Grandfather. Brother. Friend.
Although I'm not there with you I partied for you in spirit last night and got way pass my limit. Hopefully you did the same. I threw up three times...but this time not like a boss. lmao. We have been cool for a long time now. I remember when I first met you through Shabre and Jamie. I thought, this nigga look tough (hahaha I was wrong), he real ashy doe (I was right about that).
We've done some seriously crazy shit and we somehow never got arrested. You were there for all the highlights of my teenage years and we spent our senior summer like champions in our own right.
I wanted to let you know something I never tell you, and I can't just assume you already know. From time to time a lot of my friends proved to not be that at all. For that I don't trust the majority of the people that choose to be around me so I keep things at face value. Through the lies, rumors, and bullshit you've always been there and I purposely keep you at what I feel is a safe distance in terms of me because it's my belief now that any friend that gets close will just leave sooner or later and Im done putting up with that. People are quick to say how everyone's not the same, but betrayal and deceit has no face, name, or personality and is in everyone.
I like being there for people and helping out and I don't like asking for help. I go through shit and keep to myself and those times I do seek help, it just ends with bad results. I'm not gonna get into specifics, but I know you can see it sometimes even when I don't speak about it. It's nothing personal, I'm just stuck in my ways and more than often I feel like I shouldn't be but it's just how I learned to be.
As you know, since we met I had good friends that I don't have today and I've long since got used to people leaving so much so that I don't let it get me down anymore. I keep it moving because that's all I know how to do. In the fray I cut off countless friendships for no reason and took a step back because I started to just see friends as extra problems.
What's ironic is how people quick to say Mike is that guy. That I bring people together... I know I have in the past and built the annoying reputation of always having people at my house. Back when I was all about my friends, those Team Shotz days, I found happiness in everyone and the good times we shared...but look where that got me?
Cheated out of money. One tried to kill me (I probably shouldn't but I laugh every time I think of this, because that motherfucker really tried to kill me. Like...I could've died. lol). One turned against me for sex? Or something...I forgot her reason? This ethnic bitch created the false scenario of a relationship I was never in...that some people still believe today (I don't even try to tell them the truth because if they can go around talking about me without approaching me about it. They not worth my time). Another one dropped me just for that reason without even approaching me about it. ...I could go on.
I've made peace with those situations though and looking back I feel like me being on such a high that was my circle of friends, things just had to end that way. That's karma...right? I was too happy and vulnerable.
The old me would've thought it was sad that when I dated Alicia, I chose to not tell anyone in Philly, but not me. Letting anyone know would've just presented more unnecessary problems that I refused to put up with and you know what...that relationship was even more amazing because of that. Give or take a butch lesbian. lol
If you've noticed like certain people who point it out, "I've changed." Not really but I do pull away from people gradually. I don't go out of my way to make friends anymore and the ones I might go out of my way to keep are the ones I already had. I've sharpened my edges and embraced the asshole within all to be sure that in the end, I'll be alright.
That's my main focus as it should've been in the past.
Im saying all this to say, that I feel like you deserve better. Of course I'm there for you and it's obvious. You know that but whatever person I'm becoming socially and with the serious trust issues that I have, I appreciate our friendship man. As good of a friend you are you shouldn't be affected by the acts of other people and I don't try to let you be. With that said, I do have those same trust issues with you and it's all for nothing. SMH I'm not tryna have this be no sappy shit but I guess the only way to say it is to say it, but that I don't think I ever told you I'm glad you're there. When you're not stuck in dirty Jersey, I look forward to the shit we get into when you're in Philly. To be honest, at the end of the day you're one of the three friends I really do care about. And amidst my own motives and as much time I'm not around, I just wanted to let you know.
You have the one trait that most people should have, but don't. When there's any concern about me...you approach me about it and not just talk behind my back and I fucking respect you so much for that. It's something so simple but most of my shitty friends don't do that.
I'm saying all this without disregarding anything I said earlier and I do believe that one day we may, or may not, stop being friends. Until that day comes though, let's ride this mother fucker out until the rims touch the ground. Today you're 21, you fucking made it you old young ashy piece of shit. lmao and I can't fucking wait until we're in the same place. We're gonna have so many reasons to fuck shit up.