✧ Featuring: Lohen x Afab!Reader
✦ Word count: 1k
✧ Tags: Smut (obvi so MDNI), mentions of violence and killing, probably OOC, penis in vagina sex, afab reader, pretty vanilla for the Lohen smut tag, minus Lohen's weird commentary about sex, freak4freak situation, hints of possessiveness.
✦ Note: Reader is mentioned to regularly loses to Lohen in spars. Nothing screams adulthood more than writing smut. Author knows nothing about sex or smut so pls be kind...
Lohen has a rather skewed outlook when it comes to intimacy, he himself has noticed it.
Intimacy is weird.
As a concept, it is as simple as it can be. Almost everyone has been taught of this when they reach a certain age whether by their parents or a guardian.
In reality however, Lohen doesn't get it. When you strip yourself off of your attire, of your garments and armor, do you not feel vulnerable? Why shed the pieces of defense meant to shield your body from danger and peril?
Do you ever think twice about what could happen when you let him trail his kisses from your jaw down to your neck, lap at the sensitive skin, graze gently down on the area above your arteries? With how sharp his teeth are, just a little pressure would surely break the skin, making you bleed with uncontrollable force until the pain subsides and you're clouded in a hazy, unfocused state nearing death—Maybe about 5 minutes, no less.
But that doesn't seem to be of concern to you. You loll your head sideways, giving him more space with his ministrations. You let those pretty sounds fall from your lips, further encouraging his assault on your poor neck. You guide his hand to your chest, making him feel how desperate you are for him.
And right here, is where he can feel it most. Not the licentious expression you have on your face, not the persistent begging of his name, but the frantic, rapid heartbeat beneath his fingers. It thumps viciously in your ribcage, pumping blood to your body, painting colors on your cheeks and heating up your core with want.
It's a bit ironic.
Those who stand on the opposite side of him would scurry to protect this part with their silver armor, steel plate, bronze suit and whatnot. They panic when he sneaks behind them with a blade to their chest, they frantically flee, struggle to get out of his grasp. Yet you arch into his touch, taking in his palm like you want to merge in with it.
You can see how he uses his Cryo power to pierce through the heart of the Wild Hunt monsters and still be willing to offer up your heart to him.
You could see how his spear cuts through the calves of his enemies as they fall to their demise and still part your legs when he nudges them with his knee.
You could see that crazed, maniac look in his eyes when he slaughters everyone on the battlefield and still beg for more when he thrusts into you with his merciless, vicious pace.
The action is terribly addictive, even to him. When your wall clenches around his cock, it frays his mind and fills it with a sick sort of adrenaline. Your sweet moans and choked breaths sends his pace all frantic and hurried, eager to chase after that lustful high. The sting you give him when your nails carve a painful, reddened path down his back drives him crazy with unprecedented want and possessiveness.
And when you both come, he has that dark, hazy look in his eyes like he's admiring his prey. A sick sort of joy blooms within his heart— that he's got to protect such a fragile little thing and he alone gets to ruin it thoroughly.
For once, Lohen realizes that he doesn't have to take out an entire hilichurl camp or a group of Abyss Order monsters to get his adrenaline overflowing like this. Because you already grant him a kind of power that the battlefield can't give.
Lohen seems to have a rather skewed outlook when it comes to intimacy, you soon come to notice during your relationship.
He always asks if you're sure about this, if you know what you're doing— "Bringing someone like me into your bed? You're holding a blade to your neck, y'know?"
Maybe you are, and it certainly feels like it when he traces a line down your body just like how he would with his knife. He presses his digits down your tongue like how he would with the trigger of his revolver. And he thrusts into you with the same vigor he lunges his spear.
The acts are familiar as you've seen him perform them on the frontlines all the time, yet these violent acts of his, within the sanctuary of your bedroom, manage to ignite your body with need and set your core ablaze with lust. And of course, you enjoy them all, that's why you lean into the warmth he gives you, you call out his name sweetly to ask for more, you clench and hold him as close as possible— despite the danger, the peril he poses himself to be.
You know he looks at you through the lens like you're something weak and vulnerable because you yield yourself to his whims— but that's not true. For someone to be inviting a so called dangerous weapon into their bed, you know exactly what you're doing.
When you hold his hand and lead him through the door, you've already caught the prey before it even realizes. You don't need to do anything for him to readily unbutton his shirt, he does it for you without even asking. He rids himself of his cover, letting the silver armor drop to the ground with little care. He willingly lets you envelop his mouth, no doubt basking in your taste regardless of your teeth softly nipping at his lower lip and then tugging at his tongue. He guides your hand to his hair, allowing you to yank, pull, shove his head back and forth however you like onto your body.
In turn, you trust him with your vital organs. You let him threaten you when his teeth grazes across your jugular, you let him into the beat of your heart and you separate your legs with ease when he nudges you with his knee. You're aware what he's capable of doing, but you know he won't.
The feeling is strange, almost indescribable. For once, you realize that you don't have to triumph over Lohen in a spar to feel strong. He already gives you a kind of power victory can't.
Synopsis: HCS about HSR men take you to visit their parents (with spontaneous paragraphs of writing..)
Feature: Anaxa, Mydei, Dan Heng, Phainon
Word count: 6k6
Tags: established relationship, gen-neu reader, reader used the/them pronoun, reader is mentioned to not be from Aedes Elysiae and Castrum Kremnos, not much of a warrior too, basically fluff, set in the canon world of HSR but all these characters have a loving a nice household, you only meet Anaxa's sister though and the Express Crew since Dan Heng doesn't really have parents
Note: This was supposed to be for Christmas but oh well. Starting to lock in again since exams are over! This is def not my proudest work but I decided to post it rather than leaving it to rot...
Anaxagoras
Definitely is the kind to tell you a lot about his sister when you two begin dating and of course, he has nothing but kind words to say about her. (You're one of the few people that know about his Dromas plushie that his sister gifted him and practically all the things about him that people could never associate Anaxa–The Great Performer with.)
Reasonably, you're on edge. I mean, meeting a family (or the only family) of your lover is a big occasion, so you go all out to prepare everything perfectly. What to wear, what topic to speak about, you even do research on what she likes so as to prepare appropriate gifts.
Anaxa finds your endeavor rather amusing. But also reassures you that his sister would definitely like you regardless.
"Rest assured, my sister would never think ill of my significant other. After all, you're the object of my affection, the person whom I choose to reside by. So you need not to stress your mind with this matter. As long as you express your true self most naturally, I am sure she would think you as endearing as I do."
That eases your nerves a bit and also makes your heart skip a beat with how sincere and candor he says those words. You can tell he's in a good mood if he's being so bold in expressing his affection verbally (without making you solve at least 15 riddles while simultaneously flipping 4 pancakes and writing an essay on how a Dromas' diet influences its idiosyncratic behavioral and physical traits💀.)
That's right, if Anaxa himself is confident that his sister will like you— the person he allegedly likes more than the eight billion other options in Amphoreus ( I do not know anything about Amphoreus population sorry) then there's nothing for you to be concerned about!
"Oh my, are you my brother's lover? It is nice to finally meet you dear!" Anaxa's sister… Although they are carbon copies of each other, they have quite a stark contrast in their demeanor.
That's not to say Anaxa himself isn't convivial or hospitable, he's not just that upbeat on a regular occasion. His sister, on the other hand, is the living definition of "friendly". During the first 10 minutes of meeting her, she has excitedly given you a warm, intimate hug, gushed about how lucky her brother is to have someone like you by his side and spilled at least 28 of his childhood top-secrets.
"I still can't believe my brother has managed to find someone as lovely as you. And here I was, worrying Naxy would be cooped up in those cold and lonely research rooms all by himself for the rest of his life!"
"Sister." Anaxa firmly… reprimands her?? That's not even a reprimand, you don't blush like that when you are trying to tell someone off. You find it cute how polite and restrained he is towards his sister. If he hears any rando calling him that ridiculous nickname within a 5 meters radius, they would be obliterated with the most brutal, insane verbal assault known to man (or straight up his "teaching equipment")
Despite her humorous tone, there is a clear edge of relief to her words. Watching you and Anaxa bicker over that silly childhood nickname inadvertently brings a smile to her face. The knowing smile of a parent watching her kid growing up and finding someone that he can love with his entire heart.
Diotima (Yes, you two are that close now and she insists you make yourself comfortable within her house) takes you through Anaxa's old room. She shows off his collection of stuffed Dromases, Anaxa's baby photos (He shoots you down with a curt "Don't." when you begin to flash him the sickest snide smirk ever) and even some of his old school projects. And just like her brother, she doesn't spare any words when it comes to complimenting him.
"Don't you find it fascinating? That he made this Dromas figure from alchemy when he was just a kid! He's always been a brilliant child."
Most of his old works are very well-kept, a bit worn out by time so there's either a bit of rust or yellow stain or both. Even so, this palm-sized Dromas figure is incredibly impressive, with just a surface assessment, you can already tell the amount of meticulous craftsmanship and careful handwork put into this.
"My, this is truly remarkable. I almost feel bad for the other kids at the science fair. Although admittedly, I am more captivated by his fervent fascination with Dromases at such an early age."
"It is but a piece of cake. However, I am glad you like it." Even as he says that, his visage betrays him. Somewhere amidst that stiff and unchanging expression, you can faintly spot a smile that is beginning to form from the corners of his mouth.
"Naxy has always loved Dromases. Oh right, how could I forget, now that you're part of our family. You should come see our pet Dromas portrait." She enthusiastically ushers you downstairs, you feel a sense of warmth permeating your body, the kind that manages to make an unguarded smile appear on your face and your cheeks puffy red with happiness.
"Is it just according to what I've said? I know my sister will be fond of you." Anaxa appears by your side, glancing at you with his unpatched eye.
"You are right.. I just didn't think I would be welcomed so warmly. Your sister is a really amiable person."
"That is good to hear. Since you're now part of our family, feel free to come visit her more often, I am sure she would enjoy your company."
The thought strikes you, family… "My, someone is eager to have me as part of their family. Shall we make a trip to the Civil Office right away?" You quickly regain your trademark mischievous smile. Unabashedly, you wait for him to reply with his typical shake-off or at least a surprised grunt at your teasing, but Anaxa remains perfectly composed, much to your dismay.
"Hm, I firmly believe marriage should be a consensual matter on both sides. Now that you've shown your desire to formally and legally bring our relationship to a next stage, I see no reason in postponing this matter any longer."
"Therefore, I hope you've prepared a preferred signature to sign on our marriage certificate."
He whiffs around before you even manage to say anything. You're used to being blasted with whatever sharp comeback he throws at you—But this, this is completely different.
If his goal was to completely leave you flabbergasted, then he had earned it. You could only look at him shyly during the rest of the house tour. Did he really mean it? Is that why he takes you to meet his sister? Wait—if your conjecture were true, it means he has planned this!
When dinner comes, Diotima has already prepared everything. You feel a bit guilty since she didn't let you help much, even more so that she has taken the time to make dishes catered towards your preferences and Anaxa's too. (Apparently, Anaxa has told his sister a lot about you, beyond what you initially thought. Maybe you should ask her to show those letters to you next time, for some blackmailing materials.)
So after dinner, you take the initiative to help with the dishes — However Anaxa offers to do it instead. "I'll take care of the dishes. You two should chat with each other more." Diotima herself is obviously pleased by his offer, even teasing him about how much of a gentleman he has become. You, on the other hand, can't even hide the blush creeping onto your cheeks when he turns his gaze towards you.
You can make out the sounds of water sloshing and dishes clinking from the kitchen— must be Anaxa diligently cleaning the tableware. Meanwhile, dozens of letters are placed on the coffee table, some stained with yellow marks— the traces of time while the others retain the freshness of the paper.
The owner's handwriting is disastrous, and that would still be an understatement. But years of working together allows you to detect the familiarity in his intelligible hooks of letters, along with his unique signature at the end of each letter.
Your Brother,
Anaxagoras
Would he sign like this on your marriage papers too…?
During your moments of daydreaming, Diotima places her hand over yours, her voice dropping a bit smaller, filled with tenderness and sentiments of a loving older sister. She looks at you with nothing but sincerity in her eyes, her feelings are as pellucid as the ethereal aquamarine gemstones.
“I’ve heard a lot about you from Naxy’s letters while he was at the Grove. I still can’t believe he has finally found someone whose soul he resonates with.”
"But still, I am truly happy my brother has discovered a love that is so ardent as yours. I know he has beliefs and ideas that don't align with the majority so people often find him… disagreeable, perhaps too blunt as well."
"And I know this is very selfish of me to ask but I hope you can continue to love him. Even when his temperament may be unpredictable, I know he loves you just as dearly, even if he struggles with showing it. You of all people would understand this more than most, right?"
"And of course, if Naxy ever does something to displease you, just tell me. I'll be sure to give him a piece of my mind."
"So, look after my silly brother for me, will you?"
Her eyes soften as she looks at you, emotions and sentiments swirling into a shade of olive. Anaxa is now a revered scholar– Many despise him but his profound knowledge is indisputable, but perhaps to her, Anaxa will always be her little brother– still silly and clumsy at romance and possesses a soul that is capable of passionate love.
Overall, Diotima is a very kind-hearted person, she loves her brother with all her heart and is willing to accept anyone that makes her brother happy. With Anaxa being her only family, she wishes you could be by his side, even when he may not be the most romantic nor affectionate person— Diotima knows Anaxa loves in his own ways.
And of course, should you have any complaint about him whatsoever, you'll find that a letter to her will solve your predicament (just make sure not to abuse this privilege lol)
Mydeimos
There's no worse anxiety than having to meet the family of your lover, especially when they are the King and Queen of Castrum Kremnos.
If you're just an ordinary person with no combat experience, you would probably be scared shitless 😭😭 Castrum Kremnos is a very battle-oriented city and even though things have changed a lot compared to the past, being unable to wield a sword, a spear or a shield whatsoever would still get you weird looks from people.
So you try to make up for it by learning about Castrum Kremnos' tradition. You ask Mydei if there are any specific customs you have to follow, dining etiquette, any hidden tricks to gain his parents' approval. You even try to polish your knowledge on the Kremnoan language— But after Mydei watches you invent a new language on your own, he thinks it's best to leave this matter for another time in the future.
So what if you're a warrior? Well, you would still be stuck with the soul-crushing tension of not being able to meet their expectations. What if you aren't strong enough? Would they think you are unworthy of him? Mydei, being the attentive boyfriend of yours, of course comforts you through it all.
"You don't have to be so worried. There are at least 10 different words for 'strength' in the Kremnoan language, and none of them are limited to just physical prowess. With or without a spear, you are already the strongest person to me."
His sincere words melt away your worries a bit, giving you more confidence when facing the King and Queen of Castrum Kremnos.
"Are you the person my son has brought home?"
For a short while only. Queen Gorgo's sharp gaze almost slices your heart in half. There's no condescension in her voice, but her scrutinizing glance makes your brain melt faster than a pile of ice cream on the streets of the Mammoreal Market. King Europyon quickly commands the servants to greet the Prince and his lover, laying out a grand feast in celebration of Mydei's return and your arrival.
At the dinner table, there are at least 30 different Castrum Kremnos cuisines (you know this because you've done your homework and are overly prepared for any surprised pop quiz on the topic), golden goblets and plates with ornate engravings that speak of tales older than many civilizations. Mydei's hand is on your knee, trying to calm you. Oh no, is your nervousness really that obvious? You meet his hand under the table and he traces your knuckles with this thumb— Calm down, there's no need for you to be so worried.
Meeting Mydei's parents is your typical Asian parents interrogation. They begin to question your lineage, your upbringing, your occupation and whether you have any combat experience or not. If you find yourself unable to keep up with the bombardment of inquiries, Mydei will come in to save your clutch.
Your eyes may be deceiving you, but every time Mydei steps in to help you, you can feel the corner of Queen Gorgo's lips turn upwards a bit.
Luckily for you though, this interrogation lasts no longer than 10 minutes and after that it's more about your relationship in general.
"How do you find the food? I've specifically asked the royal chef to prepare them to greet our esteemed guest." Queen Gorgo displays a pleasant smile when you assure her that Kremnoan cuisine is splendid and express your admiration for the architecture of the fortress (Thank Nikador you actually spent 2 hours listening to that documentary on the World Wound Web)
"Our people are renowned for our incredible strength and honor. You are an outlander with no remarkable combat talents, you are aware of your disadvantage in becoming The Prince's lover are you not?"
Now that is something you didn't prepare for.
Well you did actually, it’s the first thing you think of but are you really that confident in your answer?
"I… I understand I may not be the most excellent or—or outstanding person when it comes to the arts of battle but when it comes to the virtues of Nikador… I too have been taught of them at a young age."
Your voice trembles a bit, you can feel their eyes on you. But right now, the only ones that matter are the ones of your lover.
“I do not come from a land of warriors but I was taught of perseverance and determination. Therefore, I am not going to give up our relationship merely because of our differences.”
"So please, I wish to learn more about Castrum Kremnos' culture to understand the beauties that have shaped the person I love and to become a part of your family's life!"
You're pretty sure you just yelled the last part in their face.Was that too much? You must have made a shame of yourself now. Will they dislike you? Do you leave now? Why is everyone so silent?
"Even so—"
"Father, that's enough. I did not bring them here for you to disrespect them, nor are they here as a contestant for marriage. I've brought them here out of my free will, as my lover and I expect you to treat them with the same respect you would show me."
"If you cannot see to my request that much, then I will leave with my lover right now."
Baffled but… touched? you turn to face Mydei. His eyes are fierce, showing a fiery sense of determination to protect your dignity in the face of his father's opposition. Just as he is about to ask you to leave with him, King Eurypon finally lets out…a laugh?
"That is an excellent answer my child! Now sit down and tell me how you two met."
Within one dinner, your brain must have crashed at least twice now. As you two reluctantly return to your seat, The Queen urges you to recount your first time meeting Mydei. As you relay the story to them with your last brain cell after the ordeal that just went down, Queen Gorgo herself also begins to tell you how she met King Europyon, their ensuing banter makes the air less tense and the anxiety begins to dissipate from your heart.
