The Talk I Promised Regarding How I Fucked Up The P3 Hero and P4 Hero - Aikoto Edition
Okay, first, some disclaimers before I begin. Firstly, I will refer to Sakuya (P3 Hero) using they/them in this version of the story. They technically haven't started going by that yet at this point in the lore, but I'd rather avoid this AU being confused for canon Makoto Yuki. Secondly, the way I've structured this forces me to spoil the events around New Year's Day and Sakuya's (intended) fate at the end of the story for the post to make any sort of sense. It will be a reoccurring theme. Finally, throughout this narrative there will be themes of existentialism (thanks, time loops!) and suicidal ideation/otherwise depressing thoughts. If you'll indulge me, I'll tell you more under the cut.
So, Aikoto, right? Yes, ultimately, the tragedy that they will never be together because of the narrative dooming them is the main focus of most of what centers around them. But, well... this time, things are a bit different. In this version of the story, Sakuya isn't actually so quick to fall for Aigis. I mean, she's kind of Weird by human standards. Like, picking the lock to Sakuya's room to just kind of stand over them as they sleep kind of weird. So Sakuya...kind of doesn't really want to interact with her.
The events of November don't help this at all, and they essentially mentally put "Aigis DNI" in their metaphorical bio. Aigis, meanwhile, is a bit too lost in her own head to really contest that. As time went on, though, Aigis gained a better grasp of the concept of living, and Sakuya began to see a more sympathetic side to her personality… Unfortunately, though, their fate was already before them. It's New Year's Eve. Humanity is pretty fucked and everyone is going to die soon. Thankfully, since Ryoji is still alive, SEES has a choice. Either kill him and delay the Fall, erasing everyone's memory of it coming for a blissfully ignorant end…or, face up against a pretty much impossible battle against Nyx herself. What option do you think Sakuya chose? I'll give you a second to guess... .......... Time's up! The correct answer is... The wrong option. Why? Well, maybe... They had enough. They rejected their own heart just to get away from everything. They rejected their chance because they thought no one had flowered enough for them to form any attachment to the people around them. They never truly learned to face their own fate, as the Velvet Room had so desperately needed them to do. That's why they were brought back to the beginning the first time. To make the right choice.
With that, we arrive at Persona 3 FES with a freshly revived Sakuya, now realizing just how shitty of a choice they just made.
Well, actually, they realized it a bit earlier, but they expected for their own death to be penitence for their sins which is how they kept calm after all of that. Unfortunately, they're still alive, so they're miserable and a horrible person.
Their knowledge of the loop is nothing more than a vague sense of deja vu and a broad knowledge that they made a horrible, horrible choice in a past life, so for the moment…they try to give Aigis another chance.
Much to their horror, however, Aigis has absolutely no recollection of the moments they had together in the past timeline, which Sakuya still remembers astonishingly clearly. But, in following her Social Link arc and her attempts to find her answer… Sakuya falls for her. And Aigis falls for them. Aigis is the one to confess she has these feelings first, (in her own way of course) and Sakuya is happy to accept her into their arms having fallen for her since…probably late December of the previous timeline. That's all well and good. However, Sakuya's enjoyment of the relationship is massively tainted by the fact that they know for sure everyone is (probably) going to die in a few months' time. So, for once in their life, they find a… admittedly very fickle…reason to actually try to fight this time. Well, two. One, so that them and Aigis can have a slim chance to be happy for just a little longer. Two, so that if they do end up dying they'll at least have the closure of not having to wait for what feels like eons for it. They choose to leave Ryoji alone, but…they can't do it. They can't manage to win against Nyx. But at least…at least they tried, right…?
But they come back again. They're still alive. Why? They made the right choice, where did they go wrong? Why does no one else remember this? Why is nothing changing but what's in their own pockets? What do they have to do to be forgiven? Why is everything they try to say, try to do differently… utterly useless? It's going to end the same either way. So is there a point in even trying…?
During this time, Sakuya really starts to lean on Aigis… perhaps a little too much.
