There surely must have been another sun (in times before the time before this one) and so, perhaps, in some far-distant time a love may come again like yours and mine.
for the writing prompts: wangxian, “Don’t look away from me.”
hello lovely! thank you so much and sorry this took so long, i think i failed to warn on the prompt list just how slow i can be! but here we are, i also managed to ignore that starter is probably meant to mean that it should be the first line? but we don’t follow rules here.
so enjoy! will reblog later with an ao3 link :D
High up in the mountains of Gusu, Wei Wuxian plays for Lan Zhan.
Four months it's been, this time, and it's felt longer than all the times before that he's been gone. Longer, even, than the sixteen years.
Perhaps it's because, for the first time in three years, he's seen the first snows of winter without being by Lan Zhan's side for it. And - of course- there's no rules about it, no discussion they've had in between all the you should come back soon - for Sizhui's sake, or the I fell on some troubles, can I stay here for a while - there's never been anything about snow. Just that Wei Wuxian likes being by Lan Zhan's side for it.
It's the warmth, he assumes. Lan Zhan always seems to radiate heat, and, since he's been back, Wei Wuxian's body doesn't seem made for keeping himself warm. He has to snuggle under masses of blankets to stop himself from shivering in the cold - these days in the snow he's been wearing almost more robes than he can move in. Or - he should have been, at least.
Now, though, he can just stay by Lan Zhan's side, tucked under his arm. That tends to work to keep him warm.
His fingers are trembling against the flute even now, forcing his notes to slip in the cold air - maybe Lan Zhan will refuse to come to him for such a discordant mess, maybe he won't even recognise the tune.
“Wei Ying.”
Of course he does.
“Wei Ying, you are freezing,” Lan Zhan fusses like a mother hen sometimes, Wei Ying has barely had time to lower his flute before Lan Zhan is taking it from him, and taking his hands between his own. “You do not have to come up the mountains every time you want entry into Cloud Recesses.”
“I want Hanguang Jun to accompany me through the gates,” Wei Wuxian grins at Lan Zhan, and at his fussing, and at the feeling of warmth starting from. his fingers, moving through to his whole body. “To reduce my risk of being caught by your uncle.”
Lan Zhan shakes his head, unamused. “He will not stop you from entering.”
“The juniors are just as much of a risk. They'd carry me away, and I'd never even get to see you.”
“They would do no such thing,” Lan Zhan replies, traces of a smile on his face. "For fear of banishment from the clan."
Wei Wuxian smiles too, looking down at his hands in Lan Zhan's. “Well. Mostly it's because I like playing for you. Though I know I didn't play my best today. Too cold.”
Lan Zhan fixes him with a hard stare.
“Come,” he says eventually. “Little Apple deserves better treatment than this.”
Little Apple is laiden with more blankets than Wei Wuxian himself, and is contentedly munching at half-frozen grass.
Still, Wei Wuxian follows Lan Zhan - has no choice but to follow, with his hands still in his.
*
That evening, when Sizhui and Jingyi have finally been persuaded to leave Wei Wuxian be, Wei Wuxian curls up by Lan Zhan's side in the jingshi, looking out into the snowfall.
Lan Zhan is occupied with writing letters to some of the smaller clans (no doubt Sect Leader Yao is involved somehow) and cannot, therefore, pay Wei Wuxian the attention that he wants yet, but at least it only takes one hand to write. His left arm is around Wei Wuxian's shoulders, warming him better than the cup of Emperor's Smile in his hand.
Wei Wuxian tires of waiting for Lan Zhan to finish, though, and succumbs to his foolish desire to be out in the snow, extracting himself from Lan Zhan and wandering out of the door, knowing that, soon, Lan Zhan will join him, and make the cold warm again.
For now, the Emperor's Smile does enough, keeping the chill from his bones while he waits for Lan Zhan.
He's become so accustomed to shivering that he doesn't notice the shake of his own hands, only the way that his liquor spills a little into the settled snow, leaving a patch of it melted, an imperfection beyond his own footprints. He frowns at it, both for the waste of alcohol and the destruction of what could be a perfect picture - but the snow is so heavy that the mistake is fixed by the time that Lan Zhan joins him.
Arms curl around his waist, warmth settles through to his centre.
“You are freezing.”
“Well, you are late. The problem you were fixing had better be a threat greater than the Yiling Laozu himself.”
“I am fixing that one now.”
“What, the Yiling Laozu?”
“Mn,” Lan Zhan replies, tugging at Wei Wuxian so that he turns in his arms. “Someone has to warm him up.”
Wei Wuxian goes willingly, facing Lan Zhan now, all the better to tease him.
“No one would need to warm me up if you paid me more attention.”
“No one would need to warm you up if you took more care of yourself.”
Ah. This one. They've had this talk - many times. Wei Wuxian often runs away from it, citing his desperate need to wander and see the world, and Lan Zhan lets him, he lets him do anything that he needs to do, but Wei Wuxian knows that he worries.