"That's just how they are, sorry you have to see that." Mydei turns to you, a content smile is evident on his face.
"It is quite alright, I find it very…heart-warming actually. Did your parents really have an arms wrestling match at their wedding?" Well considering they met on the battlefield, this doesn't sound that far off.
"Indeed, they still host the tradition every year." His eyes flick to his parents, their bickering is as lively and fiery as the spirit of Castrum Kremnos, yet full of love and passion nonetheless.
"Oh, do we have to do something like that too? If so, how am I ever going to win against you?" You tease him with a mischievous smile. Against your expectations, there's no witty comeback from Mydei. Perhaps still agitated by the earlier provocation, he lays his heart bare to you, admitting something that's so ardently condor and sincere.
"If it is victory that you desire, then I will gladly let you have it. Winning can never make me as satisfied as having you by my side."
When dinner is over, King Eurypon and Queen Gorgo invite you to stay back at the royal palace and come see the traditional sport festival held tomorrow. They tell you legends of past heroes, the glory of Strife and the virtues that Nikador blessed their people with. This time however, free of all tension and tautness.
"Mydeimos, why have you not prepared your lover with our people's traditional attire? Where is your manners my child? Come, I'll show you where to fetch it." Mydei turns to you briefly, almost longing to stay with you a bit longer before managing out a curt "I'll be back soon." He leaves with King Eurypon down the hallway. So that leaves you, alone, with his mother.
"I can't believe my Mydeimos has grown so quickly, now he has someone to love and call his own. That old King wasn't even this chivalrous at his age!"
"If I had offended you greatly with my remarks earlier, then I, Queen Gorgo, sincerely offer my apologies to you. I just wanted to know if Mydeimos has been treating you well. If he knows how to step up to defend you against his father and mother, and treats you with utmost love and respect, then that means I've raised him well."
"My Mydeimos… Although his armour is hardened with years of violence and blood-soaked dust of the battlefield, you'll find his heart more gentle and loving than any poet you have ever met."
"So please, love my child with your entire heart too."
You may get the impression that his parents are setting you up for a test at first but it's actually more of a test for Mydei himself. To know that their child has now grown mature and found someone he loves with his heart, they need to make sure he's treating his lover well.
In the end, what they wish most is for their child to find happiness. Now that the test is over, they're now your allies.
Dan Heng
You're deadass gonna be meeting the Astral Express crew lmao, so for the sake of the post, let's pretend like you weren't already a part of the crew.
While you're already familiar with Caelus, Stelle and March, you've yet to meet the other three members of the Nameless. One of them you know as the genius and beautiful navigator of the Astral Express, the other is Mr Sunday from Penacony and the other one is more or less of an enigmatic figure.
Even so, when faced with such formidable people, you are prone to be worried. Before you board the train for your official meeting and proper introduction as Dan Heng's significant other, you make sure to do your research.
Miss Himeko loves coffee so you've managed to buy some coffee beans on the inter-astral market, Mr Sunday and March are fond of sweets so you made a trip to Penacony to get some high-end desserts, Mr Yang likes film-making and animation so you are now suddenly overly-educated about the topic and you even have the twins' unique interest covered.
Dan Heng is reasonably baffled by your preparedness but he also assures you that you don't have to make such elaborate plans to gain their affection.
"I find your efforts admirable but truly, there's no need to plan so many things. The Astral Express members are all very friendly, I'm sure they would take a liking to you. But should any of them give you a hard time, I'll be there to back you up."
The first people you meet obviously are Stelle, Caelus and March. The three crowd around, excitedly inviting you into the parlor car. Their enthusiasm is marked by an onslaught succession of questions, ranging from your interests to your relationship with Dan Heng.
"I can't believe Dan Heng has a lover before me! Should I start brushing my hair more often or something?" Caelus asks, fingers scratching the back of his head like he were in some sort of serious contemplation.
"Have you ever heard? They say don't judge a comic by its cover, it may look bad but the content inside may just be the bomb! I bet Dan Heng has some serious hidden skills when it comes to wooing—Just to confirm though, you're sure you're here willingly? No hypnotizing magic involved? No bribery at all?" Stelle turns to face you mid-walk, her sudden turning makes your faces merely inches from each other.
Dan Heng gently pushes her face aside and sighs. "First of all, you need to treat our guest with respect by not intruding on their personal space. And second of all it's "Don't judge a book by its cover.""
"Yeah! Dan Heng's right, you two are being too invasive. So, tell me, what do you find so special in our Cold Dragon Young? Is he secretly a romantic at heart?" March whispers in your ear, you find it endearing how all lovely pink-haired girls all have a fascination with romance.
Dan Heng sighs at their antics, but doesn’t stop them. While March is showing off her camera to you, you catch a glimpse of Dan Heng smiling fondly–before you can call him out on that, Stelle and Caelus beat you to it, making him turn away with a blush on his face. March call them a bunch of childish idiots before offering to take a photo for you and Dan Heng
Mr Sunday is a breath of fresh air from the growing eagerness of the trio. He is respectful and also very pleasant to chat with. “Among the infinite vastness of the cosmos, finding someone whose heart you can resonate deeply with is no easy endeavour. But fate has its own ways, and when THEY have threaded the strings of destiny into a wonderful masterpiece, all is bound to happen as per their prophecy. For the long journey ahead, I wish you two nothing but happiness and joy, may your love be eternal and everlasting."
It's… a bit grand, you would almost think he's a priest officiating at a wedding but you appreciate the gesture nonetheless.
"The scenery from the Astral Express' windows is mesmerizing, don't you think so?"
You are spacing out, gazing at the stars of the universe when Dan Heng appears by your side. The iridescent vastness of the cosmos flickers by his eyes before softening into the emerald shade you've grown to love.
"Indeed, this spot offers an incredible panorama of the universe. It can ease your mind or perhaps… make it wander astray with thoughts." You place your palm against the glass, finger idly tracing the constellations from far away. "I've just talked to Mr Sunday, he has been pleasant company. However, his words left me pondering a bit…"
"Is that so? Sunday tends to say some very… thought-provoking things. Care to share them with me?" Dan Heng hands you a glass of your favorite drink, this must be the reason why he went to the bar earlier. You didn't tell him you were thirsty? How did he know?
"Well, don't you think it's fascinating how we manage to meet each other amidst the chaos of the universe? Among the billions of other people you could have met… fate brought me to you."
"Fate…? Truthfully, I don't really like its concept that much. I'd like to believe that us meeting each other, falling in love and choosing to stay in each other's life are conscious choices. It is per my own will that I remain by your side just as much as it is your own will that you board the Astral Express today. We walk the path that leads us to where we wish to be. As for me… I choose to walk this path because— because, I want you to be in my future."
He reaches out to tug a strand of hair behind your ears. The warmth of his fingers carefully gliding through your skin, the tenderness that he reserves only for you, the firmness in his decision when he lingers at your cheeks — Yes, they are all the choices he makes himself, to be with you.
"But if the constellations are not just erratically aligned but at the will of something omniscient and all-knowing. Then I hope all the paths I take will always lead me back to you."
Your boyfriend has to be the lamest lovable comedian ever. He sends you dad jokes found online and tells you clumsy pick up lines as if he has practiced them 30 mins in front of the mirror. But this time convinces you he truly has some hidden talent in wooing because your heartbeat turns uneven and volatile after what he says.
Seeing your reddened cheeks and shying eyes, he gently smiles a knowing smile before excusing himself to go retrieve the photos from earlier.
Eventually, you come to meet the rest of the Astral Express crew while you’re waiting for Dan Heng.
"Um hello,uh, are you the guest Dan Heng has brought?" The older man greets you first— Welt Yang, that's his name— Dan Heng told you before.
"Don't be so nervous, you seem even more on edge than our guest Welt. I am Himeko, the Astral Express' navigator. It is nice to finally meet you, I've heard a lot about you. It is great to finally be able to put a face to the name."
Mr Yang, seems to be more apprehensive than you are. There's this air of awkwardness that clings to him like a second coat but you can tell he's a genuinely kind and compassionate person, asking you about your home planet and inviting you to try out the delicacies at the bar.
Miss Himeko, however, seems a lot more put together. She's not too stern nor too laid back, she's comfortable to be around and carries a kind of grace that makes her respectable.
She begins to tell you small pieces of funny stories from when Dan Heng first joined the Express, his first trailblazing journey and how he came to befriend the rest. (During the time, she offers you a cup of coffee. Against Dan Heng’s advice and your need to be polite, you take one sip and then never again)
"I still remember when Dan Heng first joined us. He was so aloof and distant, always busy himself with the data bank and trying to minimize asking others for help. It's been a long journey since then though, and I'm glad to witness his growth as a person."
"He's finally got over his past and decided to move on to a new future, one where he's not chained by the shackles of the past or the burden of old duties. I'm even more happy that Dan Heng has found someone truly special to be in that future with him."
"Come visit the Express more often will you? Dan Heng doesn't verbalize it, but he misses you dearly sometimes."
Overall this is among the most stress-free experience ever, mainly because you’re not meeting his parents but his found-family, the people that has become the most important figures in his life
And somewhere among those lines, you’ve found yourself to be one of them too.
Phainon
Meeting Phainon's parents is also another stress-free experience, if not the most compared to the other HSR men mainly because he comes from a humble family of farmers so there's no class difference that you have to concern yourself with (no offense Mydei) and because Phainon tells you A LOT about his parents
Even when you've never met them before, you feel as if you've known them for a long time just from the amount of stories your boyfriend has told you.
So when he says he wants to bring you to Aedes Elysiae to meet his mom and dad, you are confident things can't go wrong! Pack your bags, wear your nicest attire, prepare some local cuisine from your hometown and you're set to go!
But if you think this isn't anything too intense then you're dead wrong 💀💀 It's not because of his parents at all. It's just that when Phainon said he wanted to properly introduce you to his parents, it means you're going to meet the entire village too.
"Phainon has a lover!"
"Phainon has a lover?!"
The moment you step foot into the village, a bunch of children rush out to greet you (or Phainon to be more exact). As Phainon introduces you as his lover, you're pretty sure some of the girls have wilted upon hearing that.
You can only console them with your limited number of candies and cookies. If you had known Phainon was such a famous celebrity among the village children, you would have brought more candies for them.
Congrats, you easily win the favor of these children with some sweet treats!
Phainon gently puts the young boy that is dangling on his down and walks towards you, still surrounded by young, curious kids asking you about life in Okhema.
"Have they been good? They didn't give you a hard time, did they?"
"Lovely kids really, I should've packed more candies for them." Looking at the last candy in your palm, you're already planning on what different flavors to bring the next time you visit Aedes Elysiae. Since you're in a good mood today, you decide to tease Phainon a bit.
"Well, have you been good?"
Surprised but not really taken aback, he grins and tilts his head at you. "Hopefully, since I also want a candy from you too."
When Phainon opens his mouth and gestures to you to feed it to him, the children point at him and call him sappy. You two laugh and continue to walk down the dirt path.
You should have known it, that Phainon is also well-beloved by the villagers as well. Farmers working on the field stop to wave at him, old ladies bring hot bread and fruits to welcome his return, even the dogs run out from the house to excitedly greet him??? (Your boyfriend is a certified Disney Princess)
And to each person that you two meet, he makes sure to introduce you as his lover. The villagers all smile warmly at you and compliment how lovely you two look together.
Phainon's parents are also very hospitable towards you. Right after they welcome their son with a hug, they immediately ask you about your trip and invite you inside to their humble abode.
Audata— Phainon's mother ushers you inside the house, she prepares you a cup of tea and a tray of fruits. Just like how Phainon told you, she's a warm and kind-hearted person, she spares no nice adjectives when it comes to complimenting you and ensures that you are comfortable in their house.
"Would you like some tea? How about a cup of jasmine tea or maybe black tea?"
"Dear, Phainon has brought home his lover, how can we be so mingy?" Hieronymus reminds his wife with a pat on her shoulder. Upon that, her eyes sparkle up.
"Oh you're right! I have some fine tea leaves that Cyrene gifted last time—"
"Ah, please, there's no need for that, I would love anything you have to offer, really!" You try to convince them that there's no need to give you such grand treatment but your insistence falls on deaf ears as Audata leaves to grab a kettle from the kitchen and Hieronymus takes Phainon out with him for some business.
Well, Phainon is their only child, so him finally bringing home his lover means a lot to them to the point they feel compelled to treat you as nicely as possible. It takes a lot of convincing for his mother to let you help out in the kitchen.
Turns out, Phainon and his father went out earlier to bring home a chicken, all to prepare a feast for you and Phainon. Unlike Audata, Hieronymus is not the overly excited parent, at least not outwardly. He shows his approval and acceptance of you through the forms of actions: going out of his way to bring a chicken for dinner, getting the finest honey to make honey suncake, buying freshly harvested olives to make juice. He's your typical father, showing love through actions
Audata doesn't hide her enthusiasm from you. She asks you about how you and Phainon met, what do you think of him back then, what do you think of him now, if Phainon has ever upset you (if you say yes, she just may have to have a very serious talk with her son). She even shows you Phainon's old belongings, telling you about how he used to play with wooden swords, the toy he loved as a kid, the comic book he adored as a teen and of course showing you baby Phainon photos! (Gave his mother a very difficult time since he was deadass 5kg/11 pound as an infant and continued to keep his baby fat late into his teen)
At the dinner table, there's roasted chicken, grilled ribs, fried fish and at least 4 different types of salad. Also it feels like a competition for the the three of them to pick food into your plate😭 (That's just how you know they see you as family now 🫶)
Reluctantly, you stuff your stomach with all of them. A long journey from Okhema with a slap-up meal is apparently a very bad combo. By the end of dinner, you feel very bloated, as if you could lie down and roll outside (No wonders Phainon was so chubby as a kid)
But even if you can't finish all of them, rest assured! You have a very willing living food dispenser by your side.
After dinner, Phainon's parents encourage you two to go for a walk even though both of you desperately ask them to let you help with the dishes.
The night breeze brushes past your skin, making your body instinctively curl inwards from the cold. Noticing your trembling body, Phainon takes the hem of his cloak and wraps it around your shoulder.
"Is this better?" You shuffled closer towards him until you could feel the warmth radiating off of his body and smile contently. "This is better."
You two sit in silence for a while, watching the wheat dance along the winds while admiring the diaphanous curtain of moonlight as it casts a dreamy sheen on the land.
"It is just like what you've told me, Aedes Elysiae is so serene and beautiful… How do you not get homesick all the time?" You glance at him, watching the moon bless him with the most breathtaking radiance ever.
"When do I not? I miss Aedes Elysiae all the time. But… having you be my side, cures that homesickness somehow." Phainon intertwines your fingers with his, gently brushing across the knuckles of your hand. Puzzled by his words, you wait for him to continue.
"Your gentle voice when you greet me every morning is as soft as the lullabies my mother sang to me when I was a kid, the warmth of your hands reminds me of days when I fell asleep on the sun-soaked grassland, even the light in your eyes bring me back to the constellations that I used to trace with my fingers. " As if to demonstrate, he brings his free hand to your face, following the trail from your temple to your cheekbone and jaw before stopping at your lips.
"In some ways, you are my home too."
The ensuing kiss leaves your longing heart wanting him more, but as the night grows colder, you both have to return home. Phainon gets called away by his father while you stand at the porch outside their house.
Stone-floor and wooden walls are all there is to this small home, tucked away in a far corner of Amphoreus where Oronyx has blessed the land with serenity and peace. You can spot the height marks on the porch column, each mark indicates the growth of Phainon, the years of love and happiness he grew up with.
"Khaslana has always been a tall kid. He already surpassed my height when he was 16." Phainon's mother—Audata walks to your side, admiring the traces of time etched in the wooden post.
"Indeed, even in Okhema, I've rarely seen anyone taller than him. I'm sure this is thanks to your years of tentative nurturing." She smiles at you, perhaps delighted by your compliment.
"Oh, thank you dear but I only did what a mother should."
She looks at you for a while, pondering what next words to say, how to tell you all about her worries and concerns. Eventually, she manages to get them out of her heart.
"People always praise my Khaslana for his selflessness. But as his mother, I wish he could be more selfish sometimes…"
"I'm sorry, that isn't very appropriate of me to say! Well, both his mom and dad are old now and we can't be by his side forever. But now that you're his family too, I hope you can be there for him through all of his arduous journeys."
"I know loving someone who's always too ready to burn himself for the world is no easy task. As his mother, I understand this and I know you do too. My dear, you are a very selfless person yourself—You have a beautiful soul. I, I'm very happy my son has met someone like you."
Her eyes are teary as she says this. The tears begin to roll down her face in beads, past the line of wrinkles and melasma— the cruel proof that time is beginning to dwindle, taking away all that is precious to Phainon.
You embrace her with a tender hug. Promising to take care of Phainon through all predicaments of life, to be there for him and be there with him for as long as time allows you to.
Dating a pilot is not for the weak. He's in Paris this morning, then Manila in the afternoon and Ha Noi in the evening. But you know Phainon, no matter where he is, he will make sure to return to your side by dawn.
✦ Synopsis: Pilot Phainon making time for his dear lover, no matter how busy he is.
✧ Featuring: Pilot!Phainon x Reader
✦ Word count: 1,4k
✧ Tags: Modern AU, Phainon is a pilot (a very hot one), established relationship, domestic fluff, fluff in general, he loves spoiling you, reader is a workaholic, distant relationship but he tries his best to make it up to you, gender-neutral reader, no use of yn very clingy Phainon.
✦ Note: I'm gonna be back to school soon... So take this as my offering to Phainon lovers, I will be back with more!
Also I wrote this very late at night... If I mess up the gender of the reader please notify me!
You wake up to 12 messages and 7 missed calls. Your neck hurts from sleeping on the table, but looking at the deadlines written on the notes hanging on your shelves, you really can't afford the luxury of sleeping on a nice mattress.
By the time your phone rings again, the 8th time or so, you finally snap and decide to pick up the call. You don't bother checking who is calling you, your fingers rapidly tapping on the phone screen, ready to give them an earful for interrupting your precious 10-minute sleep.
