So, I guess this post is just to tell y’all what this blog is about. Except...I don’t know myself. I think that’s the beauty of starting something new, you never really know where its gonna go.
I am in no way an organised person (as you have probably figured by the URL), so this’ll just be a glimpse at what happens in my extremely muddled brain.
Whatever I post will be extremely, excessively random, possibly with bad puns and failed attempts at being funny sprinkled generously all over.
I love cooking, reading, music, art, meme-ing, debating, aesthetics, movies, and a bunch of many other scattered interests which might or might not be featured here.
However, I also have a few things I shall not waver from, namely inclusivity, kindness and tolerance. And of course....
One of my closest friends just broke my heart saying his gf doesn't want him hanging out with me and let me fucken tell you it sucks!! I hate the fact that she is isolating him from his friends, and there is not a single fucken thing I can do about it, this is fucking annoying...just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I want to sleep with him, fucking christ!! If you're that fucken insecure then maybe don't get a fucken boyfriend!! If you're offended by this I'm sorry but I don't care...it's not healthy if you view your partners friends as threats specially if they've known your partner for longer than you have...
So.. I personally don't like to complain a lot, but I just need to rant for a moment on something kinda personal to me, just it's something that's stabbing me over and over so i needa let it out. Also it gives light to the new short i'm going to be posting soon.
you dont have to read this, its a small rant and i just need to get it off my chest now before i really do snap
In all soon to be 21 years of my life… I never had 1 good birthday. I never had that all time amazing day your family remembers and tells you happy birthday or things are nice adn all about you. I never had that before i want to tell people i know but i just feel like it will make things awkward or no one will be very happy about me ranting about it and i don't want that pity me sign i hate it when i talk to others about this but i just can't keep holding it in anymore and need to spill it all out. Over my birthdays my mothers side of the family dont like me because i am the black sheep of the family, the pansexual genderfluid one, with the alt style and worse mouth
im not like them in the normal church going like them and rish farmer, so i never really get a happy birthday from my aunts, or uncles or cousins unless my mother reminds them, my godmother my aunt blocked my number and hast talked to me in years, my one birthday my cousin threw his graduation party on it and when i called family to talk to them he was asked in the background i could hear everyone refusing to talk to me. Then on my father's side the few families I did have mostly all died around the same time within a year or didn't talk to me because my father burned those bridges while the other parts of them didn't even know I existed. My 12th birthday was an attempt to be nice, but it ended up in my family being arrested, broken stairs and me crying in the bathroom because my own cousins bullied me and lied left and right.
Throughout the years it's been fighting over my custody between my parents, broken hearted promises of going horseback riding for a birthday, gifts that were promised but forgotten or being screamed at constantly left and right because I wasn't spending my whole birthday cleaning the house to do what everyone wanted. Most of the time that day everyone leaves for work, and i have to make dinner for everyone and then normally get complaints about it not being right or gross cause i made something i liked. Recently for my 20th last year my own father lied to me, saying to get something nice on going to a nice place, i was actually excited that maybe for once it would be different but he pulled up with his brand new girlfriend i never meet before and said we are going to a church, confused i asked why and he said he wanted me there cause he was getting married, the day before my birthday. I had to remind him what was the next day and he forgot that June 30th was his eldest daughter's birthday and his girlfriend didnt know. So i hit him and left to go inside of my house later for him to leave to the dollar store and come back with a card that had 5 bucks in it as a sorry and left to get married taking my brother with him.
Another time on my 18th i was dating a guy and that whole day he forgot about my birthday till i reminded him. Another time my step sister of several years forgot and ran to the dollar store giving me random crap she found then bailed leaving a mess, another time my family did try and got me a cake and something to eat tamales but my brother was pissed as my father for several years got him something on my birthday, he threw a fit as he didnt get anything leaving me to throw it at him storming off pissed.
I know this is sounding selfish but yesterday my own mother forgot it was coming up as she was making plans with my sister to do things on tuesday my birthday. I get she has a bad memory now and is ill all the time but she remembers everyone else but mine. Even close friends seem to forget, I don't know what to do anymore. I hate this day and the days building up to it and everyone wonders why i get pissed and snap at them.
I'm sorry for complaining but I needed to get it out. I dont have anyone else to talk to about this, my family already doesn't talk to me anymore, or they are all dead like all my grandparents when i was roughly 6 i didn't have anyone then most of my family going. They all live in Michigan and i was forced to Texas so i understand why they wouldn't talk anymore, but i have tried and tried to reach out, even to friends but they mostly seem to blow it over ignoring me and blowing it off of it. I just feel guilty writing this but i need to let it out somehow to literally someone or anyone, i don't want to be selfish or pull the pity me just, i cant keep holding it in for all of these years anymore.
