top ten hq!! guys I would love to go to waffle house with at 2 in the morning
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a very subjective list of the hq guys I would love to take with me to waffle house and what they would be like in the greatest american restaurant known to mankind. kind of unhinged, but I don't care!
reference of waffle house environment for those who are unfamiliar.
warning: a bit of sailor mouth
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10. NISHINOYA -> has a lot of energy and wouldn't judge you if you texted him asking to go to waffle house. very fun to be around, but you gotta watch him because one second he's eating his bacon strips, the next he's wearing the fry cook apron and making sunny side up eggs for the construction workers at the table behind yours... ends up getting a job there once you two finish eating.
9. YAKU -> he comes willingly, but complains about how late it is until you two finally seat yourselves. ends up accidentally spilling a lot of gossip 'cause he's exhausted and doesn't even care that he just exposed lev for not being able to read an analogue clock. orders the all star special and finishes it in a fit of rage because the waitress gave him a to-go box when he was only halfway done. gets food poisoning the next day and swears off waffle house for the rest of his life.
8. SEMI -> acts like he's in a coming of age movie. dresses all nice in an oversized denim jacket, a crisp white t-shirt, and black slacks. who are you trying to impress? eat your damn biscuits and gravy, this is a waffle house! anyway, after his initial monologue about youth before ordering his coffee, he's fun to hang out with. takes neat instagram pictures for you and shares a spotify playlist about waffle house with you the next day.
7. GAO -> takes forever to decide if he wants to go to waffle house or not and pales at the yelp reviews. goes "they only have 1 and a half stars and the most recent review says they got mugged when waiting for their scrambled eggs?" this isn't the ritz-carlton, gao! besides, the best waffle houses are the ones that end up on the evening news! anyway, his knees reach the table when he's sitting in the booth and he hits his head on the light fixtures when he gets up. tries to help the waitress by handing her all the plates stacked up, but his fingers slip and he accidentally drops them all. never goes to waffle house again. cringes whenever you so much as bring up waffle house near him.
6. BOKUTO -> very excited about going to waffle house at 2 in the morning and speeds over to your place to go. in fact, he's so excited about waffle house that he ends up eating way too much and throws up everything he ate as soon as he steps foot out of the restaurant. once he stops throwing up, he goes right back inside and orders another omelet to-go. tells all his friends about him throwing up and asks you the next day if you want to go to waffle house with him again.
5. USHIJIMA -> he's big and buff and strong, so no one will mess with you guys when you're sharing your waffles and hash browns. he barely fits in a booth because of his big badonkadonks and the waffle house mugs look tiny in his hands. eats your leftovers when you ask, but says that he thinks the food is kind of bland. since it's late, he doesn't have a lot to say and just listens to you talk. very cute.
4. HANAMAKI -> it's always a fun midnight waffle house date with hanamaki! talks about celebrities you don’t really care about and shows you a bunch of funny videos as you two share a waffle. makes the night entertaining and befriends the entire staff. they think he's sweet and give him a waffle house paper hat to wear and one of those kids meal coloring sets to which you two start playing pictionary. he isn't number 1 on the list because he makes you pay for his meal. broke bastard.
3. TENDOU -> he's normally there at an ungodly hour anyway, so this isn't anything new for him. he walks into the waffle house like it's his own home or something and tells the waitress "the usual" when ordering (she has no idea what his usual is and just gives him the all star special). takes a bite of waffle and then waterfalls the syrup into his mouth. mixes all the syrups into your coffee and tells you to drink it; you're hesitant at first, but you soon learn his weird food combinations taste pretty good. has nicknames for all the waitresses and calls the fry cook "my man" while doing finger guns.
2. OSAMU -> doesn't judge you for your midnight cravings and is always down for waffle house. honestly, he doesn't care if it's denny's or ihop or waffle house, just give him his damn food! will gladly eat your leftovers when you're too full. can stay in the restaurant for hours. since it's late, he speaks in a low voice that sounds incredibly comforting. makes eating at waffle house look sexy. unfortunately, he talks with his mouth full, so points off for that.
