#mscs

[girlellie]

My sweet catastrophic star - Part 1

SUMMARY: "Ellie opened her diary and wrote about the girl: "If people were a celestial object, I would be a small, cold, dim red dwarf and she would be a supernova - a powerful, luminous stellar explosion."

WARNINGS: college!ellie, use of y/n, smut (not in this chapter), angst (not in this chapter), fluffy.

A/N: OK, I'm a little anxious and unsure, English is not my native language and it's the first time I write something in English, so I ask for everyone's understanding if there are grammatical errors or anything like that. If it's too bad let me know. Otherwise, I hope you like it! Thank you 👉🏻👈🏻

“Fucking hell” Ellie cursed as she tapped the gps that had stopped working. The red-haired girl took out her cell phone to send a message to Dina, but the cell phone was out of range, “damn it what do I do now?” Snorting Ellie threw her cell phone on the seat and started the car, but before she could go further she saw through the rear view mirror a light blue car approaching at the highest speed, she managed to see two girls as the blue car passed her with the sunroof open, the radio was loud playing Highway to Hell. “They're definitely college students” Ellie thought, then took her foot off the clutch and accelerate following the car in front. After a few minutes of following the car ahead, Ellie spotted a sign that read “University of California, Los Angeles only 15 minutes away. “Well I wasn't so lost after all”, she said to herself.

As the pale blue car slowed and turned right, Ellie did the same and could see the entrance to the university approaching. As it was the beginning of the school year, there were cars and people everywhere, which made Ellie a little anxious, being at a new university, far from home, alone and not knowing where to go. She continued following the blue car (which was still playing loud music) which took her to the parking lot, the red haired girl waited for the girl in the blue car to park in a space and then went around to find an available space, when she saw one In the parking lot on the other side, her cell phone vibrated, Ellie picked it up and there was a message from Dina, “finally”, she said as she unlocked her cell phone to read the message, before she could respond, a truck overtook her and parked in the space that she was parking “oh fuck” she rolled her eyes and circled around looking for another spot.

When she was approaching again where the blue car had parked, she could see that the girl was still there, with the trunk open. The girl turned to Ellie and looked at her for a second, their eyes met. The girl was wearing black pants ripped at the thigh and a short tight white tank top from the band Nirvana, exposing her perfect waist, she held what looked like a box of beers in her hands. “Fuck it” Ellie thought, the girl was beautiful, Ellie could claim that she was the most beautiful creature she had seen in her life and that would not be an exaggeration.

Ellie passed very slowly, her heart was beating fast, and when she approached, she could see the girl's face up close, it was angelic and impactful at the same time, the girl was still looking at her and Ellie quickly and shyly turned her head. Looking in the rearview mirror, Ellie could see as the girl put the case of beers in the trunk, grabbed her bags and pulled out of the parking lot.

When Ellie finally found a parking spot, she texted Dina, "Dude, where are you? I'm trying to find the dorm, help me." While waiting for Dina's response, Ellie paced the campus, glancing at her cell phone screen every few seconds, her anxiety building as Dina didn't respond to her messages. Dina was the main reason Ellie transferred to the University of California, her friend had been begging her all summer and now that she was here she didn't even want to answer her texts.

Ellie finally found the dorm and soon found her room, the door was closed and she knocked before entering, as she knew she would probably share the room with someone, when no one answered, she opened the door slowly and entered. Ellie looked around the room, it was a relatively good space for two people, it had two beds, two desks, a large closet (which would have to be divided for two) and a chest of drawers next to each bed. The beds were on opposite sides of the room and one of them already had some suitcases on the side and a backpack hanging on the headboard, which Ellie deduced that her roommate had already settled in and God only knew where the person was at that moment. Ellie noticed some posters taped to the wall near her roommate's bed, there were some hand-painted paintings (which Ellie thought were amazing and talented), some art books and a bottle of water on top of the dresser. Ellie opened the wardrobe and half of it already had some coats and shirts hanging, the other half was empty, so Ellie opened her bags and started hanging her clothes in her half of the wardrobe.

