aufbrechen, um auszubrechen – Finding the love of my life in Ottawa
Hello world!
You might be wondering why this entry is written in English. The answer is simple: It's because this is a very special one for a very special person. Exactly two years ago I met a man that I've been in love with ever since. And this is how our two paths crossed...
I arrived at the Ottawa airport in the late afternoon. Compared to Vancouver it was freezing. Snow was covering houses, trees and streets. One could assume it was actually winter. I took an Uber to my Airbnb which cost me about $30. When I had booked the Airbnb everything around looked pretty close. I actually thought I could walk into the city within 45 minutes. Oh, what a fool I was. After I arrived at my apartment in Gloucester, a suburb of Ottawa, and logged into the wifi I soon found out that the next grocery store was a 30 minute walk away. Needless to say that there was 10cm of snow covering the streets.
But since I was hungry and the owner of the apartment was not home yet, I decided to go for that walk to buy myself some dinner. Except for that huge scarf I had bought in Revelstoke my winter gear was rather uncommon – two t-shirts, a sweater, a light jacket, a pair of jeans and runners. I'm still freezing just thinking about that walk. But when I came back I had dinner and some snacks in my backpack. So it was definitely worth it. I made myself some food and had great company – the owner's two cats. With my stomach full of spaghetti I went upstairs to my room. One of the reasons I went to Ottawa was to meet the OTM crew. OTM stands for One Track Mind and it's a group of people training for the decathlon. Kevin, head of that crew, vlogged about his life as a decathlete and put the videos on YouTube. I had been watching his videos for quite a while now and was eager to finally meet and train with the crew. Before I started my trip I had been emailing Kevin about the possibility of training with them. He liked the idea. So now I emailed him again asking about their training schedule for the week. While I was waiting for him to reply I opened up Grindr on my phone. I hadn't touched the app since Vancouver so I was interested to see if the Ottawa users were less creepy. And indeed most men on there seemed to be rather ordinary judging by their profile pictures. Also, I did not get any dick pics. So I was regaining trust in the app. Still, I did not use my real name on the app. I was Ben. Nice to meet you! Since I was still home alone I spent the night scrolling through numerous profiles of gay Ottawa men. If you are interested in a person you can either text them right away or send that person a flame to see if they like you back. Since I'm not good at taking the first step, I usually waited for people to text me or send me a flame. There was only one person that night that got my flame. His name was Brennan and I liked his greenish blue eyes. There was something faithful in his look. It did not take long for him to send me a flame back. My heart jumped a little when I saw that notification. Now it was time for me to take the first step. I started texting him on the app. Honestly, I don't even remember what my first lines were, probably something like „Hi, I'm Josef... I mean Ben. Nice to meet you!“. But whatever I said first, it must have worked because he texted back. I was super happy and we texted back and forth for quite some time. Finally, I got a text message from Kevin that there is training tomorrow morning and that he's gonna pick me up at 9am. It was 2am. Time to go to bed. I put my phone aside and fell asleep with a happy smile on my face.
I got up after less than six hours of sleep. But nothing could worry me because Brennan still texted back. After a quick breakfast Kevin picked me up to go to training. What I really like about Canadians is that they are so open-minded. I mean, Kevin just picked up a random German guy to take him to training. We had only texted a few times and soon after I was joining the OTM training session in the Dome at Louis Riel. I had never seen a 400 meter indoor track in my entire life. It was awesome! Unfortunately, none of the other OTM crew members showed up for that training. But two girls that I knew from Kevin's vlogs – Charlotte and Sveta – were also there. So that made it a bit less awkward. We spend the next two and a half hours doing long jump drills, short sprints, hurdles, med ball exercises, some weight training and finshed off with 2x300m. It was a lot of fun. I was super out of shape, but they still made me feel like I was part of the group. In the end, I got a cap from their coach James and two Ottawa Lions t-shirts from Zach, another coach from that club. I had a great time! Thanks a lot, Kevin!
