#loooooong

[hychlorions]

can we see mikeko :3

Do we look alike :3

[doomspaniels]

loooooong

[itspileofgoodthings]

the ground is frozen solid, it won’t stop snowing.

[moonie-loonie]

I can’t be stopped!! >:3

[putschki1969]

About Me

So, this comes out of nowhere and it might seem pretty random to most of you. I do have a small “About Me” section so what exactly is THIS post about?.

Well, after my last visit to the canta per me forum a few weeks/months ago I realised that there are a handful of people dedicated to spreading lies about me and generally talking trash. It has also come to my attention that there are certain fans who have pretended to be all nice and friendly (whenever they wanted or needed something from me >_>) but they did some shit behind my back. For some reason, they secretly harbor a certain deep-rooted dislike/hatred towards me which they act upon by trying to make other fans turn against me (yeah, it’s as soap-opera-ish as it sounds ¬_¬ )

Now don’t get me wrong, this post is not meant to be about the people who do shit like that (which is why I am not addressing any of them by name - I am sure they know who they are). I have better things to do than to engage in childish "discourse” like that. The problem lies with them, not with me. They have already made up their mind. There is nothing I could do or say that would ever change their opinion of me...And why would I even bother to waste my time with that...?

This little (not so little) write-up is meant for everyone else in the fandom who happens to come across any of the lies and hate-comments about me on cpm. And it’s for those who have interacted with the people who are trying to sabotage me behind my back.

You have read and heard all kinds of stuff about me (some of it likely true, most of it decidedly not). Now I would like to use this opportunity to provide my side of the story. It’s something that’s long-overdue but so far I have not had the time to gather my thoughts. But today I felt this need to sit down and just talk about myself. I wanna be completely honest and open with you, give you some insight, clarify a few misconceptions. It’s easy to judge someone on the internet but really, how can you have an informed opinion if you base all of your assumptions on fragments of an online persona? We all portray a certain image and that rarely aligns with who we really are. And to make it worse, you only see bits and pieces of that persona, often taken out of context. So yeah, there is no way of knowing what’s behind all of that.

Some of you have a very glorified image of me, you see me as this altruistic, good hearted provider of content who can’t do any wrong. Others have a rather fucked up image of me, you see me as some sort of crazy, mentally-ill, contrived, spoiled and entitled bitch. Both of these images are very much distorted and they are not in accordance with the real me. I definitely do have more bad than good qualities (I am not ashamed to admit that) but I am not as awful as some people would have you believe. I’d be very happy if you took the time to read through my post. I know, it’s a lot to digest and it’s not gonna be all flowers and rainbows, please bear with me.

Without further ado, let’s get to it.

Here are the facts 〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

MY BLOG AND I

Let’s be real here, my blog is my baby, it’s my LIFE. It’s not something I casually do on the side when I feel like it. I am taking my work VERY seriously which means I am dedicating ALL OF MYSELF to whatever I am doing. I take a lot of pride in my work. I might even take this blog more seriously than my actual real life job which says a lot because I am very earnest about that as well. I always want to be efficient and provide good content as quickly as possible. To achieve that, I am putting quite a lot of pressure on myself which I will admit is probably not the healthiest thing to do. But that’s just how I am, I have always been like that. It’s all or nothing for me. I am a perfectionist in that regard. But really, it’s not the pressure I put on myself that’s troubling. It’s the expectations that others have of me that usually feel like a much bigger burden. When you are in a position like me where you are providing a lot of stuff for others, people start taking you for granted, they forget to say please and thank you, they start having certain expectations. And they are not shy about voicing those expectations. I have quite a few insecurities because even though I am a perfectionist I am FAR from being perfect. I know it’s not humanly possible to do EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. I simply lack the resources. I can’t be alert 24/7 because I need to sleep and work, I can’t offer as many translations as I would like to because they take too much time, I can’t offer you my own video rips because I don’t have the necessary knowledge or equipment to do so, I used to not be able to offer HQ scans because I didn’t have a good scanner, etc...  I am aware of these things and most of the time I can live with it but somewhere in the back of my mind there is a tiny voice telling me to do better, to be faster, to provide more content. The intensity of that inner voice varies a lot according to my mood and the overall situation but for the most part I can keep it in check. However, occasionally there is someone who feels the need to remind me of my “less than perfect blog” and that gives fuel to the little devil on my shoulder. It’s usually just a random comment like ...”I wish you would do more translations”, “It’s been so long since your last translation”, “You used to post much more frequently last year”, “These days you only post links and pictures but no translations”, “When will this video finally become available?” , “I will post new scans because the scans you posted were low-quality”, “This has already been discussed elsewhere hours ago”, etc...To the casual onlooker these statements may appear harmless enough, just a thoughtless comment without any bad intention behind it...But people don’t realise that there are a lot of subtle implications. It’s moments like that when I am reminded of my limits, of all my shortcomings and that’s not enjoyable. I take these things to heart (probably more than I should) and it inevitably causes me to put more pressure on myself. Often it triggers some sort of knee-jerk reaction where I become either very defensive or downright depressed (once again depending on my mood). I know this might be me being overly sensitive and I am not particularly proud of some of the reactions I have had to a few of those comments but I really can’t help it when it comes to things that mean a lot to me. However, I wouldn’t say that any of that makes me a crazy nut-case. In fact, I would suggest the people who accuse me of being “mentally ill” to question their own state of mind.  

