I am so fucking devastated, I don't even know how to express it. It's about NSFT things so I'll talk about it under the line, but God, this is for anyone, please, if you don't like your works anymore, if you don't like the fics, or don't want to be associated with them anymore, please orphan them, orphan the fics or orphan your account PLEASE!!! I am sobbing when I should be focusing on my final essay.
I will be tagging this in a few main tags, but again everything NSFT is under the line, so please avoid if you do not want to read or associate with that sort of content. And of course my dodiligence, minors, I can't stop you but do not click on this please.
This had already happened to me once, luckily I had some urge to save the work on my computer for some reason, I had never done that before, but I did, I save the fic, it was a bunch of One shots with sfw and not alike, all MH. I was grateful I saved it and got to keep enjoying it. A bunch of Jam and Timlex fics. Marble Hornets Oneshots by timwrightisbabygirl lives on in my computer and I am grateful for that
But now as I tried to look for my absolutely favorite PolyHornets fic in the world and the only A/B/O fic I have ever read and fell in love with, again with PolyHornets, I find the author deleted their account. I am sobbing. They are gone. These fics changed my brain chemistry and my partner's brain chemistry. On the Way back machine you can find the first chapter of the first PolyHornets fic out of the 4 chapters (mother nature wants you whacked by jaymerrick) and the A/B/O fic (things just got super weird (it's my time to shine) by jaymerrick) only has the first 2 chapters out of the 4 that were available, there were still more that were planned.
Not only did we lose 2 wonderful MH fics from their deletion, but probably fantastic Everyman HYBRID, Magnus Archive, Five Nights at Freddy's (both the game and movie universes) fics as well. I never got the chance to read those ones, but I'm sure they were just as good.
I am so fucking devastated. I shouldn't be getting so emotional over smut fics, but they were so important with discovering things about myself and such. And in general, they were just really good reads. The authors was so fucking skilled and talented, in fact, both timwrightisbabygirl and jaymerrick were exceptional in their work, I looked up to both of them and hoped to achieve their level of skill in my own writing. Both sfw and not.
This is my plea to stop outright deleting your works and accounts from the face of the planet. Please!!! Orphan your accounts and works!! Please!!!
Also, if anyone ANYONE, has these works or knows the authors, or if the authors see this themselves, I beg you to rerelease your works. Or something, anything. I loved those fics so much. They mean a lot to me. And I bet they mean a lot to others. If you can't bear to rerelease them, I ask to privately send them to me? Maybe? So I can hold onto them? I won't post them without permission. But I just, I feel desperate. And I just wanna say, your writings are wonderful. Truly wonderful. You have an amazing skill. I just really hope you're doing okay. I hope that message reaches them more than anything.
Pretty much just because I thought it would be funny, I went into my chat fic (Social Experiment) for Monster High and took random screenshots
also for those who havent read the fic, here’s names:
Gothicliterature: Clair
furry: Clawd
Glad2BChad: Chad
Twin2: Holt
Twin1: Jackson
shehulk: Clawdeen
pawpads: Howleen
Snakelet: Deuce
HELLO FINALLY I COMPLETED THIS MH GIFT SUPER DUPER SORRY FOR MY RECIPIENT, @hapgen. I hope you enjoy this crap. o(；△；)o I had fun on writing this. SO thank you for requesting this prompt! Do tell me what you think of it so I could improve more!
Shout out for @datheetjoella, @anunyun for organizing this event and giving me the deadline extension OTL! YOU GUYS ROCK!
Their request: I would love something to do with Haru and Makoto and the orange blossoms!
Also, I made a moodboard to help me with the writing. I hope you don’t mind!
Read it on AO3.
Title: orange blossoms
Word count: 4.4k
Genre: fluff, a lil bit of angst, language of flowers, time skip
Summary:
Makoto is his orange blossoms.
When he was young, Haruka was always fond to the meaning of names. He might not show it in front of the person but every time he meets new people he will ask his mother for their meanings, well-aware of his limited knowledge and vocabulary in names. His mind often wondered to the what extent of the definition of one’s name truly hold to their personalities. He was always too caught up for it to be put it words so he remained silent. However, for a kid his age, he knew a lot of names’ meanings. He was indeed a curious little fellow.
