#maternal trauma

[xxv4mp-g4z3rxx]

I STARTED DIS ON MOTHERZ DAY, BUT 0NLY FINISHED IT N0W! HAPPY L8 MOTHERZ DAY!

[sunsakura]

men will never understand the pain that comes with being a woman. it's a weight you carry with you your whole life. the way the women before you were abused and violated become part of the way you are abused and violated. it is a part of you. you will become it. but you will be abused and violated in a different way, and your daughter will carry that around with her too. how do you heal? you can't. you are only a single human person, and your pain has been carried through generations. there is no healing in being a woman. there is only enduring.

[dratefahmed1]

Pregnant Women Trauma A Comprehensive Guide for Medical Professionals #pregnantwomenstrauma #medicin

#pregnantwomenandtrauma #traumaandpregnancy #maternalmentalhealth #perinatalmentalhealth #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #perinataltrauma #birthtrauma #healingfromtrauma Truama Surgery By Dr atef Get your Copy Now Other Books Of The Author #traumasurgery #artificialintelligence #ai #traumasurgery #medicalstudents #medicaldoctors #surgery…

View On WordPress

[dratefahmed1]

1 Pregnant Women Trauma Types, Causes, and Consequences #pregnantwomenstrauma #medicine #medicaled

#pregnantwomenandtrauma #traumaandpregnancy #maternalmentalhealth #perinatalmentalhealth #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #perinataltrauma #birthtrauma #healingfromtrauma Truama Surgery By Dr atef Get your Copy Now Other Books Of The Author #traumasurgery #artificialintelligence #ai #traumasurgery #medicalstudents #medicaldoctors #surgery…

View On WordPress

[sae-something]

I’ve been trying to think about explanations for why I feel extreme urges to ‘test’ the limits of my therapists and I think I found a (possible) answer.

Both therapists (T and HT) refuse to be a mother, a savior. (Which, obviously, is completely healthy and sensible.) But it breaks me, because it means that I’ll have to carry everything and everyone by myself. And it breaks some other parts too, specifically littles. 

It’s september again and we still haven’t found someone to hold us while we break into a million pieces. There will never be anyone. And mourning that? That’s too much, I can’t do that but I know I have to. But not all parts know that. Some parts would rather be broken without therapists because then at least they won’t have to suffer the pain of “someone’s here but they’re not enough”.

Getting a little support, a little of everything we missed, a little of everything we want... Getting a little is worse, in some ways. Because getting a little bit activates the pain; it triggers the feelings of what we miss. Dripping a couple drops of water in an empty bucket makes you feel how devastatingly empty that bucket is.

Getting nothing and being absolutely alone is dull. It’s a drag of depression and darkness. But getting a little bit but not everything? That’s sharp and flashing pain, it’s dry heaving from the heavy crying. It’s intrusive thoughts and self-destructive thoughts. It’s breaking apart again and again and again.

[sae-something]

Do you feel that it's possible that relationships that you have now could give you some fulfillment that helps put something in that missing part with that sadness? With a therapist, family or friends? Nothing is the same but maybe you can get some kind of understanding & holding that reaches the sadness 💜

Honestly? No. 

I want it to be possible. Maybe it is, I know people that told me that they felt better when they got a steady relationship. So maybe.

And I don’t want to make my feelings seem “worse” or anything, but it does feel like my missing fucking started the minute I was fucking born. Like, honestly, I shouldn’t even have survived being born. Maybe that’s why my missing is so never-ending. So deep. So painful. 

I wish I could have a do-over, a “let’s try the next best”-person, a “we both know I’m not your mother, but let’s try to heal you”-situation. But I don’t think anyone would ever be willing to do that for me. I’m too monstrous, too disgusting, too unlovable. 

So, at this moment, no. I don’t feel like anyone will every be able to fully understand me, be with me in my emotions and help me heal. I’m broken to a degree that cannot be healed and I don’t know if I can live another +-60 years with that. 

No one will ever be able to fully love me for all I am.

[sae-something]

on missing a loving parent-figure and lacking an emotional basis - in my mind, there’s two options:

1. i somehow find a loving fake-mother to give me everything i never got as a kid and because of this do-over i will manage to grow into an emotionally nurtured adult --- this won’t happen because i’m 26 and there’s no mothers falling from the sky to come rescue me.

2. i somehow have to deal with all the pain, longing, and missing and carry the burden by myself --- at this point in my process, i refuse to do this. it’s unfair, i deserve better. i’ve had to do everything by myself, i don’t want to heal by myself too.

which leaves me kind of hopeless. in therapy we discussed having to accept that (1) is not going to happen, but that just triggers a huge amount of sadness, fear, pain and other shit. i cannot take that one flimsy hope away - that maybe, one day, well be good enough to be loved. especially the littles need this hope to even stay alive, there’s nothing they need more than love from a mommy.

but i know that hanging on to that hope will just cause the volcano of abandonment and loss to erupt over and over and over again.

so, then what? that’s the question. and honestly? i don’t know. i just really, really don’t know.