I AM NOT A TEAM PLAYER

While the human-being is typically considered to be a social creature I am most certainly not. Socialising takes a lot of effort for me. I guess you could say I suffer from some form of social anxiety (or whatever you wanna call it) and I definitely have a few “issues”. I generally don’t refuse to be social if someone invites me but I would never actively seek out social interaction. I typically don’t initiate conversations, I don’t approach others, I don’t feel the need to interact or be intimate with others. Once again, it’s just how I have always been. It’s why I hesitate to take part in fan meet ups, it’s one of the reasons I prefer to have my own blog instead of joining a forum, it’s why I have turned down a couple of fellow fans who seem to have had a romantic interest in me, it’s why it often takes me forever to reply to messages in my chat, it’s why I have trouble doing seemingly simple things like leaving a reply to one of Hikaru’s tweets, etc...All of this probably makes me come across as very distant and unapproachable. Yes, it’s true, I do like to keep my distance but please don’t confuse my distant attitude with being rude. I am definitely not a rude person (unless I have my reasons). Having lived my entire life like that I have always been a bit of an outsider, I have never really relied on others. You could say that this has made me very self-centred and reclusive. I don’t like asking for help and I definitely don’t enjoy working in a team. I like to do things on my own, at my own pace and in my own way. Sharing work is really not my forte. One might even go as far as to say that I am quite possessive of my work, does that make sense? I think this heavily affects the things I do in this fandom. Some of you might have noticed already (and I think it came across quite well in my previous point), I have this crazy urge to do literally EVERYTHING by myself. I wanna do it quick, I wanna provide good quality, I wanna do things according to my aesthetics, to my “vision” if you will. If for some reason I can’t do that and someone else does it instead, it feels like I have failed. It feels like something has been taken away from me. I am self-aware enough to know that I shouldn’t think this way and that it is not one of my best character traits but alas, that’s how it is. I have learned to live with it. After all, this is a small fandom, I think reposts are excessive and needless so usually I am content with sharing whatever that other person has posted (unless it’s so all over the place or weird that I cannot bear the thought of having it on my blog). And of course I am realistic. I know there are certain things I simply can’t do so there is absolutely no reason to be bummed about other people doing it. I am more than happy to share your content. For example, if you post scans of something I do not own and have no plans of scanning myself then it doesn’t bother me at all...However, if it’s something I also own and planned to scan then chances are high I will get quite frustrated. [And if out of some sort of childish pettiness you insist on re-posting your own scans of something I have already scanned, then I will just be annoyed].  As I said, it’s not my best trait, I am very much aware of that but I would say these reactions are very human and not at all unusual. My behaviour cannot just be written off as a result of me being “anti-social”. I guess it’s for the most part a side-effect of me putting so much effort into my blog. All the time, energy and money I invest into this fandom, it sometimes becomes a bit much. If I am not able to have those efforts bear fruit by making posts (because someone else beat me to it) then that is very disappointing and discouraging... I don’t know what else to say about this. I hope I was able to explain myself...I just wanted those things to be out there so you know what’s going on in my head.