On one fine spring morning, Haruka was writing on the living room desk, practicing his kanji using his name. When his mother first showed him how to write it, he had been obsessed on mastering it and it did not take him long to memorise it. His mother chuckled softly, looking at his only son’s focused expression on the paper and pencil.
“Get ready, Haruka. We’re going to meet up with the Tachibana’s residence.” Haruka’s head perked up – not at the visit he will need to take but at the new aforementioned name. His eyes glinted and again, his mother chuckled. This sight had been far too common by now.
“Ta-Tachibana?” Even though it was mouthful, he liked how easy the name rolled off in his tongue. His gaze on his mother evidently voiced ‘what does that mean?’
“Hurm, how about we meet them first and then you can ask them?” His mother knew just the thing to make his son go out. Being the only son, Haruka was not a frivolous child. He was quiet. Sensible. Calm. And just like to do things on his own. He likes to draw and paint rather than going out and getting his hands dirty. “Too much effort” – he would usually say to his mother. So, his mother had to always think of an end to make him go out and socialise with other kids in the neighbourhood. “Come. Let’s go.”
His father waited them both at the genkan as his mother offered her hand. Haruka nodded and took his hand. Oddly, he could feel the excitement bubbling in his small chest.
“The Tachibana has a son. I think he’s around your age. Why don’t you say hello later?” Haruka nodded and gripped the hem of his shirt with his free hand. Meeting new people always make him agitated.
Turned out to be, the Tachibana family was really kind as her mother had said. They offered them snacks and drinks but what caught Haruka’s attention was the olive-coloured hair boy with eyes as green as the grass on a summer hill, all wrapped in his mother’s arm. He was a tad smaller by two or three inches from Haruka, showing the five months difference. Both of them stared curiously at each other for the very first time. Eyes gleaming and unblinking out of fascination. The two colours of eyes - deep ocean blue and lush ever green – clashed for the very first time and they exchanged meaningful stares, fully aware at each other’s presence but completely oblivious to how their futures will intertwine.
“So, what do you think of the Tachibana family?” Haruka’s mother asked from the kitchen. She was putting on her apron to start preparing dinner for his family. Haruka came back to sit on the table with a book about waterfalls. He looked up and had a surprised look that later changed to a gloomy expression. He had forgotten to ask about their names’ meaning!
His mother again chuckled. Her son was her only source of amusement. She walked to him and kneeled beside him for a moment to write the kanji for the Tachibana. The room was silent except for the sound of the pencil stroke on the paper.
“Ta-chi-ba-na.” She put down the pencil. “It means wild orange or tangerine.” And Haruka’s face lightened up.
Historically, Tachibana also came from the samurai and court clan during the Edo period but she did not think her son would be too interested on the boring and complicated history so she stopped it right there. She smiled looking at his son’s beaming expression. Sometimes, she worried about him. The neighbourhood’s kids around his age always isolated him either because “he was too quiet” or sometimes “we can’t tell what he’s thinking”.
“Don’t like orange.” She was taken a bit by surprise at her son’s remark. Haruka grimaced at the times when his mother peeled some oranges during the New Years and he always got the sour ones. “They’re sour.”
A smile tugged on her mouth. “Oh, do you really? Then, what about Makoto? I think he is probably the sweetest boy I know.”
Haruka looked at his mother outrageously. It was like saying, “what kind of question is that?”
He looked at the basket of oranges on the table and it took him back to their first meeting just now.
“He-hello! I-I am Tachiba-a Akoto!” The green-eyed boy said. He was clearly as nervous as Haruka was.
“It’s Tachibana Makoto, dear.” Makoto’s mother corrected him. And Makoto panicked, frantically looked over at his mother and back to Haruka. He still had some trouble pronouncing some consonants especially the M and the N. It was just so confusing, he used to whine.
“Nanase Haruka.” Haruka introduced himself in one go.
“But he insisted everyone to call him Haru.” His mother chuckled. He tightened his grip on his mother's hand – a warning not to embarrass him. But it was true.
Ever since he knew – understood the meaning of his name, he insisted everyone to not call him by his full first name. He did not like what his name meant. 遥. Remote. Distant. Far off. As if he was not fully aware of his own moody and sensitive personalities. But he liked his family name though; 七瀬. Seven currents. Simple and strong. Unlike his first name.
