#mega shitpost

[nullandvoidstar]

Straight? Not anymore. Romantic? Not on my watch.

They call me Queer, Queer Platonic.

[paradubolical]

it's that time again

here's how to make alcohol at home

recipe under the cut. it's long. I warned you.

FOREWARD:

I do not endorse regular substance abuse or at-home distillation without proper training. Don’t hit your kids. Don’t blow up your house. It’s okay to eat shit and die, like, once every three months, not every two weeks, not every weekend. If you’re doing that, there’s not much I can do to help or give in way of advice. But this recipe is not for you. And you should reconsider some stuff if you haven’t already.

That being said.

The following is my personal method for brewing beer, mead, wine, etc. I have utilized this method many times and it has worked wonderfully. I have achieved up to 15% proof. This means that the substance you create should be perfectly drinkable and safe if you follow the instructions and use your head. HOWEVER. You should be prepared to read this whole document before making anything. There are warnings and safety precautions you need to take, and I don’t want anyone to get botulism of some shit because of a shoddy recipe that doesn’t explain absolutely everything.

I also do not encourage the practice of distillation at home. This is not because it is illegal. For those unaware, distillation is the semi-complicated process of heating alcohol to produce hard liquors. While it may sound fun to make Smirnoff from home, there is a reason we do not. Alcohol is extremely flammable. You will set yourself or your valuables on fire.

Ingredients:

1 Packet ActiveDry Yeast

1 Cup Sugar or 1 Cup Sugar Equivalent*

⅔ Gallon Water

Supplies:

1 Gallon Container

1 Suitable Cork or Lid**

3-4 Ballons, Latex Gloves, or even condoms will do honestly***

IMPORTANT:

You must have a space prepared ahead of time to store the JFCB while it brews. Remember. It will stink like hell. Anyone who smells it will know it’s alcohol. Use your noggin okay

NOTES:

*

In simple terms, alcohol is created when yeast eats sugar. You can use pretty much anything sugary. Don’t use chocolate unless you want to die.

I like to use those strawberry-flavored grandma hard candies. The stuff they make is super fucking strong and tastes like god himself descended from the heavens to kick your ass. It makes what I like to call the JFCB. It’s high-proof enough to burn your throat. So, you know, try to moderate.

**

You need something to seal the container with once you’re done. Pick wisely.

***

It’s gotta be something that can form a seal around the lip of the container, but also expand like a balloon. These are some of the things I’ve found work best.

INSTRUCTIONS:

Creating the Base

Take your 1-Gallon Container and fill it with half the packet of ActiveDry yeast. You don’t need all of it. Trust me on this one.

Pour in your 1 Cup Sugar or Equivalent.

Pour in the ⅔ Gallon of Water.

Either whisk or mix vigorously. When it starts foaming, you’re done.

Stage 1

Put the Balloon/Latex/Condom over the lip of the container. Make sure it’s secure and extremely tight, but there’s plenty of room for air to fill.

Find your designated Place to Put It. This should be somewhere nobody’s gonna smell it, and also somewhere nobody’s gonna go for the next three odd months.

Set your shit down.

Wait 2-3 weeks.

Stage 2

After 2-3 weeks, the alcohol should stop emitting gas. At this point, it’s safe to cork. Don’t do it beforehand or the container will explode.

I like to put some hot glue or wax over the lip just to make sure it’s sealed extra well. I sometimes put tinfoil too. It doesn’t actually help anything, just looks fancy.

Find somewhere nice to store it. Make sure it’s right side up. Odds are you sealed it pretty poorly if it’s your first time, and you’re gonna be in deep shit if it starts to smell.

If it does, that means you corked it too early. Move it back to your Place to Put It for like a month. Recork it after that time’s up. It might be difficult, but you’re smart. You can do it. It should be good to go after that.

And there you have it. A nice bottle of…. Something?

Enjoy. Or just leave it to sit.

FAQ:

Q: I’m worried about getting botulism from this shit. Is it really safe?

A: Usually, people don’t get botulism. My rule of thumb is that if it smells like shit you should really just throw it away. If you’re really worried, I’d also recommend throwing it away. The paranoia’s not worth it.

Q: I’m a minor. Should I try this at home?

A: Probably not. I’m a minor too, so fuck’s to say what my opinion’s worth.

Q: I want to try vodka/scotch/whiskey. What should I do?

A: You should just not. Or buy it at the store. I don’t know man i’m not the all-seeing eye

Q: I’ve heard you need an airlock for this. Do you need an airlock for this?

A: Absolutely fucking not. They are feeding you airlock propaganda. You don’t need an airlock.

[50yb34n]

I don’t know what to post today, so have several reaction images that I use ( a few of them were made by me, others were made from a friend who drew them or found them online)

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

Companions and their Easter eggs:

Cait:

Curie:

Danse:

Deacon:

Hancock:

Macready:

Nick:

Piper:

Preston:

X6-88:

[stevenuniverseanewchapter]

SOMEONE IN MY FUCKEN DISCORD SERVER MADE THE AMETHYST SANDWICH

AND

ATE IT.

@zilathehusky​- 1. WHY- and 2. did......did it even...taste good .__.

[four-way-road]

church gothic

every year, a new word is added to the name of the building. when you ask, the teachers avoid your eyes. “you should know already,” they say. it is a riddle. a clue.

the bible has names unpronounceable by man. you speak them with ease. you where born with these names on your tongue. the woman next to you has the same name as the woman in the story. her jaw is clenched.

the children do trunk-or-treat. it is your job to give them candy from your pockets, hidden from hungry eyes. does that boy have vampire teeth, or is that just a custome? you thought you saw wings. the older man dances in front of you. “do you know who i am?” you don’t know. you never know. “chris pine,” you say.

“family is the most important thing in the world,” a man with grey teeth sits in the chair and tells you. your friends point out his wife to you. it is a different women every time, you are certain.

at the beginning, we tell stories. a woman says, “i’m going to cry.” she cries. we are silent. “family is the most important thing in the world,” she says.

there is a closet that is locked. “they keep chemicals in there,” is all we hear, every time we ask. why does it smell like that?

you sit next to a man that coughs. you sit next to this man every time. when you speak to your friends, they give you odd looks. “i sat with him.”

[how-lemon]

where were u wen svtfoe s5 dies

I was at house playing minceraft when phone ring

“Star 5 is kil”

“no”

[somnambulists-symposium]

i’m so fucking gay, call me Mr Fagtastic