BEING RESPECTFUL

I will keep this part short since I have talked a lot about this topic in the past. People have accused me of all sorts of things. Of policing the fandom, of censoring opinions, of acting like some high and mighty holier-than-thou do-gooder. You can call me whatever you want if that makes you happy but fact is, I am simply trying my best to be a decent human being and to create a non-toxic environment for the thing I love. I am not a pacifist by any means, I actually do consider myself to be quite aggressive and confrontational. I also don’t generally mind swearing or demeaning language. However, there is a time and place for that and I don’t think it’s when you are talking about something you claim to love and respect. While I certainly do not ignore negative aspects or pretend like they don’t exist, I see no point in needlessly lingering on stuff that I don’t enjoy. I would much rather focus on the things I like and appreciate.  This might not be the case for everyone but I personally have been raised to be respectful. Of course respect has to be earned and by that I mean that respect is reciprocal. You reap what you sow. When it comes to your idols/favourite stars, etc, it’s a bit different since the “relationship” is one-sided. It’s often difficult for fans to see their idols as real human beings with real human emotions. They just see them as something unreal, something that’s only there to please them, a living and breathing product that’s meant to be consumed. Somehow they think that gives them the right to act inappropriately, to be demanding/rude/disrespectful or to cross lines. No, it does NOT give you the right. Please STOP! They ARE human. They DESERVE respect. You are not owed anything! Voicing your opinion is important and I am certainly not stopping anyone from doing it. But I like to create an environment on my blog that’s not filled with a ton of trash. With a bit of brain work and some common decency that’s easily achievable.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY

People in this fandom have the weirdest assumptions about me when it comes to money. I often get messages asking me how I can afford all this Kalafina stuff and the regular traveling. I am constantly accused of bragging whenever I show pictures of my collection. People have literally called me a spoiled brat that wastes a lot of money because I post about all of my pricier Kalafina activities. I would like to clarify a few things here. First of all, I am not a brat, I would say that’s a term reserved for kids and younger people. I am 30+ so I definitely do not fall into that category! I am also not spoiled or rich. I have never been rich and sadly I will most likely never be rich. I have a pretty normal office job at a company. I don’t have any assets (except my Kalafina collection), there’s no chance that I will ever inherit anything substantial and I will probably be renting the same apartment for the rest of my life... I do consider myself to be lucky though. I live in Vienna which is a truly amazing city in a great country. We have health insurance, cheap and more or less high quality education, a great infrastructure with reliable public transportation, fair labour laws, etc... These things are certainly all in my favour but it’s not like any of that makes me “rich”. I have a stable income with quite a few benefits (free voice/data plan for my phone; heavily discounted data plan for my home; 2/3 off of my annual public transportation pass, etc.). In general, I have very few expenses. I live together with my mother so we split up all the fixed costs. I have no other obligations (such as cars, partners, kids, social outings or whatever) so the rest of my money I can spend (or not spend) however I want. Many of my followers are very young so you might not be able to imagine how one can afford all that merch and those trips to Japan but honestly, when you are working a full-time job at a good company, you do get a bit of money. And if your priorities are set straight you will have some money to spare once you have taken care of all your responsibilities. That’s how adult life usually works. I know many people are bitter about their own life situation and to compensate that feeling they like to lash out at others but really, just because you are unhappy doesn’t give you the right to try to make someone else feel bad about themselves. I am working hard to be able to afford my Kalafina obsession and I have reached a point where I can indulge without having to worry about falling into poverty. But don’t get me wrong, there is still a lot that’s out of reach for me. I will never be able to attend every concert, no matter how much I want to.  Last but not least, me showing my collection or me talking about my Kalafina experiences has nothing to do with bragging. I am NOT bragging. It’s just me being enthusiastic about the things I love. If you interpret it as bragging then that’s on you, not on me.