"Who the fuc-"
"Thank god finally!" You halt your angry speech immediately when you realize the familiar sing-song cadence of his voice. Even through your groggy, barely-awake state of mind, you would never mistake him for anyone else.
But it's almost 2AM right now and with how busy he is, you would think he should be sleeping in the cockpit rather than calling you in the middle of the night.
"Phainon? Why are you calling me at this hour?" You hastily sweep all of the energy drinks on your table into the trashcan, a habit you have culminated after times of him scolding you for overconsuming them. However, your effort proves to be fruitless as he catches onto that right away.
"Hey! Are you hiding those energy drinks from me again?"
"No, ahaha. Of course not." You nervously reply, then try to deflect the conversation.
"But you haven't answered my question yet. Why are you calling me at this hour? I thought you had a flight scheduled or something?" Dating a pilot surely isn't easy, he's constantly at work in different places, dealing with numerous things at one and is surrounded by multiple gorgeous flight-attendants. Not that you're particularly anxious about the last one though. He makes a point to reassure you that others can watch and admire him all they want but the only person who he belongs to is you.
"That's in the morning, I still have a few hours left. Oh and open the door please?"
"Huh?" You are dumbfounded for a second before the weight of his words crash down onto your mind. Rushing to the window, you see him still in his uniform, standing right outside of your house. When he spots you, he waves his hand enthusiastically like a little kid while the other one is holding onto multiple different bags.
You hang up and run downstairs to open the door for him. When the key clicks and the door slams open, he instantaneously wraps his arms around your shoulders, you fall backwards a few steps under his weight.
"Phainon, why didn't you tell me in advance? I would have come to the airport-"
You don't get to finish the sentence before he puts his entire weight on you. Now you two are lying in the hallway while he drapes his large body across yours, hampering your attempts to break free from his hug.
"-to see you."
"Hey! At least let me close the door first, it's cold!"
The cool air keeps on pooling in from the opened door yet Phainon doesn't budge. He leans his head into the crook of your neck, his breath gently tickles your skin.
"Last time you came, there was a delay and you had to wait over an hour. So I decided to come directly to you instead."
Your hand sweeps up to pat his head, you cannot really argue with that. You had to stand at the airport over an hour at 5AM on your break day just to meet him. He must have felt guilty for that despite having showered you with gifts and dates right after that incident. But you never think he would go this far just to meet you on his work days.
He only agrees to let go of you when the cold wind starts to get unbearable. You urge him to go take a bath, you don't even want to know how long he has been wearing that uniform for. Also you just don't want to hear his mischievous comments about the blush on your face after he says such trivial things. His 2 AM antics would drive you round the bend.
While he is in the shower you take out the things he has brought along. A package of foreign sweets and souvenirs, clothing from a brand whose name you cannot read and some other random stuff like he bought them according to a grocery list.
The door to the shower opens as steam comes out. Before you can turn back, his arms are already wrapped tightly against your waist. You can feel the water from his body dampening your clothes.
"Phainon, don't go around the house shirtless, you're gonna catch a cold." He groans out in frustration but reluctantly complies and departs from your waist to find the T-shirt he left somewhere in your place.
"Are you planning to head back home?" Aside from all the luxurious, foreign gifts he prepares for you there's a bag filled with random essentials and groceries like toothpaste, cereal, a jar of jam, bread and flour. How did he even manage to buy these at such an ungodly hour?
"What? I practically live here now- Oh those things? They're for you. Last time I came, your toothpaste was living on its pension so I figured I would do you a favor. And also, you need to stop eating instant noodles, no buts, I just checked your trashcan."
You feel the warmth creeping up to your cheeks slowly, one from the fact that blood is rushing to your face and another is because his arms are already back where they previously were.
Despite being so busy with work responsibilities, there's still a place in his heart and mind where he keeps things about you. Your horrible addiction to energy drinks, your miserable diet of only instant noodles and the lack of grocery, necessities like toothpaste around your house. Somehow, just that lone realization makes your heart flutter and you beam like a highschool student the first time he bought you that drink you used to like.
After you carefully put bread and jam into the fridge, Phainon immediately pulls you into bed with him, not without scolding you for working so late at night of course.
"If I hadn't been working at that time, who would have opened the door for you?" You pull the blanket over his shoulders and yours, he happily snuggles closer to you, all lightheaded and giddy.
"Right, but go to sleep sooner next time. Otherwise it would mess up your biological clo-"
"You don't get to lecture me on that. Now go to sleep!"
"Yes captain." He obediently complies and for the first time in this entire week, you get to enjoy a good night's sleep. Days, no, moments like this are rare to come by. They are fleeting as they are rare, if you don't enjoy them to the fullest, there may be no opportunity again.
As you close your eyes and savour this very second, his steady breath, this messy ivory hair, ocean blue eyes and the warmth you have dearly missed for so long, you wonder if he misses you too. Just looking at that fondness swelling in his eyes and the affection thrumming through his ever heart beat, perhaps you know the answer already.
When you wake up to the loud alarm clock, the bed is cold again. He probably manages to sleep for 4 hours before changing into his uniform and heading back to the airport.
On the nightstand is a note, adorned with cute puppy images and a clumsily hand-drawn sun at the corner.
"I made breakfast for you. Reheat it and eat properly!"
"Sign 'Your one and truly and dearest, loveliest, handsome, fabulous and most loving boyfriend- Phainon'."
Admittedly, the empty space and cold air beside you does make your heart swell with pain each morning you wake up. The occasional loneliness has been one you are accustomed to since the start of his career. Even so, you tentatively take the note and put it in the drawer with a dozen others.
Maybe it is just as they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. The sadness is brief and before you are even aware of it, he's already at your door. So you learn to cherish every second with him and appreciate the time you two are apart. Then all that waiting would eventually pay off.
Deep down you know, no matter where he is, he will always return to your side by dawn.
✦ Synopsis: Weakness is often the byproduct of routines, which Lohen despises along with the former. But here's this medic who shows him there's more to strength than what he thought and she makes the idea of routines more tolerable.
✧ Featuring: Lohen x Medic!Reader ( she/her pronouns)
✦ Word count: 4k
✧ Tags & CW: Lohen drugs reader at the end of the fic (for no malicious reason but still), mild description of injuries, Lohen is in deep denial about his feelings, somewhat canon-compliant but the timeline is weird if you squint, Lohen's trauma of being kidnapped and his defeat against Rerir, Lohen's self-doubt and insecurity, angst and fluff, the writer has no knowledge about medicine and didn't pay attention in biology class but is trying her best, not beta read (when are my fics beta read anw), may be OOC
✦ Note: An extended note for my work, feel free to read this before or after or not at all!
Lohen doesn't like routines.
This is what he has always known ever since he was a kid. Watching the monotonous ways his father's arm flexes as the axe drops down to the wood, the clean slit across the leather his mother cuts over and over again—he realizes that he despises this repetitive mundanity. It breeds complacency and complacency leads to weakness.
The medics, you included, however, find a strange sort of solitude in your routines. Every morning, you wake up at the break of dawn to prepare the medical supplies or switch the night shift with another colleague to look after the wounded. On most days, you tend to their injuries, prepare the saline, distribute antibiotics, check for infections and change the knights' bandages. There is something almost calming to it and you wish for the days to come to stay exactly as they are.
Lohen has nothing against the medics— their job is honorable, commendable and important to the expedition. He doesn't think they're weak by any means, but "strong" wouldn't be a word he uses to describe them and unfortunately, that just happens to be his favorite word of all.
"Oh? You're not enjoying the party?"
You whip your head around faster than you would like, letting the sewing kit forgotten on your lap. Pity, you were so close to successfully threading that needle.
"Vice Captain Lohen," you promptly greet him, "…I could ask you the same."
"Nahh, I don't drink. The only use I have for alcohol is disinfecting my wounds." He casually looks back to the knights dancing around the bonfire, with a bottle of dandelion wine in hand they could make this scorched outpost look like Angel's Share, like home.
"Guess we have that in common then. So what brings you here? If it's for the laxative then my answer is still no."
"As sharp as ever. But since you're so persistent, I won't pester you anymore…"
"for now."
You have a feeling it's not the laxative he's truly after— because if it is, he wouldn't bother asking. Lohen sits on the patch of land next to you, already easing into his man-spreading position.
"Soooo, shouldn't you be resting instead of practicing suture? I mean, with that injury and all."
You quizzically look over to him, the pain that has been terrorizing your right hand has long dulled down, at least to the point where it no longer paints the bandage crimson anymore. But the after-effect of it lingers, just another compromising thing.
"Hm? You think too highly of me. This is just a regular sewing kit, a personal hobby of mine. But since such skill makes suturing a lot easier I suppose it's a form of practice too."
You pick up the fallen needle, hand tentatively try to thread the string again but the shake that haunts your right hand and the dimly-lit surrounding makes the motion you've practiced all your life more difficult than ever.
"Allow me." Lohen gently takes the string from your hand, flatten the tip with his tongue and pushes it through the needle's eye. You don't know whether to be stunned that someone like him could perform the act so easily in one go or embarrassed by the fact that you've already licked that thread. Nevertheless, you thank him and don't speak a word of it when he hands the needle back to you.
"Huh… I never knew you enjoy sewing too." You inspect his work with morbid curiosity, he has even made a knot for you while you were distracted.
"Ehh…I don't. My family practices bow-making so I had to learn how to sew from my mother." Lohen's eyes rake over the small piece of fabric you're holding, observing the way the needle dips and reappears on the cloth— It has not been one minute in and he's already imagining a knife slipping in and out of the enemy's body, tearing the fleshy meat open as blood spurts out like color off a paint tube. It's a mental practice to cure the boredom on some nights.
"Also, I have no need for such a skill. They don't help me get stronger anyways."
It's an innocuous remark. And definitely doesn't mean any harm from Lohen, he's mostly just projecting. After years of working together, you know how well he loathes repetitiveness— which just happens to be an attribute of your work. It's the kind of repetitiveness that gets lost in the volatile changes of the battlefield and drowned out by the pained moans of anguished knights and thus, often go unnoticed.
"That's reasonable, I don't sew to get stronger, I don't really care about strength either. I just want to— " You hesitate, telling him this probably means nothing to him. But you can't help the words that just keep on flowing from your mouth nor the smile that forms when the idea flashes through your mind."—to open a tailor's shop after this all ends."
Lohen doesn't understand how someone can enjoy such mundanity, much less long for it. In the face of abyssal dangers, you should be fighting against mortality to get stronger every day, not reveling in a blissful dream that is so fragile.
He glances over to you with an intriguing gaze, trying to read through the nuance of your expression. You never hold that kind of look when you're stitching up wounds. You look focused, not in a stiff, rigid way when you meticulously seam the needle through the skin, but in a calm, tranquil motion which your mouth hangs open just slightly and your eyes crinkle a tad bit in concentration.
He still doesn't get how people long for such a boring thing. But if repetitiveness brings you such joy— then maybe it's worth fighting for, and maybe, just maybe your bright smile is worth the troubles it take to protect this nice little dream of yours.
Lohen doesn't like routines.
He has fought his entire life to escape from it. From the monotonous tradition of bow-making his family practices to the boring days of treading different lands as adventurer, all to run away from the complacency that has made him weak, powerless in the face of crisis.
Ironically, he ends up back where he started.
When Lohen opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is the muted shade of the infirmary's tent. Then come the sounds of pained cries, grunts, the sharp edges of horror from those who have managed to cheat death, yet still stuck somewhere between life and agony. The air inside the tent is thick, tainted with strong alcohol and rusted copper. The humidity from the rain makes the bandage much more suffocating, even worse since he's covered in it.
He tries to limp his tattered body just slightly, yet the pain crashes through his limbs with tremendous force— It feels like being crushed under a building and burnt alive from within. With little to no bodily autonomy left, his consciousness slips back into the battlefield, where the sounds of spears clashed, skins slicing and guns going off deafen the gentle lure of the rain.
He hears the Grandmaster calling for him.
"You..! Take him and fall back!"
Something struck the ground as it erupted a head-splitting roar, but his vision has been heavily impaired—by the iron taste of blood and the flying debris caught in the crossfire. All that he could feel was the arms of someone carrying him back and the hurried footsteps marching out of the battlefield.
That heavy, thunderous sound echoing in the back of his mind is urging his heart to thump dangerously loud in his chest, each beat leads to a cacophony that's drumming, driving him insane. The rain keeps on falling, weaving an alloyed cluster of sounds, yet its melodic rhythm does little to ease the turmoil inside him. It's not until Lohen registers the poised, gentle footsteps against the wet soil that his breathing pace levels off a bit.
"I heard you scared Winfried to death when they brought you back to the camp."
Lohen doesn't need to crane his neck to know who it is but he still does, and the consequent pain that follows is excruciating.
"Please stay still, your body is in no condition to move." Seeing that there's not much he can do, he bitterly complies. Flicking his gaze towards the protruded part of the tent where the rainwater has been pooling up, he starts to ponder about the situation on the battlefield. Is it raining this heavily too?
"When—can I be back on the frontline?" The words that leave his mouth are incredibly strained and hoarse but the genuineness hidden behind them is tender.
"Not anytime soon, Grandmaster's order. But you needn't worry, they should be able to take care of themselves." A textbook response, it's hard to even gauge anything by your tone of voice. Medics are taught to communicate with their patients in specific ways so as not to diminish their morale, has he gotten so weak in your eyes that you feel the need to keep this barrier with him?
Lohen resigns to watching you wipe down the medical tray with alcohol and lay out your work equipment. The clinking sounds of saline bottles against the metal surface soon evades the silence between you two and the heavy rain outside also dulls out the restless cries of pain from the wounded.
Lohen eyes the two tablets on the tray, no matter what he says, you always insist he take the painkillers. But those don't look like the regular Fentanyl you always administer to him.
"You can save those for the others, I—I can manage the pain on my own."
"Are you sure? This may look like a simple bandage change procedure but even Varka has to sometimes beg for alcohol to relieve the pain."
"Heh, I doubt it's pain that he's concerned with… Either way, I would be grateful to still feel it." You don't seem very convinced with his reply, but the scrunch in your brows is giving you away. It's saying that your resolve has gone a bit weaker, and with a little more negotiation, this could work. "But if you're so worried, I can use my Cryo vision." That seems to do the trick.
"Well then… I have to trouble you this time. Please apply your Cryo power to the surrounding area I'm going to work with. And signal me to stop if it gets too much, alright?"
How cute.
Even after all this time in the expedition team, you still think Lohen would be concerned by the pain. Maybe it's out of your ethics as a medic or trepidation over his general well-being. Either way he doesn't want to ponder too long on that.
You begin to work through the outer layers of the old bandage with your trauma shears, eyes entirely fixed on the cluster of injuries all over his abdomen. Your focused attitude gives him the leeway to finally peer at your visage. You look a bit roughed up, a deep black shadow circles your under eyes— it dims the lovely shade Barbatos has blessed you with, but admittedly still a lot better compared to the shade of crimson that painted half of your face back then.
Lohen doesn't deny the fact that he's one to indulge in any tactic to secure his victory which includes taking out the opposing side's medics. But when he saw you lying there with blood dripping across your forehead, seeping into the ground as Rerir was just about to lunge at you once more, something took over. It was a hot surge of panic and anxiety, a type of adrenaline that he thought was periodic to him by now and yet he couldn't control it. It wasn't like the adrenaline he felt when his dagger sliced cleanly through the artery of a Fatui Agent, it wasn't akin to the exciting rush when his spear pierced through an Abyss Mage's shield. It was the utter horror when his kidnappers forced a hand over his mouth and dragged him away from his father, the tantalizing realization when he saw another kid got dragged by the collar towards a dimly-lit room, the crippling despair upon realizing his deep-rooted weakness bred by years of complacency.
The injured hand that you once said had been recovering well is now covered in bandage and gauze again. Lohen can just spot the color of them right under the hem of your gauntlet. Does the pain still keep you up at night? Do you seek out the flickers of the flame to ease your mind off of it? Do you wear that disappointed look when your hand shakes too badly to even thread the needle?
"Lohen!"
Your urgent voice snaps him out of his trance as he quickly recovers from being caught staring at you. "You're going to give yourself frost burn if you keep this up."
He quickly regains control over his Vision and lowers the intensity of Cryo application. The overwhelming burn only becomes noticeable when his mind is anchored back by your voice.
"Sorrysorry, the pain feels too bearable so I had to try something else."
Right after he says that, you uncap the bottle of saline water and chug it all over the old bandage across his abdomen. The reaction is immediate as Lohen shuts his eyes and scrunches his nose in pain. The contrast between his throbbing wound and the cool liquid is a sharp slap to the face. The burn that it ignites is also equally painful, even managing to draw out a low hiss from his mouth.
"Happy now?"
"V—Very." His response is accompanied by a heavy grunt and a grimace that is a borderline enthused grin.
As Lohen regulates his Cryo power to cope with the burn, you wait for the saline water to do its work. "Good, if that couldn't satisfy you I would have ripped the bandages off raw."
"Sounds nice but sadly, you would never do that to me."
And you are very much wishing you would. However, the idea of tearing out a patient's still recovering tissue is deeply repulsive to you. Not because of your discipline as a medic alone, but also because of the huge unsightly mess of blood it would cause.
Once the bandages are thoroughly soaked, you begin to remove them. Rolls of amber and crimson-stained gauze come undone under your dexterous hands, yet even with a lifetime of practice it still takes over ten minutes to completely get rid of those blood-soaked gauze.
You tentatively lean closer to his stomach to inspect the wounds. The edges of the cuts are still swollen and purple, rolled inwards which reveal the fleshy muscle beneath. Some areas have formed dark, brown crusts with some clear amber fluid leaking out.
His entire body looks like a battlefield, as if the Wild Hunt has just gathered to maul him to death. You mentally and silently pray to Barbatos before using a syringe to clean the wounds with saline water, the raw tissue immediately flushes bright red as blood begins to ooze out— The blood flow is stable, there is no dead tissue or foul smell at all. His body is recovering at outstanding pace—perks of being a Vision wielder maybe.
