Moms, Stop Telling Other Women What To Do With Their Bodies: A Kind Rebuttal
Ask a young, twentysomething woman if she’s having kids - in fact, ask several, because people, no matter their age, gender, or sexuality, are individuals with a myriad of preferences, thoughts, and opinions. Chances are, you’re going to get several answers, ranging from, “No,” to “Yes,” to “I don’t know,” in some form or another.
Now, ask blogger Elizabeth Broadbent if she thinks millennial women are having children, and chances are, she’ll tell you, “No, and they should shut up and get over it!”
This is a supposition, and it would be a surprising response from a woman who writes articles with a progressive lean and has defined herself as “crunchy.” Yet, in her article on Scary Mommy, Broadbent states that having kids “doesn’t actually cost that much,” “overpopulation is a myth,” and that the millennial lady readers should “get out of your hipster jeans and into the bedroom.” This post is astonishingly anti-woman, illogical, and frankly, made me pretty angry. I’m guessing that was Broadbent’s intent - to write a “shocking” fluff piece in the hopes of brief viral internet fame. But propaganda under the guise of being a “tell-it-like-it-is kinda gal” is still bullshit.
My proposal is this - let a real, live, millennial mother break down this piece, point-by-point with a strong spoonful of scary mommy reality, and then, millennials, judge for yourself whether or not you want to have kids - because in the end, it’s not up to me or Elizabeth Broadbent what you do in the bedroom. You have autonomy (for now). Enjoy your life, whether that means having a baby, having a career, both, or neither. You are a human being. And you’re doing just fine.
Point #1: Kids don’t actually cost that much
Yes, they do. Kids do not need a bare minimum of “diapers, onesies, and boobs to survive.” Diapers get dirty, especially if they’re cloth. Onesies are outgrown within weeks. And many women cannot breastfeed (also, what do you do after a year? Just keep on latching them? They would die).
It is, however, true that for a brief period of time, babies do not care what kinds of toys they own, and, in my experience, love to make cardboard boxes into spaceships.
Point #2: The world has always kinda sucked
“Here in America, your kid won’t starve in the streets as long as you utilize basic social programs,” writes Broadbent.
It once took three months for my food stamps to go through, and this was after submitting the application online, speaking with a counselor, and going for an in-person interview. At best, you can survive 60 days without food. The state of social programs in America is a travesty, and the assumption that all is well below the poverty line smacks of white privilege.
Point #3: Consolidate your loans, and ask for a lower rate
This could work, if your credit is good enough to get a consolidation loan or lower rate. However, if you have experienced numerous financial difficulties due to hardships outside of your control, it may be a bit more difficult to explain to a lender why your credit score has dipped below 650 (here’s a hot tip: they do not care, and no loan for you!).
Point #4: Pregnancy is beautiful
I can’t argue with this one OH WAIT YES I CAN. I’ll concede that pregnancy is a really, really cool thing, but it’s also extremely fucking tough. There’s morning sickness, your body is changing, your hormones are out-of-control, and don’t get me started on what happens postpartum!
And yes - keep your tight belly, as Broadbent sarcastically suggests you should do, stating, “it’ll fall down anyway when you get old,” because she has apparently never Googled Helen Mirren in a bikini. Seriously - keep those taut abs, girl. My stomach looks like a sad old deflated tire. There’s a flap of skin where my belly button ring used to be, and now it’s dangling into my belly button, like one of those white flags of surrender.
Point #5 Overpopulation is a myth
Not exactly - overpopulation is a somewhat broad term. The fact is, we don’t know how many people our planet can support, but logically, we can assume that too many people = bad for the environment, because with more people comes more greed and consumption. And since we’re throwing around fancy articles, like The New York Times one that Broadbent cited, this one from BBC Earth also offers an interesting perspective; to boil it down, if our population patterns continue, then our technological advancement in healthcare, food growth, and creating solutions to reduce our carbon footprint has to grow along with it.
At best, it’s a stretch to say that supporting the environment by not contributing to the population is nihilistic; at worst, you’re employing dangerous rhetoric by shaming women into thinking they should have children, because their main purpose is to contribute to “humanity.” What we should be looking at is the root of the word “humanity” - respecting one another is what makes us human; not strong-arming someone into your belief system.
Point #6 Of course you’ll ruin them with terrible parenting
Yeah, that’s true. Again - you’re a human being. You’re bound to screw up somewhere along the way, and that’s okay! Kids are surprisingly resilient.
However, there’s a difference between you making mistakes, and you being a terrible parent. Making a mistake is letting your toddler climb on top of the kitchen table so you can take a second to yourself to catch up on John Oliver; being a terrible parent is having a child, because you feel pressured by someone you’ve never met to do so.
The secret to being a good parent is owning your mistakes, providing for, and loving your kids - that’s it. If you make the choice to have them, then have them, fully and without condition. If you make the choice to not have them, then you go girl.