OBSESSIVE STALKER

I feel like to someone who does not know me very well, a few of my actions may seem like they are very excessive or overly obsessive - to the point of crossing certain lines. The fact that I dig in their past, the fact that I keep looking for and buying Kalafina clothes, the fact that I visit places the girls have visited and spend crazy amounts of money there (e.g. nail/hair salon), the fact that I do crazy things they have done (e.g. walk to Kamakura), the fact that I go to the airport to greet them, etc...some of these things can certainly be considered to be borderline “extreme”. But you have to realise that I don’t do things halfway. When I like something I fully commit to it. It’s my way of feeling “closer” to them I guess. And since I don’t really have a lot of other things to do in life (except work of course) I can invest all of my time, energy and money in it. Having said all of that, please be aware that I know my limits very well, in fact, I probably know them better than a majority of fans. As I have mentioned earlier, I place a lot of importance on respect, that entails never getting too close to them or intruding their privacy. When I happen to come across information that can be considered “too private” I will not share it. When I go to places they regularly visit, I make it a point to let the staff know in advance that I am a fan so they can make arrangements accordingly. It’s not my intenion to meet the girls in those places or to spy on them. When I actively seek out to “meet” them at a place like the airport for example I make sure to keep my distance, to be quiet/reserved and to tuck my phone away. There’s a reason I chose to do this with the fans in Taiwan. They are very respectful and they know how to behave so it doesn’t become an awkward or unpleasant experience for anyone [not all fans are as well behaved unfortunately, this is not something that can be done anywhere or with anyone so please keep that in mind!] Anyways, I enjoy the feeling of being connected to them via proxy. That’s more than enough for me. I don’t need to interact with them or have them notice me, for the most part I don’t even seek to convey my thoughts and feelings to them. I know there are many fans who write countless letters, who always comment on blog posts and write replies on Twitter/Instagram. I hardly ever do that. For one, I have trouble conveying my feelings. And secondly, I am just not really that expressive. Everyone channels their love differently, there are the ones that express it directly and with full-force and there are others (like myself) who express it in ways that are a little less “outward” (but equally intense).

PROJECT MAIYAIYA

This leads me right to my final point. I was surprised to see a lot of negativity in the cpm thread for this project so I thought I would address a few things. For those of you who might not know, this social media project took place last year on Christmas Day. It was meant as a chance for foreign fans to express their gratitude for Kalafina’s past achievements and support for their individual paths. Now apparently this caused quite the turmoil on cpm. I have rarely seen so much ignorance (borderline stupidity if we are being honest), so many misunderstandings, so much stuff taken out of context...If any of them had taken the time to actually READ my posts and COMPREHEND what’s being said in them, there wouldn’t have been so much drama. Then again, understanding what you are reading requires a certain amount of brain work, something certain people on cpm seem to have trouble with. Please let me clarify the whole thing once and for all because it’s really bugging me that there is so much shit being written about it (even if it’s so long in the past). First of all, go to this post I wrote and read it carefully. Every single word of it. That will be enough to realise that this project was none of the horrible things that were suggested on cpm. A couple of things are not mentioned in that post so I will quickly work through them. There is quite a lot of confusion regarding the origins of the project: Project Maiyaiya was NOT my idea. As I have been saying for this entire post, I am not the type to express myself in that way. I don’t need Kalafina to know my feelings or thoughts. So naturally, a project like that which involves reaching out to them on social media is not something I would have ever come up with by myself. Since it wasn’t my idea I also NEVER claimed it was my idea. I don’t claim other people’s work as my own, that’s not something I do. From the get-go I have said that this is a project someone on the Russian Kalafina VK page came up with. The former administrator of that site approached me and asked whether I would be willing to help him spread the word. He is one of the people who have expressed a romantic interest in me in the past so we have a slightly awkward history. At that point in time we didn’t have any contact and I was trying to stay away from him. So his request came kinda out of the blue. Long story short, he was very adamant about me posting about it so the idea would reach as many people as possible. However, for various reasons he didn’t want to be mentioned by name (not that his name would have meant a lot to anyone - at that time he had no longer been active on tumblr). After an hour-long back and forth, he convinced me that the project was actually quite nice. We discussed it a lot and while I did have some minor issues/reservations, I generally liked the idea and agreed to promote the whole thing. Thus, I became a sort of ambassador for the project. As always, I took it very seriously and put a lot of effort into it. I made many detailed posts on Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter. He also wanted me to post on cpm but I refused for obvious reasons. That’s why he ended up making a post and thus the chaos started. Maybe some of the misunderstandings can be attributed to language barriers? His English isn’t bad or anything but unfortunately he wasn’t able to explain himself very well and many questions remained unanswered. And of course lots of people on cpm aren’t English native speakers either so some confusion might have stemmed from that. They are also prone to interpret everything in a way that makes it easy for them to create drama (there is a high chance someone on cpm will dissect this entire post to talk some more trash about me for public entertainment). Anyways, I hope I was able to “defend the honour” of  Project Maiyaiya. I am taking it very personally when people are attacking it and making it seem like something it definitely wasn’t. I took responsibility when I decided to promote it. I wouldn’t have done that if I wasn’t 100% convinced of the project’s integrity.