Meanwhile, Lohen is tugging on the infirmary's bed beneath. Maybe Varka really weren't lying when he asked to get wasted for this procedure, the pain is almost unbearable. But it's a good sign, because it means he can still feel. He's still alive, and the pain you bring is proof of that.
His Cryo vision has proven to be wonderfully versatile, acting as both a weapon and a stand-in for painkillers. The frost brought about by his power fights fiercely with the throbbing ache of his opened wounds, clashing like the deafening thunder outside when it strikes upon a scorched patch of land. But it's nice, the tense spasms of his muscles and the piercing sting that knocks the air out of his lungs are signs that his body is still desperately clinging onto life— still alive and still fighting.
Eventually, you manage to get through with the petroleum gauze and finish everything nicely with a final layer of dry bandage. A well-deserved sigh of relief quietly leaves your mouth as beads of cold sweat roll down your temple.
As for Lohen, when the pain subsides, he mentally rewards himself with the sight of your proud smile. You always do this after a job well-done, and he always eats it up with an inexplicable twinge of pleasure. It's a weird, one-sided routine between you two, one that he strangely doesn't mind. If he has to rationalize this inside his head, he would say it's because a medic's happy smile means the patient has cheated death— he has cheated death.
Or maybe it's because you're so enveloped in your personal joy that you don't notice the unused tablets of painkillers now lying snugly in his palm. Yes, that must be it and nothing more.
Lohen doesn't like routines.
And his days of being bedridden only serve to amplify his aversion to it. His morning starts with antibiotics, then bandage change and then breakfast along with physical therapy, the rest of the day is just rinse and repeat. Even though he has shown remarkable healing rate, he is still stubbornly not allowed to get out of bed— and with Varka on your side, there's little he can do against order.
This is nothing short of torture to him, being forced to lay in bed all day with no activity, no fight, no enemies to tear apart or dump his boredom onto. And when the body is inactive, the mind overworks itself. He keeps on thinking about the failed ambush plan, about what went wrong, about his powerlessness and futile mortality. He thought about the horror etched in his comrades' faces when he fell, the panic that took over when they realized that one of their strongest frontiers has been destroyed.
And about you too, as much as he dislikes to admit. If he had been quicker, he could have pushed you away from the attack's trajectory. If he had been stronger, he could have stopped that attack in the first place. And if he had not been so powerless, he wouldn't have had to see someone else carry your limp, battered body away. But in the end, he is still just a mortal, a normal being with physical limitations and barriers he can't overcome.
What is more frustrating than most is that the person who has to rest in bed is him and not you. You're still running around camp providing aid to everyone, stitching up wounds with your injured arm, rationing and administering painkillers to the patients as well as taking up the night shifts for the other medics who are under recovery.
"Morale would drop drastically if the chief medic of our team can't work," Varka said before adding "Besides, there's really nothing I can say that would sway her. In a difficult time like this, the only thing we can do is to be grateful for her tireless effort to aid everyone and keep up morale."
And now that morale is stable, you deserve some bit of rest too no?
Lohen watches as you sit motionlessly on the chair, head tipped against its back, your breathing is stable and there's a sense of tranquility in the way your chest falls and rises. As gently as possible, Lohen hooks one arm underneath the backs of your knees while the other is secured around your shoulder and carries you over to the infirmary's bed. The strain he's putting his body under is mild, relatively bearable and the pain combined with the steady weight of you in his arms brings a skewed sort of comfort to him.
Before putting you down on the mattress, he hesitates for a bit, savoring the warmth of your body and the steady motion of your breathing. The sight of you like this shook him more than he will ever admit, it's uncannily similar to when you were blacked out during the battle— but you're here now, a little overworked but alive nonetheless.
But why exactly does that feeling pain him so? And why you?
Your forgotten little handiwork that he saw months ago is still on the table, left unfinished as he remembered. You haven't picked up your little hobby these past few months, all caught up in the whirlwind of work and intense pressure so different from the routine you've always loved. Looking at your bandaged hands now, you probably won't be returning to that simple routine anytime soon.
But for now, you can still enjoy a well-deserved rest. You've been working yourself to the bones after all, pushing through the pain to aid your comrades, keeping a positive attitude to uphold morale, staying strong for everyone.
Strong…
You certainly are. And maybe, he's the one who's not strong enough.
Lohen gently drapes the thin blanket over your sleeping form and carefully tug the loose strands away from your face. He picks up the half-empty glass of water on the table and walks outside to pour the rest out.
This is the least he can do for you, after everything he couldn't.
"Ah Vice Captain Lohen!"
"Anselm. Finishing up for the day?" Lohen quickly greets the man, flicking his wrist a few times to get rid of the remaining water.
"Yes, I've just finished organizing the medicine logs— it's a hassle, can't imagine how our chief medic keeps up with this work bulk. " The old man's eyes shift towards the tent behind Vice Captain Lohen's back and then the glass in his hand.
"Um… I also noticed there's some missing Diazepam from the records. Work has been hectic lately, I wonder if any of the medics may have made some mistakes while cataloging medications."
Tsk.
Did Vice Captain Lohen just 'tsk'ed ?
The poor man almost thinks he is hallucinating— the scene that has just unfolded before his eyes vanishes like the flash of thunder on a cloudless night.
"How troublesome, I initially didn't want to trouble our chief medic for this. But seems like I would still need to have her look into these missing painkillers… Seems like another long day awaits her tom—"
"Ah-ah—Vice Captain Lohen! There's no need to trouble her with it, it's nothing substantial anyways. The new batch of Fentanyl should be arriving soon, we won't need to rely on alternative painkillers anymore. Asking her to look into this seems—rather, unnecessary… Especially after how hard it took for you to convince her to rest."
Once more, Anselm's attention is drawn to the slight opening of the tent behind Lohen's back. From the tiny creak, he could make out the exhausted form of you sleeping soundly. He does not know how Lohen did it, but it's good he managed to do so.
"Hmm, very well. Then this can stay as our little secret. Thank you for your hard work, you should get some rest now."
And so, the moon keeps on hanging high in the sky and the clouds disperse into a thin veil across the dark canvas of black. With the expedition coming to an end very soon, you may finally get to live out your dream life. Or maybe not, considering you being you, you would probably volunteer to stay behind— "I go wherever I am needed."
But when you can finally return to Mondstadt, Lohen would like to pass by your tailor's shop every so often to see your crafts. Your hands may have healed completely by then, granting you full liberty to derive joy from your art and you may not even need his help anymore. Even so, he still wants to see that smile of yours after every job well-done, whether under the lights and sharing the happiness with you or lurking in the darkness to protect your fragile domesticity.
Lohen doesn't like routines, but the idea of sharing one with you isn't so bad.
helllooo i saw ur req was open and wanted to send my most craving need to read 🥹
I didnt see anything abt poly in yr rules so u can ignore this req completely if you dont want to write it lol
could u possibly write phairene x reader dating hc?
Phairene x Reader dating headcanons!
This screams two bad bitches at the same damn time man😭But really though, I love this request sm!! Partly because I love Phainon and mostly because I feel like Cyrene is so underrated so thank you sm for giving me a chance to write this!
Also just a heads-up, since there's no clear specific details as to what kind of polyamory this is, I can only assume you meant this as in Phainon and Cyrene x Reader since this blog is mostly an x Reader so I apologize in advance!
Wait! How did it come to this in the first place??
Personally, I see Cyrene as the first to confess to you and will probably be the first to bring this subject up. The three of you have always been close, in a sense that physical touch or intimate gestures are always labeled as "normal trio things". Cyrene catches the shift quickly, she has very good understanding and grasp of her emotions and is intelligent enough to tell romance from closed friendship
Phainon on the other hand… Takes a while to come to terms with the fact that he's in love with his you in a less platonic way and more of a I-want-you-so-badly kind of way. However, he's pretty sharp too, he picks up the signs that Cyrene may be feeling the same way for you so he kinds of… retreat? Take a back seat and numb his feelings down so Cyrene can be with you instead.
Cyrene is also very aware of this, so she just confronts him about the matter and well, come up with a solution. She has all three of you sat around a table like it's a inter-city negotiation and gingerly declares that "Since we all have too much love in our hearts, let's just share it with one another!" — That is if you have no problem with it.
Flustered as you are, you eventually admit your feelings for them and agree to try out polyamory— as per Cyrene's suggestion.
So, how is it going?
At first, you and Phainon are very confused about the whole thing, like how does this work? Do you agree on a specific schedule like Mon-Wed-Fri for Phainon and Tue-Thu-Sat for Cyrene? Then what about Sunday? (as in the day of the week and not the chicken guy)
Since you two are callow in this regard, Cyrene has to take the lead very often. She insists that you all just act normally, like how you always do! But with better understanding of your feelings and the romance that comes with it.
Your dates range from late night relaxation together at the Hero's Bath or an excursion around Okhema. Cyrene is very creative so she's in charge of date location, sometimes you three enjoy a romantic dinner at a small restaurant in Okhema, other times you visit the Garden of Life to play with the Chimeras. She's the type to never run out of date ideas, whether indoors or outdoors. She absolutely loves makeup and skincare dates too, especially when the weather isn't favorable for outdoor activities.
Phainon of course also contributes to this by helping in certain ways. By that I mean he makes sure to reserve seats at the restaurant, scour for monsters at the outskirts of Okhema when you go stargazing, carrying all of your and Cyrene's bags if you want to go shopping and he pays, of course. You may be wondering where the hell does this penniless lad even get all the money for this?? Honestly, he doesn't tell you, he just insists you two to let him pay lol. Also a very flexible boyfriend, if you want the more fun, barn-storming dates like a spar (yes that's his idea of a date) or a spar but at the bath house or maybe a spar at communicating with Dromases— He's up for it! And he's not against letting you and Cyrene put face masks and makeup on him or messing with his hair.
Phainon and Cyrene are both very big on physical touch so you can always expect both of your hands to be held tight and warm. Cuddling is also a favorite activity too (not so much for you during the hotter seasons of Amphoreus). Envision being sandwiched between these two, Cyrene likes to place her arm across your chest, letting her breaths fan near your cheeks while Phainon typically puts his arm across your stomach, chin over your head. The heat radiating off them makes the cold air of the night less icy and lonely but also makes your life pretty miserable when summer comes.
If you insist on not cuddling during hot days, they'll pout and try to change your mind. Cyrene often just tell you straight up that "I can't find any joy in a night without your warmth!" or "How can this lonely maiden find any comfort in her slumber if not by your side?"
Phainon would take another route by telling you "My insomnia turns restless without you by my side.". Yes go we love our emotionally manipulative king (only for small trivial things)
They will quit right away if you threaten to sleep on the couch though ( they know well there's no way to squeeze all three on it) In the end, you choose to still sleep together with them on the bed, but each of them has to stay at least 20 cm from you to ensure sufficient breathing ground.
But you still wake up with their limbs tangled in yours and sweat dripping down your entire body. So it's basically like sleeping with an overly clingy Samoyed and an affectionate gorgeous pink ragdoll.
Being in a polyamory with Cyrene and Phainon also means receiving a lot of love, in many different ways. Phainon is always willing to help you with whatever you need, acts of service is just his middle name, his love makes your life a lot easier in ways that seem mundane and domestic.
You never have to worry about losing things, he always remembers where you last put it! And he puts a lot of effort into remembering things you say fleetingly. You like this specific dish? Now he's got a bachelor degree in it and is ready to make you an infinite amount of serving. You find the plot of this game fascinating? Okay, he's also disgustingly educated about the topic, so let's chat for hours! The button of your favorite pajamas fall off? No worries, Phainon has it covered!
Phainon's love is one that manifests in his intensity to protect you but also in the normalcy of life. The want and need to build a home together and to be there for you, with you not just as the Deliverer but also Phainon of Aedes Elysiae.
Cyrene, on the other hand, is one that never spares a word when it comes to complimenting you. Doesn't even have to be about appearance, it can be just about anything! That's precisely the person she is, one to find beauty in every corner of the world and every glimpse at you—her lover.
You just learn a new recipe? "My love, this is amazing! Ahhh, I can't believe I get to enjoy your cooking almost every day♡", you draw a Chimera doodle "Ahh! ꨄ ︎So adorable! Should we make our Chimerasonas together?", you have a new pajama "This color looks so pretty on you❤︎ ! Should we get matching ones? A pink for me and a blue for Phainon!"(The heart emojis automatically appear, she just does it).
Her love for you manifests itself in her words, thought, spoken and written. She finds you in every beauties of the world, every words she writes, every song she hears and every poem she makes— the true "to be loved by a writer" experience. Cyrene strives to make a lot of unforgettable memories with you, enjoy every second with you by her side— her love is both passionate and deep, loud and silent, beautiful and tragic.
Both Phainon and Cyrene rarely ever have any qualms about your relationship. Due to their duties as the Chrysos Heirs, they learn to cherish every moment with you for they know well what will become of themselves once it's their turn to fulfill the prophecies. Before that day comes, they try to make the best out of time, they leave you with memories and love in the forms of gifts, letters, poems, memorabilia,… anything that will make their existence last as long as possible so after the Era Nova, all of you can be reunited.
"Since we all have too much love in our hearts"
Loving the prophesied heroes of Amphoreus is no easy task. There's nothing that hurts more than watching the love of your life burning themselves away for this world.
As you can already guess, this romance is one that is as ephemeral as it is beautiful. During the first cycle of Amphoreus, both Phainon and Cyrene watch as the world crumbles and vanish. They have to watch as Okhema falls to pieces as flashes of black and red consumes everything, as well as their lover.
So they set out on a long, long quest to save Amphoreus and the universe. For they have too much love in their hearts, they love Aedes Elysiae, love Amphoreus, love the foreign universe they've never reacher and so too, they love you.
Eternal Recurrence #4,000,001
48 million Coreflames. They surged through his entire body like raging flames, consuming his mortal flesh until all that was left was no more than wreckage and ruins.
The constellations at the Vortex of Genesis shone down an empty vessel, its shell cracked and broken, revealing an abysmal void into the darkness. The flames of destruction demanded everything from him— and the derelict body of his was no longer tempting.
He turned to the one thing he could do, trying to find his wayback to you and Cyrene, somewhere within those 4,000,001 cycles back to the first one— No not the Eternal Recurrence #1, but the first, the beginning where it all started.
In the vastness of memories he had harbored across his quest, he tried to look for the nights you all spent stargazing in the outskirts of Okhema, the stolen late nights at the Hero's Bath, the warm meals by the candlelight you three used to share. The fragmented dreams of a distant past that was beginning to seem like a fever dream, a result of wishful thinking, a delusion of a lost man.
They were as beautiful as the flicker of flame in this dark, cruel world. The memories burn bright, passionate and fast, flickering wildly as if it had been a candle amidst a storm. Your form slowly came through from the tiny spark of the flame, fluttering erratically until the fire gave in to the winds and all that was to remember you by was no more than a handful of ashes. Because, between him and Cyrene, there lay a black blot.
The thing he feared most had finally happened.
Eternal Recurrence #801, he couldn't recall the color of your cheeks when you blush
Eternal Recurrence #2,234, he couldn't remember where your mole used to be.
Eternal Recurrence #4,024, he couldn't trace the bridge of your nose.
Eternal Recurrence #5, 930, he couldn't remember the shape of your lips.
Eternal Recurrence #7, 283, he couldn't remember the shade of your lips.
Eternal Recurrence #112,923, he couldn't measure the length of your hair.
Eternal Recurrence #824, 929, he couldn't remember the color of your hair.
Eternal Recurrence #1,023,943, he couldn't recognize your voice.
Eternal Recurrence #1,923,889, he couldn't recall how your skin felt.
Eternal Recurrence #2,023,657, he couldn't remember the shape of your brows.
Eternal Recurrence #3,234,928, he couldn't remember the shape of your eyes.
Eternal Recurrence #3,982,999, he couldn't remember the color of your eyes.
Eternal Recurrence #4,000,001, he couldn't remember your face.
As this vessel had entered its final stage of withering, there would be no use in keeping it anymore, especially when your face had completely vanished from its memories. Khaslana had thought this through carefully.
All the Phainons of the next cycle will make the same choice— he was sure of it. But he, might be the last to carry the burnt, torched picture of your smile. He wondered if Phainon would meet you again in the next cycle, would fate allow him to find his ways to you unknowingly? Or make him be just another passing face in your life?
Well that no longer mattered, this vessel was completely incapable of love…
So now, let wrath incinerate fate!
One will remain in the past,
One will walk toward the future.
The sounds of her heels clicking against space is both silent deafening. Even though she knows where this path would lead her, her pace and smile doesn't falter. She's aware of her choice, continuing on this path would mean she can no longer strive for the stars, can't witness the birth of Amphoreus and can't fulfill her promise of reunion with you and Phainon.
The vast space earlier has now vanished, no more distant stars nor galaxies, the beautiful painting of the cosmos has all but faded into a shade of white. She holds her conviction firm in her heart, for she knows Peach would make the same choice.
"Love? How should I explain it… It's something that can be amorphous or physical, it can be anyone and anything."
"Me? I love a lot of people and things. Let's see… I love Aedes Elysiae, the little fairies, the color pink, the Flame-Chase, my friends, the wheat field, Amphoreus, humanity and … I love—"
Undefined Record #XXX, Archived.
Her love is abundant, so much so that it exceeds the digital constrains of Amphoreus and out to the universe. Cyrene wishes she can too, love like that.
Even as of now, as she has taken the steps towards the empty pages of future, Cyrene still has troubles letting go of some things.
What is it like to love and to be loved?
Cyrene can still remember you clearly, Peach once told her you were a dear person to her. Your love makes the dark corners of the streets seem brighter than ever, your smile turns the lonely, far-away stars on the night sky closer and warmer, your touch soothes the coldness of morning away from her palms, your gaze fills this world with a pink tint that she so dearly adores.
Cyrene walks towards the void, the white page of her future will become the colorful future for the rest of the universe, as well as yours.
