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summary: caleb wakes up after making love with her for the time, remembering all that happened the night before.
tags: first time, dorks in love, trauma, childhood, separation anxiety, caleb can finally have her,
words count: 2,354k
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The night after making love with her for the first time, Caleb slept.
A peaceful sleep, one he hadn't experienced in a long time, so that he had almost forgotten what it felt like.
Maybe that presence beside him, the one he could still feel in his arms, had managed to shut the door to his nightmares, even if only for that one night.
It was morning when Caleb opened his eyes. The light in the room was dim, the shutters almost completely drawn.
A faint breeze slipped in through the half-open window, sending a slight shiver across his skin.
His body instinctively moved in search of the only source of warmth under the covers, pulling the figure next to him closer.
He pressed his naked body against hers, and the warmth she radiated instantly enveloped him.
She was soft, delicate, and small in his arms, as she had always been.
But now, it all carried a different meaning.
His violet eyes rested on her, taking in how perfectly she was nestled against him, her head resting between his arm and his chest, her hair spread out like a halo on the pillow, her arm wrapped around his waist, her hand on his back—where he could still feel the tingling left by her nails the night before.
Ah, the night before.
He still almost couldn’t process it. He had to blink several times to be sure he wasn’t having one of his usual fantasies, the ones that had cradled him in his loneliness and frustration, or one of his disappointing dreams.
She was truly there, in his arms.
Solid, true, real.
And the night before had been real too.
The glances they had sought, the way their fingers brushed as if asking permission.
The unspoken request for something more—that long-suppressed need, which no chains could have held back any longer.
Her hand resting on his cheek, an invitation, permission to finally let go, to send all those fears to hell.
The kiss had been awkward, almost clumsy at first, perhaps because it had caught him a little off guard.
“…your lips are dry.”
She had said it softly after that brief contact, brushing them with her thumb while her eyes searched his.
“I had no one to remind me to take care of them, this past year.”
Caleb had smiled as he spoke those words, but it was a bittersweet smile, a broken one, revealing the pain behind them—the distance and forced absence between them over the past year.
“Then I’ll make up for all the times we lost.”
She cupped his cheek tenderly in her hands, leaning in to gently place her lips on the corner of his once again.
The warmth emanating from the contact was something familiar yet at the same time new, something they both had longed to experience for so long.
He turned his head so that his lips could meet hers, a gentle touch, as if still on his tiptoes, asking if it was right to go on.
Then, he placed his hand on the curve of her back, pulling her closer to him, while the other slowly slid up, gently cradling her head.
She pressed her body even closer against his, as if trying to merge their figures into one.
“Don’t leave again.”
She whispered against his lips, a plea filled with need, and with the pain she had already endured when he had vanished from her life the first time.
“Promise me you won’t leave me again.”
Her words, broken and trembling, made his chest ache with the memory of everything that had happened.
The heated tones, the argument they were having before he stepped into the house.
Then the explosion.
In that fraction of a second, his only thought was to protect her, using his Evol to hold back the blast.
Then darkness, pain, the sound of medical machines, injections, more pain...then nothing.
A new life, after years of fragile happiness in that bubble in Linkon, he was back to being nothing more than a lab rat, a puppet.
Far from her.
Not knowing how she was, unable to hear her voice anymore, to hear her laugh when he said something stupid just to make her smile.
The nights spent building models, staying at the swing in the park near home just to talk, cooking for her, becoming strong for her, living for her.
All of it had ended in an infinitesimal fraction, and he was left alone, within those bare, lifeless walls of Skyhaven.
He couldn’t even call it home, because his true one was miles below his feet, beneath the shroud of clouds.
But now she was there, once again in his arms, her eyes searching for his, asking him with a trembling voice not to leave her again.
He pulled her closer, burying his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply her essence, which smelled of home, comfort, and peace.
“I won’t.”
“Don’t give me empty promises, Caleb.”
“I promise you, I won’t.”
His lips pressed a delicate kiss on her neck, nibbling gently, just enough to leave a faint mark, as if to seal his promise.
He lifted his face, caressing hers as he looked at her, a melancholy gaze heavy with remorse for all that had happened despite himself, and something deeper hidden in his eyes—violet wells where he buried all his secrets and fears, but not what he felt for her.
Not anymore.
He couldn’t hide it.
Their feelings lay bare for both of them, a night of no return, all the cards on the table, and all they had to do now was play.
Their mouths met again, urgency surging from years of suppressed emotions, fears, because of their bond, everything.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, as if to prevent him from slipping away from her once more.
It seemed as though they had forgotten how to breathe, their lips meeting again and again, almost without pauses, afraid to shatter the fragile magic of that moment.
They retreated until they reached his bed, falling onto the mattress, but that did not stop the dance of their joined breaths, which continued undeterred.
Only after endless minutes did they pause to catch their breath, their eyes locking.
In their gazes the same desire was written, the same need—that intimate, primal yet tender longing that finally demanded fulfillment.
Her fingers went to the buttons of her own shirt, but at the sight he swallowed and almost instinctively stopped her.
“Wait…”
“Why…?”
“Us. This changes everything, you don’t have to if—”
“Caleb.”
“Really, you don’t. I… I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”
“I want to, Caleb. I want it. As much as you do.”
His eyes widened slightly, locking on hers, before lowering again with an air of guilt.
“I don’t want you to regret anything. I don’t want to be a… monster. Or make you feel anything like that.”
After a moment of silence, she smiled gently and caressed his cheek, trying to bring him back to reality.
