#misperception

[emphasisonthehomo]

Misperception

9-1-1 Bucktommy

Rating: M

There’s a new kid at Harbor. He’s the youngest rookie they’ve ever gotten, one of those guys that went for the academy right out of high school. He’s also gay. Flamboyantly gay. Tommy’s jealous. OR It doesn’t occur to Tommy that he should come out

[polyanthea]

He thought he saw an Elephant, That practiced on a fife: He looked again, and found it was A letter from his wife. "At length I realize," he said, "The bitterness of Life!"

-Lewis Carroll, "The Mad Gardener's Song"

[everythinkaloud]

Life’s a pretty miserable place if you only believe in your small self

[fieriframes]

[Dispense with misperception at will, like rounding the point.]

[gingeredroots-blog]

I Didn't Plan for This...

Childhood dreams aren’t made of visions of blended families and step-motherhood. Thanks to classic fairytales the latter alone conjures images of a wicked woman, a la Lady Tremaine, filled with jealousy, hatred, and deceit. Even worse, due to these well known stories the stepmother seems to equate to the crumbling of the very sacred relationship between the princess and her father. Silly as it may sound the imagery is powerful and it sticks. I remember being an 11-year-old girl, sizing up any and every woman my father introduced to me, and thinking in my head, You don’t belong here.

Fast forward a bit to age 15. It was the first time I sat down to watch the movie Stepmom. A part from this specific topic, the movie didn’t have a large impact on me. But, I do remember having a few very specific thoughts walking away from it:

Wtf is snow-blowing? (I still don’t think I completely understand this)

Extreme and utter sadness. If in that situation, how would I cope in a world without my mother? How would I handle the loss of someone so engrained in my world and monumental to who I’ve become?

In no way shape or form would I want to be in Isabel’s shoes, up against the power house that is Jackie. The family unit is clearly no longer in the classic sense. But, members of the family are holding onto the memory of what once was, clinging onto those roles, and when they feel they’re threatened they resist and retaliate. Isabel is the threat and the brunt of all retaliation. Thanks, but no thanks.

Fast forward to an almost 30-year-old Danielle and reality sinks in. It’s 2017 and there’s no longer a concept of a “normal” family unit. People no longer feel the need to cover up an unplanned pregnancy with a shotgun wedding, many couples are choosing to not get married EVER, women are choosing career over kids, men are marrying men, women are marrying women. What does this mean for me? Nothing really. Other than the older I get, the older the acceptable age range for men in my dating pool. The older this range gets, the greater the percentage of this dating pool includes SINGLE DADS… EEK! But, as anyone who has ever fallen in love knows, you love who you love. You can’t really help who you fall in love with. And, when it’s good and meant to be then there’s absolutely no fighting it. As an adult, I definitely wouldn’t not date a man because he has kids. I love kids! It’s just scary. I don’t want to be THAT woman in someone’s life.

If you happen to have dated someone with kids you quickly learn children are an extension of the person that you’ve fallen in love with. I love the mannerisms, thoughts, and shared interests that my significant other and his daughter share. She’s this extremely amazing little mini version of him. Watching the two of them interact only makes me love them both more and respect the bond that they’ve created.

In my personal situation, I've kind of had it easy. "My people" don’t seem to share the same ideas and scary concepts that I’ve held onto for all these years. They’ve both accepted me with open arms. I was expecting some sort of adaptation period. For 12 years their time has just been THEIR time. I’ve been very honored and touched  by her approach to me. She’s 12, so full of love, and has an intense desire to create a space that is all inclusive for the three of us. I’ve almost had to fight to ensure that they still get daddy-daughter time. We’ve not been the greatest about adhering to it, but we’ve made a rule that once a month they’ll have a daddy-daughter date night and do something special just the two of them. Unfortunately, all ideas sound great, then life gets busy. We have to work on that one.