1. SUGAWARA -> rejoice if he accompanies you to waffle house! he's normal enough that he isn't going to cause a scene, but also wild enough that no one's gonna rob you two when going back to the car. has a pink taser on him that he waves around in the parking lot and yells "I have a taser!" as he turns it on and off like it's a damn fireworks show. looks at you with love in his eyes from across the booth even when you have maple syrup staining your shirt. all the waitresses call him "sugar" and adore him because he has basic table manners. leaves fat tips and asks if you want to go to mcdonalds to grab an oreo mcflurry afterwards. marry him.
a/n: ah yes, so winter (@/wackatoshi) and I planned out this entire mall universe for the hq boys and it’s the funniest thing to think about. y’all know those rude zara employees at the mall who judge you as soon as you walk in and tell you that “everything’s out on the floor already” when you ask for a size up? and all the racks on the floor are in shambles? that’s what inspired this. not sure if another installment will be added to this, but whatever! for reference, the other employees: oikawa, ennoshita, kuroo, hanamaki.
the worst person to work with... ever
he completely fits the stereotype of zara employee
will go on his lunch break, but “accidentally” forget to clock out, so he’s still earning cash for eating his sandwich in the back. also prolongs his breaks by at least 5 minutes
can never be found when there’s a rush. and by the time they DO find him, the store is completely empty
comes in late, but leaves as soon as his shift ends
never comes to the store on his days off and whenever the managers text him asking if he can pick up a shift he says he’s “busy”
everyone knows it’s a lie. one time ennoshita, the manager, went on his break and saw futakuchi buying a pretzel at the auntie anne's from the mall food court even though he texted ennoshita like thirty minutes ago that he already had important plans for the day. futakuchi made direct eye contact with him as he took a bite into his pretzel, not the least bit apologetic about lying
all his coworkers wonder how he still has this job
spends most of his shift complaining about working than actually working
when people ask if there are any other sizes in the back, he’ll go to the storage room, play on his phone for 5 minutes, and then walk out to the customer and tell them that they're out of stock
will say he’s doing go-backs, but in reality he’s just walking around the store in circles to avoid work
when he’s REALLY annoyed he sometimes won’t even wear his name tag on the floor so the customers don’t know if he works there and will leave him alone
doesn’t even try to hide how disgruntled he is with work, will literally say “I hate this job” loud enough for customers to hear when he’s shit talking with oikawa behind the register. does loud audible sighs when a customer comes up to check out if he’s in the middle of telling a story
awful at folding the clothes. he might as well just compress all the shirts into a ball and toss them into the bag instead
DESPISES CLOSING WITH A PASSION. he hates staying back even five minutes to pick clothes off from the ground. will literally curse that the company is so inconsiderate of his time even though he clocked in late to his shift...
if you’re on shift with him be prepared to do all the work... go see a chiropractor cuz you’ll basically be carrying him on your back the whole time!
he also finds the most creative ways to get others to do his work for him. his usual victim is hanamaki. he’ll go up to him and say “hey, do you mind folding up all the shirts in zone B for me? ennoshita asked me to organize the back since we’re doing new promos tomorrow” and hanamaki’s so clueless and goes “yeah! sure dude, I got it!”
futakuchi doesn’t organize in the back, he hides behind all the boxes while crouched down on his phone for about twenty minutes before going out on the floor again
someone save hanamaki he’s literally doing futakuchi’s work for him... poor boy needs a RAISE
you actually don’t work at the store futakuchi works at, you’re a part timer at another nearby store
during the holiday season the zara futakuchi works at gets super busy and you take a few extra shifts there to help out
you and futakuchi have an... interesting relationship
first thing you say when you see him during the holiday season: “you haven’t been fired yet?”
he’s rolling his eyes going “oh haha. very funny. saw you were at the bottom of sales last week. that’s probably why you’re always getting transferred here, huh.”
you two are constantly snapping back at each other, even when you’re ringing other people up at the registers. the customers are standing there awkwardly as you two scan and passive aggressively insult each other
it’s so weird, like you two are so mean to each other, but at the same time you’re both practically attached to the hip during your shifts together
futakuchi is more... punctual during the holiday season and even takes a COUPLE EXTRA SHIFTS which floors ennoshita (he’s so moved, he thinks futakuchi has had a change of heart and is trying to improve his work ethic... buddy that’s not it, I’m so sorry)
every time you clock in, futakuchi is there too and you’re going. oh great. not this guy again. it’s like clockwork, as soon as your shift starts, you’re at each others’ neck
when you diss the way he folds clothes, he’s scrutinizing your high pitched customer service voice
at first the other guys are laughing at what’s going on between you two and they’re thinking you two are Mortal Enemies For Life
but then they start noticing little by little that your relationship with futakuchi isn’t like that at all
when you’re scolding futakuchi with his awful folding, you take the time to show him all the steps to make a clean display free of wrinkles. he’s standing next to you trying to imitate the way your hands work on the fabric. he adds in a few snarky comments here and there, but you hush him as you’re giving instructions
and when you’ve got a huge rack of clothes from the dressing room that need to go back on the floor, futakuchi offers to help you put them away. he’ll say “ennoshita told me to help out” and you brush it off, but he’s actually lying. he’s helping you on his own accord
he has his asshole persona to keep up with, so he’s still sliding in snide remarks, but you’re so used to it and can keep up with him that he’s always on his toes. he likes this back and forth with you
one day, kuroo starts talking about you with futakuchi to get the 411 on what’s going on between you two. futakuchi denies it all until kuroo starts teasing him by saying he’ll ask you on a date. that’s when futakuchi’s going. wait what
“yeah, there’s a nice restaurant about ten minutes from here and I think going there on a date would really—”
futakuchi starts internally freaking out. he’s going “oh. a date. at a nice italian restaurant near here. wow.”