Back at home, I took a shower, ate the rest of yesterday's spaghetti and went to a thrift shop that was next to the grocery store. I desperately needed a warm jacket. But I was unlucky. They did not have any jackets that I could wear with confidence. So I walked back to my Airbnb. I was lucky that I just made it before it started to snow like crazy. When I arrived I finally met the owner, Mark, and his girlfriend Kaitlyn. They were both super nice. While they were preparing their dinner we talked a lot about travelling and cats. After lots of laughs I went upstairs and started texting with Brennan again. We agreed on exchanging numbers and continued our conversation on WhatsApp. Since Kevin had told me that there was free ice skating Downtown and I needed to go buy a warmer jacket anyway, I knew that I was heading to the city the next day. So I suggested meeting Downtown. When Brennan did not they no right away I figured my chances were really good to actually meet that man with the beautiful eyes. Again, I went to bed with a smile on my face.
When I went downstairs to make myself some breakfast the next morning Mark offered to take me Downtown since he had a meeting there anyway. An hour later I found myself standing in the cold wind of Parliament Hill. I had booked 30 minutes of ice skating online. So I just rented some skates and had a great time on the ice without falling once.
After freezing my butt off on the ice it was finally time to get some winter clothes. So I went to the Rideau Mall to get a nice warm jacket and some shoes. I texted Brennan to see what his plans were for the day. He actually considered coming Downtown to meet me. But I had some convincing to do. He told me how gross he looked today and I told him that I would really like to experience his complete grossness first hand. It kind of worked. He agreed to come and meet me at The Highlander Pub. We had a date! So now I did not only need a warm jacket and shoes but also a nice pair of jeans and a sweater since I was wearing some super worn out travelling clothes. I found everything I needed, got changed in the bathroom, stuffed my old clothes in a backpack that was way too small and looked in the mirror. Just one little detail was missing. I was still wearing my glasses. But since I did not have glasses on in any of my profile pictures I figured to better not wear them. So I didn't. It made my vision worse but helped my confidence. I checked my phone and Brennan just texted that he was sitting in The Highlander Pub, in the left corner when you enter. I loved how specific he was because it lowered the chances of awkwardly not finding each other immensely. And that's when I walked in and saw him for the first time. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I said hi and the rest is history. We had an apple cider and some good talks. We was funny, asked smart questions and made me feel super comfortable. After our Ciders we had some pizza at The Grand Pizzeria and Bar. That's where he asked me if I was actually gay. I had a good laugh and confirmed my gayness. Time just flew by. He showed me around the city. He took the picture of me hanging from the T of the famous Ottawa sign. We walked through the snow.
To Parliament Hill where we saw a little light show.
After our amazing first date he drove me to my Airbnb. We hugged and said goodbye both knowing that this would not be the last time we saw each other. I went to bed with the biggest smile on my face.
After all the excitement the day before I slept super long. I went to get some Christmas presents for my family and headed to training after. This time the whole OTM crew was present.
We did some sprints, weight training and shot put. It was fun to get back into training. After a shower at home Brennan picked me up to get some burritos at Mucho Burrito. On our drive there I took all my courage and placed my hand on his that was on the gearshift. I asked him if that was okay. He said yes. That made me really happy. At Mucho Burrito I ordered a Mucho Veggie, the vegetarian burrito option, and was asked what kind of meat I would like on that. Classic. Brennan and I had a good laugh about that and ate our delicious burritos. We headed to his place to watch a movie. Julia Roberts ate, prayed and loved. And we cuddled. The weather outside got super ugly. Snow fell like crazy and the wind was picking up. We both decided that it was not the best idea to drive or be in a car right now. So I stayed the night. To not rush things I slept in the guest room which is something we now laugh about a lot. Whenever I visit Brennan nowadays he asks if I want to sleep in the guest room again. Probably I should some day to relive the memories.
They next day started with lots of cuddles and breakfast. It felt like the right place to be. Brennan took me back to my Airbnb so I could make it to training in time. At training we just did some running and pole vaulting. I took an Uber home, showered and prepared my dinner. I spent the night at the kitchen table talking and laughing with Mark and Kaitlyn. They gave me a little guestbook to sign. Here is what I did.