•——————•°•✿•°•——————• 

All right, that’s it. THANK YOU so much for making it this far. Here’s your virtual cookie and a cute Kalafina gif

You now know quite a lot about me. If there are any other assumptions I failed to address here, feel free to send me a message/ask. I would really love to clarify as much as possible.

[mysteryhat21art]

long furby worms! or maybe pride flag worms if you dont like furbies

While i don’t like the idea of being in the same room as an actual furby. I DO like drawing them. This long boi is based off my own furby character Gremlyn.

AlsoI love the idea of Pride flag worms! Hope you don’t mind that I start with mine.

[starkxsarcasm]

Meta...ish...sorta

So I have debated writing about this for a while, because it will no doubt be polarizing for a lot of people, but with Infinity War about to come out of DVD,Blu-Ray and that good stuff and having seen a bunch of gifs surrounding this, I feel comfortable stating my thoughts. So just take it how you will and if you agree or disagree, that’s totally fine. But here it goes.

I have such mixed feelings about Tony/Pepper.

Allow me to explain, for this is not a new thing. In fact, I’ve felt this way since the first Iron Man. So let’s start from the beginning.

Iron Man 1

When we are first introduced to Pepper, I was 100% on board. She was classy and sassy, took no shit from anyone and was fiercely loyal to Tony. 

I mean, look at this power girl. She knows Tony has important shit to do and can’t be bothered with awkward breakfasts or underhanded remarks from “Miss Brown” here. So, in the most classiest way, she basically tells her to GTFO, bitch. I loved it!

And then there first interaction. Oh my god, the cuteness!

Like, look at these two! They’re so cute! Pepper being the studious, responsible one, reminding the man-child Tony of all the stuff he has to do, all while Tony playfully flirts with her. Adorableness personified!

I mean, most of them in this movie is just so heartwarming! Tony hearing Pepper call his name while he’s being tortured, Pepper having cried when he came back, the little bicker they had when Tony wouldn't go to the hospital, how she stood by him even after he shut down his weapons manufacturing division when it would’ve been so easy to jump ship, the fun interaction with her helping change his arc reactor. I mean, guys, they were on a roll with this! I loved it!

Then came the first point of contention.

When Pepper finds out what Tony is doing, she tries to stop him and even tries to quit. Now I gave her the benefit of the doubt here, because what Tony was doing was kinda crazy. This was all before SHIELD and the Avengers, so him deciding to just superhero it up was obscenely dangerous. And, to her credit, she listens to him when he explains why he has to do this and does eventually help him download the files and stop Obadiah. All in all, this film was a great set up to their relationship and I so wish it continued on this path. 

But alas, it did not. Then comes Iron Man 2

Iron Man 2

Okay, I’m gonna try not to rant too much on this one, but honestly, this part kinda gets me heated up. So, us as the audience are privy very early on to the fact that Tony is dying from palladium poisoning, spelled out by JARVIS who says, “The device keeping you alive is also killing you.” So like, whoa, holy shit! What’s Tony gonna do now?

