You’ve truly done it this time. You’ve hurt me far worse than I've ever hurt you. This year has been a rollercoaster for us, first you liked me, and I remember my world lighting up as I’d been living in a dull world before you came along. When I moved schools, I never thought I’d have this much coming my way. You opened up my world and you showed me what it was like to be loved and cherished, you called me beautiful and deflected any of my negative self comments. We dated.. For a week. I broke up with you, I broke you. I said I wasn't ready for a relationship, but really, I knew you were to good for me and I didn't want to hurt you, you didn’t deserve to be hurt, but I still hurt you. Although I didn’t mean to, I did. I dated your best friend, who taught me what it felt like to be bruised and yelled at. Who made me feel neglected and only used as a toy when they wanted me, they were in love with someone else while dating me. Toxic. I couldn't do anything right with them, they ignored me, told me it wasn't me, it was them. Told me they'd talk to me but just needed a little time, until a little time turned into a lot of time and the relationship I had with them faded away. While this was going on, you watched from the background, probably thinking how I deserve this and that I’m such a backstabber, but you didn't know the full story. The school year continued, I left the people I hung out with because they caused me to much pain, including you and the other person. I sat with a new group, who treated me like shit. They didn't give me a chance to talk or never made an effort to get to know me and find out that I could actually be a good friend to them. I stayed with them, because I had no where to go, I tried so hard to fit in, to talk to them, but it didn't work. They all have long hair and pretty nails and all the boys love them, but I have a pixie cut and chewed nails and the twinkle gone from my eyes after all the times I’ve been broken. I was with these people for a bit, the popular ones, although I was the least liked, but they never told me that because they took pity on me. I had liked you this whole time, and never really lost feelings for you. The feelings kept getting stronger as we started bonding again. You were just looking for a friendship, you'd moved on. But I was stubborn and tried to pursue you once again. You pushed me away, I poured my heart and soul out to you in my apologies for what I did at the beginning of the year, I knew it was bad, but you still pushed me farther and farther. I tried and tried, but my efforts didn't matter because you still hated me. I gave up, I was heartbroken. You ignored me, I ignored you. I was breaking inside as each day went on. Fast forward a bit, out of the blue you start talking to me again. You Skyped me and told me you were planning to ask out someone at the middle school dance, I spent two hours guessing who it was. We went back and forth. I told you I might ask out someone, so you tried to guess who it was as I tried to guess who yours was. Turns out it was me, I said “so you at least like me a little bit?” You said yes, and once again my world lit up, but not for long. You talked to me a little bit at school, but not a lot. Then the weekend came, we were on Skype together with my best friend, we were having a great time and you were being cute and you said you liked me and everything was great, until you added your friend to the call without saying anything. She turned out to be an asshole, so I said I was gonna go, and you texted me asking why I left, so I told you. You got a bit mad, and continued calling your friend. I know I shouldn't be a top priority, but I felt a bit hurt, because we were calling first. So finally you ended with her and called me, I apologized and I thought everything was great. I asked to Skype the next night, And you said okay. I had a terrible day the next day, I had been yelled at and cried in my room all alone, I was really looking forward to calling you. You called me, but it was on a group call with your friend, I was open to talking to her, so I was gonna say, but after I joined you ended and so did she. I sent you many texts and asked why you left and since I was having a bad day, got a bit salty, I felt a bit hurt that he didn't call me back. Then later that night, you replied, saying your phone died. But you opened my snapchats and was online on Skype, so I thought you were lying. You said “I’m allowed to have other friends then you” and I said I know, and tried to explain. I said “Call me and I’ll explain.” But you said “No, I’m on call with my girlfriend.” Although you meant it as a joke, It made me feel like he didn't take me seriously. I tried to explain on text, but I felt like you didn't listen. You then said “Sorry, I just don't wanna date ya.” Out of the blue, which really hurt. Just because I got upset, you stopped liking me, you left because I have feelings and I’m sensitive. You said “Its not you, its me.” And you said “I don't like you anymore.” You hurt me, you left because of a misunderstanding. Once again you ignored me, I ignored you. Then I foolishly tried to send you an apology message saying “Hi, You do not have to reply to this, but I would just like to clear up some things so we don't have any negative energy. First off, I'm sorry for the way I acted towards you for pretty much the whole year, and on Sunday I was having a bad day because I had been yelled at a lot by my family and someone else and I just felt like shit and was just super salty and probably took it out on you. I know that's not an excuse but I'd just like to say I'm sorry because the way I acted was not expectable at all and I realized it was stupid after it was to late, I was just caught up in the moment. Secondly, I assure you I do not have a problem with Brooke, I know she's your best friend and I'm glad you have someone you're close to. I do not hate her, I was just a bit hurt when I thought you said you'd call me the next night but didn't, and that was stupid because I shouldn't always be a top priority and I understand now. You called me instead of her the night before and I should've just been content with that. I was grateful that you forgave me for what I did before and probably ruined any ounce of respect you had for me now, but although this may not help anything, I'm trying to write to you to show you how much I actually do care and how shitty I feel about ruining things. I hope you'll at least consider accepting my apology.. you don't have to talk to me, but I'd just like to not have any bad blood between us. I know the past is inexcusable but I'm hoping this will at least make things a little better. Again, I'm sorry for what I've done and I hope things will get better.” Opened Thursday 10:23 PM, no reply. Today my friend tried to talk to you, but he told me that you said you didn’t care, once again, I’m crying in my room alone because of a boy who will never like me. I miss how we used to be, I miss the late night Skype calls and all the memories, before we broke each other, before we replaced our hearts with stones and became cold and distant. I’m afraid to love again, I’m so hung up on you that its pathetic. You’re never going to love me again, I wish you would, but theres nothing I can do, I’ve tried everything I can but you’ll never forgive me. I feel like I’m not good enough for you. I just wish you’d open up to me, or at least reply to me. Thats all I want, just one reply, just an answer, please. I can't get over you, I just can’t, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t. I’m sorry that I turned your world upside down.
