In my youth, it was easier to express myself. The only people to judge didn't matter, I didn't care, I was wholeheartedly myself. It's different when you enter the workforce, when there's expectations for your appearance that impact your job. It's difficult when your skills are evaluated and scrutinized by men who will let you do your job more easily if you're easy on the eyes, yet still adorned in baggy clothes so your body isn't too enticing. They don't want your appearance to make them think. My ponytail helps me blend in, my bare face keeps me neutral, my sweatshirts hide my body, I'm here to work. But I cannot be myself. I'm still dating men, it's easier to explain. Sometimes when I mention an ex, I change her pronouns so we don't have to start an invasive discussion about my sexuality. My industry takes care of perverted men who cannot control their mouths. I don't want to talk about how hot you think it is that I've been with women. I want to shave my head. I want to chop off my breasts. I'm so sick of playing a character. Why can't it be easier to be myself, without constant explanation? I love the work I do but interacting with the general population means not everyone understands or accepts my identity. While trying to become someone I'm proud of, I lost my pride.
Lost pride // Grazia