The more we build this new space that is for our little make-shift family of 3, the more my thinking shifts and alters. When I grocery shop, I’m not just buying salad and yogurt for one. I’m trying to think of healthy snack options and planning menus so we all have balanced meals. What’s easy for lunch? Cheezits are her favorite, so those are a must. I’m constantly trying to think of fun things to do. Gardening, craft projects, introducing her to yoga… Beyond the tangible I look at this little lady in my life and I start to think  about the kind of influence I want to have on her life and the kind of woman I want her to be.

I want her to be forgiving. It’s not always easy being the bigger person. It will challenge her and sometimes feel like it takes every piece of her to truly forgive. But, I want her to understand how empowering forgiveness is. Holding onto hate and anger only gives others power over your life and I don’t ever want her to give up HER own power.

I want her stop trying to please everyone. People pleasing is something many of us can admit to and I already see it in her. She’s 12 and she sets her own wants and desires aside so that people around her will be happy. I don’t want her to feel like her desires aren’t good enough, no matter how large or small. Of course there’s a perfect balance, but the next 10-20 years of her life are for exploring and I don’t want her to hold back one bit. I don’t want her to make certain decisions based on what she thinks her parents or other family members want her to do. I want her to follow her heart and to believe in her dreams whole heartedly.

I want her to be bold and I want her to be strong. More than anything, I want her to know that as a female, that’s okay. Enough said.

I want her to be ambitious and I want her to understand the importance of perseverance. This summer we’re going to do a goal challenge at her dad’s house, in which she’s going to set 3-5 goals. They can be small or large, but she will set them and works towards them each week. I want her to understand the importance of hard work, I want her to understand how to think about and meet what she perceives as a hurdle, and I also want her to see how sometimes our goal or the perception of the end goal can change based on our experiences along the way. This doesn’t mean that we have failed in meeting our goal, it just means that we’ve changed and that too should be honored and acknowledged. Aka, don’t be too hard on yourself.

I could go on for days about all of the things I want for her and the kind of person I want to be in her life. Long story short, being a “step mom” isn’t the scary picture I’ve held in my head for so many years. I certainly don’t feel like Lady Tremaine. Taking on this role and owning it 100% has only brought more love and happiness to my life and enriched my world in ways I never imagined. It challenges me and has forced me to change my way of thinking and being, for the better. Now my goals include ensuring I’m a positive influence in her life, a source of love and support, an outlet when needed, and a friend when appropriate. My weekend activities include family meals, swim meets and planning summer mountain vacations for the family. My life is so much more than I ever imagined. I hope she feels the same about the world we’ve built and having me in her life.

[emphasisonthehomo]

Fic Snippet!

Some Ryan POV of the comedy of errors where he doesn't realize that Tommy's gay. Related to Misperception.

•

“How’d you meet your partner?” Ryan asks politely when he and Tommy are sitting around at Harbor.  

Ryan’s just finished re-making fake flight plans for the umpteenth time under Tommy’s watchful eye, and he’d like to talk about something not work related. Now that they’re on a break of sorts Tommy keeps distractedly smiling at his phone. It’s not difficult to guess why. Apparently their anniversary is coming up and they’ve been planning a big trip.

“We met on a call, actually,” Tommy says, looking a little bashful.

“Ooh, a dramatic rescue?” Ryan knows this probably isn’t what happened, but he’s imagining Tommy carrying a beautiful, faceless woman out of a burning building.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” Tommy says with a laugh, as if he’s read Ryan’s mind, “So, actually Ev-"

The alarms go off, and Tommy stops midsentence, shoving his phone into one of the pockets on his flight suit as he stands. Ryan wonders for a second what Tommy’s girlfriend’s name is. Evalyn? Eva? But then he has no time to wonder, because they’re prepping to take off.

•

“The 118 is in the news again,” Sylvia says later on, pointing in the direction of the TV. She sounds simultaneously bored and amused.  

Ryan’s in the middle of watering his flowers in Animal Crossing and he glances up at the TV. The breaking news declares LAFD LEFT STRANDED DUE TO EQUIPMENT MALFUNCTION almost gleefully. Sylvia’s statement must have also caught Tommy’s attention, because he wanders closer and squints at the screen. 