Your laughter reminds Peach of the lovely wind chimes in Aedes Elysiae, your voice bears the familiar lilt of her childhood folk lullabies, your gait carries the elegance of the soft, delicate silk in the weaving competition in her hometown.
Cyrene finds herself back at Aedes Elysiae, near the old tree that Peach used to love. Leaves scuffle along the gentle winds as she walks by. Under the same old spot Peach used to love, Cyrene sits down.
Peach said she wanted to show you around Aedes Elysiae with Phainon, tell you of the beautiful starry night that reigns across the sky, weave a flower crown for you as you three would run across the field with hearts full of adoration and not hatred nor destruction.
Under the crown of the trees, Cyrene's body shrinks. Her long, pink hair reduced to shoulder-length, rosy bright eyes turned into a clear shade of blues, her pristine white attire transformed back to that of an ordinary Aedes ELysiae's girl.
Peach would have loved to travel across Amphoreus with you, enjoy the long panoramic view while riding a Dromas together, traverse through the snow-capped hills of Aidonia, witness Phainon fights at the fiery festivals of the Kremnoans, show you around the ethereal Januspolosis where she would be studying as a Time Priestess.
An alluring sense of slumber slowly takes over Cyrene's mind. Perhaps it is as Peach has said, afternoons at Aedes Elysiae are bound to make one's eyes droop, the tranquility, the wind chimes, the distant sounds of the waves…
She closes her eyes and let the memories flood her mind one last time…
Irontomb… Amphoreus…. The Flame-Chase… The Chrysos Heirs… Trailblazer… Phainon
And you.
It is nice to finally get a glimpse of you, your smile is just as Peach has described…
I wonder what it feels like to be loved by you too?
You shall fade when the flowers bloom, for every ending begets a beginning.
Inside this place is warm
Outside it starts to pour
Rainy season, incessant downpour, low temperature. Phainon gets his leave at an unconventional time but he still tries to make the best of it. You on the other hand, try using him as a personal furnace so it's only reasonable that he gets back at you for your antics.
✦ Synopsis: An ordinary day when Pilot!Phainon is off-duty. You got bored and cold so you tried to put your freezing hands on his neck only for it to backfired.
✧ Featuring: Phainon x Gender-neutral Reader
✦ Word count: 1,6k
✧Tags: Off-screen sex, this gets very suggestive towards the end but nothing got shown though, fluff, established relationship, Phainon can cook, reader easily gets cold, gender-neutral reader, pilot Phainon but he's on leave so he hangs around at your place (wouldn't this count as just modern AU Phainon though?)
✦ Side Note: This was supposed to be just fluff and cutesy but something possessed me in the end... I hope this doesn't count as NSFW since no explicit scenes were portrayed, but do tell me if you believe this such be flagged as such!
August- Rainy season.
The torrential rain has been relentless these past few days, the streets near your place are always brimmed with puddles and slippery paths, the sky is overcast with grey clouds and whirling winds. The temperature drops too low for your liking because you often find your hands shivering from the frosty breeze.
Your body does not take well to this kind of intense temperature and yet, ironically, this is your favorite time of year. Solely because you get to see that precious smile, that perky strand of hair on his head and that mesmerizing ocean in his eyes, not through an inanimate screen but through handsy touches, lingering gaze and sweet murmurs directly to your ears.
This is the only time of the year when Phainon often has an extended leave, partly due to the ongoing rain as well as the way he organizes his schedule. When he saw you at the airport that day, you remember him swirling you around in his arms until all you could see was a blur of golden stars and his ivory hair.
He just told you that he would feel miserable knowing you have to curl up in a cold and lonely bed while he, your personal walking furnace, is continents away. There is truth to this nickname and you never doubt his dedication of living up to it.
Having said that, although you two have created a meticulous plan of places and activities you would love to try out with the other, the rain has always been the biggest mishap and consequently you have to cancel everything. The most you can do is spend the day under your cozy blanket, gazing at the water droplets outside the window. Other times, he pulls you into one of his impromptu indoor dates, a candlelight dinner by the window, movie night just so he could hold you tight under the blanket, skincare date just to indulge your gentleness.
So, even when you two are unable to go outside frequently or when dates are interrupted by a sudden downpour, there's always a smile plastered on your face. Not a single day goes by without laughter and happiness, so long as he's by your side.
As of now, a heavy rain is pouring down outside. Your mind subconsciously seeks out a lullaby from the sounds while the rain hits the roof with a continuous patter and the breeze knocks its way against your windowsill.
You clasp your hands together and shuffle them between your thighs, your body warmth provides minimal resistance against your freezing palms. You probably should have bought more winter clothes, your last sweater is still in the washing machine and you can't find any decent pair of socks to wear.
"What do you think about Dromas steak for dinner?"
You snap your head towards the kitchen, from your peripheral vision, Phainon is already tying the apron around his waist, the cute apron tailored to your size looks out of place on his toned and muscular body. Such a sight makes the corners of your lips lift a tad bit before you go back to frowning from the cold wind.
"Anything's good as long as you stop making salad!"
What's with his fervent passion for salad anyways? He's been gone so long that you're almost used to eating instant noodles and take-out food. You hear a distant "Hey!" with mild offense but no further complaining.
Ever since he's back, the place feels different. The bed is heavier under your shared weight, warm and tender from his body heat; the fridge and cupboard are cleared of energy drinks and instant noodles; the kitchen always has an aroma of Aedes Elysiae traditional cuisine; all around the corners are matching pajamas, cups, toothbrushes and other things he bought for you two.
The small apartment feels as if it is clad in a thin veil of warm sunlight, radiant enough to stir your still and monotonous lifestyle with a warmth that melts away the dullness of the imminent winter. The tender rays of sunshine are etched into every crook and cranny of this place, leaving a comforting smell of sun-dried laundry whenever Phainon is around. But hasn't it been raining multiple days in a row?
"Okay fine, some salad on the side would be good."
He doesn't reply, but you hear him gingerly opening the fridge and cupboards in search of the ingredients and utensils. The opening and closing sounds go on for a little while, until he calls out to you again.
"Uh—Where did you put the pan? I can't seem to find it."
You toss around in bed, all you remember is you reorganizing the kitchen a few months ago, so some utensils have been moved to a different cupboard, which you cannot seem to recall.
"Have you checked out the lower cupboard?"
"Already did, can't find it though."
With a tired sigh, you groggily make your way out of the bed. The usually cool marble floor now feels like an assault on your bare feet as you struggle to look for your sandals. You pull your hands to your neck in an attempt to warm them up, but even such endeavor is futile.
Phainon is still bending down over the lower cupboard in search of your non-stick pan, you take the opportunity to shove your hands onto his neck instead. With no delay, he lets out a surprised shriek at your ministrations.
"Gosh- You scared me for a moment there!"
Even with such temperature, Phainon is still a walking furnace- which you are silently grateful to.
"Check the back."
You peek over his shoulders from where he's crouching. With a bit more rustling and struggles, the black non-stick pan emerges at the back of the cupboard.
"Finally! It's really here. But why do you have to put it all the way in the back?"
As he slowly rises to his full height, you begin tip-toeing to cling onto his neck, chasing the warmth that is getting too far away. At some point, the position soon becomes uncomfortable so your arms drop to his waist instead.
"I probably misplaced it or something-" Your reply is abruptly cut a long yawn, maybe you shouldn't have left bed. Even then, you find no wish to return to the cozy bedding anymore and opt for hooking your hands under his hoodie instead.
"Hey-hey! It's cold!"
Phainon lets out a squeel but makes no effort to shove you away. You trace your palms along his abs, the muscle is firm but the skin is soft, tender and most importantly warm. If there's anything you regret, it is that you can't see his face from this angle, but you're sure he's furiously blushing. You can almost envision how his face would scrunch up slightly at your frosty assault on his body.
He goes limb for a while, letting you go on with your antic while he remains silent. But judging from the reddened tips of his ears and how hard he's flexing his muscles, you can tell he's flustered by the whole act, maybe to the point of having steam coming out from his head.
"Do you even know what you're doing to me?"
With a sly smile on your visage, you let out an audible hum before trailing your hands higher. You're sure he feels it too since his body shudders at your touches.
Phainon eventually turns around to face you and gently pries your cold hands away from his abdomen. His movement is laced with tenderness as he brushes his fingers over your knuckles, thumb grazing your palm. His face is, unsurprisingly, red, the blush stretches to the tips of his ears, painting his countenance in an adorable hue.
"I changed my mind, how about we have take-out instead?" He moves your hands to the sides of his cheeks, now you can feel how flushed he truly is. Suddenly, you don't feel so cold anymore, not when he's gazing down at you like that. Half-lidded with a kind of passion swirling intensely in his eyes, one that sets your skin ablaze. You know you've seen it, felt it, on the screen when he's face-timing you at midnight, in his restrained kisses when he reunites with you at the airport, in his lingering touches when his hand wanders across your body as he pleads for your intimacy.
It's unmistakable.
"Not making Dromas steak anymore?" He turns his head into your hand in favour of kissing your palm. The gentle, feather-light kisses start to trail further to your wrist then your forearm. Each one ignites a burst of heat as it journeys further. Your free hand finds its way on the sun tattoo on his neck, finger caressing the golden ink carved into his skin while your eyes are fixed anywhere but his eyes. His gaze sometimes feels like it's miles ahead of his actions, shredding you of your clothes before his hands do.
"I should be taking care of you first, no?" With no warning, he halts his ministrations to wrap his arm beneath your thighs before hoisting you over his shoulder in one swift move which is accompanied with a mean pinch at your thigh.
The sudden action takes you by surprise but you soon balance yourself by bracing your hands against his back.
"Phainon?" You call out to him from behind but his steps do not waver one bit.
No replies, the only thing you can make out is his footsteps and sing-song humming. Seconds later, your back meets the smooth quilt of your bedding, the mattress sinks deeper as his body overshadows yours.
"Just want to help you warm up. You'd let me do that right?" Or so he states, matter-of-factly like he isn't insinuating something deeper, more amorous. Despite the ambiguity of his wording, his passion and gaze betrays it as his intentions lay bare in your eyes.
Christmas is one of the most obnoxious holidays ever, it's loud, it's annoying and it's painful in all the most horrible ways. And one of them is a dreadful class reunion where you have to see your ex-boyfriend. So you avoided it, and keep on doing so until the past no longer bothers you. But does time actually mend everything? Does running away from the past equal to moving on? Phainon is determined to prove to you otherwise.
❅ Synopsis: Phainon insists you attend the class' reunion to reconnect with your old friends, come to terms with the past and perhaps for a more or less selfish reason: He misses you.
✴︎ Pairing: Phainon x Reader, Dan Heng x Reader (Dan Heng is your ex)
❆ Featuring: Phainon, Dan Heng, Mydei, Cipher, Castorice, Hyacine, Stelle, Caelus, March 7th.
× Word count: Around 10k
.𖥔 ݁ Tags: Christmas Fluff, Happy Ending, Getting over the past, bonding with your past classmates, Alternate Universe, High School AU, Modern AU, Phainon has a crush since high school and he's trapped in the friendzone lol, failed distance relationship with Dan Heng, this is more of a Reader and friends fic actually
✶ Note: This is a sequel to this. While this can be read as a standalone, you probably wouldn't understand some of the references here. Also I have to much to say so here's some additional notes
Christmas Masterlist here!
The festive air permeates the atmosphere like frost etched in the winds. The pavement has long grown used to its new, crusty white coat while across the streets, tinsel sparkles like those dollar store, glittery children toys. Ah, indeed, there are not many holidays that are as obnoxious as Christmas—being able to announce its arrival even a month early just from the public playlist every store seems to use.
'Someone special' my ass. Tone the music down at least, is noise pollution not bad enough here in Okhema?
Aside from the same songs being blasted everywhere, every year. There are also other nuances that come along with Christmas: snow piling as high as your stack of holiday homework, nasty cold that make you sound like schoolboys hitting puberty, temperature so horrid that you wake up to your booty cheeks clenched and frozen and many, many more. Another thing—
"Baby, you know you will forever have my heart."
You don't want to, really, but it's hard to ignore something when it sticks out like a sore thumb and an ill-fitted joke targeted towards you.
"So do you." The woman smiles, eagerly taking the man's face into her palms. Their foreheads lean on each others' as her hand moves to ruffle the back of his head. Black locks of hair fall across her face, like clumps of dust from a coal mine. Occupied in the intimacy of the moment, they don't see the dozen other by-passers giving them the dirtiest side eye.
Or they do so they proceed to kiss each other like they're trying to fish out a marble from each other's mouth with their tongues.
Gross! Last time you checked, this is Okhema, the renowned capital of Amphoreus, not some random back alley behind a club in Penacony!
You manage to swallow down the urge to roll your eyes in favor of speeding up from the scene to free yourself from the audacity of these people. But clearly, God's sense of humor knows no bounds and tends to overdo itself in the celebration of his birth.
"I made this for you, I thought this color would look lovely with your hair." A high school girl wraps a scarf around a boy's neck, her shaky hands make the scarf cover his entire eyes but that doesn't seem to be much of his concern. Their faces are flushed with redness rivaled only by the red ornaments hung on the Christmas tree and their eyes wander off in random directions as if they would explode upon meeting each other's gazes. It's like something straight out of a K-Drama romance, disgustingly adorable — so much so that it hits a bit too close to home.
You stand still for a moment, baffled by the unwelcoming familiarity of it all before coming back to reality and turn at another corner.
God! Can't a person enjoy a normal evening stroll? Drop dead!
With frustration building up in your increased pace, you are eager to get away from the crowds full of love-birds with no PDA awareness and public etiquette. A cup of coffee and half a slice of bread don't suffice your mind with enough tolerance to go through any more of this.
You keep on walking, eyes forwards and mind rid of mindless musings. Maybe you just don't want to slow down, to contemplate your own hypocrisy and let that bitterness swell in your heart. It's always easier to stare and nitpick at others than walk away the first time to save your eyes the trouble.
Truly, you don't have any qualms about seeing people being happy. (No one should be denied of romance, yes love who you love people). It doesn't irk you to see couples being sappy or sweet to each other, it's seeing the past reflection of yourself that does.
It has been 1 year and 9 days since you and Dan Heng broke up. It wasn't anything messy, no heated arguments or loud fights, not even a single curse or insult, just a plain "I don't think this will work." and a simple "I understand.". Four years of dating ever since high school, yet all it took was one day for everything to vanish. It was cruelly blunt and efficient.
A part of you had hoped he would try to reach out, to ask for a second chance, maybe a "we can try to make this work again", anything to show that the relationship mattered to him. You would have dropped your dramatic little tantrum and run back to him right away just for that little scrap of verbal affection. But none of that ever came.
Nothing surprising, Dan Heng has always been a steadfast and no-nonsense person, never a push-over kind. You were stupid for thinking that your wanting to break up would truly be a wakening call for him to show you he still loves you.
This is why most high-school romcoms don't show what happens next after the confession, after the prom or the graduation. Because they know adulthood doesn't have the same rose-tinted filter as high-school does: people drift apart, relationships fail and memories… are forever memories you look back fondly at to cure the loneliness festering in your heart.
But to you, those memories do nothing but reopen the wounds of the past. Through every corner of the street, every late night, every festive season and every loving, happy couple, you see a glimpse of you and Dan Heng with tender gazes and love-struck smiles. Back then, everything seemed like it would remain like that forever.
That was the naive folly of youth. Adulthood, however, enters with numerous vicissitudes and changes. People drift apart, life gets hectic and relationships sink faster than the Titanic when it hit that iceberg. And for every thousand of kilometers you two are apart, the sinking speed increases until the Titanic seems more salvageable than whatever is left of you and Dan Heng. But if all it took was some distance to ruin a relationship then it was probably not meant to be in the first place.
That was the case with you and Dan Heng. It simply went downhills after graduation and one "this is not working" was enough to send everything crashing down the seabed.
And that's how a four-year relationship ended. Considering that you two dated since high school, you thought there would be more yelling, crying and begging. Surprisingly, it was… very peaceful, everything happened on a wasted lovely evening, in the same street you two walked past on your first date. Some would say it's anti-climatic but you would….
Well, agree. But hey, a dull knife hurts more than a sharp one and the resultant tetanus is equally nasty if not worse. There was no need for divine intervention, no tragic accident, just an inevitable event within humans' life, a manmade tragedy and an outgrowth of your shared choices and mistakes. Perhaps that's why it hurts so badly for you, there was no one else to blame for this but you.
At least Dan Heng still agreed to meet you a week before Christmas to break things off the right way since you didn't think you would be able to watch other people hand in hand while you were ugly-crying with snot running down your face on the 25th of December (whether single and lonely or in a relationship and still lonely)— Well, you still did anyways so that was all for naught.
"Ow!" A stranger's yelp pulls you back to reality. Great, daydreaming and then bumping into a rando on the streets, seems like you just ruined his hot cocoa too. "Sorry, I didn't mean to—"
Hey wait, isn't that?
"Phainon?"
It is him! Bluish white hair, two big strands sticking out comically from his head like antennae and the same abomination of a fashion sense. You haven't seen him since high school graduation, he was off to Amphoreus Aviation Academy so there wasn't much opportunity to talk to him, much less after you shut yourself in after the 18th of December last year.
"Huh?" Phainon catches your eyes instantly, azure blue orbs with that same glint you remember back then, but more mature now and with deep eye bags fit for a soon-to-be pilot. The corners of his lips pull up as he registers you, your name falls from his mouth as he smiles like he just discovered some left-over change in his pocket. "Oh God, it's really you. I can't believe it, it's been so long!"
"Right, and I-uh, sorry about that…" You turn to the plastic cup laying on the pavement, deep brown liquid leaking out and seeping into the snow, creating a small puddle of chocolate. "Let me just…" You quickly shuffle down to pick it up then toss it into a nearby bin, embarrassment hot on your face. This is not exactly a good way to greet an old friend.
"Sorry for your cocoa. Uh, I can make it up to you, if you would like to?" There goes your dinner tonight— nothing screams Okhema more than a broke uni student who barely gets enough to pay tuition and eat a decent meal at the same time.
