#mr. red

[0w0rlordunfiltered]

happy fathor's day

[jonsaremembers]

one time mr. red found an outdated paper copy of my resume and edited it with pen and snarky comments

including adding "preference given to positions located adjacent to restroom facilities" to my objective statement

putting a 6 in front of the 9 in my address

adding "sarcasm (native)" to my list of languages and proficiencies

[boowoomuu]

My cousin gave me a blank ecobag, so OF COURSE I would paint it

[psychotomy]

“do you ever think back to ten years ago?”

“...you mean... Mr. Red?”

“Yeah. What if it didn't have to be this way? What if we played a different game? WHAT IF everything actually went okay?”

what if everything was okay?

[itlivesingeneral]

Waverly: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?

Ava: I only like dark humor.

Waverly, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?

Ava:

Waverly: An IMPASTA!

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Britney: I wanted to apologize.

Stacy: Good.

Britney: Let me finish. I wanted to, and then I realized, I’m not sorry.

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Ava: Casey, I’m going to need you to swear-

Casey: Fuck.

Ava: Swear as in promise.

Casey: Oh.

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Cora about Casey: Every grandparent wants to see their grandchild do well, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that watching my loser granddaughter fail at everything she tries has been pretty entertaining.

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Andy: Waverly, what are we going to do?

Waverly: What are you worried about? You’re so small they probably won’t even see you.

Andy: Is this really the time to be making short jokes?

Waverly: Andy, there’s never not a time because, just like you, life is short.

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*After Waverly (MC) gives Jane’s whistle back*

Noah: What did you do?

Waverly: Okay, I’ll tell you, but you can’t get mad at me.

Noah: What. Did. You. Do.

Waverly: Well first, I was minding my own business –

Noah, slamming his hand on the table: Bullshit!

Waverly: I WAS!

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Lily: There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Ava: It’s usually an oncoming train.

Lily: Could you not try to kill my vibe for five seconds?

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Casey: You and I have known each other for quite some time, right?

Lucas: Yeah, we’ve been classmates for years. What is it?

Casey: Promise me you won’t get mad though.

Lucas: I’m not the type who gets angry easily, go ahead.

Casey: …What’s your name again?

Lucas, the actual class president who speaks at nearly every student function and is introduced before each one: I’m mad.

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Andy: The eagles won last night.

Tom: Oh, did you watch the game?

Andy, covered in blood and scratches: What game?

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Waverly: Drinking water with a minty mouth is like the cold version of spicy.

Noah, trying not to get attacked by a plant dog: We are trying to save Dan! Shouldn’t you be thinking about other things?

Andy: But is she wrong?

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Stacy: Do you know why I recruited you for cheer?

Casey: I assumed you lost a bet.

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Lucas: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Waverly: They’re for Maurice.

Lucas: Why are you making pancakes for Maurice?

Waverly: He doesn’t know how.

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Tom: Where is everybody?

Casey: Lily and Dan had a nervous collapse, Stacy is looking after them, Lucas, Andy, and Ava went back to bed. Also, Noah is trying to kill Waverly, and I’m in charge.

Tom: Fuck

Casey: I know, right?

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Redfield to the children:  I’ve heard it said that we only gain wisdom through suffering, and tonight I intend to make you very wise.

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Casey: What is toothpaste, if not bone soap?

Ava: Existence is a prison and being your friend is maximum security.

[she-x-wolf]

Letters by Goddard E. Filleus aka Douglas Redfield.

[majestickitty-si]

Behold, the two problematic douglas(ses)

[thisismypage28]

Here's a playlist that gives me It Lives vibes. God, I miss this game so much.

Also I accept song recs, actually, please send me song recs!!!