#miami drivers

[tunnelsystem]

[theilarablog]

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How Miami people drive.

[phoenixkluke]

my fucking god I almost ran over a damn wheel chair in the middle of a goddamn highway 🙄 who the fuck looses a damn wheelchair 😤😤😤

[only-in-miami]

[wolf-inthestory]

fuck miami drivers. in may, the mugen’s bike got wasted from some drunk chick who hit him from behind and drove off and today some douche started a four-car accident (my car is now undriveable) and then sped away. 

Now we’re stuck with no vehicle whatsoever and my job (which is forty minutes away) starts in a few weeks. 

I mean, I have full coverage on my car, but my deductible is $1000, which is nowhere near possible for me. 

Freaking A. I was driving down the highway when the guy in front of me pulls to the shoulder because the truck in front of him was stopped for no apparent reason in the middle of the highway. I slam on my breaks and just barely stop before hitting the truck. The guy behind me swerves around me into the other lane while the truck I almost hit drives away. Before I can start moving, I get slammed into from behind and am pushed into the car on the shoulder. Guy who hits me speeds away, causing another car to lose control and slam into a wall. 

My back bumper’s completely off, my front end is damaged, and my front wheel is turned to the side, completely unresponsive. 

My car is towed. we have no vehicle. the mugen has two jobs and we have like maybe $250 we can scrape together. the mugen’s padrino is gonna ask around and try to find a garage that will do the work fast, but there’s still that freaking deductible. 

AND THE GUY DROVE OFF. THE ASSHOLE WHO SLAMMED INTO ME DROVE AWAY. WTF.

[corionthebeachwithpalmtrees-blog]

The DMV

I have complained about this before. I will complain about this again. There will never be a day hereafter forever more, for as long as there are people driving in this city where I will not get into our car, strap myself in with at least three seat belts, brace my hands against the chair, the ceiling, wonder if I shouldn't get that plastic surgery for a third limb to brace against the floor, and wonder aloud, "Dear mother Teresa, who let these people have licenses?" Spoiler alert: Nobody. They're all suspended. ALL of them.

Don't believe me? Think that I'm just taking advantage of every American's God given right to complain about everything in the city where they live? Sit back and listen to the tale of a Florida DMV near you.

"We got all your husband's paper work, but I'm afraid you're going to have to obtain a Florida state driver's license before we can officially consider you a resident on your application."

Obviously the undergraduate admission's counselor was not aware of my terrifying ability to passive aggressively give him the silent treatment until he feels really darn bad about his actions, because he wasn't even vaguely looking like he cared. In fact, he was kind of giving me more of a "Why are you still here?" kind of look.

"Oh." I shot a panicked look at my husband who tried to hide his smug smirk behind an upside down copy of "Getting into FIU, what you should know." He was undoubtedly thinking about how hilarious his day was about to get while his socially awkward and completely communication inept wife tried to navigate a crowded DMV full of people that either hated her for not being stuck in a dead end government job or didn't speak English, or both.

She'll be like, "Um, I need the... The thing." Hahaha. She'll probably forget what a driver's license is called.

"We have to go..." I stood in front of him, looking like a drowned chicken. "To the DMV."

Lightning flashed outside. Carlos went "Mee hee hee!" And giggled to himself all the way to the car.

At the DMV, which was "luckily" located right across the street, I was so busy standing in line wondering how this could have happened on the day that I not only decided that my greasy hair was socially acceptable as long as it was in a ponytail but my lower lip broke out in a cold sore so massive I had received offers to join the circus that I almost missed the conversation in front of me.

"You're license has been suspended. You got into an accident and didn't have insurance."

And then the next person stepped forward.

"Yes, your license is still suspended. You're still pending a DUI case."

No way! What a coincidence.

Then suddenly it seemed I was stuck in the DMV line form Groundhog Day. The word suspended seemed to bounce off the walls like the bowling ball from hell, knocking each member of my line right into the gutter of having to ask your mom for rides to work  when you're 32 years old.

After what seemed like an eternity I reached the front of the line.

"Ma'am I'm afraid your license is still suspended..." The woman in front of my sounded like an answering machine. She didn't even look at me.

"Uh... What? No, I um... I'm from out of state?" I said it like I wasn't even sure. Who was I? Why was I here? Was my license suspended? I didn't even know. "I just moved to Miami. I need a new license."

"Oh." She finally looked up and smiled, though it seemed like the kind of smile a farmer gives his prize pig after it just won the blue ribbon, knowing full well it'll be slaughtered in a week. "Over there."

I'm pretty sure the woman who helped me next had been doing nothing but suspended license cases for the full five years she had been probably been working there, because it took her three tries to get my name correct, and every time she looked at me like I had been born and christened for the sole purpose of making her life a living hell. Finally, when we were sure everything was correct she handed me my third license and gave me a smile that would have made a crocodile shiver.

"Welcome to Miami. Enjoy the roads."

"Um...thanks?" I retreated quickly, desperate to bury myself in my anti social cocoon as soon as possible. Outside I glanced up and noticed there was a traffic school above the DMV. It was so full, people were pressed against the railing of the balcony outside like it was the Black Friday of watching PowerPoint presentations full of gory pictures. 

On the way home a giant green Hummer swerved through lanes like it was a Smartcar, and an eighty year old man tried to park across the right hand lane so he could pick up his dementia prescription from the Walgreen's two cities over.

[endlesscoil]

if only there were a device in a car that signals when you are going to turn or switch lanes how nifty and awesome that would be

[badwhalenikki]

Miami Drivers

Again gifs later. Holy fucking shit tho... the drivers here. I don't even know where to begin. Let's see.... you break the law they honk. You don't break the law and they honk even louder! It's a bright and sunny ass day and there are clouds in the sky... Forget it. Highbeams on MOFO. Oh its pitch black, let me not turn my lights on what so ever.... Fuck miami bro.