#mand's post

[scythesxroses]

More BTS ranting from yours truly

...I don't care what anyone else says, I am pretty much 99% convinced that the song Dimples/Illegal by BTS was written about their very own Namjoon.

Because that man's dimples are practically the death of me from how friggin adorable he is whenever that man smiles so earnestly and how deep said dimples are. Ahhh. -flops-

I may be Taehyung and Jin biased but I honestly do love all the other members just as much and Namjoon just....ahhh. He's adorbs. >w<

Also:

I'm never going to be okay at any time Jin's "Awake", V's "Stigma", or Jungkook's "Begin" play on my playlist because their songs and voices destroy me. I always want to cry with all the emotions those songs make me feel.

Because I understand the sentiments and feelings they describe in said songs. Jin's feelinghs of being the one left behind because he's not the 'talented' one in the group and all. but him saying 'i still want to run a little bit farther, i still want to struggle' and referring to the rest of his wonderful bandmates/brothers as his 'six flowers that i clutch to myself' and how he says he has no wings to fly...

V's song, god, I can't even begin to properly analyze it without becoming a mess so 'm not gonna but like...god, he loves and loves so -deeply- and with all that he is and his voice is so deep but emotional...

And then Jungkook's song pretty much is a response to Jin's, with him thanking all of his older brothers for raising him, giving him a 'scent', and making him who he is now, and including into the choruses 'smile with me, cry with me, fly with me' as he voices that he doesn't know how to react to sadness well and whenever he sees any of his 'hyungs' in pain, it feels worse to him than if he's in pain and he wants to simply cry for or with them. But the words and chorus themselves just seem to reflect as a gentle counter to Jin's song about not having wings...

And truthfully? Seokjin is a friggin angel that gave his wings to their small, tiny maknae to grow into what he is. and Jungkook knows it.

-garbles and wails and flops in her corner- I'm never going to be over this.

BTS' whole Wings album ruined me.

Don't get me started on Boy Meets Evil and Blood, Sweat, and Tears... I will become even more of a wreck. -goes outside to dig a hole that is her grave and throw herself into it-

[scythesxroses]

New pics of myself!

LOOK AT MY SEXY ANDROGENIC/MASCULINE FACE. I FINALLY LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE THE PERSON I SEE MYSELF AS FINALLY. Ahhh, I feel good. Considering my low self-esteem and self-confidence I can honestly say I’m beginning to slowly love myself now that I’m not so dysphoric and not seeing the real me whenever I looked into the mirror.

What do you all think? Leave me a line! =D

[scythesxroses]

SO I GOT OVERWATCH

I’m already level 17 and I am a Mercy main. And I am awesome at it. Even with a somewhat laggy connection I have managed to keep the majority of the teams I’ve been on alive and well and when voicechatting to the group, I’m blessed a lot of them were willing to listen to my suggestions in how to approach our objectives. It was amazing, I’ve had such a great time playing and meeting other players. I’m fortunate to have met nice ones and not deal with the idiot ones. A level 86 player even friend req’d me so I could be their healer whenever they’re playing and I just... 349rh23y9wuhg9ejhrgh No words can explain the amazing feeling and experience I’ve had playing it.

So, y’know, if you guys have the ps4 version or whatever, come hit me up, my PSN name is Mandra_Raine if you need/want to play with me and need a healer. xD Aww yeah. <3 =D

[scythesxroses]

My Bangtan Mood of the Day: Jin’s total “Do you see this? The things I do for these people?” look he gives the camera in the Fire MV when Taehyung’s running the Iron over his chest like he’s scratching a record and everyone else is partying around them.

[scythesxroses]

MAND’S NOT SO LITTLE RANTING OVER HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR BTS

HOLY SHIT THE MIC DROP REMIX. DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED.

ALSO, THEY FUCKING ROCKED THE JIMMY KIMMEL CONCERT AND AT THE AMA’S AND I AM JUST SO FILLED WITH EMOTIONS THAT I CANNOT EVEN ATTEMPT TO UNTANGLE ALL MY HEARTSTRINGS, JUST KNOW THAT THEY ARE A MESS OF TANGLES CAUSED BY THESE SEVEN AMAZING, WONDERFUL PEOPLE.

-takes breath to calm self IRL and stop said fingers from shaking so spastically in attempt to type a literal word-vomit from brain-to-finger in 0.3 seconds as I think the words-

My Coreaboo hearteu cannot take the sheer amount of pride and happiness I have for my seven baes known as BTS. No, I will not be shutting up about them for a while. Expect any and all posts from me for the next week to at least have something mentioning BTS, if not outright fangirlism and whatever else I do that makes me asplode and die of feels and a heaping mess over these seven amazing, talented, wonderful, (NOT TO MENTION HELLA BEAUTIFUL AND HANDSOME) and utterly le'jin'dary performers! (I AM NOT SORRY -literally has a feminine copy of Jin’s windshield laugh IRL and also happens to clap like a retarded seal alot too-)

Also just expect random spewing over my biases, Kim Taehyung/V and Kim Seokjin and their ship thereof, taejin. Because let me tELL YOU, these two ship themselves regardless of what their entertainment company is pushing in their visual ship propaganda and it doesn't take a genius to read between the lines. >> So, I shall be here, continuing to watch my baes thrive and rise, while also dying internally over Taehyung and Jin's amazing relationship and knowing I will never find a love like they have in my lifetime, ffff. They set the bar tooo hiiighhh and all I can do is oogle in amazement and support them. And i'm okay with that. <<