But still, you feel bad since Phainon is probably on the same boat, coming from a family of farmers in a village no one has heard of. Besides, Phainon always treated you to after-school snacks so this small cup of cocoa could never hold a candle to the kindness he showed you back then.
You eye him tentatively, waiting for an answer while he fixes the wrinkle on his eye-blinding yellow coat.
"Sure, besides I haven't seen you since forever. We can catch up in the meantime."
So now you are sitting in a small cafe, preparing for an onslaught of "catching-up" while waiting for Phainon's drink to be served. Meeting an old classmate isn't something you were expecting, not when you've been trying to avoid them like the plague.
Seeing them after Dan Heng just brings a type of pain and shame that you don't want to subject yourself to, you two were once the high school sweethearts everyone knew after all. It has been easy enough since you and Phainon are the only ones studying in Okhema while the rest are off to other parts of Amphoreus, or other nations entirely.
"It's been, like, two years right? How have you been doing lately?" Phainon leans his cheek onto his palm, an easy smile plays on his face, which feels a bit foreign since you haven't seen it for two years now, saved for the occasional social media stalking.
"I'm doing alright, if you don't count the monthly crash-outs from team-working in uni I guess. You?" A chuckle slips past his lips, the accompanied head tilt makes his white locks frame his face like a white curtain, eyes slightly narrowed down as his lashes bat against his cheeks— Still charismatic as ever huh?
"Good too I guess, if you don't count missing a certain someone who didn't show up at class' reunion." What was that?
"Oh come on, I was busy! Something cropped up so I couldn't make it." Not really, you just didn't feel like coming to any reunion after ending the relationship that you thought would have beaten the "high-school sweethearts never last" allegations. They even have to host it near Christmas every year too, not like you would attend it if it were on any other days because Dan Heng would definitely be there regardless. Pro tip number 1: Never date a classmate.
"Alright, so are you gonna come this year then?"
"Ehhh, I'll think about it." Phainon raises his brows in a mocking motion, a mischievous smirk on his lips as if he already knew what you are thinking.
"Do you really?"
Seems like he still has the same bite after all these years. Phainon has always been observant and smart, he reads people a little too well for your liking but you know he always means well— That genuine kindness was what drew you to him.
"Okay, maybe no, I don't know. Why should I be there anyways?" —Why should I trap myself in a room with the same person whose name sears my heart every time I speak it? You're all about moving on and all, but a part of your moving-on involves distancing yourself from the source of your misery too.
"See the others of course! Cassie misses you, Hyacine misses you oh and Mydei too. He said that it doesn't feel the same without you and I sneaking up to steal his baked goods— Don't tell him I said that though! And honestly, I miss all the fun we used to have. Don't you miss me too?"
Okay, what the hell was that?
You two were friends for three years throughout high school, surely he doesn't take you for a fool just because you were a hopeless romantic back then right? While you're not immune to his psychological tactics, you're not completely oblivious to it either.
But if you looked a little closer, and thought about it a little harder, you would fail to see the farce in his words— Because there is none. Phainon misses you, two years of absolute silence, two years of no contact, you seemed as if you had vanished from his life.
People tend to go separate ways when they leave high school, but there will always be those trying to cling onto the past, tugging at the memories that are too dear for them to let go. Or perhaps, someone that is too dear for them to let go.
"After we both got our asses kicked by Mydei? No way."
"Yes way, you literally said 'no' when he asked if we had both learned our lesson yet." Okay, maybe you really do miss that, miss making Mydei age at least 10 years with your stupid antics and then having to mop the floor with Phainon for a week straight. You two flooded the class and turned it into an ice ring for entertainment purpose more than one time during your labor punishment. The image of you and him skiing across the room with reddened knees subconsciously brings a smile to your face, you just can't help the memories flooding before your eyes.
"Okay, fine, I guess it was… kinda fun. I kind of miss that." Your smile is the betrayal of your words. With how wide it is, you may as well just say 'I do, I really do, I miss everyone, I miss us, I miss you'.
But you don't want all your hard work to go down the drain anymore, everything is in the past now, along with your memories of Dan Heng. You need to move on and let it go.
"Knew it! You should come to the reunion this year. And we can team up to steal Mydei's cookies again, you know, like the good old days."
Good old days huh? That was years ago, you two are 22 now and definitely too old for that. Besides, you two haven't been exactly that close ever since graduation— Again, people drift apart after having to walk separate paths. It was partly your own fault for pushing people away but life pressure and responsibilities played a crucial role here too.
You mindlessly tap on the underside of the table while mulling over his words. You still have tons of essays to finish, a part time job to worry yourself with and other club activities to polish your CV. There's clearly a lot on your plate, but if you push them aside and actually be honest with yourself, you would know you're full of shit and that you just don't want to see Dan Heng.
Seeing your hesitation, Phainon quickly chimes in "Tell you what, Cipher finally landed a job in the police department and—"
"She what?!"
Cipher as in that Cifera? The one you're thinking of? Cipher the one who sneaked into school to steal test exams? Sold them and profited off of it for a year before Aglaea called her to her office? You don't know if you should be at awe or concerned that someone like her is working in the justice system. "No way."
"Crazy, I know. So that means you're going right? You two sat together for three years, I'm sure there's plenty of things she wants to tell you."
"…"
Yes, for three years and now you only see Cipher through her once-in-a-blue- moon update on social media. You're so severely out of loops with her life right now. You remember when the two of you would talk nineteen to the dozen about the future, she would always tell you that she would never get her life together— Now she's employed. Next time you hear about her, she may just be engaged anytime now.
"Okay…fine, I'll see if I can clear my schedule for it. No promises though." Hearing that, Phainon grins, all boyish and toothy, with the same sparkle of victory after every time he scored as he would turn to you in the crowd: "You saw that right?".
Now instead of maneuvering a ball, he's going to fly a plane soon, all handsome and flashy in that airline uniform like he has always wished for. It feels like yesterday when you first met him at school, a country bumpkin who couldn't even find where his class was due to the sheer size of the school, time sure flies.
"Here are your drinks!" The bubbly waitress returns with a tray in hand, placing a glass of hot cocoa and hot milk on the table, as well as a chocolate bomb littered with mini Santa Claus images drawn clumsily with a piping bag. You quizzically look up at him, you didn't know he called a drink for you too and this specific choice of beverage...
"What? Is it not your favorite anymore? You used to love it when Christmas was around."
"I just didn't think you would still remember it that's all…" You gaze at the floaty ball of chocolate, its surface melts off gradually until the shell breaks apart and sinks to the bottom, revealing a mix of chocolate chips and marshmallow. The aroma hits your nose sharply—sweet and alluring, reminding you of the cafe where they used to display an obnoxiously fake, plastic pine tree with glittery red ornaments.
There's one here too, but it doesn't feel the same because the pine tree is actually an authentic one, not made of cheap plastic and decorated with some over-the-top ornaments. Also because there isn't a guy that looks like he could crush your skull but is actually so camera-shy he can't even look at it properly, and another guy who is overly confident despite the nation-scale threat he calls fashion and a friend that's too persistent in getting the "annual group photo for the memories".
Those memories are things you only relive through Facebook's "On this day" feature.
Quickly as Phainon snatches it, you still see the bill crumpled in the palm of his hand.
"Also, I was supposed to be the one treating you, not the other way around."
The metal spoon clinks against the glass as Phainon swirls it languidly. "I always paid for these things even when we were back in school so it's your custom privilege now." Phainon flashes you his trademark smile, seemingly unmarred by the horror of adult life, or maybe he just hides it really well. Regardless, that tender-hearted gaze and candor smile ignites a long forgotten sentiment in your heart.
And set a kind of warmth that you're afraid may burn you if you get too close. Because as everyone knows, nostalgia is one nasty bitch.
It lets you relive your most cherished moments and damns you with the knowledge that you can never return to that point of your life by making you see it in third person. Slowly, bits and pieces of that shoddy yet cozy cafe flash through your mind, the kind of place so small that the barista, waiter and cashier is the same person, the windows look they they've seen better days and the front door creaks like it's breathing on its last life line whenever you open it. Weirdly enough, they have the best Chocobomb in Okhema, decently priced and adequately good.
Phainon would always pick up one for you after school but when you offered to pay him back, he just shoved the money back into your hand along with the drink. His face was always flushed with some tinted pink. Seems like the cold winter winds and lack of a decent heater really got to him."It's my treat so just enjoy it. Make sure to come see my next game!"
Mydei sighs, or occasionally rolls his eyes, at this, muttering something like "You know there's a word for third-wheeling in the Kremonan language right?" Even then, he tags along on every hang out with you and Phainon. Even the "unproductive and frankly useless" (his words) group study sessions.
You take a sip from the cup, its warmth immediately floods your mouth, then comes the sweetness of the milk and the bitter aftertaste of chocolate. It doesn't quite taste the same as the old one. Younger you would have been able to tell what the difference is right away but the present you can only taste the mixture of a long forgotten memory and a flavor forever lost in time. Even so this one is still pretty decent— you'll admit.
The snowflakes drift along the gust of wind before settling down onto the piles of snow on the ground, painting the once exuberant garden, a grand display of white. The snow crunches beneath your boots, each step takes you through the vast expanse of the garden, past the meticulously trimmed bushes and exquisite water fountain, to the door of the mansion looming ahead.
Earlier, you didn't really answer Phainon's question, deliberately. Because you don't have the heart to tell him that it's not really your favorite drink anymore, which is kind of ironic— because you used to love Christmas.
One of Aglaea's private villas in Carmitis for holidays. Apparently, Cipher has borrowed it for the class' reunion. She's still insistent on working hard for everything despite having such a prominent figure like Aglaea to back her up, good for her.
A fake, plastic flower wreath is hung on the door with green and red tinsel along the frame in some sort of last-minute Christmas decoration. Your finger hovers over the door bell, close enough to feel the cold metal beneath your fingertip but not too close that you would have no way to turn back. Well, maybe you can start to do that now.
Faint laughter and singing reverberate on the other side of the door, smells of gingerbread and cinnamon hit you like an arresting invitation. The sweetness of it all engulfs your senses in a tantalizing bliss but in your mouth, the bitter taste of dread is beginning to build up.
"—Don't take ice cream away from me!"
"You can eat your desserts after dinner. We still have to wait for the others to arrive."
You would never mistake that voice anywhere. The stern telling-offs just like the ones he told you when he knew you were pulling all nighters laced with the underlying tenderness you thought would be yours to adore for the rest of your life. The feeling makes your heart recoil for a moment, the world stills and all goes silent like it is that evening again. You retract your finger.
Of course he would be here, what the hell were you thinking driving all the way to some foreign city just for a little dinner and laughter? Why did you think this was a good idea? Why did you even agree to this?
With every sip of milk, the conversation went on for a bit. Even until both cups were empty, the questions didn't cease.
"That's good to hear. I'm glad Cipher can enjoy life the way she wants it to be… What about Mydei? I know he's been touring around Amphoreus. Has he been overworking himself? He seems pretty tired on stage lately." Before you were aware of it, inquiries kept on pouring out of your mouth. It's obvious social media stalking and tabloids don't provide you with enough information about your friend.
"You're that curious? You should go ask him yourself, I'm sure Mydei would appreciate your concern."
You stilled for a second, thinking back to his first concert that you had to buy the ticket for with your entire month's savings. Watching him from the crowd, watching him rule that stage like it had always been his. You wish you could hand that bouquet to him directly, teasing him about how nice he looked with that tight jeans and ripped top instead of a congratulatory message over the phone. But it's okay, you chose to isolate yourself, you chose this for yourself.
Your silence must have bespoken whatever was on your mind as Phainon continued: "Hey, the thing between you and Dan Heng… I know it hurts you badly. Hell, I was there to see how down bad you were for him! But do you really think shutting yourself in is the solution?"
"I'm just trying to move on and live my own life Phainon."
He sighs. "I know, I just want to tell you that there will always be people who care about you. Don't let one bad memory ruin everything, yeah?"
Even so, would it really be okay? To walk through this door and reconnect with all your friends, all the memories lost when you enter adulthood and also facing the fear you thought had long past? Guilt still lingers in your heart, regret and grief mixing like a perfume that has yet to faded since that evening. You can still envision the way his shoulders stiffened, how the emerald shade of his eyes painted your entire vision as you awaited his response.
I don't think this will work, I don't think I can put up with your avoidant tendency anymore and this distance relationship is killing me. But if you hold me back, tell me to stay, say anything to let me know you still care about me, about us—Then I would drop this whole stupid thing and run into your arms again like nothing had happened. You stood still for a minute, yet it felt like an eternity had passed. Did the swirling emotions in your eyes stir his heart even just a bit?
This is so stupid, that was all in the past and life is as decent as it can be, let's just turn back and—
"Finally, you're here!"
Just your luck, turning back only to meet Phainon right there. Does God get a kick out of this? Making your life some sort of happy birthday sit-com? "Uh Phainon, hey."
"I was out buying some drinks for the party. Thought you would come so I bought a few more." In his hands are two large plastic bags, you can spot the familiar Kapo-Kali you used to love back in high school and some beers. He must have run to the store in a rush, you can see the snow hanging off of his shoulder and head, someone didn't bother to pull up their hood it seems.
"Wait, stay still." His eyes go wide for a moment until he feels your hands on his shoulders, wiping away the snow that has clung itself onto him. Phainon even has the courtesy to bow his head down a bit to make your job easier. With his face downwards and away from your line of sight, Phainon lets the blush paint his cheek with a reddish shade. His mind drifts back to your high school days, ever still the considerate friend you were. Cold water bottles after his games, concealer to hide Mydei's tattoos, extra snacks for Cipher during boring classes,… Oddly enough, the realization makes his heart skip a beat like that teenage version of himself.
"You're good, no need to thank me."
"Uh, um right, I was about to say there are some alcoholic drinks too since y'know, we're adults and all."
"No worries, I'd love to get wasted right now actually." That doesn't come out as much like a joke as you have hoped.
"Well then what are you waiting for? Come inside." Without warning, he goes to sling his arm over your shoulder while the other one reaches out for the doorknob. You sink down a bit at his weight, surprised but not uncomfortable. After all, this warmth was the very thing you adored back in school days.
When the door is opened, lights flash through your eyes. It is like entering that same classroom for the first time, again. Walking up three floors to get to your classroom while still light-headed every morning, with the same wrinkled uniforms, the same care-free joy and the same blissful youth that always seems so fleeting and short-lived.
"Oh? Someone finally made it this year!" And the same goofy cat-ear hoodie too. Cipher is the first to jump at your arrival. Gosh, she looks just like how you remember her, crystal clear eyes with smoky hair, but she has trimmed her messy bangs a bit. She used to keep it long to make it easy for dozing off in class, she would tell you before sprawling her arms across the desk and hitting the hay.
"Yeah, finally a winter break free from essays." You smile at her, Cipher has never been the type to be bold in her sentiments without her saccharine tone to cover up her actual feelings .But you can tell she's ecstatic to meet you again, maybe it was the three years of being desk mates that make her so sentimental. "Congrats on your new job, Officer Cifera. Be sure to bail me out if I ever get into trouble."
"And what kind of trouble would land you in jail? Stealing?" Ah there it is, that familiar silhouette of the person who made you mop the floor a week straight just for stealing some baked treats.
"Only if it's yours, Mydei." It feels kind of insane to be calling the industry's newest rising talent like you've known him personally since high school— Technically, yes but he looks so different now. He has grown out his blonde hair, dyed the tips with some red and even added some earrings and tattoos. You knew he had had those red stripes long before he blew up for his one-hit-wonder but they barely stretched past his forearms, school regulations and all.
"Oh don't be like that, Mydei misses you like crazy! When I said you were coming over he rushed to make more co—" A hand is abruptly shoved over Phainon's mouth, effectively shutting him up before he embarrasses Mydei any further. "Bring the cokes to the ice trays, HKS."
"Awww, didn't know our big bad wolf could be so soft-hearted! Next time, try doing aegyo for your fans too alright?" Ignoring Cipher's teasing remark, Stelle shoves past Cipher to make her own entrance.
"No way! I thought Phainon was on some delusional shit when he said you were gonna come this year!" She pats on your shoulder and snickers— Still the same vibrant and lively girl she is. "Hey, Stelle. Good to see ya again." Her hand reaches up to ruffle your head, messing up your hair in the process but you can't seem to care less. The feeling is pleasant and it sets a childlike kind of happiness within you, something you've not experienced for so long. With your smile stretched nearly to your eyes, you almost tumble over when Stelle pulls you along.
Click!
"That's it! Nice smile everyone." The camera shutters before you are even aware of it. Its owner, is none other than the lovely pink-haired girl March. "It's been way too long! I almost didn't recognize you. Oh, how have you been doing? Is that a new hair cut I see?"
Your friends crowd around, filling up the years of absence with warm greetings and questions about your life. So they miss you too, just as much as you have missed them these past few years. And suddenly, you feel horrible for choosing to cut off these people from your life, who hold nothing but care and love for you even when you were busy with self-isolation. Overwhelmed, you turn your gaze to Phainon and he catches the drift immediately.
"Uh, hey so do you mind if I borrow my best friend for a bit? I'm sure they would want to greet the others too."
"Jeez, that's my best friend too alright? I'm not stealing or anything! You don't have to hog them all for yourself like that." Cipher chimes in jokingly, that must have got Phainon real good because his face is going beetroot now.
"It's alright, I should probably greet the others too. We can talk again later!" In a last ditch effort to get Phainon off of the spotlight, you tug him and head towards where you think the kitchen is. The living room then beams up with laughter again, no doubt Cipher is speaking whatever nonsense she has in her mind.
Crossing the room to the kitchen, you pass by Dan Heng. Whether he seems shocked at your arrival or not, he doesn't let it show. The awkwardness creeps in the moment you accidentally meet his gaze. Frozen in your spot, you only manage a small "Hey" and just let Phainon handle the conversation.