“Haru-chan? Can I call you Haru-chan?” Makoto's voiced snapped him out of his daze. He looked so happy, he was practically smiling from ear to ear.
“Do whatever you like.” Haruka said while looking away from the bright smile. He felt like he’s looking at the sun. Bright. Too bright. It made him feel uneasy yet warm.
“Here, Makoto. Give some to Haru-chan.” Makoto’s mother had prepared them a small basket of oranges. Makoto nodded and brought the basket to Haruka.
“Here, Haru-chan!” Haruka took it and their hands touched. Makoto’s hands were so small compared to him. And from that moment and forever then, the citrusy scent of the oranges will always remind him of the first meeting with the warm smile of the gentle green-eyed boy.
His mother was still waiting for his answer. He averted his eyes sideways and felt heat rushed to his cheeks.
“Makoto is Makoto.” That should have explained everything and it did. His mother understood him. Her smile never flattered. She patted his head and got up to continue making dinner.
He did not disagree with his mother's latter statement.
---
“Haru! Haru-chan! I almost got it!” A boy with a pair of eyes as green as the leaves surrounding him giddily said. The morning breeze was calming and carried the strong scent of the citrus tree they found on their way to the playground.
With one hand clutching tightly to one branch and another one to the other, Makoto was climbing the orange tree while Haruka was on the ground looking worriedly at his best-friend from below. Where did Makoto get the courage to climb the tree, Haruka had no idea.
“Makoto, come down. I don’t need it.”
Ah, he remembered. It was a prior conversation about his friend’s family name that brought upon this little misadventure of the smaller olive-haired boy attempting to climb the orange tree which was blossoming and fruiting. Unfortunately, only the blossoms were within arm reach whereby the orange fruits were high above at the top of the tree.
“It’s okay, Haru-chan. I can almost reach i-” before he could finish his sentence, the meek branch that he just stepped on snapped. Haruka’s heart dropped.
“Makoto!” He hurriedly ran towards the direction where his best friend was falling. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears. Luckily, he made it in time as he lessened impact of the fall with his own body. Both grunted in pain. Makoto laid face down on Haruka’s chest. His shoulders shook as he gripped on Haruka’s shirt.
“Makoto? Are you okay?” Haruka was worried, frantically searching for any sign of serious injury. Makoto had hidden his face in his shirt and there was no way Haru could tell whether his friend was alright or not. “Mako-“
“Ha-Haru-chan! A-are yo-you al-alright?” Tears were pooling at the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall any seconds. He bit his lower lip, trying very hard to not let it spill. He was obviously frightened but he managed to care about him first, of course.
“I’m so-sorry.” He muffled. He almost succeeded on not letting the tears fall until he saw the left corner of Haruka’s lips was slightly bleeding. His chin must have collided with Makoto’s head when he fell. Little Makoto was not good at the sight of blood and seeing his best friend hurt because of him sent him off the edge. “Haru-chan! You’re hurt and it was all because of m-me.”
Despite the tears and the obvious frown from the latter one, Haruka could not help but to pull a small smile. Something else caught his attention. An orange blossoms bud was stuck in his olive-green hair. He sniffed a whiff of citrus fragrance from Makoto – probably getting from climbing the tree and be surrounded by the blossoms.
“Haru-chan?” The little one tilted his head in confusion.
“Shh, don’t move.” Haruka reached out towards his hair and Makoto closed his eyes, afraid of what was on his head. He hoped it was not a bug. “Makoto, open your eyes.”
Makoto slowly opened one of his eyes, still scared to see what Haruka caught between his hair.
“Now, you truly are a Tachibana.” Now, both of Makoto’s eyes widened up in surprise and joy. Haruka could not help but to pull a small smile himself. He noticed himself smiling more than he used to, now that this little orange blossoms of his definition was by his side all the time.
Haruka hadn’t realised that the orange blossoms weren’t the only one that fell that day.
---
The green-eyed boy ran up the stairs quickly as his little feet could carry. He made hastened yet wary steps up through the mossy stone. His breath was frantic – not because of the running up the stairs but because of the bubbling excitement in his chest he could not contain any longer.
‘Must tell Haru-chan!’