I literally CANNOT with this group. xDDD BTS is so freaking extra 24/7 and have NO CHILL. NONE. ZERO. ZLICH. NADA. NOT A SINGLE FUCK TO BE HAD OR A SINGLE CHILL TO SPARE. God I love these seven dorks, but omfg, TAEHYUNG AND JIN, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING LOVEY-DOVEY COW EYES AT ONE ANOTHER FOR ONE WHOLE SESSION OR INTERVIEW?? I doubt it. Because even if they sit apart, THEIR EYES IMMEDIATELY TRAIN ONTO THE OTHER AND DO NOT LOOK AWAY. Putting them side by side just intensifies the effect and also leads to Taehyung impromptu throwing an arm around Jin's Pacific Ocean-wide shoulders and pull him back into his arms and JIN CUDDLES INTO HIM WITHOUT EVEN A BAT OF AN EYELASH.

And then there's Third Wheel Jimin, either completely eating their affection for one another up and documenting it with his phone and later posting it for us ARMY, or he's downright freaking DONE with their obviousness and WILL YOU TWO PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER? Jungkook shares this sentiment, wholeheartedly. Either riding the Taejin ship-train full speed ahead with Jimin or joining him in the "JIN-HYUNG, TAEHYUNGIE, PLS UR EMBARASSING ALL OF US ON UR BEHALF." And let's not EVEN get into Namjoon, Hoseok, and Yoongi's reactions... Oh boy. I could write an entire ESSAY on the million ways Suga/Yoongi is done with TaeJin and their romancey, sappy antics because he was Jin's roommate for god knows how many years and most of those years had a clingy, sleepy Taehyung sneaking into their room to cuddle and spoon Jin. (And if not Taehyung, it was also Jungkook that Yoongi would occasionally wake up to see cuddling their eldest Hyung. DIS BOI HAS HAD MORE THAN HIS FAIR SHARE OF MORNING MIGRAINES THANKS TO THIS.)

Just. God. The feels. The legitimate, warm, fuzzy, all-consuming FEELS I have for TaeJin and their antics and relationship on a whole just leaves me a weak, mushy, spastic mess that feels like I'd know what Eternal Happiness was if I could just so much as spend a literal minute basking in their presence in real life because holy shit, these two. THESE TWO. So domestic and real and beautiful and THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACHOTHER. @(%H*U#TNT I CANNOT. Lord help me, these two are going to make me have a stroke or heart failure.

-GOES BACK TO LAYING DOWN FACING A WALL AND YELLING INTO THE VOID-

Okay enough rambling for me. Going to go watch the MIC Drop Remix some more because I am such trash and AHHHH MY BOIIIIS. -asplodes yet again-

[scythesxroses]

IDK Why I bother anymore.

It’s one of those days for me, that I question why I’m still fucking wasting my life away on this fucking internet doing nothing but mindless scrolling and reading and consuming pointless tidbits and articles and whatever other shit of information--good, bad, relevant or otherwise--because I have no life off the net.

I question myself, why I bother to diligently repeat this cycle, day after day. Effortlessly, unconsciously, I just drift to this computer, expecting to find...something.

Once upon a time, that something was connectivity and social engagement with friends that I’ve never [with the exception of a few] met face to face in real life, but considered very important in my life.

Now it just feels desolate and empty. I come to the computer and there’s never any new messages, my IM’s and emails are usually silent and if it’s my inbox, just typical notifications or subscribed newsletter bullshit. That’s not to say some of my friends aren’t there, on the contrary, they are logged in, their statuses are either marked as Away, Busy, or online, but unresponsive. I’m aware that as we’ve grown up and old that we’re not the spring chickens we were, and that life takes ahold of most.

But I’m also aware of those that fucking are there and are doing other things, and can’t be fucking assed or bothered to answer me. Hell, I could name names and even point fingers, but I also know not everyone who is my friend can split their attention. But when did it come to the point that, scrolling mindlessly, getting dragged into effortless motions become more important than sparing some time for a friend?

I miss the days when I could simply say hi, and not wait for twenty minutes, an hour, even a whole fucking day before I got a response. It was instantaneous nearly. Now I feel just as isolated and alone here online as I do in real life.

I feel so ridiculously alone and abandoned in a way, and, it honest to fucking god feels like I’m standing at the edge of an invisible chasm--I can’t see it there, like there’s a mirage of safety/solid ground there, but I just know there really isn’t anything there and know that I can’t jump the length required. It feels like the people I used to walk with, care about, ect have all gone on ahead, not stopping to look back and check up on me, conveniently forgetting that I depend on their care and help to guide me.

I miss the days of long talks that last for days, now I’m lucky if I can even get maybe two hours with some, and with others, five minutes. What happened?

Obviously, life. But I mean, no, really, what happened? Did I suddenly become someone you no longer want to deal with, or did something happen to you that’s brought on this change? Have I finally worn out my welcome with you, you’ve grown so tired of me and my ridiculous, needy, emotionally charged worthless ass that you’ve just decided to shut me out and hope I get the picture and leave you alone?

I just...

I don’t fucking know anymore.

I’m sorry.

[scythesxroses]

Newest pic of me, for those of you who still are wondering or curious about what I look like. For once I don’t look like the awkward, camera shy idiot I normally do since my uncle who took the picture caught me in a naturally comfortable environment in my house. Taken on the day of the Solar Eclipse, I also have pictures of that, too, but I’m too lazy to post ‘em, deal with it. I also got my haircut since then and it’s more like an undercut in back, just fyi.