#lor hokma

[leonawriter]

This is probably something that most people have already figured out, but I think the reason Roland stops going to see Hokma after his second visit isn't just because Hokma looks up to Ayin, but because by this point, he's come to the conclusion that - having seen the guy mostly through Angela's memories, which doesn't give him anything positive to go by, and Binah talking big about him hasn't done much to improve things yet - well,

Roland: I dunno how great and eye-opening his enlightenment was, but he left a huge trail of trouble for everyone else in that process, going from what I've heard. I mean, you went through a whole lot of suffering in your second life as Lobotomy Corp's Sephirot, and Angela is still so infuriated. It's all because of him, isn't it? He's looking like a complete mess from an outsider's perspective.

The "obvious" thing to point out here is that he's no longer talking about the Sephirot and Angela.

He's talking, from what I see, about seeing Ayin as, effectively, the origin of the Distortion Phenomena, and the reason behind Angelica's death and all of his suffering and sorrows.

He's not even totally wrong or ungrounded, here. If Ayin hadn't followed Carmen's plan, then Carmen wouldn't be in the light to have started distorting people. That does make him responsible.

But the thing is - he's wrong about Ayin being the origin. It isn't "all because of him," as he says here.

And this imperfect perspective makes sense! Because of course he'd think this when most of what he's seen of Carmen has either been "crazy cult leader lady" or praise from the other Sephirot, including Binah to an extent. Angela has certainly not been criticising Carmen to the same extent she has been Ayin, and for good reason, as shown in the scene just preceding her Realisation on Hokma's Floor:

Angela: ...The time Carmen had seen and experienced was ingrained right into my head. In the form of knowledge, and nothing more... I want to escape from Carmen's ascendancy. But then again... I'll be completely and absolutely alone if she leaves my side.

Two very important things have been bolded here.

The fact that Angela does not want to be Carmen, does not want to always be in her shadow, but she also relies on her for so much that she believes that she'll have nothing and no one if Carmen leaves her.

Seems like a pretty toxic relationship to me!

But that does explain why there hasn't been much that shows Carmen as a full person through Angela's memories.

Up to here, she hasn't been able to get to the point of even admitting this. She's been completely caught up in the need to keep Carmen with her, no matter how unhealthy that reliance is. And if she started allowing herself to see that Carmen wasn't always great, if she brought to her mind the memories that have to exist of Carmen putting the plan for the script forward to Ayin...

Then her own faith in her path would begin to crack. Which would, by the way, be a bad thing if done improperly:

Hokma: That 'one book' can exist because of the strong faith that it exists. When that faith crumbles, so too shall the Library. Angela: It exists because I believe so?

As a result, Roland just plain... does not have the context for Ayin's actions, or why Hokma has so much faith in him. He's only seen Ayin the way any outsider would.

Add on top of that that he's become slowly and surely more and more attached to Angela as a friend through all of this journey even as he's still kept his anger at her, and it's like... it's more like he's saying something to the effect of-

"If it weren't for that man doing what he did, then Angela would not have done what she did, and because of Angela I lost my family. I cannot forgive that. I have come to understand Angela better, and because of that I can at least see where she's coming from, but I don't know this 'Ayin' at all so I can't even imagine forgiving him."

Which, of course, as said - lacks context. Almost as though Roland has taken the idea of Carmen being a cult leader type of figure and gone "if that's the way she was, then they all must have been duped and taken in by her, even if what they're saying she wanted was a nice, idealistic thing. That Ayin must have been smart, but in the end his choices were his alone, and he decided to do this."

And the funny thing is, that's the same sort of reaction I've seen people have against the idea of her being a "cult leader who pulled others in and manipulated them" since it would "absolve" Ayin from the same sort of responsibility and guilt in their eyes. It would make him forgiveable.

His interactions with Binah don't even really go that far by this point. You can unlock Binah before Hokma by using her against Kali, but he wouldn't start letting some of the things she's saying sink in until later in those episodes. His Floor of Philosophy Realisation where he says that he's "probably nothing compared to the [Ayin] that she's talking about" is after he's already long stopped going to Hokma.

It... kind of makes me wonder if Roland would later, after everyone has come to terms with and knows that it was, actually, Carmen who was behind everything and who is the actual Voice of the Distortion Phenomena, start to drag his feet and slink back over to Hokma's Floor and slowly - very slowly - start to talk to him again, because yeah maybe he still can't see eye to eye with this old guy. But maybe he didn't give him a chance before, either.

[pearl-the-artist]

That old man that I love

[leonawriter]

I put way too much effort into this meme.

[aloetech]

the gilf ever

[autisticayin]

something old something new something borrowed something blue

[ruinaimagines]

hokma with an employee that sees him as a father?

Sure! Sorry for the delay, I've just been busy lately but I’m hoping to get some more writing done. Also just cause not specified, I’m defaulting to LOR but you also said employee so if you meant for Lobcorp just let me know.

Hokma with an Employee that Sees Him as a Father:

Hokma is a serious and, to an extent, stern man who knows what it’s like to look up to someone else. To hold someone in such a high regard, almost idolizing them, and wanting to learn from them.