He stopped in front of the sliding door after the first torii. His legs were shaking from exhaustion but his hands were shaking from giddiness. He rang the doorbell and called out his name, “Haru-chan!”
The door slid open almost instantly as if he knew his little friend will be coming.
“Makoto?” The boy had such a wide grin plastered on his face, Haruka was sure he could feel his own cheeks hurting just from looking at him.
“I got good news!” Haruka swore his smile just got even bigger. He perked one of his eyebrows in curiosity. ‘What is it?’ His mind seemed to say, hoping Makoto caught it. And he did. He always did.
“I’m going be a big brother!”
Haruka would be lying if he did not feel the dread that swirled in his gut when Makoto told him that instance. He was happy for him, he really was. But the fact now that there will be other people that Makoto will devote his attention to, he started to feel a little sick on the stomach. Which was very silly because Makoto was an entity of his own and held no entitlement to him. But alas, he was too young to know that at that time.
Haruka stayed quiet and Makoto knew.
“Haru-chan, what’s wrong?” His usually upturned eyebrows creased with worry.
Haruka didn’t know what that tingle of pain in his heart meant. It lasted for so long until he set his eyes on the two most adorable little humans when Makoto was carrying them as much his small arms could carry —with the help of his mother, of course— in the hospital room.
The sight of Makoto smiling brightly with such adoration to the small twins sparked a reason in Haruka’s heart.
His flushing cheeks. His non-stopping smiles. His shimmering eyes.
“Haru-chan, look! They are smiling in their sleep!” Makoto half-yelled, half-whispered, not wanting to wake the twins up.
All the slight bitter and jealousy over Makoto felt like a foolish and stupid thing to do now. He reprimanded himself in his mind over such childish act. Makoto was a great big brother — he looked out for them, took care of them and yet he always said that he was the best time when he was with Haruka.
Maybe those two little lemons will bring as much joy and happiness as does as the orange blossom that had been bringing to his life.
---
If Makoto was the soft and gentle orange blossom, then Matsuoka Rin is a raging red iris. Passion and energy burnt in him and sometimes too fiery for Haruka to keep up. Even upon the mention of his name slightly irked Haruka up.
Haruka thought he knew who Tachibana Makoto was. Having to have him by his side almost all the time, he swore he could predict what Makoto would do in a certain situation. However, as they grew up and feelings wavering by, things were becoming more complicated.
He started notice it when a certain redheaded swimming freak named Matsuoka Rin came into their lives. The changes were subtle but it was there. It was a good change at first. They made new friends which also brought upon their encounter with a year younger, Hazuki Nagisa. Everyone was getting along.
Rin was like a hurricane of feelings who came to his life. He tasted his first abandonment from him. When Haruka learnt about his name, it did not surprise him. Rin was dignified with his swimming, and always passionate with his dreams on becoming an Olympic swimmer. Always going more than anyone else and won’t settle for any less. It irked Haruka because Rin brought so much changes in his life and he hated to admit it himself, he hated changes especially if it involves Makoto.
When Rin had left Japan to swim in Australia, it was Makoto who stayed behind Haruka all the time. He picked up the pieces that Rin had left. Even he didn’t voice it out, he was thankful for having Makoto by his side.
What he did not know was that Makoto was also struggling with his own feelings and thoughts. He did sense Makoto was changing. He felt that it will subside once he figured himself out and he just needed his own time. But it was almost too late when he finally realised and figured it out.
“Makoto!” His voiced quivered while he panted. His legs were starting to hurt. The orange hue of the sunset sipped in slowly, sinking the whole port town with dark orange tinge. Seagulls squawked in the distant background, distracting Haruka from his messed-up thoughts. ‘Where on earth is he?!’
“Haru. We haven’t swum in the sea for a long while now, right?”
Suddenly, Makoto said it, his gaze directed towards the sea. Haruka stopped himself before saying that it’s because Makoto hadn’t been swimming in it.
“You know, during that tournament, I was swimming in the sea. Even though it was a pool, all around me was the sea. I thought that swimming in the sea felt good. In the big sea, I became a sea creature and swam.
His prior conversation struck him like a lightning. ‘What could Makoto possibly be thinking about himself?’