All of the sudden, the flooring of this mansion seems particularly interesting to you. Perhaps it's the essence of high-class taste etched in every corner of the place that draws your attention. Even the dust particles here carry more nobility than your entire apartment in Okhema. Or maybe it's just Dan Heng's intense stare that makes you feel the need to seek the fine architecture of the mansion to cover your nervousness.
Just before you finally leave for the kitchen, he speaks, to you.
"I'm glad you decided to come. It's been quite a while."
Just respond, do it, for diplomacy.
"Yeah. Figured I should pay everyone a visit."
Then the conversation drops to another dead end. If it weren't for Phainon coming in for your clutch, you two might have stood there until the end of time acting out the most unpleasant and uncomfortable version of Mr. Bean ever known.
He is polite enough to greet you even when your appearance dampens his mood. Obviously it does! Who gets happy seeing an ex at a class' reunion anyways? You must be annoying to him for sure, that's why he turned cold and silent on you. Either that or he got bored of you acting all clingy and emotional, you must have taken up too much of his time. He had his own life to focus on in the Xianzhou Luofu too, juggling all of that burden along with your constant need for reassurance throughout your distance relationship must have taken a toll on him. That's why he instantaneously agree to break up when you—
"Hey, you're dozing off. Surely whatever romance novel you've been reading lately can't be that good."
"Hey? Are you there? You good?"
Phainon snaps you out of your trance, concerned blue eyes sweeping across your features while you are still trying to lodge the words in your throat.
"I'm good. Just… just slightly overwhelmed that's all."
His warm hand makes its way onto your shoulder, the very same motion he used to do to comfort you back then. "It's okay, don't rush yourself."
I just want to tell you that there will always be people who care about you. Don't let one bad memory ruin everything, yeah?
Right. It's just one minor inconvenience. You gather yourself together before striding towards the kitchen again. Phainon is right, you need to quit being such a coward.
At this point, you've greeted everyone at the reunion, lingered far too long in the kitchen watching Mydei arrange the gingerbread house, listening to Hyacine's volunteering trip during her gap year and Castorice's newest fantasy novel on the World Wound Web. Talking with Castorice and Hyacine really helped put your mind off of things and you appreciate how considerate they are towards you. Helping Mydei with kitchen work also allows you more time to talk to him, relive silly moments of the past and properly catch up with his life.
But once those activities wear off and you're left with nothing much to do at the dinner table, your gaze starts to wander again, towards where Dan Heng is sitting. You try your best to shake off the memories, the feeling, but they don't quite go away with just a few attempts.
"Here try this salad I made, it's Aedes Elysiae's authentic cuisine!". You don't even notice it when Phainon stuffs your plate with salad, some turkey and a bowl of soup, he even has your cup re-filled. "Don't be shy, eat plenty! Oh also try this mac & cheese, I think you will like it."
You're not sure what's so odd about Phainon's hospitality that get you strange looks from the others, Mydei with his trademark annoyed face palm and Castorice quickly typing something down on her phone. Hasn't he always been like this since high school?
"Thanks Phainon. But did you have to make so much salad?" While it's not a weird choice of cuisine for the holiday, it is weird that there's over three different salad dishes on the table—The kind of thing cows and goats can only ever dream about.
"Actually… Except for the turkey and glazed ham Mydei made, and other desserts, nothing here can be considered traditional Christmas dinner." Castorice voices her opinion and she is… not wrong.
It's so obvious that everyone chipped in when making the menu. There's Xianzhou's soup dumplings, Penacony's Halovian Burgers, Janus' double-sided pancake— wait, don't people normally eat this on the first day of January? You don't even recognize some of the dishes here! No doubt this is Stelle and Caelus' doing, must be nice studying overseas.
"Mydei gets the keys to the city, 100 trees planted in his honor, and an all expense paid trip to a place of his choices." Obviously said by Caelus with a sense of humor only comprehensible to those with at least 5 hours of screen time per day. Stelle chuckles.
Ignoring Caelus' remark, Hyacine ponders for a while before beaming with her newfound contribution "This reminds me! It's just like that one time we did the rice mix trend in class!"
Now that's some memories, you remember waking up at 4AM sharp to come over to Phainon's house just to prepare the rice. Well, it was mostly Phainon's doing, you were only there for emotional support.
"I'm surprised none of us ended up in the infirmary after eating that." Phainon is right, that thing was a bio hazard. "Yeah, but the classroom reeked with the smell of mysterious mixed- rice and we even got complaints from the teachers. Good thing it didn't kill anyone though." Thinking back on that still makes you gag, an enclosed, air-conditioned place with the foul stench of haphazardly mixed ingredients wasn't a good combination.
"Bro, you forgot me. I was stuck in the school's toilets for the rest of that morning." Caelus admitted with a look of someone who has been in the wars— technically yes, fighting for his life on the toilet that is.
"You hogged up the entire thing. I warned you that the sparkly rice was bad." Dan Heng shakes his head. Even though it was technically everyone's fault, at least Dang Heng, Castorice, Mydei and Hyacine, out of respect for food hygiene guidelines, brought normal, actually edible things.
"I just thought edible glitter would look cute…" March scratches the back of her head apologetically. Something about her eyes tell you she isn't though.
"So it wasn't because of the weird sauce I found in my fridge after all!"
"It was precisely your fault!" Both Caelus and Mydei speak out at the same time, the two people who you never think would be on the same wavelength if not for shaming Stelle for the mystery potion she poured into that bowl of rice.
The lighthearted conversation eases your anxiety just a bit. And before you know it, your tension eventually dissipates, leaving space for embarrassing high school stories and a night full of reminiscence. Reminiscing about that school trip to Penacony where you met Phainon's long lost brother, about the victories your class earned during the Sports Festival, about that time you all surprised Miss Aglaea with a cake on her birthday, about all the fun, the happiness of youth that flew by too quickly.
Nostalgia has you rolling in laughter at the embarrassing stories of youth in one second then all wistful and sad at the next. It was a youth well-spent yes, but the feeling chips at your heart like broken glass shards at the same time. Because of those memories with Dan Heng. The sweater you made to confess to him, the sweets you made to celebrate Valentines with him, the letters you wrote every anniversary, they are part of your school years too. The essence that makes high school so meaningful and painful to you.
After the meal, you all decide to just gather in the living room for karaoke. Of course half an hour hasn't even passed and Cipher is already wasted. "Heheh.. W—When that old hag Caenins opened the soda can,hiccup the coke exploded all over her ugly face!" Cipher cackles out loud, head tilts backwards against the couch as she laughs. Everyone recalls the incident with a "well-deserved for that wrench" grin. Beside you, Phainon shifts a bit, leaning closer into your ears, maybe a bit too close because the way his hot breath fans your ears kind of tickles.
"Hey didn't we once crash her office's windows while playing?" The memory resurfaces in your mind. At this point, everyone in this class has wronged Miss Caenis at some point in their school life and think of it like some sort of trophy. You and Phainon's incident however, was completely accidental.
"All because of your competitive nature, you kept on insisting you could hit that ball higher than me."
"Well if I hadn't, we would never have known she was sleeping around with Diogena's father!"
"Why do you think Diogena was part of the student council?" You roll your eyes, nothing in university can ever ever have the same shock value as high school drama. Phainon chuckles, a hearty laugh rumbles in his throat. And you find yourself to be laughing along with him. The corners of his eyes crinkle in delight, but his blue orbs stick to your figure.
"I told you this would be fun didn't I? Now you know what you've been missing out on." A lot actually. You never know how much you long for something until you get a taste and realize you can't ever go back to not having it anymore— To reunite and relive these memories with the people that used to be the entire sky to you. Ironic, these people you used to speak about the future with are now gathered here to talk about the past, clinging onto their last bits of shared memories as life continues on.
Stelle and Caelus are gonna get their internship at Herta's Space Station soon, you can't wrap your head around it but they have to be the dumbest smart people you know. As for March, she is off to Charmony Academy in Paperfold University, maybe you'll see her on the big screen in the next few years. Also, Hyacine is excelling in psychology and she's doing volunteering works in her free time too, you sincerely hope she continues to give her kindness to the world.
And Castorice, she is now braver, still timid sometimes but she's moving on with life and is hitting so many milestones— she deserves it truly, for always being the most thoughtful and considerate person. And you're genuinely happy that Cipher is finally becoming someone she wants to be— pursuing justice the right ways instead of underhanded pranks and tactics. Your friend Mydei doesn't seem to be chained down by his father's expectations anymore, he gets to live his life without the burden of carrying on his family's army traditions— As he should, you'll continue to watch him succeed in his career.
And Phainon, he's thriving at Amphoreus Aviation Academy, he will reach the sky soon, chasing the same dream he always told you back in high school— "I hope you can be there on my first flight. I'll even get you a first-class ticket.". It's been two years since you last saw him and four years since you graduated, but your sentiment remains the same. You hope Phainon can reach the sky that he longs for, he means so much to you than he can ever imagine. Three years of school, three years of friendship, you've seen him grow and change as a person and even when you two grew a bit distant after you got a boyfriend, that has never changed the fact that you wish to see Phainon succeed. To see that same smile he always beamed at you after every basketball match, after every victorious debate and that last picture during graduation. Phainon, I'll always be rooting for you, no matter where we are in life, I hope you all the best after everything you've done for me.
"Hey Earth to you sleepyhead! What are you thinking about? Care to share 'em with me?" Phainon's hand waves in front of your eyes, snapping you back to reality. Caught off guard and surprised, you turned your flushed face away from him. "Huh…Must be the alcohol."
"Yeah sure, that wasn't even half a can but alright." While you are trying to laugh it off, your eyes caught the figure of someone in the garden, his silhouette flashing through the glass before disappearing right away—Dan Heng? Since when did he leave?
"But seriously though, you're good? I feel like I've been asking this a concerning number of times." Your eyes return to Phainon, his concerned visage melts away at your heart a bit. He always did that whenever you told him about your relationship problems— Oh childish days. But as of now, you're not that childish, immature kid with your head stuck in sappy romance novels anymore. Even so, under his comforting gaze, you still want to talk to him, heart to heart like back then.
"I am. It's just… I feel a bit horrible y'know? You were right, I missed out on a lot of things. I wasn't there when Cipher started to get her life together though we used to sit at the same desk for three years, I couldn't even congratulate Mydei face to face at his first concert even though he was my best friend and… I, I wasn't even there to celebrate with you on first practice solo flight even though I promised to…"
Getting the words out of your mouth is bitter, the realization that you weren't there at your friends' most important events even when you should have shatters a part of you. All because of a bad memory that you refuse to let go. But you cannot really blame that, Dan Heng still showed up, he moved on and remained a good friend to everyone, you didn't because you are still a coward, miserable loser unable to move on—
"Honestly, I was pretty damn sad and the others were too. But Mydei will still have tons of other concerts— Just ask him, he'll save the best seat for you, no promises though I'm sure he's still hurt because you didn't show up the first time. And Cipher will be on patrol duties around Okhema, try to talk to her and apologize, she won't hold any grudges against you, I think. And… you can still be there on my first actual flight!"
And join Hyacine on her next volunteering trip, visit Castorice's book club, find new inspiration for March's photography hobby and see the twins off when they leave for Herta's Space Station.
That's right, it's never too late for a reunion. They will always be a part of your life, just like how you were a part of theirs. Last Christmas was of separation and farewell, but that doesn't mean all Christmas have to be miserable. You've been too fixated with sadness that you never bother to look up and enjoy the holiday, take silly selfies by the obnoxiously decorated Christmas tree, get the drink you used to obsess over in your school days, sing along to ridiculously-overplayed songs and reconnect with the people who mean so much to you.
Moving on is never about leaving the past behind and running towards the future but continuing to keep striving for tomorrow while holding all the memories close to your heart, sad or happy— Because ultimately, they are a part of you too.
"Really, I'm just so happy to finally get you back in my— I mean, our lives! We all miss you, I do too, I really meant it when I say that at the cafe. You thought I was just messing around, didn't you?"
You are getting misty-eyed before the realization even hits you. The blurriness wraps your vision like the thick snow covering the streets. Everyone is still laughing and singing— already moving on to their karaoke night. You are sure someone must have seen your tears rolling down your cheeks before you look down to the floor, just too courteous to mention it and wanting to let you and Phainon have your moments. Phainon places a hand on your shoulder, gentle fingers running through the softness of your sweater, giving you the comfort he always did whenever your poor hopeless romantic heart got broken back then.
"I— I've been such a… a horrible, selfish jerk to you all. I'm s-sorry…" You keep on blinking your tears away, they drop to the jeans, leaving deep blue spots on the fabric. You shut your eyes and let the guilt lead you down the path of memories, the golden emblem on your high school uniforms, the abominable bowl of mixed-ingredient rice, cleaning duties when you and Phainon flooded the whole class, snacks feasts during Aglaea's class with Cipher, stealing Mydei's baked goods, accidentally finding Castorice's fanfics,… The events keep on playing in your mind, in full vivid colors and details. All the joy of youth and school, the days that can never be enjoyed again, the very things you threw away when you entered adulthood— They've never truly left you after all.
"It's okay. Now that you're here, we can always make more memories together." You sniffle your cries, hoping none of them are looking at the couch because you would hate to ruin the fun. Phainon's hand is warm and gentle, carding through your hair with a tenderness that has been through the toughest of times. He doesn't speak a word, but his presence alone is comforting as it is.
But you know full well there is still something you have to do, the one person you've yet to come to terms with. You remove your hands from your eyes and wipe away your tears, Phainon hands you a napkin to clean up your mess. Though shaky and nervous, you're dead set on doing this properly.
"Phainon, there's something I have to—"
"Go, I'm sure he would appreciate you giving him an actual, decent greeting." A look of understanding flashes across Phainon's face as you nod at him. Before you bolt through the door, he makes sure to give you his jacket— "It's snowing heavily outside, be careful!"
You thank him and put on the eye-torturingly bright yellow jacket, determined to set things right and actually move on this time.
You scramble across the place, boot crushing the snow and a few twigs beneath to look for Dan Heng. When you find him, he is sitting on a snowy bench near the window, a rather convenient spot, just enough to see the party inside but not give away his location. The two of you lock eyes for a moment before you decide to break the ice first.
"Hey, Dan Heng." This is kind of stupid, you don't really get why you're talking like a nervous high schooler again.
"Hi." Oh well, at least you're not the only one.
You stand there across from him, as still as the other decorative statues in the garden, trying to find the right words to start the conversation. Dan Heng sweeps the snow off of the other side of the bench and motions for you to take a seat.
As you comply, your mouth begins to form the words you are supposed to say but he beats you to it.
"I'm sorry."
"What?" Flabbergasted, you look at him with wide eyes and mouth still slightly hung open.
"I know I should have done this earlier and that…this means nothing now. But even so, it would feel wrong to not apologize properly to you." Dan Heng turns to face you, eyes as sharp as his determination but you can always tell there's an edge of tenderness to it, a slip of something that is melancholiac and vulnerable.
"During our relationship, things got rocky after I moved to the Xianzhou to study. And I knew that you were… on edge. But instead of giving you the reassurance you need, I became distant towards you."
That's right, people often don't give enough credit to how difficult being in a distance relationship is. This kind of thing is not for the weak. A mid-night phone call doesn't do enough to cure loneliness and seeing each other only a few times a year serves to exacerbate it. It's worse that Xianzhou Luofu was on lock down for a long period of time so you had to spend all special occasions alone, strolling the streets by yourself on Lunar New Year, revisiting your old dating spots without him and having your hand-written letters for anniversaries returned sometimes.
These may be small, trivial things but they soon amassed into a mess of emotions that's impossible to untangle. You didn't understand why seeing a stranger with curly black hair stings your heart so badly and clearly didn't know how to tell him that without sounding dramatic and emotional.
You should have told him exactly that, that you felt like he was distancing himself from you, that you wanted him to show more initiative in closing the gap. That you wished he had been there for your important milestones in life and that you wanted to do the same.
"It's not your… not just your fault. I was at fault too. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling and all. But I was too scared, you made me really… really sad during that time, I didn't feel like a priority to you and I was worried you were getting bored of me. Maybe I was to clingy, annoying, emotional or, or—"
"What? No, I— I would never think that of you. You were just a very loving person and I… took your affection for granted." Your hand grips the bench just a bit tighter. It's weird, hearing the words that would have salvaged your relationship if they had been said earlier. It's belated yes, but you're glad to hear them, to at least know your feelings weren't a burden to him.
"While I was back at the Xianzhou, I had to face a lot of things. My past, my family and my old friends. I… I was having a really hard time back then so I closed myself in, I didn't talk to you or reply when you were concerned about me. I didn't want you to get tangled up in something so… complicated."
That was a chaotic period indeed, multiple missed calls at 3 AM, dozens of unanswered messages, lots of crying and doubting. Dan Heng has a habit of shutting himself in if he believes that's better for other people, even when it hurts him deeply. You being continents away and unable to meet him didn't help with your anxiety either— You eventually learned that blowing up his phone wasn't gonna get you anywhere so you quit and let things simmer down by itself. It did, but something else fell into disrepair instead.
"You were my lover, you deserved to know why I was acting so coldly towards you. Instead I push you away and surround myself with walls all the way up. In the end, the walls I built hurt you instead of protecting you like I had thought."
Things changed a lot after that incident. None of you talked about it afterwards, Dan Heng just got back and tried to act like that it never happened, making it up to you with more video calls, gifts and some half-hearted explanation. You thought he wasn't ready to tell you everything, so you remained silent and waited. But that didn't come either, instead you realize you weren't complaining to him anymore, loneliness swelled in your heart but you just let it stay there until it went away. And despite his efforts to mend the relationship, things were just past the point of no return.
"I know. You're always so stubborn, worrying over everyone when you are the person needing help the most. I know you felt bad for everything and tried making it up to me but… that wasn't what I needed." No amount of Xianzhounese romance novels or authentic delicacies shipped to your door step could cure the undercurrents of your heart, so did the long-hour video calls and the other expensive gifts he got you.
