❝NOT A RACE TOWARDS THE END❞
⤷ summary: in which you make the decision to leave the league and leave dabi.
warnings: angst, swearing
a/n: i finally caved and decided to start writing so hopefully this doesn’t turn out to be too shitty.
the warm breeze ruffled through your hair, the strands falling in your face but at the moment you didn’t care, your attention stayed on the man standing in front of you. his hands in his pant pockets, shoulders tense as he stared out at the fading sun in front you both. the clouds a pale pink that contrasted against the darkening blue of the sky behind them. the colors made him feel at ease- well at as much ease as his body and mind would let him have in this situation.
his pounding heart echoed throughout his body, his body uncomfortably warm, feeling small under your gaze, he knew you was sorry, he wanted to forgive you but he didn’t at the same time. he didn’t forgive you for wanting to leave him, for leaving him alone. he needed you more than he’d ever care to admit to himself or you. you made him feel whole like there weren’t staples holding his skin and artificial skin together. you made him feel good, not like the villain he was.
he didn’t want to turn around and meet your gaze, in fear that that’d be the last time he’d see you, but he did anyway. his gaze hard and jaw clenched, the staples moving slightly as he did. his expression didn’t match how he felt- of course, it didn’t, he didn’t want you to know how much you were hurting him, he wanted to stay strong for you because he felt like he needed to, to show you that he didn’t need to depend on someone, that someone being you.
“dabi,” you spoke, your voice fading into a sigh as he met your eyes, his hard gaze sent chills down your body, leaving goosebumps down your arms and legs despite the warm air outside- his turquoise eyes held so much emotion behind them but anger masked them.
"what? just fucking spit it out, i don’t have fucking time for this shit (y/n).” his words would’ve hurt you more if you didn’t hear the way his voice softened slightly at your name. already knowing he was holding a facade of anger to mask his fear. he knew you caught the tremor in his voice but right now he didn’t care. his anger finally overtook him, his nerves on fire from the heat radiating from his body, his eyes shining.
“i’m leaving.” your voice was calm despite you being the opposite, your hands trembled as you held them behind you, gripping tightly so you wouldn’t cave and grab him and pull him into you, apologizing and saying you didn’t mean it. but you didn’t cause you knew that if you did you’d never be able to leave.
the league was a mess right now, losing members and not having a stable hideout- you couldn’t risk getting caught or being associated with them. it was now or never and you chose now- it being your hardest decision and you almost regretted it as you saw dabi’s eyes widen slightly and his eyebrows furrow, his jaw going slack, the staples stretching the skin.
“you’re fucking joking,” dabi spit out a harsh chuckle, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe it, although he did, he saw how you’d been acting lately around everyone, how you distanced yourself from everyone including him. he should’ve seen it coming but he was too focused on trying to help the league. “you’re just gonna fucking up and leave?”
“i have no choice-” he cut you off with another harsh laugh. he pulled his hands out of his pockets as he walked towards you, his hands grabbing your shoulders and holding you in place.
“that’s a fucking lie and we both fucking know that doll,” his grip on you tightened as you tried you look away, his intense gaze making you regret your words but you tensed as you looked back into his eyes, your eyes turning into a glare.
“i don’t belong here dabi and you damn well know that!” you snapped, both your eyes staring into each other. your glare softened a little as you continued to stare up at him, looking away from his eyes you started memorizing his face and the way his eyes were an endless void of blue, how they held so much emotion in them yet he never showed them.
“i only joined because of you, i-i can’t kill people like you can dabi.” his grip remained tight, his fingernails digging into your back through the thin shirt you were wearing. despite everything the warmth emitting from his hands was the only thing you were focused on, not the way your throat started to close up or the way your heart was pounding hard in your ears, you only felt him, his warm hands on your shoulders, knowing this might be the last time you’d feel his hands on you, you tried to remember the feeling before it went away.
the thought of this being the last time you’d see each other sunk into the both of you, your eyes warming up and blurring with tears while dabi’s grip loosened but his hands remained on your shoulders.
dabi sighed, he knew you were right, he dragged you into this trying to change you into someone he knew you weren’t, a killer. you had a heart of gold that wasn’t made for killing and your little hands were meant to hold someone who wasn’t a murderous villain.
as his hands slid off your shoulders you grabbed them, his eyes watching as your hands delicately brushed over the staples that held his skin and the skin grafts together, the difference between the two almost unnoticeable to you, having done this well over a thousand times over the past year.
“y’know they’ll kill you right? once they find out you left.” you sighed as you nodded, your soft small hands still playing with his big rough hands. he sighed, his sigh was one of defeat knowing there was no point in convincing you to stay, you’d already made up your mind and he knew that he wasn’t gonna be in your future due to his loyalty to the group that pulled him from rock bottom- they were like a family to him, not that he’d ever admit that to their faces.
“i don’t care, i’m thinking about going to america, y’know? restart and drop from the grid.” you mumble, your eyes meeting his, the turquoise eyes that had been previously glaring down at you had softened to the point where his eyes only showed sadness and love.
“i can’t stop you can i, dollface?” you chuckled slightly as he brought his hand up to your face, resting his palm on your cheek, your hand meeting it and holding it in place, the warmth comforting you.
“i’m sorry. if things had been different then maybe-” you stopped, your words getting caught in your throat as you thought about it, warm tears slipping from your eyes, stinging as they formed. life with dabi was what you’d had always wanted but you were so blinded by love, you let him drag you into the league with him, him that thinking if you were under the protection of the league you’d be safe. but you were anything but safe- you were constantly on edge. staying in the same building with a bunch of villains who could kill you in seconds scared the shit out of you, but you stayed for dabi, you loved him so you did whatever you could to make him happy not caring if you weren’t.
but now you put your feelings before dabi’s, realizing how unhappy you were and how you needed to get out. your tears were met with rough padded fingers, softly wiping them away.
dabi tried to keep his emotions in check while you stood in front of him but his heart clenched at the sight of you crying. he’d caused this. he caused you to do something you didn’t want just to make him happy and you stayed in the league for months, him not knowing how unhappy you were just cause you wanted to see him happy.
“tch. don’t say that, things wouldn’t have. i’d still be a fucking murderer and you’d still be too damn soft for this.” his words might’ve had a teasing tone to them but really he was just trying to make it sound like he was okay with you leaving.
“i love you okay? i know i’m the one leaving and all but,” your voice trailed off, your eyes filling with more tears as you looked up with a sad smile on your face, dabi’s eyes was watching yours, his eyebrows furrowed and a slight frown was on his face. “don’t forget about me okay”
dabi pulled you into him, his arms wrapping around you tightly, not wanting to let you go. as you wrapped your arms him you could smell his cologne along with a bit of smoke, it was a comforting smell to you but now you’d never be able to hug him or cuddle with him and have it fill your senses. or the times where he’d be gone on a mission you’d sleep in his shirts just to smell like him and imagine him sleeping next to you.
“i wouldn’t be able to forget you even if you made me doll.” his hands cupped your face as he brought his face down to meet yours, looking in your teary eyes before pressing his lips to yours, one last time.