“I see you've managed to locate yourself, dear,” Ellie almost squealed in fright at the sound of Dina's voice. "Damn it", said the redhead with her hand on her heart, Dina laughs and enters the room closing the door. “You shouldn't leave the door open”, Dina still laughs a little as she looks at the pictures on the wall. "And you should have answered my messages, where the hell have you been?" "With Jesse, you know…sorry," Ellie rolled her eyes and continued hanging up her clothes. "Wait, is your roommate Cat?", Ellie turned to look at Dina, who was next to the red backpack hanging on the headboard, "now I understand the artistic paintings on the wall", "is she nice? ", Ellie asked, "Hm... she's nice yes, a little sassy, but you'll like her", "sassy in a fun way or sassy in an inconvenient way?", Dina thought for a moment, "Ah... sometimes she says things no one else would," "I think I can handle that," Ellie said nonchalantly. “Thanks for coming”, Dina said suddenly, putting her hand on Ellie's face, “you'll like it here”, “hm.. whatever, I needed a different place.. actually thanks for insisting”, Ellie said shyly, “I just want to see you happy,” Dina said with a friendly smile. “But enough with the small talk, tonight there's a sorority party, some girls invited me and I can bring whoever I want, ok?”, Ellie wrinkled her nose, “you know I don't like parties”, “ah please this will help you meet people, at least tonight please", Ellie took a deep breath and nodded smiling at her friend. Dina opened her mouth in a big smile, "we can buy weed, what do you think? ", "I need this, do you know anyone who sells it?", "Sure", replied Dina, lifting the corner of her mouth in a wicked smile.

Dina led Ellie through the dorm and stopped in front of a room, knocking softly on the door. Ellie noticed the rug that was on the floor in front of the door, it was a black rug with the female sex symbol in pink written “free”, and on the left side the male sex symbol in blue written “$1000.00”, that made Ellie laugh a little . Dina knocked again on the door, “I don't think she's here, nobody ever knows what that girl is doing”, “hey come in” a beautiful sweet voice came from inside the room, Dina looked at Ellie, the corners of her mouth curved, she opened the door and they entered.

Ellie closed the door and looked around the room, there were fairy lights hanging in the window, one wall in the room was painted cobalt blue, there was a small aquarium with little blue fish on a small table in the corner, there were posters of rock bands taped to the against the wall, on one of the tables were stacks of vinyl records, endless books on shelves, on top of dressers, and on top of the opposite bed (Ellie guessed the girl didn't share a room). There was also a laptop on one of the tables and a blue vase with dandelion flowers in it, some flowers were still yellow but others were already white feathers (Ellie felt like blowing).

"Who's there?", the same beautiful velvety voice as before, "sorry I was in the bathroom, you know... female problems, ah... you understand", the girl finally appeared, Ellie's heart raced, it was the girl in the parking lot, the girl in the blue car. Ellie froze in front of that angel in the form of a human, she just couldn't stop admiring the girl, the scent of her perfume was intoxicating and wonderful and it was making Ellie even more mesmerized every time the wind blew spreading the girl's perfume. "So I wanted to know if you have weed", Dina said bluntly, the girl smiled and it was another stab in poor Ellie's heart.

“Always”, the girl looked at Ellie and raised an eyebrow raising her face a little, “hi”, Ellie said shyly, starting to play with her hands, when she noticed that the girl smiled a little more, “oh that is my friend Ellie, she transferred here, Ellie, this is Y/n.”, "welcome, Ellie", "thanks", Ellie smiled awkwardly, scratching the back of her head. "How much do you want?", the girl asked Dina, "hm… half a dozen", "wow, I like that, my best girl", the girl smiled and winked at Dina, who laughed a little. Dina glanced at Ellie and saw how she was struggling not to stare as the girl bent down to open a dresser drawer, Dina pressed her lips together trying not to laugh.

