Powder Blue.
“Mooooooonyyy!”, Sirius locked the front door behind him and hung his prized leather jacket on the coat rack. “I’m hooooome!”, he sang.
Usually he would get a response. A fond, ‘not your housewife Pads’ or ‘In the kitchen,”. Apparently not today.
Sirius continued into the house, “Moooony!”, he called. Not down here. He began up the stairs, “Remus?”, he was a bit puzzled now.
Just as his hand hovered over the door to their bedroom, it flung open. Remus stood there with wild eyes, and tousled hair, “Sirius do not make a sound”, he whispered furiously.
“What? What’s going on?,” Sirius was alarmed. Remus took his hand and began leading him inside slowly and carefully, as if he was thief in a jewelry store.
He gestured to a sleeping baby Harry on the bed, cushioned by pillows on all sides to prevent him from rolling off.
“He finally went to sleep. I was trying for near hours! Lily is coming to pick him up in about 15 minutes though, so there’s that”, Remus explained, barely above a breath.
Sirius looked over at how Remus’ eyes softened at the small hands and feet curled on their bed. At the gentleness of his demeanor, the hidden smile at the corner of his mouth. And he felt a strange ache at the sight.
That night, after Harry had gone home, and they sat crisscrossed on the bed, Sirius’ back facing Remus as he braided his hair before bed, the ache remained.
Normally, whenever Remus braided his hair they would talk. Mock bickering until they dissolved into laughter. Or more rarely, they would discuss something important, which Sirius liked because it was easier to be vulnerable without having to make eye-contact.
But right now they were completely silent. “Harry’s a right menace, he’s going to be a nightmare at Hogwarts,” Remus remarked finally.
Sirius snickered, “He’s a duplicate of Prongs,” they tittered in agreement, and fell back into silence.
“Remus?” Sirius said after a beat, “Do you think we’ll ever… you know. I mean we are married.”
“What? Like shag? Bit late to be coy, love. We did that long before we were married”, Remus snorted.
Sirius barked a laugh, “Not what I meant!” he flicked Remus’ knee, before suddenly becoming overwhelmed with an odd kind of dread. What did he mean? He wasn’t like James or Lily. What kind of parent would he make? Its not like he had any example growing up.
“You okay?”, Remus’ hand squeezed his shoulder, he supposed he went quiet for a bit long then.
His mind flashed back to Remus’ face earlier so mild and full of adoration. And decided to just rip the bandaid off.
“I-I meant like…A kid. That’s a stupid idea actually, I mean— what kind of dad does a Black make? A shitty one,” Sirius said, trying to sound light. He doesn’t know why he makes hard things into jokes, it’s just how he is.
Remus didn’t answer for a moment, “And a werewolf? An even shittier one,” he sounded a bit pained.
Sirius whipped around, “Don’t talk about yourself like that Remus, you’re just a man,” he said firmly, but not unkindly, “And you would make an excellent dad. It’s the whole reason I brought it up anyway,” he added.
They just looked at each other then, the air around them heavy, “Do.. Do you want—?”Remus’ eyes were searching.
Sirius didn’t really know. So he said nothing. Neither did Remus. And as they faced each other in bed later, they didn’t even try to go to sleep. Sure, they would have this conversation many more times in much more depth, but they were far too scared and uncertain tonight.
Instead they tangled together in the dark, Remus tucked a piece of hair behind Sirius’ ear and kept his hand there. “What color would we paint the nursery?” he asked, voice barely even audible.
“Powder blue,” Sirius said into the dark. And for just a moment he allowed the ache to spread.