“–sources say ladder fully extended during a routine rescue of a cat in a tree–” Tommy says, slowly reading the closed captioning.

Sure enough, at that point the footage swings upwards to show two figures in the basket, the ladder stretched up into a cloudless sky. The camera zooms in shakily, before focusing on a pair of unamused men holding an even more unamused orange cat.

“Oh my god, it’s Eddie and Evan” Tommy starts to laugh, and pulls his phone out and snaps a picture of the TV screen.

“I’m gonna text Lucy and tell her to get her ass over here,” Sylvia says, before turning to Ryan and saying sotto voce, “They both used to work out of that station.”

“I can’t believe it was an actual tree rescue,” Ryan complains, “I never got to rescue any cats from trees.”

All of his pet rescue experiences have been fire related which tends to be… fraught, to say the least. Carrying a terrified and wriggling goldendoodle out of a burning building and almost getting bit for his trouble, for example. The news footage keeps cutting between the scowling firefighters and, thankfully in this case, a very unhappy but very unharmed orange tabby. A cute trio, Ryan will admit. The cat visibly hisses at the white guy holding it. In response the man proceeds to, by all appearances, start lecturing the cat while the other firefighter bursts into laughter.

“It looks like that’s for the best,” Sylvia says, putting her phone down, “When the universe throws you a stereotype, it throws you trouble as well.”

Lucy chooses that moment to arrive and she starts cackling. Tommy’s just standing in front of the TV now, watching as another ladder truck pulls up along side the malfunctioning one. Ryan gets distracted by his video game again. Lucy and Sylvia start talking about their off-shift plans, half paying attention. When Ryan glances up, Tommy’s eyes are still fixed on the screen intently. His arms are crossed. It reminds Ryan of how he looks in the air sometimes. The second ladder basket raises up, and comes to a stop next to the two men. It isn’t until they’ve stepped into it and are slowly lowered back down, that Tommy’s shoulders relax.

“I’m going to give them so much shit for this,” Tommy says, taking his phone back out, and beginning to type away.   

[emphasisonthehomo]

💅💅💅

Make me write about Misperception!

Part One and Part Two.

•

“Oh just wait,” Ryan fumes, “So, they’re busy flirting while I'm trying to fly, and then! And then! He asks about me!”

“Buckley?” Paola’s stopped eating, completely riveted.

“Yes!” Ryan says, “He asks if I’m Tommy’s rookie, and says that Tommy has talked about me a lot!”

Without saying anything, Paola reaches out and snags Ryan's drink before taking a long sip.

“And then he’s like ‘oh I’m Buck and this is Eddie–’”

“Who’s Eddie?” Paola interjects at once.

“The other firefighter that was there,” Ryan says, shaking his head, “He doesn’t matter, he and Tommy didn’t kiss.”

“And Tommy and this Buck guy did?” Paola asks.

“Not only did they kiss,” Ryan says, taking his drink back and sipping at it angrily, “Not only was it a kiss with tongue–”

“At work?!”

“At work! On the helipad!” Ryan says, “That Buckley guy kissed Tommy and then yelled ‘love you’ as he left! And Tommy said it back!”

“Holy shit,” Paola gasps, hand hovering over her mouth, “Buckley is the girlfriend.”

“Buckley is the girlfriend,” Ryan confirms with a snap of his fingers, “And I’ve been there what? Over two months now? And Tommy mentioned nothing.”  

[emphasisonthehomo]

Can you do a Buck POV of Tommy telling him that Ryan thought he was straight please?

From this.

NSFW!

•

Buck loves Tommy like this. Post orgasm relaxed. Shirtless and flopped against the couch. Head tipped back and eyes closed. Almost his entire upper body is still flushed, a sheen of sweat clinging to his skin. His nipples are hard, his breathing not quite settled.