"Still I should have communicated with you better. Making an effort would have been something more than sitting around hoping you would catch on to it. That was childish of me. And I definitely should not have made you fly all the way to Okhema just to scare you with a break-up. I don't know what I was on back then, really! I- I just wanted to see you fight for us."
Red and puffy as your eyes are, you turn to look at him fully. See the face of the man that used to be everything to you, to remember all the joys he brought you and the pain caused by his mistakes and yours. He looks as though he hasn't changed much when he first transferred into your class. Messy black hair that frames the silhouette of his face, jade green eyes you always said were your lucky clover leaves, soft, warm skin that used to be your dreams almost every night for four years. It's all in the past now, Dan Heng has already moved on and so should you.
"I'm sorry, I was too immature back then."
Dan Heng's gaze never leaves you either, glimpsing through your eyes like they are his entire youth. Trying to ingrain his mind with the image of your smile, not as bright as it used to be anymore, but accepting and forgiving nonetheless. As if time has forged and molded you during the one year and nine days that he stopped being by your side, you look more mature now. Not the overly excitable, loving idiot that fell asleep on him at the library, the one that handmade, hand wrote every single gift and letter to him, the one that never stopped looking out for him after he disappointed and pushed you away.
It was snowing like this on your first date too. Him in a sweater you made and you wrapped up in an overly large jacket, hands-in-hands browsing through the streets of Okhema. Teenage Dan Heng would reach out to wipe the snow sticking to your hair but the present him can't do that anymore. Things have changed and you two are not the same anymore.
This is Carmitis and not Okhema, he's wearing a sweater too but not made by you, you're wearing a ridiculously large coat too but not his, not hand-in-hand strolling on the streets but sat at a bench at someone else's private property.
When you two broke up, it was also snowing like this too.
"Even so, I hurt you deeply and I know you didn't allow yourself to move on properly. I… never see you at any class' reunion nor any celebrations at all."
"I can say the same to you. You left 'cause you thought I felt uncomfortable around you, did you not?" Dan Heng's eyes widened, bullseye. Well, you only know this because you would have done the same if the roles were reversed.
"You weren't?"
"Of course no! Okay maybe a bit, but not anymore. I went after you because I wanted to talk, I'm tired of isolating myself and being a selfish jerk to everyone around."
He furrows his brows slightly at your remark "Don't say that, I'm sure they would be understanding of your situation."
"I guess. But even so, their forgiveness doesn't mean I wasn't a horrible person to them." You get up from the bench, subtly motioning for him to come back inside. The others may get worried if they see you two disappearing for so long.
"Let's head back first, before Stelle and Caelus blow up the speakers with their atrocious playlist."
You take a few steps away from the bench yet Dan Heng remains still, standing over the same spot as though pondering something. "Dan Heng?" You turn around to call out to him. "Is it your turn to be uncomfortable with me or…?"
"No no, it's not that. I was just thinking… maybe I should return that sweater to you." He doesn't have to specify but you already know he's talking about the one you made when you confessed to him— third of December.
"It feels wrong keeping such a precious gift after how things end up. You put a lot of effort into that after all."
Truthfully, Dan Heng would keep it if he could. It is the proof of you and him, a testament of history, along with the stash of your hand-written letters with ink already fading through the work of time. He knows you put a lot of care into making that sweater and perhaps he enjoys the thought that he was your Heather, the one to receive your affection and love. But now that it's not true anymore, it would be unfair to hold on to a gift not meant for him any longer.
You look at him with wide eyes before chucking out a small laugh. "Gosh, do you take me for the kind to make my exes return all my gifts?"
"That's not what I meant."Dan Heng deadpans, unamused by your attempt to light up the atmosphere.
"Alright seriously though. Keep it. I gifted it to you so it's yours. Maybe we can look back at it and laugh at our silly teenage selves in the future."
"Also I ate all of the Xiaolongbaos you gifted me so I can't return anything to you." You give him a silly grin along with a mischievous wink, your trademark high school emote. Dan Heng stands there baffled but not unwelcome, he gets to keep one of his favorite things in the world after all. It hurts him to be reminded of your bright smile when you shyly handed the gift box to him, what hurts more is the fact that he knows one thing very well: That smile won't be his to adore anymore.
When the two of you return to the party, Dan Heng is immediately pulled into the karaoke circle with March. Stelle and Caelus are hitting the dance floor like it's their last night before going into the HSS. He turns back to look at you before you nod and urge him to join them. Cipher is already out cold, Hyacine and Castorice are chatting over something while enjoying the concert. Meanwhile, the real actual concert singer is leaning back against the couch, a satisfied smile on his face. Seems like everyone is having a whale of a time.
"So, things went well?" Phainon approaches you first, reaching out to wipe the snow off of your hair and taking your (his) coat to hang on the hook. "Yeah, we talked it out."
You lower your head, taking your boots off. Eyes a bit dry from the sheer cold of the winter wind.
"Good to hear that. What's better to hear would be that it's okay to cry a bit too you know."
Phainon and his creepy ability to read you like a book. Of course he would see through it. You are foolish for thinking you could get past him. Perhaps on cue, tears begin to form at your eyes, brimming at the edge of your lower eyelids. You swear you weren't this sentimental talking to Dan Heng earlier.
This talk could have saved your failing relationship but it was a year and nine days too late. You wish you had heard those words earlier, back when you were dead drunk after a college party and realized you couldn't call him because he wasn't in Amphoreus, back when you had to cry yourself to sleep after celebrating Christmas with him via a video call, back when you looked at your past messages and decided you couldn't take it anymore.
Emotions just kind of broke the dams today. This is the second time you've cried which is probably like two months of uni pressure combined. You wipe your tears away with the back of your hand, blinking to clear the blurriness.
"I know, but I think I've cried enough for today. What do you say about sneaking into the kitchen and stealing the desserts?" Upon your suggestion, light sparkles up Phainon's eyes and he beams at you like the teenage version of him back then. But it's not that he hasn't changed since high school, he has changed a lot actually. But the only thing that remains untouched by the passage of time is his feelings.
When the day bleeds into night, Phainon finds himself linger at your photos on his phone. But where you are, a new day has just begun. Amidst all this, you two find solace in each other's comfort despite being continents away.
✦ Synopsis: Pilot! Phainon miss you dearly while he's far away- He returns home- And you reflect on how much this relationship means to you.
✧ Featuring: Phainon x Reader
✦ Word count: 2.6k
✧Tags: Yearning, yearning and yearning, fluff, long distance relationship, a lot of introspection from both views, literally word vomit, one suggestive joke but it's actually Phainon missing you so so bad, gender neutral reader and reader is mentioned to use make-up
✦ Side Note: I got a bit sidetracked and wrote this lol, hesitated a lot when posting this since I kept on feeling like it was lacking something but oh well
What exactly counts as quality time for a pilot who's away from his dear lover very often? To him, quality time isn't always a candle light date or a whole-day trip to an amusement park. Sometimes, quality time is just the fleeting 5 minutes call every morning or night before you go to bed, to see you no matter where he is because his heart longs for your presence most ardently.
"Hey, morning sunshine. Sleep well?" Where he is, it's already night time, darkness shrouds the sky in a black coat as the moon rises to govern over the world of slumber. Silence permeates his side, making this nocturnal call like a secret rendezvous in the dead of the night. But where you are, the sun hangs high above the sky, its radiance etched onto every living being, a faint ethereal light shaping a halo on your hair, the gentle warmth it blesses your skin with and the golden glimmer swirling around your irises.
You shut your eyes upon the beaming sunlight from the window and let yourself fall to the chair as you attempt to angle the phone on the desk. "Mhm…" This is all you can mumble out in your half-awake state.
Your hands fumble in the darkness you condemn yourself to, Phainon must have noticed since he lets out a small chuckle at your struggle.
"Still sleepy? Why not go back to bed for a little longer?" He flops down to the hotel's bed, the high-end silk quilt has a delicate touch and smoothness to it, but he feels his mind drifting to the shoddy mattress that smells faintly like your shampoo back at your apartment.
"I have a job too, y'know." Seeing the phone you props up against the shelves of the table is finally steady, you rush to the bathroom to wash your face. During your less-than-1-minute absence, he listens to the sounds of your hasty footsteps, warning you to slow down lest you slip on the bathroom floor and take a good look of the room he so dearly misses.
It's a bit difficult, since his view is obstructed by some of the things you lay out on the table. His gaze flicks across the miscellaneous stuff and he makes a mental note to buy you a new makeup cleanser, your current one would not last any more than a week. Hopefully he can get home to you before then.
Before he can take any other things into assessment, your body already fills the screen. Your hair is now neatly combed, you've buttoned up your loose pajamas properly and there's a tooth brush half dangling from your mouth in an almost comical manner.
"Oh by the way, why didn't you call me earlier? You landed like a few hours ago right?" Your question almost falls on his deaf ear as he's too busy taking snapshots of white foam inside your mouth and trying to sniffle his laughs. For absolutely no reason at all, he enjoys taking silly photos of you which you claim to look "unsightly" while he believes them to be the most exquisite afterwork treat of all.
He only answers when you call his name for the second time "Hm? Oh right, it would have been 3AM something for you. I didn't want to disturb your sleep."
Having taken at least 7 images of you holding your toothbrush with your mouth, he contently saves them into a separate album while you seem none the wiser about this.
"I would still wake up to take your call though."
"That's the problem, you should be sleeping soundly at that time."
You let out an amused laugh and concede with a small "fair enough" through the white foam inside your mouth before rushing back to the bathroom to rinse it, the minty smell is getting unbearably spicy.
"Well, what time is it where you are then?"
"It’s night time."
"Phainon, don't play dumb with me." After all, this is an incorrigible habit shared by both. He would willingly call you at an ungodly hour at night after long hours of flying but scold you for staying up late for work, talk about irony.
"Whatever, I'll let you off the hook for now. Only because I need to change for work."
His lips curl into his usual, boyish, giddy smile as he sees you open the closet. So excited that he even props himself on his forearm and calls out to you through the phone. "Can I watch?"
You let out a humourless laugh and bring the phone closer to your face. "Phainon, shouldn't you be asleep at this time? Go to bed my dear."
"Touché." He loses by the own card he once played against you. But seeing the smug look on your face makes victory not seem so enticing that much in his eyes.
Seconds later the call ends and he is left with the boring beige ceiling again. The bathrobe hangs around his knees, a dangerously deep slit into his chest that he would have loved to teased you with. His hair is still slightly damp from the shower, you would be scolding him and then offer to blow-dry his hair, like you always do. The reed diffuser sitting on the nightstand has an alluring herbal fragrance, it seeps into the air and melts the tension around his muscles.
But he would kill to catch a whiff of your shampoo right now, to feel your scented skin and card his fingers through your hair. To let the softness of your fingers trace across his jawline, easing him to the comfort of your shared-heartbeat and letting your embrace coax him to sleep.
On such lonely nights in a distant land far from home like this one, he always looks for your silhouette wherever he is. When he’s struggling to sleep in the cramped bed behind the cockpit, when he’s strolling through the streets of a foreign country, when he’s just landed after a long-flight, he seeks you out almost intrinsically. The photos of you on his lock screen, his phone screen, the photos you guys took at a photobooth are also visible in his clear phone case and his wallet, a custom made keychain featuring both of you on both sides. Just looking never feels enough but he has to make do with it, this is his only form of closure when he finds his heart pulsing your name desperately.
Sometimes, he finds you in the small traces you like to leave behind for him. The notes hidden inside his suitcase whenever you help him pack, the cute lunchbox you make for him on rare occasions when your schedule matches his, the hand-knit scarf you put inside his suitcase after having checked his schedule and seeing his next destination is one with a most agonizing winter or the little sweet treats hidden in his wallet every now and then.
Other times, your presence manifests in the most natural and unexpected ways, the pajamas he knows you would love in some random duty-shops, the makeup cleanser you always use that some flight attendants also buy, the aroma of sweet honey from a foreign bakery that smells just like your golden honeycake but for some reasons, doesn't carry that same flavour and he would sigh out in disappointment.
This morning, he saw a passenger who had the same eye color as you, same color of hair, same stature even. But they don't have that tender-hearted softness of your gaze when you look at him, don't carry that dainty glimmer at your hair that helps him spot you in a maze of people, don't have the flowy movement of your footsteps nor the gentleness carried in your gait. So, his heart aches, a digital phonescreen can never be enough to capture the essence of your smile, your eyes, your humour or you.
His phone buzzes in his hand, a new message that he knows can only ever be from you.
[♡ My dear starlight♡ sent a photo.]
It's a snapshot of your outfit taken hastily in front of the mirror, from your neckline down to your knees. His movement flows like he has practiced it countless times, a smile slipping onto his visage, a heart reaction, the save button then a dozen messages back praising your beauty.
[If you wanna watch so bad, come home and you can watch everyday]
Phainon places his forearm on his eyes, feeling the heat crippling onto his face, not by fever, but by the affection and yearning you unfailingly leave in his heart. Even when you two are continents away from each other, he still longingly adores every brief quality second with you.
On days when he's off-duty, he stays with you all the time. He wonders what exact purpose his apartment serves at this point if he just goes straight to your place.
The moment he gets out of the plane, Phainon is already booking a cab back to your house. He's told you not to come to the airport to wait for him, lest you get cursed by another 2-hour delay, but you do anyway and he really cannot complain when he feels your arms wrapped around his neck. He picks you up with his embrace and twirls you around, taking in the feeling of you, your shampoo and your cheery laughter, all the things he dreams of with a forlorn heart in that foreign hotel for weeks, months even. But all the waiting actually makes this second all the better.
"Ahahah- Phainon, wait- put me down!"
He doesn't let up, even shuffling to hoist you closer to his face. "Oh come on, I haven't seen you in weeks!" He slowly lets you down nevertheless, but not without pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. Just a small, quick kiss lest he gets carried away. You chuckle slightly and it feels like his heart has come to life one more time.
"But it gets dizzy when you do it more than 4 times though."
You straighten out the wrinkles on your clothes and try taking his luggage but of course, he doesn't budge. "Aren't you exhausted? Just let me carry some."
"I'm not, don’t worry about me. I just, really miss you.”
The affectionate gaze he reserves only for you feels more painful than ever, you miss him too, too much actually. The hoodie he leaves at your apartment doesn't bring the same warmth and the photos of him can't bring his charm justice. You get distracted at work seeing your colleague's white dog once, you laughed about it with him but always left your sentiment unsaid.
"I miss you too, a lot as well."
Your heels click against the airport's floor, and for once in what feels like an eternity, home feels closer than ever.
Funnily enough, although he's finally back, you still cannot focus at work. Due to the nature of his job as a pilot, he never has to bring work back home which means you can receive his undivided attention and time. But then, a new problem has emerged. You find yourself struggling to concentrate since your mind drifts back to him so often. Has he been resting well? What is he doing now? Is he still suffering from jet lag and insomnia?
With so many worries flooding your mind, paperwork becomes the least of your concern. During times like this, you only allow yourself to work overtime for the first few days since Phainon would still be resting after long hours of flying. But once that is over, every day is a date and you would never let your work get in the way.
You harness your distress into determination and channel your undercurrent into efficiency to finish your work. And when overtime is done, he would always be there to walk you home.
"Shouldn't you be resting more? What if you come down with a cold-" You dip under his umbrella and start to fuss over him, he seems more or less amused by this, no doubt enjoying every bit of your concern for him.
"I told you I'm fine! Also, how could I ever let you walk home alone hm?" His hand goes up to tug your hair back behind your ears and he feels himself linger a bit too long, you yourself also lean into his touch. Your arm effortlessly wraps around him, your hand slots itself to seek the warmth of his hand. These things come naturally when you two are next to each other, no restraint nor hesitation.
Rain pours down from the sky, dripping from your umbrella then to the ground in a symphony of this lovely evening. The street lamps cast an orange hue onto the glistening path, shining like little fractures of golden light by the sidewalk. The distant beams of light from the traffic and the vehicles blur into a mesmerizing display of art, like almost everything else fade when you're with him. The world would keep moving but you would keep tugging at moments like this forever and you know he would too.
You never noticed such trivial details as light or weather before, but being with Phainon changes you a lot. You begin to enjoy a slow-paced lifestyle, to cherish the minimal beauties of life and hold every second closer to your heart. Phainon brings the kind of light and color into your life in a way no one can. The sky seems to brighten when he’s in your sight, the cold wind dissipates and sunlight encroaches, even your cup noodle tastes better when he makes it.
But deep down, you're a bit afraid of how sensitive you've become. You cry a bit more when you wake up at midnight to the cold and frosty wind by the place he often lays, you pace around more when you don't see his messages for a day, you look at the sky more and wonder which part of the sky is he at, you find yourself more vulnerable when you're sick and he can't be there with you.
But in a way he also makes you stronger, you learn how to be more independent when he isn't around, to start living more healthily since he fusses over your energy-drink addiction, to be more responsible of your sleep schedule because you don't want to make him worried, to carry grocery by yourself when he isn't there to lend you a hand, to see the beauty in all corners of life as you await his return and to adore all seconds by his side knowing full well he would have to leave soon.
Because nothing makes you stronger than his fragile heart.
"What's got you in a trance?"
"Hm?" You only manage to let out a sound of acknowledgement when he pulls you away from your idle musings.
"Just admiring the scenery, that's all."
"Really? Oh- Try to stay close though to me, I wouldn't want you to catch a cold tomorrow."
You happily snuggle a bit closer to him, greedily relishing in the warmth and comfort he provides you with. You miss this, you miss him.
"So, what do you suggest we do tomorrow?"
He tightens his grip at your hand, his thumb gingerly drags across your knuckle.
"Why bother asking if you know the answer already? It's a secret, it took me weeks to plan all this so I'm not telling you."
You playfully pinch his cheeks and hop up to surprise him with a chaste kiss. The sounds of your shared footsteps mingle with the rainfall as it drops to the ground. Two weeks, long enough to go on all the dates you wish for during his absence but never long enough to make you stop yearning for his presence.
But until you have to pack his suitcase and until he departs once again. You will keep on finding meanings in every little thing you do together, to observe this world like the magnificent painting it is and to love him with all of your longing, affection and adoration.