and kuroo’s got a nice lopsided grin because HE KNOWS and he’s still egging him on
that’s when it finally hits futakuchi. he... he likes you. He Likes You A Lot
the tips of his ears start turning red at this sudden revelation
and upon seeing this kuroo’s like "Alright bud, I was just messing with you. But if you don’t ask her out on a date then I sure as hell will!"
futakuchi’s going alright man give me like a week
Bro futakuchi is even MEANER to you than he was before because he Likes you and Doesn’t Know How To Deal With His Feelings since he’s got the emotional capacity of a grade schooler
futakuchi: wow. that blouse you’re wearing. it suits you.
you: really? thank you I think the color—
futakuchi: yeah. it’s ugly. like you.
you: ...
kuroo’s watching the exchange from the register completely horrified. he’s like. what have I done. futakuchi whips his head over with pleading eyes when you tell him to shove it and kuroo’s shaking his head thinking “I never should have gotten involved”
he’s in too deep already and when you leave the floor to help ennoshita with the stockroom, kuroo has another one-on-one with futakuchi. he tells him the basics like “Don’t call the person you like Ugly”
“well what else am I supposed to say”
truly a lost cause...
it’s like talking to a wall with futakuchi. kuroo’s telling him to be polite and sweet to you and futakuchi’s nodding his head in understanding, but as soon as he’s within a 3ft radius near you his brain is thinking “insult them for attention” kuroo’s like DUDE. WHAT DID I SAY.
this sad exchange goes on for a week and by then kuroo’s like. I give up on you. I can’t deal with this and the holiday rush. he’s waving up the white flag
futakuchi’s been kinda meaner to you than before, so you start ignoring him a bit and he’s getting so frustrated with himself that he doesn’t even know what to do and kuroo notices you two not talking AT ALL during a shift and he’s like. Futakuchi. Just Confess Already. Jesus.
futakuchi wishes he never realized he likes you because he wants to go back to those work days when you two would be Kinda Cheeky towards each other and everything was lax
the confession happens when ennoshita assigns you and futakuchi to work on orders in the back room. at first, futakuchi was trying to find hanamaki to do the work for him, but was promptly dragged by ennoshita to the back. there was no getting out of this
when he saunters on in, he sees you’re already printing out the shipping labels and folding up boxes and it’s silent, your back is facing him and he can definitely feel something is wrong
you saw him searching for hanamaki on the floor and it hurt your feelings because were you that insufferable to work with?
there’s silence between you two and then you break it and tell him that he can go back on the floor if he doesn’t want to work with you
and he can sense the hurt in your voice and he’s like... no, no, no that isn’t it
you’re shaking your head and saying “look, I get it. I get on your nerves. I could tell from this past week and you avoiding me. sorry if I did anything wrong... you can grab hanamaki and we’ll finish these orders while you work in the front”
now futakuchi is internally screaming NONONONONO in his mind because YOU’RE not annoying him at all he’s just a complete dummy who doesn’t know how to deal with his own emotions and now you’re on the verge of crying as you fold some shirts with tissue paper
it’s now or never
futakuchi blurts out that he Really Likes You
at first you think he’s joking and you’re going “Are you serious right now? I’m literally crying and you think NOW is the time to do some fake middle school confession? you’re sick”
POOR GUY HE’S LIKE “NO I REALLY MEAN THAT I LIKE YOU... A LOT...”
he’s right next to you now and grabs onto your shoulders so you can get a good look at his face. his eyes are all business as he confesses again
you’ve got your hand over your mouth and it hits you
futakuchi being Extra Mean to you is his way of showing affection...