“I’m frightened, of something that doesn’t even exist. I’m... a coward, for being frightened of something like that. I took it into my head on my own, I dreamed it up on my own, I’m frightened of it on my own. I’m a hopeless coward…”
“Because Haru’s here, I’m being spoiled.”
“Haru’s strong, so you might not understand… You wouldn’t understand the feelings of a no-good elder brother––”
“I thought of going to a place where Haru isn’t…”
“Would Haru be alright even if I weren’t here?”
He could not lie anymore. He could not lie to Makoto. He could not lie to himself. The fact he knew he needed Makoto as much as Makoto needed him. Being in middle school had been a hell of a ride. There were so many changes going on and he was too focused on the past, he overlooked the most important thing – Makoto. He was not going to let another friend leaving him behind anymore. Not anyone. Not ever. Especially not Makoto. With a huge intake of breath, he said, “–– I wouldn’t have looked for you if I were.”
With just that line, Haruka saw the dark void in Makoto’s eyes slowly vanished.
The fear. The anxiety. The doubt. Gone – disappeared like the last sliver of the sunset glow.
Makoto came back for him – to his side. He was okay. They were okay. Haruka finally sighed in relief. He didn’t know he was holding his breath all this time. The thoughts of not having Makoto by his side swarmed him like a death grip but Makoto knew what to do. He held out his hand and gave a genuine small smile with his upturned eyebrows – Makoto’s smile.
“Let’s go home, Haru-chan.”
And for the first time in his life, Haruka realised he will never want to let go the hand that had been holding out for him. He leaned closer on Makoto’s shoulder, close enough to feel his warmth and smell his citrusy scent.
Even though, today might be the day where the orange lost its colours and be tainted by the superficial orange from the sunset glow, but he will never lose the scent of the orange blossoms on him.
---
“Tell me again why we aren’t going back to Iwatobi for New Year?” Makoto sighed.
As if a reply to Makoto’s question, the cold wind outside rattled the sliding door on Haruka’s balcony. Prior that evening, they had planned to go back to Iwatobi in the winter break but alas, the weather was unforgiving. The weather forecast mentioned a snowstorm coming up.
Flights delayed. Train tracks closed. They had had to opt out to stay in Tokyo during New Year. Specifically, in Haruka’s apartment.
Makoto sat in the kotatsu in the middle of the room, hands fiddling with the tangerines on the table. At first, Haruka did not want to pull out the kotatsu because it was too much effort but Makoto had been complaining the cold for too long, so he gave in.
Makoto peeled the tangerines and popped some wedges into his mouth. He grinned because he got a sweet one. He usually had the worst of luck.
“Ah, I really want to go back to Iwatobi.” Makoto whined, resting his chin on the small table. Haruka was busy in the kitchen, preparing something.
A few minutes later, Haruka came with a bowl of mochi and put in on the table. It never tired him seeing Makoto’s surprised and amazed expression.
“Oh, Haru! This is amazing. When did you make it?” He scrutinized the bowl with intense gaze, waiting to pounce on the target. Haruka shook his head amusingly, he knew how much of a sweet-tooth Makoto was.
“I was going to give this to your family. The twins love mochi.”
Makoto stayed silent. He didn’t voice out his gratitude but it was plastered in his eyes. ‘Thank you, Haru-chan.’
Haruka turned sideways and attempted to not losing his cool. Because he had decided. It was going to be today. Stoically, he sat next to Makoto in the kotatsu with their thighs and shoulders touching.
“Eh, Ha-Haru?” All flustered Makoto was trying to comprehend what had happened. Haruka was not usually like this. He usually sits the opposite of him or the next adjacent edge of the table. To make matter even worst, Haruka leaned his head on Makoto’s broad shoulder. Makoto’s mouth was gaped slightly open.
“Shut up. It’s cold.” Haruka said as he closed his eyes. He needed this. They needed this. Haruka mustered every courage he had left to slide his hand into the kotatsu and along with Makoto’s arm, intertwining their fingers at the end. They had been holding hands since forever but he had never noticed that Makoto’s hands were warm. It was huge compared to his slim ones.
Haruka could feel the hesitant in Makoto’s actions. He didn’t automatically open up when Haruka made the first move but Makoto eventually and will always be, accepting him with his whole heart. No question asked. Makoto leaned his head on Haruka’s head. Both bathing in each other’s warmth and presence in the cold winter night.
