Fandom: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Relationships: Egalmoth of Gondolin/Turgon of Gondolin (Tolkien), Ecthelion of the Fountain/Glorfindel (Tolkien), Duilin of Gondolin/Turin Turambar, Rog/Hammers
Additional Tags: graphic depictions of writer's block, looking for ideas in (almost) all the wrong places, Interviews, Gondolin Shenanigans, egalmoth underappreciated romance novelist of gondolin, also featuring hammers, and feet, Sorry Not Sorry, but there are mentions of socks, extremely near sighted human mistakes generic bow-bearing elf for husband, in which Turin Turambar is considered lucky for the first and only time, oh no I made myself a little sad, but it's still crack, definitely crack
Summary:
“I did not lay with him, I merely, lay, near him—or nearly—look, I told you the story. Do with it what you wish. It was a strange encounter, I do not expect I will experience anything like it again.”
Pairing: Kakasaku
Rating: T
Additional tags: secret santa, movie night
Word Count: 1039
The stress of retail during the holiday season was something Sakura hadn’t expected to really be an issue in a weed store, but it was evident on Black Friday she was very, very wrong.
After surviving the weekend Sakura was less than excited to come in on Monday for a staff meeting on what should have been her day off. The entire time Sakura had worked there, Kakashi had never called a meeting. As it turned out, he didn’t call this one.
Tsunade stormed into the break room where everyone was gathered, passing a blunt around and nursing morning coffee.
“Where’s Kakashi?” she barked.
“It’s not even noon. He’s probably still in bed.” Sasuke replied, in a tone that was both bored and judgmental.
Scowling, Tsunade pulled her phone from her back pocket and unlocked it. After tapping the screen a few times, she held it up to her ear. A heartbeat later the music started.
“Is that MC Hammer?” Yamato mumbled.
A Recollection of Potential Meesification (Or: The One Where the Doctor Recalls Being Smacked With A Crepe)
Rating: General
Relationship: Nine x rose
Summary: While waiting out an unlikely infestation/invasion, the Doctor tells Rose and Jack about a rather...unusual...incident from his past.
Notes: Er, so, hi? *waves timidly*. It's been a long while, I know- RL has been VERY rude. And apparently this is the first thing that my muse has decided that we need to share after all this time. It's utter crack, from start to finish (totally not sorry!), and those of you who know me are probably not at all surprised by the content of this crackitude. *grins sheepishly* Fair warning, I'm VERY rusty.To be fair, it's not entirely my fault- a friend sent me this crazy article and, well, the muse took over after that. Thanks to rose--nebula for the beta x Soooo.....yeah. Enjoy the lunacy and if you hate it please don't come after me with a crepe?
Rose turned to the Doctor. “Right, what we gonna do then?”
“Do?” He cocked his head.
“About the crazy giant moose-things that have taken over the ski park, Doctor!’ Rose stared at him. “Or were you plannin’ to just sit here in front of a sixty-first century ski park an’ wait it out until aliens try to take over the world again ?”
“Who said anything about aliens?”
Jack stared. “Wait, you mean they’re NOT aliens?
“Nope. Just angry meeses.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Rose frowned. “Did you say meeses? ”
“Yeah. Plural of moose. Used to be moose, but they changed because of a mad lawyer in the early twenty-first century. Nutella-crazed, moose-obsessed nutter, she was.”
“Nutella-crazed… what? ” Rose shook her head in bewilderment.
“Oh yeah, complete nutter. Whacked me over the head with a crepe, once.”
“Oooooh, kinky.” Jack waggled his eyebrows. “You randy old Time Lord, you.”
“That wasn’t a euphemism, you oversexed sod! She thumped me with a crepe. Literally.”
Rose narrowed her eyes. “What’d you do, then?”
“Why d’you always assume I’ve done something?” The Doctor crossed his arms indignantly, leather jacket creaking.
Rose folded her own arms in response. “Cause I know you, Doctor. You always do something.”
“Honestly, Rose, I’m insulted. Me own wife, of all people, thinkin’ the worst of me! Hurts a bloke’s feelings, that does.”
Rose raised an eyebrow. “Doctor.”
“Honestly, Rose! I have feelings , you know.”
“Nope.” The other brow went up. “Not buyin’ it. What’d you do? ”
“Nothing, really.” He cleared his throat. “I might’ve half-inched a jar of Nutella.”
Rose stared at him, not saying a word.
He looked intently at the toe of his left boot. “...from the cafe she was sitting in. As they were about to put it on her crepe.”
“Doctor!”
“What? I was peckish, Rose, and I had a hankering!”
Jack whistled. “You stole a Nutella addict’s Nutella? You’re lucky you’re still alive to talk about it.”
“You’re not wrong. Thought I was going to regenerate then and there,” the Time Lord grumbled. “Not that I was overly fond of that body anway. Too shifty by half, that one.”
“Which you was it?”
“Seventh.”
“Ah.” Rose bit her lip, trying to hold in a laugh.
“What?” The Doctor demanded. “What’s so funny?”
“S’just…the mental image of creepy shepherd-magician you bein’ chased by a crazy woman wavin’ a crepe.” She snorted. “S’ridiculous, Doctor.”
Jack giggled.
“Oi! That’s enough of that!” The Doctor looked outraged. “I could’ve been seriously injured, Rose! She threatened to throw me to a moose, you know!”
Rose tried harder to stifle her laughter. “Did she even have a moose?”
“Well, I wasn’t takin’ any chances! She was screechin’ about Rupert and the Twice Victorious Meese Army! I wasn’t sticking around to find out!”