"Are you going to the party?" Dina asked, the girl straightened up and turned to face Dina, Ellie quickly looked away. "Maybe I'll go there, there are people who don't want to see my face, I think it will be fun", the girl smiled again, went to the table and opened a black box taking a small package from inside and handing it to Dina, "here it is , remember that God is watching”, “I will burn in hell then”, “I already have access to the VIP area”, Dina laughed, as she took the little package and immediately hid it in her purse, Dina handed the money to the girl “thanks, see you in hell”, the girl winked smiling, “hasta la vista baby”, said Dina.

Dina glanced at Ellie, who was biting the inside of her cheek as she looked at a quantum physics book on a shelf. “Do you like physics, Ellie?”, the girl's velvety voice brought her out of her reverie “oh yeah… I mean, it's kind of in my field, I… I study astronomy”, “really? That's awesome… physics is totally my thing, looks like we're going to bump into each other”, “yeah… I think so, I'll love it”, Ellie blushed as she said this, the girl smiled widely shaking her head. Dina glanced quickly at Ellie and rubbed her throat "hmm... well I guess we'll go, I still have to show Ellie the rest of campus."

Dina and Ellie left and before they could turn down the hall, the bedroom door opened, "See you around, Martian girl." Ellie looked back smiling as she saw the girl (who had all the potential to destroy her and who could still easily have Ellie in her hands, on her chest, between her thighs, soul, life and heart) walking back into her room and closing the door...

This chapter was something more introductory, I like the details. Should I post part two? let me know.

I'm so anxious, sorry for anything. 🫣

[kosheeka]

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[savxge]

@savxge

[wooldawn]

x

[poeiira-interestelar]

Keaton Henon - Small Hands

[girlellie]

My sweet catastrophic star - Part 2

SUMMARY: "Ellie opened her diary and wrote about the girl: "If people were a celestial object, I would be a small, cold, dim red dwarf and she would be a supernova - a powerful, luminous stellar explosion."

WARNINGS: college!ellie, use of y/n, smut (not in this chapter), angst (not in this chapter), fluffy.

A/N: English is not my native language and it's the first time I write something in English, so I ask for everyone's understanding if there are grammatical errors or anything like that. If it's too bad let me know. Otherwise, I hope you like it! Thank you 👉🏻👈🏻

Part 1

“You never told me about her,” Ellie told Dina, they were in the cafeteria having lunch. "Didn't I tell you about who?", Dina asked frowning, "Y/n... you always told me about Jesse and your other friends, but not about her", said Ellie looking towards the door of the cafeteria, " yes, because she is not my friend, I buy from her, that's all." Ellie was restless, looking this way and that to see if she could see the girl anywhere, Ellie couldn't stop thinking about the girl, all she could remember was that damn pretty face and how she could spend hours just looking at the girl without getting tired. “You're not going to eat?”, Dina's voice brought Ellie back to reality, “what?”, Ellie asked distractedly, “you're not going to eat?”, Dina asked again pointing to Ellie's plate. "I'm not hungry... Why did Y/n say that there are people who don't want to look at her face?", "Jesus! - Dina said rubbing her face - she knows a lot of people and a lot of people don't like her and I don't know what's going on this time, but it's none of our business, Y/n is nice and seduces anyone easily, but she's not a person you should get involved with, she's freaked out, trust me... and before i forget, she has a girlfriend”, Ellie felt her heart pound inside her at the sound of “girlfriend,” “girlfriend? Is she gay?", Dina rolled her eyes, "Did you hear everything I said? What interested you was knowing that Y/n is gay?", Ellie shook her head with a smile on her lips, "Ellie, pay attention Y/n is a gay woman who has a girlfriend and you shouldn't get involved with her”, “it's going to be hard because she's probably going to be in my physics class”, Dina took a piece of chicken from Ellie's plate and said chewing, “I'm not talking about that kind of involvement, if you know what I mean", "as if she would be interested in a plain girl like me," Ellie scoffed, “Ellie, normally I want to rub your face in the asphalt for your lack of self esteem, but when it comes to Y/n I prefer you keep thinking like that”, Ellie pursed her lips “you are such a bitch”, Dina shrugged, “In a few months you will thank me, love.”