Buck’s breathing hasn’t settled either, and his legs feel almost jelly-like as he stands. If Buck had his way they’d sit and cuddle for a little longer before doing anything, but Buck isn’t having his way about that because-

Well.

Tommy’s face and throat are covered in come.

Some of it’s smeared, a mess across Tommy’s cheeks and chin, from where Buck couldn’t help it and licked the taste of himself out of Tommy’s mouth.

“Hurry up, baby,” Tommy says, quirking an eyebrow up but keeping his eyes closed.

Tommy’s voice is rough from how he’d taken Buck’s cock into his throat earlier. Buck shivers.

“Yes, Sir,” Buck says, just because he knows it’ll make Tommy laugh.

It does, and the sound follows Buck as he hurries to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth. When he makes it back to the living room, Tommy’s relaxed even further into the couch. He tips his face in Buck’s direction once he hears Buck get close.

“How was your day?” Tommy murmurs, reaching out blindly to grab Evan’s naked hip, “We got distracted before I could ask.”

Distracted is an understatement. There had been maybe 30 seconds between Tommy opening the front door, and the two of them fumbling at each other’s clothes and tumbling onto the couch to suck each other off.

“Good,” Buck says, gently wiping at the come on Tommy’s eyelids first, “Went for a run, did some vacuuming, all that boring stuff.”

Tommy hates vacuuming and Buck hates the dishes. It’s a fair trade. Buck carefully slides the washcloth lower to clean up the mess on Tommy’s jaw, and Tommy’s eyes blink open.

“Mmm, thanks,” Tommy says, groping along Buck’s skin before resting his hand on top of Buck’s ass.

“What about you?” Buck asks, remembering to be curious, “You ever figure out what was up with Ryan?”

Buck’s not expecting how hard Tommy starts laughing. His entire face crinkles up as he giggles helplessly.

“I did,” Tommy says after a huge inhale, shaking his head, “God babe, you’re not gonna believe it.”

“What happened?” Buck asks, bewildered before he grabs at Tommy’s chin, “Stop cackling, I’m trying to clean you off.”

“Sorry,” Tommy snickers, going still again, “Anyways uh. Ryan thought I was straight.”

Buck freezes.

“What?” Buck demands, washcloth still mashed wetly against Tommy’s face, “How?”

“I don’t know,” Tommy says, looking up at him, “I have no idea. I thought he knew, but apparently he didn’t.”

“I’m confused?” Buck says, wiping across Tommy’s mouth, “He was mad that you’re gay?”

“Not quite,” Tommy says, voice muffled until Evan pulls the washcloth away, “From what I’ve been able to figure out, he thought I was straight and then you decided to stick your tongue in my mouth. Then he thought it might be a weird prank or something.”

“Helluva prank,” Buck frowns, “Also I’m pretty sure I only stuck my tongue in your mouth for like. A second.”

“I’m instituting a ‘no tongue while on shift’ rule,” Tommy rolls his eyes and adjusts his hand on Buck’s ass to start tugging him down, “That’s good until we shower, I’m getting cold.”

Dropping the washcloth unceremoniously onto the floor, Evan goes where Tommy wants him. Namely pressed close, nude and a little sticky. Buck reaches out to grab one of the blankets and throws it over them, and settles in for the cuddles he didn’t get earlier.

“Anyway,” Tommy continues with a happy sigh, sliding his hand slowly up and down Buck’s spine, “Somehow he missed that you’re a guy, and then was upset I didn’t tell him.”

“Sounds like a him problem,” Buck says, because he can’t imagine being upset upon finding out a coworker isn’t straight, “I thought pilots were supposed to be observant.”

“He’s a smart kid,” Tommy says, voice a little defensive, “I just assumed he knew because everyone else knows. But I’m also. You know… I’m not exactly flagging at work.”

“You should,” Buck says, “That’d be a good prank. Show up with a grey hankie in your left back pocket, see who says something.”  

“Absolutely not,” Tommy says, affronted, “I don’t want to know who knows what that means.”