#liquid methadone

[n0fat0nlyb0nez]

74 Days At Outpatient

I’m doing this one second at a time but I’m going it this week especially I’ve been just stuck on wanting to feel that feeling only h can bring me…. I don’t want to ruin my clean time so I’m using all my willpower to keep strong but this shit isn’t easy if I knew what I know now no way in fucking hell would I have picked this up I’m begging anyone that hang touch this drug to never and I mean NEVER pick it up it looks so innocent but it’s the devil disguised as heaven… Please listen to someone whose trying to get away from the grips of this drug it’s tugging me every second of the day to give into it and damnit if you don’t have strength to get out of this drugs grip the only place you will go is six feet under this world!! One second at a time…

[n0fat0nlyb0nez]

Outpatient day 9!!

So today I had my alarm set for 650 am dismissed it and decided to sleep in apparently till 1030 :) got dressed quick headed to the bank and off to the clinic I went. I got there at 11 and there was no line what so ever it scared me actually I thought did I get here late?? are they closing? but nope I guess nobody comes at 11. As weird as this sounds I miss the people haha just not the lines… so I was worried that I should have met my counselor by now well as I checked in my counselor wanted to met with me to set up sessions!!! My first session is Wed at 8 am we need 2 hrs of therapy a month which is nice because therapy is needed in order to stay sober. My counselor was the one that did my intake the first day. I remember that first day I was dying cuz I was withdrawing so bad coughing, sweating, moving around, shaking, eyes watering, just a complete mess today I was a lot better then the first day looking back my withdrawals have improved so much I’m proud how far I’ve come!!! I still have a way to go but I’m doing it one day at a time….

[n0fat0nlyb0nez]

3 Weeks Clean!!! 21 Days Clean And Sober

So today I had an appointment with my therapist at 8 so I went early to get my medication before my session. Today was my last day at 55 mg and tomorrow I go up at 60mg and see if I'm getting better I did have a UA today as well. So there wasn't really anyone there so I did my UA then dosed then I waited a little bit for my counselor. We talked about so much honestly it is really helping to get my emotions out with no judgment and another side to how others may feel about my use and how it effects them. Just talking through things and then my counselor asking me questions a lot of which I don't know because my brain hasn't thought about it so when I leave I try to think about the questions she asked and find the answer within myself. Ive used for two years and it consumed my every being so I've hide a lot of emotions and feelings so being numb for that long it is very hard to sort through what I'm feeling. What feelings are normal and what is abnormal thinking....but the one on one therapy is really opening up my mind to digging into some of the whys!! It's been a roller coaster for emotions today it's been up and down up and down and I'm sooooo emotionally drained holy shit!!! My mom and I are butting heads we just are having difficulty understanding each others emotions and it's making communication so difficult so we both broke down crying, talking, crying, yelling, laughing together but we got through it. I'm 3 weeks CLEAN AND SOBER!!! One second at a time.....

[n0fat0nlyb0nez]

Day 5 of Outpatient

Today I have been sober for 5 days that's the longest I've been in many years I'm very proud!!!! Its been rough but I can say I'm glad I took this leap. So today the clinic was only open for the new patients because we are not allowed to have two take home doses and since Monday is a holiday that will be our take home dose. So we need to have a box that locks. I bought this cute blue sparkly lock box with a butterfly; it completely screams my name haha. So I woke up at 545 to get there as soon as it opens 6 am to avoid a long line... only 8 people before me. But a nurse had to do an assessment called a cow which calculates withdrawal symptoms so that took about 25 minutes then I finally got to dose. The doc will review it when he's in and adjust my meds based on my cow assessment. I know I need a dose increase but they increase the medication gradually. On Tue I will bring my empty medication bottle in my lock box and Tue ik I will have a UA just cuz they prolly see a young lad and it's a holiday so they probably want to see if I relapse and I can proudly say not today fuckers!!! One day at a time....

[n0fat0nlyb0nez]

Day 3 at Outpatient

So I get up to the window give them my number paid for my medication for the next 4 days so I don’t have to worry about it and get a number. I still haven’t taken a UA I know in my head they will test me after the weekend…. Ughhh it’s tempting cuz I have off of work. Anyway I sit until they get closer to my number the line starts moving and I compare my ticket number to find my place in line…. Just fidgeting incessantly, yawning, sweating and having hot flashes mixed with cold so finally a window opens and the light turns green for window 2 I took 40 mg yesterday and today I found out I’m taking 40 mg again today not going to lie I'm not happy because I was craving majority of the day. Completely being honest if I’m on this dose to much longer I’m gunna relapse. So tomorrow I’m going to talk to the nurse cuz this isn’t working and the withdrawals were horrible. Being strong is hard when this has been my life for so long. One hr at a time….

[pipesnpins]

ok that’s it i give up. normally i wouldn’t do this but i’m officially desperate cause all of my connects are assholes and they don’t check their messages so anybody know where i can get some heroin or preferably fentanyl or hell even coke in woonsocket or the surrounding area? my clinic is detoxing me and i’m trying to switch but i can’t and i was at almost 200mg and now i’m below 100 and going down 15 a day and i feel like shit. and yes i know coke will only make me feel worse but if i made good choices i wouldnt be in this predicament anyway. liquid methadone would work too. cheaper and at least my piss will be clean.

[disturbed85]