After a few minutes of silence Ellie asked, “who is her girlfriend?” "A girl from Santa Barbara, a little older than us, her father is Y/n's psychiatrist... they say she's nice but strong as an ox and shouldn't mess with her", Ellie was indifferent, the corners of her mouth curled down, “are you saying that to scare me?”, “I'm just saying what I heard”, Dina replied, “that's enough… how's Joel?”.

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At nightfall, Ellie returned to her room and was in the bathroom, pulling her hair into a low bun, when she heard the door open and the raised voices of two people entering the room. Upon exiting the bathroom, Ellie was met by an Asian girl with tattoos on her arms - which Ellie assumed was Cat - and a boy with platinum blonde hair and stylish clothes. “I see they already replaced my roommate, I was curious to know who they would put here, but whatever, anyone would be better than 'Ew Becky', the Asian girl said looking at the boy (who pursed his lips trying not to laugh) while the girl waved her hands making an expression of disgust. “By the way, I'm Cat and he's Alex,” the platinum blonde boy waved. “Ellie”, said the redhead crossing her arms over her chest and leaning on the table, “I've never seen you around here, is it your first year?”, Cat asked while opening the locker and changing her shirt, “yes at this university, I'm transferred, I'm from Boston”, “what happened there?”, “nothing… I just thought it would be nice to move here, my best friend is here”, Ellie replied and bit the inside of her cheek, Cat looked at Ellie with her eyes narrowed, “hm… there's always something more”, Ellie shrugged, “believe what you want”, “never mind, welcome to California”, the platinum blonde finally spoke, “thanks”.

Cat and Alex started talking about other people Ellie didn't know, so the red-haired girl took out her cell phone and scrolled through Instagram while she waited for the appointed time to meet Dina at the party.

“What do you study, Ellie?, Cat asked suddenly, “I study astronomy and you?”, “art and design”, replied Cat, “cool! did you paint these pictures?”, “most of them”, “they are fucking cool! I like to draw it's kind of a hobby”, “you could show me some of yours any day”, “oh no, I draw kind of for myself, it's something very personal of mine”, Ellie replied with a dull smile, “oh come on! at least one, I can even help you improve them if that's the case”, “ah… maybe one day”, Ellie said awkwardly, “you seem to be more interesting than 'Ew Becky' finally a cool roommate”, “what happened to 'Ew Becky'? Ellie asked curiously, “she's a bitch, she brought the boys here and the room smelled like sex, my group of friends and her group don't get along, she did everything to make me mad, before the holidays I told her if she didn't leave , I would leave the room, I don't know what made her accept the proposal so easily, but I just know that today they told me that she had changed rooms", "Man, it's good that she left, I don't think I would like to have her as a roommate." Ellie felt her phone vibrate, it was a message from Dina saying she was already at the party, before Ellie could ask if Cat and Alex were going to the party. Cat asked, "There's a sorority party tonight, do you want to come?", "ah… I'm going there", "do you want some company?", "sure", said Ellie with a giggle.

