#masochistic behavior

[financeprincess]

Once I’m out of school, it’s literally over… the amount of time I’ll have to dedicate to creating businesses, investing, content creation, making new friends, working out more, traveling, pursuing hobbies, etc. etc. I won’t even know what to do with myself. Very thankful I’m going to school and getting my education but I really underestimated how time consuming it is.

[cometconnector]

thinking about a world where eddie had died in the shooting. where buck’s telling chris what happens and he gets that text from bobby, but he’s just told to come to the hospital instead. he takes chris, of course, only to find that eddie had been pronounced dead during surgery, he’d lost too much blood too quickly.

thinking about the reactions when those two come into the waiting room. dead silence, no words — that’s eddie’s family. buck hugging chris, some buried paternal instinct telling him he would never let chris go again. that they can’t let each other get hurt anymore. someone has to pull them apart.

i am also thinking about how, hours later, while buck and chris were probably still sitting outside the hospital, someone, maybe a lawyer, maybe bobby, finds buck and tells him about the will. the whirlwind of emotions that comes upon him knocks him over and sets the tears off all over again; confusion, fear, but over all, an unbridled happiness that chris isn’t losing his buck, and he isn’t losing his chris, his son.

buck realizing what it all means in the midst of his grief. how cherished a friend and parent he was and he never even knew, not until the worst had happened

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Did you see what Liam said on Logan Paul’s podcast/YouTube show? He mentions all members of the band but Harry by name, it made it so obvious that the band member that pushed him up against a wall was Harry.

*Logan Paul* …

[catandguitarsnugglingonthecouch]

Laboring over bits and pieces of a story inspired by my readings about traumata, the psychology behind masochistic behavior (not only the kind you may think of now ^|^) and a whole bunch of unpleasant and self-restricting neuroses. That fell in place by sheer coincidence with me watching LoA, an interest in the historic figure behind the drama and than the reading of Seven Pillars, The Mint (which I adore) and a lot of biographies about T. E. Lawrence as well as some of his letters. If anybody would like to read a more psychology-driven character story...

Here is a glimpse: "The process took place blindly and was often frightening. Most generally, he felt he was being drawn down out the world as though by a magnet towards a sense of self he knew he had at the bottom, but couldn't reach through thought or will. Often a state of seemingly endless, painful emptiness preceded the clear experience of this innermost «I-kernel»."