“Rupert?” Rose burst out laughing, unable to hold it in any longer. “A moose named Rupert?”
“Rupert the Battle Moose, First Commander of the Regimental Horde of Very Angry Meeses, if you don’t mind.”
Rose only laughed harder.
“It’s not funny, Rose! I could’ve been seriously injured, me! Have you seen the size of them?”
She tried to stop laughing. She really did, but Jack’s explosive laughter didn’t help.
“Stop that!” The Doctor snapped. “Death by moose is a very serious business, Rose!”
She squeaked.
“Rose!”
“Death by moose,” she wheezed. “Death by moose!”
“Yes, death by moose!” He shuddered. “Pretty certain that regeneration by meeselation has never happened before. Can you imagine what I’d look like if I’d formed meself on the last thing I’d seen?
Unable to help it any longer, Rose collapsed in a pile on the ground, laughing hysterically. Distantly, she heard Jack crackling with laughter. She wasn’t surprised; picturing the Doctor with antlers and a goofy-looking moose face did that to a person.
The Doctor narrowed his eyes. “I picked up a jar of Nutella from Tesco on our last visit to Jackie- you just see if I share any!”
“Course you will,” Jack wiped at his eyes. “As if you’ve ever been able to say no to Rose.”
“Of course I can!” The Doctor scoffed. “I’m a Time Lord, me- stern of will and strong of purpose.”
“And smitten of the Rose and whipped of the affection.”
“That’s not the right phrasing.” The Doctor scowled. “And I’m not whipped .”
“As a training post in a Victorian army camp, oh, yes you are.” Jack waggled his eyebrows.
Rose smiled cheerfully at him from the forest floor. “You know you love me, Doctor.”
The Doctor grunted.
“You know you do.” She stood, dusting herself off and slipping her arm into his. “An’ I love you, even if you do get yourself attacked by crazy people carrying random foodstuffs.”
He grumbled.
Winking at Jack, she steered the sulky Time Lord towards the clearing in which they’d left the TARDIS. “Come on then, why don’t we talk about it over a nice cup of tea and some Nutella on toast?”
“S’pose,” the Doctor muttered at last, absently lacing his fingers with hers as they strode along.
“Honestly.” Jack shook his head as he watched them go. “ So smitten.”
➪𝙅𝙚𝙛𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙤𝙙𝙨 (𝙖𝙠𝙖:𝙅𝙚𝙛𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙧) 𝙭 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙣: smexy time and kinks.
➪Contains: Sex themes, blood play kink, degrading, bondage, assplay, hair pulling.
➪Started at: 11:26 pm
➪ Finished at: 12:36 pm
➪March 4, 2021
➪Author’s daily small talk: “In all truth I was tired of y/n being shy and shit. Nahhhhh I know y’all sum freak’s on here. But hey enjoy 👋🏾 !!”
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❤︎: 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙗𝙚𝙙?
𝟭: Straight up diving into the action. Jeff wouldn’t care if you was tired or not, he was ready to wake up the whole mansion if need be.
𝟮: Very grabby and rough. Jeff seems like the type to choke you while in missionary, doggy style, or even cowgirl. Anything is fine as long as his hand is around your throat. He relishes in it.
𝟯: If Jeff had a bad day or something of the sort, he won’t be as rough with you as he usually would. You would be spread open for him, thighs in the air while he eating you out like it was the man last supper. You’re moan’s are everything.
𝟰: He won’t stop until you’re trembling under the man or cover in bruises btw. Making sure his queen knows who she belongs too.
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❤︎: 𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙨~
𝟭: “Let me cut you while fucking your brains out.” ....Okay so. You was in the middle of putting on your scarf/bonnet and that just caught you off guard.
So he was into knife-play you assume because the lord must’ve taught twice if you were gonna take a knife. Jeff and you agreed that maybe on his birthday you’ll both try it out.
𝟮: Y’all degrade each other.
“F-FUCK..Damn bitch! Stop trying to break-..s~shit...” He stumbled upon saying the last of his words. It was hard to concentrate when you was bouncing yourself against his cock and the whelming sensation of his seed about to burst inside of your walls. (We on birth control.)
“S~Shut upp..mhm..ngh..~!!” Your legs we’re about to give out by now. He noticed this, and grabbed you by the waist; bucking his hips upward, making your nails dig into the side of his calves. “𝗔𝘄𝘄𝘄..𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗲. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻. 𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗼𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘀𝗹𝘂𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲.“
𝟯: Y/n hates it when he pulls her hair. But that what turns him on, so he does it even more just to spite you. Also while doing so; he’ll probably smack ur ass and give you sloppy kisses.
𝟰: Bondage? Yes. No hesitation. He would let you tie him down to the bed and just ride him until the bed is slamming against the wall. You went and got those puffy handcuffs in the color of your choice, and he regrets it.
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𝘼𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚:
𝟭: Your titties will be in this man mouth while he sleeps.
𝟮: Jeff doesn’t care who is big or little spoon, he just wanna snuggle after long sex or go another round if you tempted him.
Velociraptor!Lan Xichen is getting introduced to a chicken coop, and she is very timid, even though she is three times bigger than the chickens. They are picking on her, but not to worry, Chicken!Nie Huaisang will not stand for this sort of thing.
(Inspired, a little indirectly, by @ibijau's Jurassic Park story and also a twitter tale of lesbian chickens)
AU where Freed is something like a fashion designer, and he meets Laxus wearing his long ass fuzzy coat and leopard print and can’t tell if he wants to date Laxus or overhaul his entire wardrobe. Probably both.