Halfway through, Alex asked Cat, "Y/n will meet us there?", upon hearing the girl's name, Ellie felt her stomach clench, her heart racing again, "I don't know, she told me she'd come later ". Ellie was walking right behind Cat and Alex, hearing them talk about the girl made her anxious and feeling a little pathetic for being so terrified for a girl she had only seen once, even so, she asked, "do you guys know Y/n?", Cat and Alex looked at her, "she's our friend", Alex replied, "you already met her!?", Cat asked in surprise, “so… i kinda got to know her a little bit, Dina bought her weed earlier and…”, before she could finish, Cat and Alex laughed, mocking a little, “what is it guys?”, Ellie asked confused, "you! don't worry, it's happened to almost everyone, you weren't the first and you certainly won't be the last, just breathe” said Cat still laughing, “I don't understand, can you be more clear?”, Ellie was getting irritated, she stopped and crossed her arms waiting for Cat to respond, “ok, come on… you're in a crush on Y/n”, “no… not me, I just… there's none of that, I just want to buy more…” - Ellie felt her face reddened and she started playing with her hands, she was feeling like an idiot and just wanted to run away. “Oh come on - Cat mocked - everyone has a crush on Y/n, relax this will pass in a month or two, because everyone knows that Y/n is unreachable... it was like that with me, with Alex and with the others too, I will give you three options, first: you become friends with the girl and never kiss her, second: you kiss the girl and then become friends with her and third: you do not become friends with her and never kiss her and the last one option takes you two ways, one: you forget about it, or two: you hate it. I don't know what's going to happen to you Ellie, because she's dating Abby now, which surprises me because it's been four months."

Ellie kept following Cat and Alex as they laughed and talked about random subjects, the only thing the red haired girl could think about was Y/n and everything Cat had said, she remembered the things Dina had said to her earlier in the cafeteria and what scared her, was the fact that all these things only made her find Y/n even more challenging and interesting...

When they arrived at the party venue, Cat opened the door and waited for Alex to come in, as Ellie walked past Cat, she was holding the door open for Ellie to enter, Cat had a cheeky smile on her lips, Ellie asked, “Which of the three options do you fit in?”, Cat put a sly smile on her lips and with a tempting look replied, "I kissed the girl."

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Upon entering the house, Ellie soon saw Dina dancing with who she assumed was Jesse, she looked around, some people were already drunk and all that loud music, people dancing and bumping into each other, made Ellie feel like being in your bed reading some science book or playing video games.

Ellie was standing next to Cat - who was busy typing on her cell phone - and suddenly Alex appeared with three glasses of drink and handed one to her and one to Cat.

“Cat, do you want to hear something strange?”- Alex practically screamed because of the loud sound - Ew Becky is not here”, “what!? she doesn't miss one,” “and that's not even the weirdest thing, they're saying she didn't leave the dorm today and spent the whole summer at home, crying,” Cat wrinkled her brows and got thoughtful, “does Y/n have something to do with that?”, Alex made a doubtful expression, “I think so”, “I need to talk to her - Cat looked at the cell phone screen - she hasn't answered me since at 3:00 pm”, “we’ll see about it later… do you want to go for a walk?”, Alex asked sipping from his drink, Cat nodded and before they could leave, Ellie asked, "wait, what if Y/n shows up?", "nobody knows what Y/n will do, wait for her it's stupid," Alex replied nonchalantly, "Ellie, she finds us... I told you, breathe." - Cat said taking Alex's arm as they disappeared from view.

Dina waved Ellie over to her and Jesse, the red-haired girl cut through the crowd excusing herself as she passed.“What were you doing with Alex and Cat?”, Dina asked, “I came here with them, since Cat is my roommate, is there a problem?”, “calm down!, I just asked a question”, Dina smiled shyly and then looked at Jesse, “this is Jesse”, “hey, nice to meet you, I'm Ellie”, “we finally met, Dina spoke a lot about you, only good things, don't worry”, Jesse said laughing a little, “it's the least she should do, since I've had to put up with her half my life”, Ellie joked, “shut up, you muggle”, Dina said laughing, hugging Jesse.

Ellie was standing in the corner, her drink in hand, just watching the people dancing and smoking. She saw Cat and Alex move through the crowd a few times, sometimes just the two of them, sometimes with other people, but never with Y/n. Ellie was lost in her thoughts when she saw Dina running towards her with Jesse close behind. “Hey let's dance let's go”, Dina took Ellie's hand, “I don't want to dance, you already dragged me here, wanting me to dance is asking too much”, Ellie looked at Jesse and laughed a little, “Your best friend doesn't deserves to dance with you? you're breaking my heart, if i was a hot girl you wouldn't refuse,” Ellie rolled her eyes realizing that Dina was already high, “Dina don't start”, Dina took Ellie's glass and brought it to her mouth, "no, enough" Jesse said, taking the glass from Dina's hand and handing it back to Ellie, who was shaking her head with laughter.