now you’re throwing your head back in laughter because he’s so dumb. he’s tall and handsome and too cheeky for his own good, but he’s also like an elementary school kid realizing he’s got his first ever crush and he has absolutely No Idea how to Deal With It
after you’re done laughing, you lightly hit him on the chest and throw in a few lighthearted insults before you hug him as tight as you can. he returns the favor by wrapping his arms around you, practically engulfing you
he’s thinking wow. this is nice. he’s keeping his mouth clamped shut to avoid ruining the moment, but he’s totally digging the way you fit perfectly in his arms
when you pull away you notice his face is red all over and now you’re cracking up and calling him tomato head
and at this, he’s pointing at your running mascara and is like “sure I look like a tomato, but you’re looking like a reject Joker with all that smudged makeup”
now you two are fighting in the back, but in a more loving manner
as soon as you both clock out for the night, futakuchi takes you to the nice italian restaurant nearby. the one kuroo mentioned about a week beforehand
it’s the perfect place for a first date
(he’s too prideful to thank kuroo, but what he instead does is send a selfie with you in the picture + the food during the first date. kuroo’s slow clapping it out. he knew the little asshole could do it.)
hello how do u think karaoke would go with reader and the jackals ???? i can totally see meian trying to wingman atsumu by making him and reader do a really lovely dovey duet and he aims to fluster you but you're just so.......... pretty and atsumu can barely hold it together !!!!! bokuto finds it very funny and sakusa is so done with his pining already
omg this is so funny to think about because there are so many avenues for it, so I’m just going to make a quick summary of it with each character (sorry if this is not what you wanted lol)
atsumu ➝ ok imagine a “breaking free”-esque song... that’s the song atsumu picks for you to sing with him. that’s how he declares his love and it’s equal parts embarrassing and cute. everyone except bokuto and hinata cringe when he’s acting outlandish while singing (tries to make it more comedic... doesn’t really translate), but he gets flustered when you’re into the song, smiling at him and dancing your way over to him and he’s grateful that the lights are low in the room otherwise everyone else will be able to see that he’s turning tomato red. when you ask him to do another duet, he’s on cloud nine.
sakusa ➝ tried to stay back in the hotel, but bokuto effectively persuaded (read: forced) him to come. sits back and watches everyone sing, taking a sip from his glass of water every now and then. he joins in when you hand him a mic for a group song and then sits back down as soon as it’s over. his voice is on the lighter, floatier side when he sings. when bokuto and atsumu start belting to the backstreet boys he goes to the bathroom and never comes back.
hinata ➝ bubbly pop is his jam, you cannot tell me otherwise. all the songs he picks are so upbeat and make you want to dance. he’s so fun to be around and kind too, like he wants everyone in the room to be comfortable so he’ll be clapping and hollering and whistling whenever someone finishes singing. proposes group songs so no one is left out. puts on the funky costumes too (those big star shaped sunglasses and colorful mardi gras beads aren’t taken off until the end of the night) and controls the colorful lights in the room so that the room looks like a club.
bokuto ➝ the life of the party. he’s shaking those tambourines and maracas with all he’s got! will round an arm around your shoulder and pull you in as he sings “see you again” and you have to remind him that you’re not dying because he’s so into it lol he’s so funny though, like he’ll be the one putting on the costume pieces provided in the room and will beg you to dress up with him and put matching hats on with you. uses the entire room like it’s his stage, he plays the part so well and his vocals aren’t too bad (will sometimes crack when he’s trying to reach a high note, but that’s okay! he shakes it off in the next second). don’t pass up on karaoke with bokuto, it’s the experience of a lifetime.
inunaki ➝ will hype everyone up at the mic, even if they sound horrific. makes sure no one is hogging the mic (bokuto and atsumu) so that everyone has a turn. you expect him to sing ballads, but he goes all out and sings something so left field like “numb” by linkin park. no one expects it from him, it’s like an aggretsuko moment. leaves everyone speechless. no one ever believes you when you tell them about it and inunaki makes sure to never let that side of him out loose in public.
meian ➝ best singer of the group, hands down. kind of a boomer though, and will pick songs that no one knows from like the 80′s, so he’s going solo when it’s his turn to sing. the one instance you know a song and join him, he’s super grateful and more lively, trying to hype you up and harmonize with you. will be a bit of a wingman and nudge atsumu to sing a certain song with you while pointing at the catalogue.