Only thing is he never really expected this to happen to himself, much less in a paternal sense. The idea that you view him in such a way never really clicked until it was blatantly obvious.

Of course it was clear that the two of you got along well. You were often one of the more open librarians on his floor, offering any assistance and listening intently to his words. You happened to follow him around quite often, not that he minded, and offered company.

He honestly just figured that you were a naturally curious individual. There were many questions of varying topics you would ask him, some revolving around human nature, and others just being wonders about the world around you.

Not all questions you asked had an answer that he could give, whether it’s something for a person to come to on their own, or a fact he just genuinely doesn’t know. I think that he wouldn’t just want to leave it to you, unless you preferred to figure it out on your own.

The two of you would walk through the halls of the floor of religion to find some sort of answer that could point you in the right direction. If it wasn’t there, then you’d visit a different floor. Maybe it would be in natural sciences, history, or some place else.

I will say the other patron librarians are very surprised that you managed to get the old man to come with you. While it’s not as though he never sees them, a lot of the time he’s cooped up on his floor instead of taking visits.

One might ask you how you managed to convince him to come, and you just answer truthfully: you didn’t really. It was of his own volition to help you, and he just chose to come along.

If you tell him that you view him like a father, or father-like figure I think that it would take a moment for that to process. He’s a bit shocked, but not in a negative way. I think given how the dynamic between the two of you has developed, he would take it as a compliment.

To outsiders he may just seem like some person blinded by his own faith in Ayin’s plan, but that’s not all to him. While he does have a great devotion to the future that his previous mentor wanted to bring about, this doesn’t obstruct him from forming bonds.

It’s kind of obvious to everyone that he has a soft spot for you. He’ll participate in activities you’re interested in that otherwise wouldn’t matter to him. While he still remains with a rather strict set of rules that he’d prefer to abide by, some exceptions might take place if you wish.

He acts as a mentor towards you and he takes the role very seriously. If you’re going to put your faith in him, then the best thing he can do is make sure that it’s worth it. Belief is strong, and he doesn’t want to make sure your efforts are wasted.

Even if it isn’t really a big deal to you, it is to him. It won’t burden Hokma or anything, and remains mainly within his own mind, but he has a lot of solid ideas on how he wants to approach things with you.

I don’t know if he recognizes it but he’s actually a really good teacher! Maybe he doesn’t excel as well as Gebura or Binah would in terms of combat, but he isn’t bad. He really shines in topics outside of fighting though.

Two large factors for this have to do with his large amount of patience, as well as persistence. If you’re someone who happens to give up easily he’s perfect to balance you out. Sometimes his stubbornness is a curse, but in these cases it helps you not drop a skill too early.

He also presents things in approachable ways. At some point he was in your position so by looking back on how things were from him, he can pull from experience and attempt to put things in a presentable way.

He believes in you and your potential, and that’s especially a large thing coming from him. It can be a bit intimidating at first, especially when you ask for help from someone who seems as composed as he is, but it’s nothing to worry about!

I mean we’ve seen how he seems willing to answer Angela’s questions, even though she was the one who put a halt into Ayin’s original plan. Even though he does still care and have some form of concern for her, he’s equally upset at her choices. Yet he’s still agreed to help her reclaim the light, and been fine with holding conversations with her.

That’s with someone that he has a bit of rocky history with, yet he still remains fairly respectful. So in the case of you, someone that he doesn’t have some problems with? You’re perfectly fine.

I will say that he can be fairly blunt on things. Not in the way it’s necessarily rude, but say you make a mistake he will catch it and say it how it is. While this could mean getting a bit of used to, he doesn’t do it in a demeaning way.

If you actually started referring to him as your father I think he would ‘scold’ you the first couple of times. Not necessarily that he’s genuinely upset, but just because it sort of throws off the professional feel he’s gotten so accustomed to.

Should you keep insisting he will eventually give in to an extent. While he’ll instruct you to try to stray from calling him that in serious or gathering type situations, in private it’s fine. It’s a win in your book though.

Sometimes he unintentionally teaches you things.. Like his stubbornness.

Oh but it is actually so fun to mess with him. Of course you don’t do anything major, but it’s so funny to see his disappointed face when you crack a really dumb joke. He has like no sense of humor and that honestly makes it way better on your end.

Like he will hear the punchline, freeze, put down the book in his hand, and give you the most broken look you’ve ever seen on an old man. He won’t say anything, just sit in silence before slowly returning to what he was doing.

If ever you reach an achievement, should it be a personal goal or an improvement, he will praise you! As collected as he may be, that is not a deterrence to letting you know you did a good job.

You know the proud dad smile? He does that. He’ll fold his arms and look upon you doing something, and he won’t even realize he’s smiling until you look at him or someone points it out.

When you turn around and see him though it's possibly one of the sweetest surprises you can have. Who knows? Maybe he'll even pat you on the back, depends how he feels.

[autisticayin]

happy birthday little bird little wife (AGAIN)

[autisticayin]

safe room