So, in comes Pepper! Right off the bat yelling at Tony for donating their art collection.

Okay, fine. That was probably frustrating after all the time Pepper spent curating it, but...does she even stop to question why Tony is doing that? It’s clearly out of character, or else she wouldn’t be so shocked and mad. Remember, this is supposed to be one of the people who knows Tony best and yes, Tony hides his emotions and thoughts really badly, but this is a blatant sign that something is wrong. But her first reaction is to shout at him? Okay, that’s not gonna get him to tell you what’s going on. At all. If anything, it’s gonna make him retreat farther into his shell. 

And another thing that kinda peeves me is she only chills out when Tony promotes her to CEO. Okay, yeah, huge promotion anyone would be happy about, but did she just forget that Tony is acting super out of character? That something might be seriously wrong?

Then the bit where Natasha/Natalie comes in and they sort of fall back into the goofy, cuteness argu-flirting during that scene, so I’m kinda like, “Okay, we’re back on track!”

Then...The Grand Prix

No, no, I’m sorry, but I’m with Tony here. What the hell was he supposed to do? Okay, being in the race was a last minute, reckless move but was he just supposed to run away? Let Vanko cut up more cars and hurt more people? Uh, no. That’s not who Tony is. People were in trouble, he wanted to help. And he gets yelled at for it.

Then the plane ride home.

Ding, ding, ding! Hello! I mean, does this guy need a giant flashing neon sign that reads “I’m not okay”? He is clearly acting super off in this scene, not wanting to go home, wanting to “be healthy” in Venice. He is practically holding himself back from completely losing it in front of her, and she doesn’t even notice? Okay, aftermath of a battle, nerves are frayed, I get it. But come on! It’s plainly obvious!

Hell, the first person Tony opens up to isn’t even Pepper, it’s Rhodey. The guy who realizes, “Hey, Tony is not okay. Let’s put aside all this bureaucracy BS for one second so I can find out what’s going on with my friend.” And him genuinely caring about that let’s Tony open up. Hell, he shows Rhodey the burnt out palladium. And yes, later they fight, but he trusted Rhodey in that moment to let him see him at his weakest.

I’m gonna skip the party scene a bit because I can honestly see both sides. Sure, Tony is acting a bit like a jackass and Pepper is tired, but again, this is still another red flag she just doesn’t catch.

And then the scene that really had me questioning this ship real hard.

Again, I get it I really do. She is frustrated and overworked. We’ve all been there But she doesn’t even try to listen to him. This is Tony Stark we’re talking about, a man who knows how to talk about his feelings about as well as a fish knows how to fly. And here he is, trying to explain everything that’s going on, stammering over his words and trying to explain his side and she just cuts him off, like nothing. This isn’t even an argument at this point, this is just shouting louder than someone else and refusing to hear them. This scene really rubbed me the wrong way. Tony doesn’t have anyone else at this point. Rhodey’s gone, his house is a wreck, Fury is just cryptic. He needs someone. And she just shuts him down, because she’d frustrated. Like, that is just so low to me.

But okay, the movie goes on, they have the battle at the Expo and Tony saves her. Got it, got it. Cool! The interaction on the roof was cool and the kiss was cute, but honestly...it was just more bickering? And the kiss, the more I think about it, doesn’t seem earned after all that’s happened above. 

But okay! Maybe things will be better next movie, right? Wrong!

Iron Man 3

Now, I’m largely skipping The Avengers, because their interactions are limited and, for the most part, kinda cute. Even the little bicker with the 12% comment was kinda light and funny. They really did have nice interactions, cute moments of flirting and it even kinda made me sad that Tony couldn’t connect to Pepper before flying into space. Overall, I have no problem with them in the Avengers. 

That’s not the case in Iron Man 3.

Now this section is largely gonna be void of pictures and too much ranting, because I’ve already gone over my least favorite scene in this meta here: http://starkxsarcasm.tumblr.com/post/169317464612/musings

But I’m still gonna touch on some things. 