I’m tired of seeing Zim/ZADR everywhere on my dash. I don’t have the energy to continue remaining in this fandom when seeing the characters just makes me feel resentment and hatred. I was happy when I initially joined, but other factors have just turned me away from even wanting to be here. I’ll be honest; I’m not happy and haven’t been for a while.
I do notice when people talk to me, then suddenly stop and it’s a shitty feeling. It also makes me scared to focus on other interests here outside of Zim/ZADR so I’d probably just end up moving to another Tumblr/Twitter or something maybe, I don’t know for sure just yet, but I feel like I need a fresh start. I don’t know if anybody would follow me or want to see my other stuff if it’s not Zim related but I would much rather focus on a fandom/s that make me happy and unfortunately some particular people in this fandom are absolute fucking muppets and it drives away my desire to want to be here knowing they lurk, hurt innocent people or harass them over fiction.
I have a lot of personal shit to deal with right now that has stunted me, even with banked commission work. My father had a biopsy recently to test for cancer - thankfully it wasn’t that. But by the sounds of it, it’s a serious lung disease. I’ve been battling depression/worry and sickness due to it to the point I’ve lost focus on everything else, and have been only focusing on what’s keeping me going. Also my ex-friend pretty much just blatantly stole the name of my OC. It’s a unique name that’s misspelled on purpose and has sentimental meaning to me so........ just lol to that I guess, I’m so damn tired of four years of this utter disrespect and cyber-stalking. So it’s been hard and it’s taken a toll on me I feel like a blank state of a person.
If I do feel better eventually or ever get back the spark I once had, I’ll come back and continue Zim stuff, or maybe share links or something, but for now I’m sorry to say it... I’m pretty much done here.
Idk , i neither write worth reading nor i was doin anything worth writing so lately i've been cryptic a way too long because of the same & didn't even feel like logging in Tumblr back in the days . But as i open it today em overwhelmed like it gave me a sense of happiness i've been missing for so many days . We love Tumblr & it's awesome people that's why we are hear come what may . Spendin almost a successful year on Tumblr & becoming a community of more than 150 people make me appreciate everyone a Lot . Though not everytime i , be , able to talk everyone in person & responding inboxes But I'd like to take a moment to thank to this blog's followers who don't say much & followers who buzz like bees . Thank you for sticking with me ❤
As we near Avengers: Endgame, I’ve been ranting to someone about how distraught I’m going to be (both in general and over certain characters). I’ve told him/her specifically that if Tony Stark dies I’m going to be grieving for a long time.
The response I got was, “Why?”
Now, I understand that not everyone understands the bonds I form with characters. As a writer, I tend to form them a little deeper because a lot of thought happens, a lot of fan-fiction is written, and eventually they become my family. They’re still characters, yes, but still family. These are still characters I have formed emotional bonds with over the amount of time I have been exposed to them, reading about them, writing fan-fiction, watching the movies over and over and over. . .
And upon explaining this to said person, the response I received was, “He’s still just a character.”
He’s still just a character.
I would like to say that just because any character, be it from a movie, book, podcast, musical, artwork, anything across the spectrum, just because they are a character does not mean that you cannot be emotionally moved by them. Because guess what? It fills any writer/producer/director/artist with joy to know that a character they created has affected you in the same way it affected them. That you understand why they created that character in the first place.
Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe this is something only I experience, but I think it’s worth mentioning. You don’t have to feel weird or like something’s wrong just because you’re invested in something. Just smile, say “Okay,” and move along realizing that it’s okay to be passionate about your favorite movies/books/music, and just because someone doesn’t understand and thinks that it’s weird doesn’t mean it is.
It just means that you’re different. And that’s okay.
Today, I finally got to replace with a new cable for my Wacom Tablet, was really happy to draw without worrying about the power of the battery again. But Sadly, what I learned was that, it wasn’t the cable problem but the USB port of my Wacom Tablet (everything else is good and all!) . The cause of the problem is that I draw on my lap a lot and always tends to take out the cable from time to time and it made the port losen a bit. I heard that the fixing probably has to pay around 100$ and I am not willing to do that at all. Luckily there is another solution which is to buy Universal Battery Charger and charge the battery of the tablet so that I can still use with the Wireless, don’t need the cable anymore. (i hvnt tried charging with it but hopefully it will work! )
Sigh, I have been using my tablet for 4yrs already anyway, i don’t feel like blaming at my clumsy ass anymore ;’D I dunno how long would it lasts but I don’t feel like buying a new tablet yet either. Maybe I will use it until it completely broke off.. I will see how it goes. For now I will just be patience since I only have one battery. ( they are out of stock , and i dunno if i will buy one more battery in the future) So pls don’t run out of the battery while I am drawing ;w; I know i tend to distract a lot and use the tablet like a mouse and love to stare at the screen a lot while holding my pen)
Yeah R.I.P my wacom tablet port, you will be missed (a lot)