Well, actually, that's a lie. Sakuya is essentially desperately trying to rely on her for emotional support instead of, you know, doing normal fluffy relationship stuff. This is a HORRIBLE idea for three reasons. 1: Sakuya is the only person who has any sort of idea of what they're talking about. 2: Aigis is, by nature, still a machine and kind of sucks at emotional stuff. 3: Sakuya is not emotionally stable enough to actually get Aigis to properly engage with the full range of human emotions at this point. So, obviously, they don't get the support they need from Aigis, and thanks to that coupled with the influence of Orpheus…they start thinking that she's just as useless as the rest of the cast. With that, the two begin to slowly and painfully fall out of love from the Side Games - Part 1 timeline region until the Portable timeline region where they formally mentally "break up" with Aigis. ...Oh, yeah, and just to rub salt into the wound. In this world, all of the side games canonically happened as separate resets. Remember Persona Q? Okay, so first of all it wasn't a dream. Second of all, Hayato (P4 Hero, she/her) was their destined partner during the whole Group Date Cafe thing. But there's actually a little more to it than "Ah, yes, the other Mirror Project canon couple almost got married years before they formally met and got together because funny bankita reference." The two did actually have a few more interactions beyond that, where Sakuya opened up to someone other than Aigis for once and got some semblance of actual compassion in return. Which… finally got Sakuya to question whether their relationship with Aigis was working for either of them. And figure out that they were, in fact, bisexual as all hell, but honestly if they weren't shoving down their feelings half the time I feel like Ryoji would've sparked that awakening way earlier. Aigis is against their relationship though… presumably she's become emotionally dependent on them as well. Unfortunately, Sakuya isn't exactly over their emotional reliance on her either, so they kind of end up dropping the ball midway through.
that image was bigger than I thought. apologies for the inconvenience. we now return to our regularly scheduled text post.
At this point, they're emotionally exhausted and have started to realize this isn't going to work out for them so they mentally forbid themselves from even trying to talk to Aigis. (Putting "Aigis DNI" back in that metaphorical bio, I guess, but now for an actually justified reason.) Much to her continued confusion, of course, because all this time she's been spared the memory of just how messy their relationship is/was.
She's becoming predictable to them. With nearly every word they say, they can anticipate what she would say in response. A machine designed to repeat the same script thinking it will hold weight every time is useless to them. All of their teammates, all of their friends… they're all machines. There's no use trying to look back at them if they'll just see nothing there. They're the only one who can change this world. They're the only one who can defy Fortuna's will. So, they make a plan to finally defeat the Goddess of the Night…
They know full-well that defeating the Goddess of the Night will result in their death. And they're completely fine with that. Elated, even… it just means they're going to be free soon. Free of this nightmare they've been repeating for years and years. Free of these people repeating the same things over and over ad nauseum, free of Aigis, free of Ryoji… They start to become unlike their usual self as the months pass. They start talking to their friends more, saying and showing just how much they care about them. (See: Linked Episodes) They start giving away rare items they've hoarded in their bag since the Original Timeline to the members of SEES…even to some of the other NPC Social Links! … The truth is, they just want to tie up loose ends before they're gone for real this time. They haven't even bothered to cut their hair shorter like they usually do between timelines. There were days where they went straight to bed after school because no one was available and they didn't need the stats anymore. There were days where they didn't even get up at all.|| They knew exactly what to say to everyone already to win their hearts, after all. They came up that day completely ready to give their life away…
But no, Fortuna just HAD to spare them instead of giving them the sweet release of death.
Their plan works, to an extent, but instead of dying they arrive in the world of The Mirror Project in a…very strange act of mercy. Eventually, through a different path, we got to the present day where they're actually somewhat okay…but that's a story for a different book. For now, have these Ryomina doodles I drew depicting kind of how they are in this whole situation.
They kind of just say shit to him knowing that he won't remember any of it just to have someone to bounce the ideas plaguing their mind off of. It helps that Ryoji is the one person Sakuya gets some guaranteed alone time with regardless of whether or not they can muster themselves to talk to the other Social Links in that timeline.
Okay, Angela out. See you in another story!