Dina and Jesse started talking about random subjects and Ellie couldn't take her thoughts away from Y/n, wondering what she was doing at the moment, Ellie bit the inner side of her cheek as she looked around the party, but the girl was not there. “What do you think, Ellie?”, Dina's voice broke her out of the trance state, she looked at Dina with a confused look, “I'm sorry, what are you talking about?”, Ellie looked away looking at the door that had been opened, but the girl who walked in was not Y/n. “I can't believe you're still thinking about Y/n” – Dina rolled her eyes – can you believe she's obsessed with Y/n? - Dina looked at Jesse with a frown - She spoke to Y/n once and it's already like this", "really? you too?", Jesse scoffed a bit, "I'm not obsessed with anyone, Dina is drunk", Ellie looked at her friend with a frown, "oh yeah right", Dina said wryly, her friend's comment made Ellie furious, she put her hand in her pants pocket and took out the weed that Dina had given her, "shit I forgot the lighter, does anyone have one?", Jesse took a lighter out of his pocket and handed it to Ellie, "Thanks , I'm going to get some air."

Ellie went out onto the porch at the end of the party, sat on the edge of the pool and lit up a joint. Ellie took a long drag and exhaled the smoke slowly, her eyes closed as she felt the breeze, “Fuck! That's good". While smoking, Ellie thought about what Dina had said about her being obsessed... Ellie had always been obsessed and stubborn, but she didn't like to admit it. Turns out with Y/n it was very fast, Ellie not only enchanted with the girl's beauty, but with all the mystery that was developing about her, Ellie never liked mysteries, but she was willing to unravel Y/n, she was much more attracted to that.

Ellie was enjoying the moment away from everyone, she could only hear the noise of the wind and the echoes of the music coming from the party. She didn't notice the footsteps behind her, nor did she catch the scent of vanilla, almonds, and jasmine (which was being overshadowed by her strong joint smell).

“Hello martian girl, planet earth calling”, the girl's velvety sweet voice almost made Ellie gasp, she quickly looked up and saw the girl standing beside her, the girl's beautiful smile widened even more as Ellie looked at her …

[girlellie]

My sweet catastrophic star - Part 3

SUMMARY: "Ellie opened her diary and wrote about the girl: "If people were a celestial object, I would be a small, cold, dim red dwarf and she would be a supernova - a powerful, luminous stellar explosion."

WARNINGS: college!ellie, use of y/n, smut (not in this chapter), angst (not in this chapter), fluffy.

A/N: English is not my native language and it's the first time I write something in English, so I ask for everyone's understanding if there are grammatical errors or anything like that. If it's too bad let me know. Otherwise, I hope you like it! Thank you 👉🏻👈🏻

Part 1 ♡ Part 2

Ellie's heart beat fast inside her chest. The girl right there beside her, the wind blowing her hair (exhaling her delicious, hypnotic scent) and swaying the hem of her short skirt exposing even more of her skin (which caught Ellie's attention and she tried hard not to stare too much).

“I saw you sitting here and I thought 'thank the Goddess! someone else too lazy to socialize”, the girl sat down next to Ellie and her red plaid skirt hiked up even more, making Ellie notice the tattoo of a devil girl with a glass of wine in her hand, on the side of the girl's thigh. “I don't like parties, especially I don't like being in crowded environments, it wears me out,” Ellie said, aiming the butt of her joint at a trash can.

“I get it, I can't stand it for long either, unless I'm high and tonight I'm not,” she looked at Ellie with a small smile. Ellie watched the girl take her backpack off her shoulders, pulling out a book and a lighter, Ellie's eyes roamed over the girl, going from her exposed thighs to the joint - which was tucked behind her ear - and stopped at a mark hickey - which was almost gone - on the girl's neck. Ellie thought she might leave marks like that all over her neck and body.