“The only thing I’d regret is pretending again I don't want this. I don’t want to anymore.”
“This changes things.”
“Don’t you want things to change?”
He did.
God, he did.
He wanted it more than anything.
He had always been protective, like an older brother, a constant in her life, her safe harbor.
But that wasn’t enough anymore.
He wanted a place in her heart different from before, that title now chafed like a muzzle, keeping him from saying and doing what he truly felt.
“…I do. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”
“Then stop talking. You’re even more attractive when you’re silent.”
Grateful for the distraction, he chuckled softly, as if forgetting for a moment all the anxieties that stood like walls between him and what he desired.
What they both desired.
His fingers replaced hers, unbuttoning her shirt gently, his heartbeat growing stronger with every inch of skin revealed.
His fingertips caressed her shoulders as he slid off the garment, leaving her in a red cotton bra.
A pink flush spread over his face, freckles more pronounced as he nervously lowered his gaze.
She smiled, though her own heart threatened to escape her ribcage, and helped him shed his clothes in turn.
It was happening—it was really happening.
Their clothes fell one by one to the floor, soft thuds marking each, until only a few barriers remained between them.
For a moment they didn’t speak, as if unsure how to proceed now that the wall had been crossed.
Then, she slipped her fingers between his chest and necklace, pulling him toward her.
With a startled gasp, he fell forward, making her fall back onto the mattress beneath him, his hands braced on either side.
The only sound in the room was the pounding rhythm of their hearts, deafening in their ears.
Swallowing silently, he let his hand rest on her side, feeling the softness as his thumb stroked her gently.
She took it, guiding it behind her, so he could free her of the last barrier between them.
Yet apparently, his fingers, skilled in fixing things and piloting, lacked experience in unhooking a bra clasp.
Despite a few attempts, nothing budged, and with a nervous laugh he hid his face in the crook of her neck.
“I wonder if the person who designed this did it on purpose so no man could ever manage. Is it like some kind of clasp-shaped Excalibur?”
She laughed at his muffled voice against her skin, and gently reached back to help him.
“Must have been someone either diabolical or with a wicked sense of humor about guys’ embarrassment.”
“Seems the same to me.”
Once undone, nothing remained between them, only two young souls, literally laid bare, along with their desires.
He tentatively caressed her cheek, trying to avert his gaze.
“Caleb.”
“What is it?”
“Look at me.”
His eyes rose again, taking her in completely.
She was beautiful.
She had always been beautiful.
Her hair spilled over her shoulders, framing her face, partially veiling her chest.
Her skin was soft, lightly tanned in places, scattered with tiny moles like stars in the night sky.
He wanted to say so much, as always, yet in that moment his voice seemed to die in his throat, overwhelmed by everything he felt.
“I don’t know what to say.”
He admitted simply, still gazing at her like one would admire a precious relic just unearthed.
“I never thought I’d hear you say that.”
“There’s always a first time.”
“There is.”
“What?”
“A...first time.”
He had known it in his heart, but hearing her confirm it made his chest lurch.
“You usually learned doing things before me—riding a bike, school, soccer, board games… is it like that this time too?”
Her innocent question, laced with old memories, meant more than that.
He shook his head with a smile, leaning closer, caressing her face.
“No. This time we’re at the same pace, side by side. From now on we can experience so many firsts together… if you truly want them with me.”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
Caleb gently laid her back down onto the mattress, his tall frame above her.
“Then, when this night is over… will you stay with me?”
“Always, Caleb.”
That night, two finally became one.
After years, it all came down to that room, where time seemed to flow both achingly slow and impossibly fast, measured only by the rhythm of their bodies and sighs.
A rediscovery of each other, but also the discovery of new things, a new beginning made of whispered promises, lips against lips, body against body.
Her nails traced his back, leaving delightfully painful marks.
His left hand mapped everything it could, trying to memorize her warmth, her curves, the softness of her skin.
She took his right hand too, feeling the weight of the metal beneath the synthetic skin, and brought it onto herself.
“Use them both. If one day you'll feel warmth again, I want you to remember this night too. I want every part of you.”
His heart clenched at her words, but he did as she asked.
He couldn’t feel her—metal was only a foreign body now—but if it was her wish that he be there with all of himself, modified parts and all, he would do it without hesitation.
For her.
When it was over, he held her tightly in his arms, their bodies covered in a thin sheen of sweat, their breaths slowly returning to normal.
Her fingers tangled in his hair, his arm holding her close, clinging and buried into each other, desperate to hold onto the moment, hoping it was neither dream nor illusion.
They would never be apart again.
They would never be separated again.
Like gravity keeping the Sun and the Earth in each other’s orbit.
She was still sleeping in his arms, lips slightly parted, her breathing calm.
He smiled, remembering how he used to watch her sleep years ago, in much less graceful poses, mouth wide open, clutching her pillow.
But now she was here, in his arms, a woman.
His hand traced her features delicately—her half-closed eyes, her nose, her forehead, her lips, her cheeks.
It was all real. She was real. And now, they were one.
He took her hand, bringing it to his lips, kissing her fingertips tenderly.
Outside that room the world waited, but he would let it wait a little longer.
Between those four walls, once bare and somber, now brighter since the Sun had returned to his life, they could stay like that a little longer.
All those years gone by, the good and the bad memories, the pain and the joy, the separation and the reunion, had all led to that moment.
And as he watched her sleeping beside him, he knew it was true.
Wherever he ended up in the vastness of space, he would always return to those coordinates, which had a face and a name.
To her.
Home.
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