

Chris appeared out of nowhere behind me, scaring the chiz out of me, harmonizing perfectly. I didn’t even know he could sing ! I decided that this whole thing was so unbelievable that I should just go with it.

If this is love Then love completes me, Cause it feels like I’ve been missing you, A simple equation, With no complications, To leave you confused, If this is love, love, love, Hmm it’s the easiest thing to do Do, do-do-do, do, do, Do-do-do, do do, Do-do-do, to you

We were nearing the corner in the corridor, when Chris placed his hands over my eyes. He guided me round the corner and took his hands away. And in front of me stood … Dan ?! He just smirked his signature smirk, which I always thought was extremely cute, and pulled out a yellow writing pad from behind him, and flipped the cover over. The page just had one word on it: “Hi.” I just stood there, dumbfounded. Dan liked me as more of a friend, and never told me ? How had this passed me by ?! We just stood there staring at each other, an entire silent conversation happening between our eyes, not even noticing when Peej and Chris finished singing. We were only knocked out of our stupor when they coughed and mumbled “Right, we’ll, um… leave you to it” and walked off the way we came. After they left, Dan seemed to be able to finally make his mouth work. Although, once he started he couldn’t stop. “Yeah, I was the one writing you the notes but it wasn’t a joke or anything like you thought it would be I just didn’t know how to go about telling you because I’m way too shy to just come out and say it …” I couldn’t help but chuckle at his rambling. I slowly walked over until I was standing right in front of him. He didn’t even notice because he was too busy ‘explaining’. “…and I wanted to do something sweet but not too cheesy even though I suppose this was really cheesy I just really like you and-” “DAN!” I shout, which finally get him to be quiet. He looks at me, obviously nervous. I roll my eyes at him and pull him towards me, bringing his lips to mine. After what seemed an eternity of hesitation, he returned my kiss, and I knew things would be good.

-Fin-

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