And even now that they're so close, almost but not quite - now that Wei Wuxian allows himself to cling to Lan Zhan whenever he's around, now that Lan Zhan holds him like he deserves it - it's - it's -
He doesn't. Deserve it. Probably, maybe. There's just too much - too much everything.
Isn't there?
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says it soft, caring. “Don't look away from me.”
Wei Wuxian frowns and looks further to the side.
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan tries again. "You are able to keep yourself warm, if you try."
In reply, Wei Wuxian tries a different tactic, leaning his head down onto Lan Zhan's shoulder to hide his face.
"Why should I?" He mutters grumpily.
Lan Zhan's fingers - his arm round Wei Wuxian's shoulders - find the ends of Wei Ying's hair, and comb through it, brushing gently along his back at the same time. "Wei Ying."
Wei Wuxian hums, distracted by the calm of the touch.
"I want you to believe that you deserve it. Deserve to stay warm and well."
"I know that you think that," Wei Wuxian replies. "And I trust you."
"But you don't believe me."
"What's the difference?"
"You know."
"It's only a bit of cold," Wei Wuxian tries.
Lan Zhan stays silent, and Wei Wuxian sighs, knowing the exact look that is on his face without having to look. He tightens his arms round Lan Zhan, and feels Lan Zhan's tighten in turn.
“I just like it when you warm me up.”
“And when I'm not with you? Do you stay warm?”
“Yes,” Wei Wuxian lies, far too fast.
“Wei Ying. You are within Cloud Recesses boundaries.”
No lying, is what Lan Zhan wants to finish that sentence with. Wei Wuxian knows that much.
He sighs. “Lan Zhan, you're always saying that you know me enough that I can't lie to you.”
“You still try.”
Well. He's not wrong.
“I'm - I'm just not - ready for that yet.”
“For what?”
Wei Wuxian takes Lan Zhan's words as his own. “You know.”
“The same reason that you don't stay here?”
Wei Wuxian nods into Lan Zhan's shoulder, where he's still buried, and finally pulls away from Lan Zhan, turning back to look out into the ever-thickening snowfall. Almost immediately, he mourns the absence of Lan Zhan's hands in his hair.
He drinks the last of his liquor, and place the cup down on top of the fence, leaving his hands free to rest either side of it, pressing down and melting the snow to leave two handprints from uncovered hands that will soon enough turn blue with cold.
“You are doing it again,” Lan Zhan says. “Your hands will freeze.”
Wei Wuxian closes his eyes. “Does it matter?”
“It matters to me.”
It's not the first time Lan Zhan has expressed it, but nonetheless Wei Wuxian's reaction - his body's reaction, for his heart to feel as though it swells in his chest, for the feeling that spreads through him reminding him of home - is the same as it is every time.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan steps closer behind him. “Does that not matter to you? That it hurts me when you refuse your worth?”
One hand lands on Wei Wuxian's arm, soft touch sliding down to his wrist, pulling his hand up from the snow and enveloping it in warmth.
At first, he can't bring himself to reply, eyes still shut, body still mindlessly following Lan Zhan's touch, letting himself be guided back into his embrace, to his hands in Lan Zhan's, close between them so that the warmth can spread.
Eventually, he finds the words. He opens his eyes, but avoids Lan Zhan's gaze.
“It matters,” he says. “It does. I just -“ he shakes his head, cutting himself off. What he wants to say - he knows Lan Zhan doesn't want to hear, so soon after he's arrived.
Lan Zhan hears it anyway. He always does.
“You want to travel again? Already?”
The lack of response is response enough, it seems.
“Don't,” Lan Zhan says, and though its a simple command, the way he says it is so gentle, calm and willing to accept whatever answer Wei Wuxian gives.
His answer - is “Why?”
“I want you to stay with me,” Lan Zhan replies. “Let me care for you.”
Finally, Wei Wuxian meets Lan Zhan's eyes. Of course he's not lying, he rarely is, but the determination in his soft gaze is - enough to bring him to ruin.
“Lan Zhan,” he pleads, though he doesn't know what he's pleading for. Answers, maybe. A truer understanding of what comes between them, and what it could become. Though he thinks he knows - through all this comfort, all this closeness, there is a barrier.
It could fall, if Wei Wuxian would let it.
Maybe he will. Maybe, after all of this time, he wants to.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan stays calm. “Let me.”
He pulls on Wei Wuxian's hands, tugging him ever closer, the distance between them ever smaller, and the barrier ready to collapse.
One hand still in Lan Zhan's, Wei Wuxian moves his other to Lan Zhan's cheek. “You mean -”
“Yes,” Lan Zhan whispers. “Please.”
The distance vanishes. The barrier crumbles.
Their mouths meet, and Wei Wuxian has never felt warmth like this. He feels Lan Zhan sigh against his lips, knows the smile threading through more than just his expression - he finally, finally, understands that he still has - that he is home.