“Do you like to read?”, the girl asked closing her backpack and throwing it on the ground, “I do, although I haven't read much lately”. “Have you read this one?”, the girl showed Ellie the book, it was a hardcover book with a drawn wing and several gears around it. “Mechanique: A Tale of the Circus Tresaulti by Genevieve Valentine”, Ellie shook her head saying ‘no’, “didn't you read it? I'll make a summary for you, girl from mars”, the girl looked at Ellie smiling, who smiled shyly, “it's about a post-apocalyptic world, where people no longer have access to technology and a circus caravan ends up bringing hope to the places where it installs. The artists of this circus are war survivors, who had their bodies mutilated and people who no longer have reason to live a life outside the world, they are reconstructed with mechanical structures. Everything that happens in this show is commanded by Boss, the leader of the troupe. The book is about the complexity of human beings and about art – about it being what remains after losing everything and about being the only possibility to breathe in a destroyed world…the circus is painful and magical at the same time, it represents hope but also brings beauty watered with scars from everything that was gone the day before it was destroyed…”, the girl pulled out the joint that was tucked behind her ear (Ellie noticed the nail polish dark blue peeled off the girl's fingernails, but it still looked nice) put it between her lips and lit it. “I loved that - she continued talking, looking at Ellie and opening her beautiful smile again - because it's like that with us too, isn't it? But how to rebuild yourself with a soul heavy with so much suffering? That is the question…", the girl took the joint to her mouth, pulled the smoke and after a long drag, let the smoke out. Ellie was thoughtful for a moment, thinking about what the girl had said, it was poetic and Ellie loved every detail. “I don't know… I think we're always trying to get over something or someone…”, Ellie said at last. “Is that why you came here?” the girl asked, turning her face to look at Ellie. “Hm…yeah”, Ellie said playing with her hands awkwardly, the girl giggled and took another drag on her joint, “you're sweet, Ellie”.

Ellie looked at the girl, who was looking at her, Ellie felt her cheeks turn red and smiled shyly. “Pretend I didn't say that, I have a girlfriend”, the girl held out the joint to Ellie, who felt a sinking in her heart, when she remembered that the girl already had another one. “I'm fine, thanks,” Ellie declined, avoiding getting too involved.

“Do you have someone?”, “I don't, I don't anymore… she left me”, Ellie said taking a deep breath. “She?”, the girl looked at Ellie smiling and blowing smoke from her lungs, “my gay radar never fails.” “You what?”, Ellie laughed a little, “I recognize a fag from afar it's like a sensor that goes off just looking at another gay.”“Oh yeah? Tell me more about it, fuck I would have avoided getting dumped by a straight girl in high school", the girl laughed, "that's an inevitable thing, every dyke gets dumped by a straight girl at least once in her life, yeah as if that were a rule. “I can't imagine anyone rejecting you”, Ellie said without thinking, regretting it right away, feeling herself blush again, 'shit', she thought. "But pretend I didn't say that, because I know you have a girlfriend", Ellie plucked up courage and flirted back. "Oh no Ellie, please don't do that", the girl said laughing, Ellie laughed a little too and they looked at each other for a moment.

The girl scratched her throat and looked away, taking one last drag on her joint, Ellie kept looking at her, the way the icy wind made the girl's soft skin break out in goose bumps and the way she smoked seductively, made Ellie feel an tightness in her stomach and on instinct, she lightly bit her bottom lip. Ellie took a deep breath and turned her head to the opposite side, 'fuck'.