Haruka missed his best friend. The days where they had been inseparable in Iwatobi was non-existence when they were in Tokyo. There was always something that had been keeping them apart. Both juggling with their new lifestyle to achieve their own dreams. Swimming practices. Group meetings. Assignment deadlines.
He hadn’t notice he missed the constant presence of his childhood friend with him. The past few months had been horrible. He had finally been able to pinpoint his feelings. The sheer happiness he felt when they were spending the night together to play video games. The heart-wrenching pain he felt when he saw Makoto with his course mates, laughing and joking around. The cold loneliness he endured when Makoto went for a field trip for his subject for a whole week.
It took him days to finally put all his feelings into a coherent thought.
Haruka loved Makoto.
It was nothing new. Because it was natural for him. They had been knowing each other their whole lives. So, of course, he loved him. But this realisation was different. It’s not something he can explain with meek words and romantic gestures. The sheer power and feelings were too overwhelming especially for him. He had planned everything on what to tell him beforehand. Every word and every syllable. However, when it was really the time, all he could manage was,
“真琴, 愛してる. (Makoto, I love you.)”
Makoto’s hands stopped moving from peeling the orange. The sound of the howling wind outside died. Nothing moved. The snow stopped falling. The sink that had been leaking for days stopped dripping. Even, time itself. Well, at least to Haruka. It felt like eternity as Makoto stayed silent. He couldn’t read him with his fringes covering his eyes.
“Mako-“
Makoto did the most unexpected thing Haruka could ever think of him doing. With a gentle yet swift movement, Makoto cupped Haruka’s chin with his free hand and pulled him into a soft kiss. He clutched tighter of their hands.
He wondered why he never did it earlier because the kiss was nothing he would have imagined if he hadn’t experienced it himself.
It was warm like the first morning ray after the break of dawn. It was soft like the gentle pitter patter of the light rain after a heavy storm. Always the glint of hope Haruka needed in his life. Haruka could taste the lingering citrusy taste of oranges from Makoto’s soft lips and he couldn’t help but to smile. Just like how he would imagine what Makoto tasted like.
It was a just short and sweet touch but held such wonderful meaning. Haruka opened his eyes which he didn’t know he had been closing them and all he could see was green. He had been living with this pair of eyes his whole life but every time he stares into it, it was always a different shade. It held so much emotions for him, Haruka had to look away.
Maybe, he really didn’t dislike oranges that much. Especially an orange this sweet.
---
Haruka slipped his left white glove on into his lean fingers and dusted off his white suit. He tried everything to calm down his nervous heartbeat and nothing had worked so far. He swore he could feel blood rushing into his ears. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“Haru?”
He turned at the direction of the voice as he recognised that voice anywhere. Standing three metres away from him was, indeed, Makoto who was dressed handsomely in his white suit. His hair was tousled and his bright green eyes were prominent without his fringes. His childhood friend. His best friend.
“Everyone’s waiting. Are you okay?” The worried look on Makoto made Haruka feel guilty. This was supposed to be their big, meaningful day and he wasn’t supposed to ruin it just because he was afraid of what the future will hold for them.
One look into his deep blue eyes and Makoto knew. Makoto gave a warm smile – his smile – and strode towards him. He held Haruka’s hands onto his chest and kissed each and every finger with so much adoration and fondness. Haruka knew what he was doing – he was trying to calm him down because this was what he would routinely do every time before Haruka starts his race. And just like that, all his nervousness dissipated.
“The flowers are lovely. I always wondered why you insisted on orange blossoms instead of other colourful flowers.” Makoto chuckled.
Haruka gazed longingly into his eyes. It was because the scent of orange blossoms made him calm. It was because it reminded him of his eyes, his laughter, their first meeting, their first kiss and everything that had led them to where they were now. Makoto was his orange blossoms. His innocence, his purity and his eternal love.
Haruka touched Makoto’s cheek. Makoto shut his eyes and leaned into the touch. Both rested their foreheads onto each other and lovingly appreciating each other’s presence at that moment.
I know it's been awhile, but I recently visited the place that I based the Sunset fic around, and will provide me with a lot more inspiration for Moonrise!!!