Okay, but for real. Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on here in this scene? Like, honestly. I’m lost. Pepper has just told Happy she’s been batting Killian off with a stick for years because he’s constantly asked her out. I think all girls can relate to that one guy who just won’t take no for an answer, so when I heard her tell Happy this, I was like, “Go, girl! Be that strong woman!”

But oh no, Killian’s turned..hot?! (I used that term loosely, because to me he looks like a bag of unflavored corn chips) But...seriously?! Because he’s cleaned up a bit, you’re suddenly all taken aback and all like, “You look great!” Girl, this was a creepy guy, creeping on you creepily for years! Now you’re letting him touch you and be all flirty without kicking him in the nuts?!

I’m totally on Tony’s side here! He has a right to be jealous, if this is how she acts towards some creep who got a five dollar makeover! To her credit, she turns down his proposal, but then acts all flustered and blushy when he leaves. What the hell, Pepper? What happened to that power girl who told “Miss Brown” to kindly fuck off?

And then the subsequent “I can’t sleep” through “Tinker with that” scene which....*deep breath* Yeah, if you wanna know my feelings on that, read the above linked meta post, because talking about it more is just gonna make me angry.

And, even after all that, even after Tony plainly explains he is not okay, the next scene with Maya is literally just Pepper taking potshots at Tony, calling Maya an “old girlfriend” and arguing with him about all that’s been going on. And yes, Tony was dumb threatening the Mandarin. Yes, Pepper has a right to be freaked out. But honestly, when is enough gonna be enough? He is trying to do the best he can, while also suffering from PTSD. Shouting at him is not going to help! I don’t know how many times I can say that before it sticks. Then the house collapses and she thinks Tony is dead and it’s sadness all around. She gets kidnapped again, Tony has to save her. Fast-forwarding because, again, I largely have no problem with these scenes. I even kinda like the “I got you.” “I got you first” line. 

Then, when Tony finally does come to rescue her, first thing she does is call him a jerk. Um...okay? You’re welcome? He just fought through hell and back to get to you, but sure, “jerk” works, I guess. Then the mad scramble for Tony to go and get her followed by thinking she’s dead. Again, no problem with this bit, but that may be due to RDJ’s phenomenal acting during it, because damn, he sells it. 

And then boom! She’s alive and we get some fairly cool kickass bits from her before it all settles down. Now one line that has always bugged me is the “And all your distractions?” Distractions? Like Tony said at the end, his suits are not distractions, they’re cocoons. When is she going to realize that? Also, no, “So are you going to get help for your PTSD and nightmares?” Nope, just “distractions.”

Not gonna go into Civil War, since Pepper isn’t in it, but if anyone wants to hazard a guess as to why they’re taking a break, *gestures to above text* take your pick!

And now for Homecoming and Infinity War

These I’m combining because the problem I have with the relationship now bleeds into both movies and here it is.

Is it just me or does Pepper seem bizarrely disinterested in marrying and having a family with Tony?

Think about it. When Happy pulls out the ring, she gets this look on her face like, “Uh, excuse me?” That may be from the fact that Happy had been carrying it around so long, sure, but then when Tony tries to defend it, she’s all, “I can think of something better.” Um...ouch.

Then in Infinity War, the line, “If you wanted a kid, you wouldn’t have done that.” Speaking, of course, to his new arc reactor. But...what does that have to do with anything? Pepper, after all this time, is still riding Tony’s ass about being Iron Man and helping save the world and her, and is holding the fact that he wants a kid over his head, almost in revenge. Like, “Well, you chose this, so no kid for you!” And she constantly shoots down talks about a kid and the wedding and just....did you take the ring or not, honey?! What is your issue?

Again, I know this will be polarizing for people, and you’re not stupid or wrong if you like the ship, but guys, I’m gonna be honest. I’m kinda just over it. It started off with such promise and just degraded into unpleasant arguments, ignoring when Tony needs help, and constant “yes, no” backs and forth conversations. 

It’s just not a fun ship for me anymore. I wish it was.

[storm3326]

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