“What happened?”, the girl suddenly asked, “with what?”, “with the girl”, “ah… well I think she…”, Ellie closed her eyes and took a long breath, “found someone else… after two years, I didn't understand… I thought I was doing everything right”. “Accepting the ends is easier than understanding them, they forgot to explain to us that love alone is not enough. Love ends and arrivals are goodbye initiatives and not permanence, like us now in this perfectly imperfect moment”, Ellie knit her eyebrows and looked at the girl. “That's it, we're here now and this will all end one day, always keep that in mind because when things end you won't suffer so much", the girl smiled taking the book again, leafing through it. Ellie couldn't stop looking at her, she didn't want this to end. Ellie never knew how to deal with the end of things and the girl was sucking her in like a black hole and Ellie realized this was going to be hard to fight.

“This is what happens when you take a step: you are moving closer to what you want.” The girl read aloud, “what do you want most right now, martian girl?”, the girl looked at Ellie and she felt once again sucked into those sky-blue eyes, Ellie gasped. “I don't know,” she said with a shy giggle. “I want you to tell me as soon as you find out.” “You will be the first”, Ellie quickly looked away and the girl couldn't help but smile when she noticed Ellie's shyness.

But Ellie knew exactly what she wanted at the moment, she wanted to hold the girl she had just met in her arms and kiss her right there. She wanted to lie down on top of the girl and intensify the mark she had on her neck and draw on her soft skin a thousand other marks like that one.

“Do you want to know how to get over a lost love?”, the girl asked taking another joint out of her backpack and tucking it behind her ear. "OK, how?". “With another love,” the girl's eyes met Ellie's and they both smiled. “As if it were that easy,” Ellie said smiling a little. "I can help you get over it, of course if you want to."

What the fuck was this girl trying to do? Ellie shook her head smiling a little, "Fuck it, I want it." The girl cheekily smiled, “ok, there’s someone talking about you a lot.” "About me?" Ellie asked with her eyebrows drawn together. "Yep! she saw you in the cafeteria with Dina and she didn't take her eyes off you tonight." Ellie was confused, maybe if she hadn't been so focused all night on the girl next to her, she would have noticed something.

“Her name is Lexi and she is pretty… nice and interested in astronomy I could introduce you to her but no pressure.” Ellie looked a little indifferent, it wasn't exactly what she expected, but it was better to accept that the girl next to her was someone Ellie could only have in her thoughts, in her diary entries, as a secret.

“Hm… alright”. “ The girl smiled, “so that's it, I help you find a new love and you help me find the circus that will mend my wounds, do we have a deal martian girl?”. Ellie smiled a little, "ok I sign on the dotted line." The girl raised her index finger and held it out to Ellie, "Put your fingertip here, let's seal our deal. "Ellie laughed, “oh come on! seriously, how old are we?”, “put your finger on my fucking finger.” Ellie shook her head with a smile on her lips and touched the tip of her index finger to the girl's fingertip. “It's done, pact sealed”, Ellie meant 'a pact is sealed with a kiss' but she couldn't cross that line, she knew she couldn't walk into a raging sea without drowning and she knew she would drown more sooner or later, if she dared.

The girl's cell phone vibrated in her backpack, she took it and after reading the message - which Ellie tried, but couldn't see who had sent it - she put all her things back inside the backpack and got up. “See you, keep your head on Earth,” the girl joked. "I am going to try." The girl smiled again and Ellie noticed how the wind went up the hem of her skirt - almost showing her panties - Ellie felt a heat rise through her body.

“In ten years I will come back for your soul, stay tuned girl.” Ellie giggled a little and the girl walked away and before she could get too far away, Ellie propped herself up on her elbows, turned her head to look at the girl and said in a slightly loud voice “hey why do you want me to help you find the 'circus' or whatever you want to say”. The girl turned to look at Ellie and said with a smile, "because you're cute and because...you've been waiting for me."

Ellie's face flushed and she felt a sharp twinge in her stomach, she quickly straightened up and looked straight ahead very embarrassed.

Damn Cat...

I want to credit the book I quoted to Genevieve Valentine!

And also if anyone is interested in reading this book, it's wonderful, it's fucking good, I recommend it! 🩵