After that I went upstairs, packed my things and fell asleep right away. My Ottawa experience had been amazing so far. The next destination was Montréal although I liked Ottawa and especially Brennan so much that I just wanted to stay there.
The next day I left Gloucester and took the train to Montréal. The train ride was quite scenic so the time flew by and suddenly I arrived in the most populated city of Québec. When I left the train station to walk the few blocks to my hostel a windy negative 15 degrees celsius blew into my face. I had never experienced anything like that. It felt unreal. And very, very cold. I made it to the hostel in one frozen piece, checked in and got to my room. At hostel looked nice at first, but the eight bunk bedroom looked and smelled like prison. We had a little bathroom in there that probably hadn't been cleaned in two years. It was a mess. But it was cheap. I just put my stuff in that room and left it as fast as I could. The common area was nice though. And they had a big room for reading which nobody used. So I sat down there and started writing on my blog. After a while I could not concentrate anymore so I decided to go ugly Christmas sweater shopping. It's a family tradition that I started a few years ago. I basically put on every piece of clothing I had in my backpack and went outside. After a few failed attempts of finding a really ugly one I found this one.
After my shopping success I went to the Museum of Modern Art. They had a Leonard Cohen exhibition. All I knew about him was that he wrote Hallelujah. So I was eager to learn more. I walked out of that exhibition three hours later thinking that I learnt a lot. But now the only thing I remember is his quote: There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. I really like that quote, but still feel embarrassed about not being able to remember more. Not to blame anyone here but I was constantly texting Brennan while walking through the museum. One could say I might have been a bit distracted. After that nice educational visit I got a delicious falafel and went back to the hostel. The room was still smelly but so was I after the falafel. So I called it a day and fell asleep.
The next day I slept in a little, took a shower in one of the hallway bathrooms, got my breakfast and went into the city. I bought a few postcards and a nice sweater for Brennan as a surprise. After that I felt like I had seen enough of Montréal since all I could think of was Brennan. So I went to the train station to change my train ticket to be back in Ottawa earlier. That way I could spend one more full day with Brennan before leaving for Iceland. I paid $21 to change my ticket and was a happy man. Through the freezing wind of Montréal I walked back to the hostel to relax in that reading room nobody was using. When I went back into my room I met Charlie from London. He told me about a Christmas Market he wanted to go to and asked if I wanted to join. So we walked to that Christmas Market which felt a bit like a German Christmas Market. Just that it was trying too hard.
But it was at that place and time that I had my very first poutine. I felt super Canadian right away. The poutine itself was okay. It was more about the experience anyway.
After that Charlie went to a party and I went to bed.
The next morning I got up early to catch the train to Ottawa. On the train ride I watched Home Alone 1 on my laptop. It's the kind of nostalgia I like. With the perfect timing of Kevin hugging his mother in the end I arrived in Ottawa. Brennan picked me up at the train station. We went to our favourite – Mucho Burrito – and with a full stomach made it to his place. We spend all day watching movies and cuddling on the couch. I enjoyed every minute of it. Julie Andrews taught us the Do-Re-Mi as we were watching The Sound of Music. Later Melissa McCarthy food poison pooed in the sink in Bridesmaids. All in all, it was a successful day that ended with pizza and more cuddles. This time I upgraded myself to sleeping in his bed. We were both happy with that decision.
The next day it was time to say goodbye for now. I was headed to Iceland next and Scandinavia after. But I was already sure that I would pass on the last Scandinavia week and get on a plane back to Canada. I gave him the sweater I bought. And he gave me some beautiful gloves. I was so happy and so sad at the same time. He drove me to the airport, gave me one last kiss and the next thing I know is me waving him goodbye. At first, there was a lot of sadness knowing that this part of our story was over, that I was about to continue my travels and that I would not see him for some time now. But soon after I realized that it was just the start of it all. The start of something so beautiful words fail to describe. So I sat there at the gate waiting for my flight. I checked my phone. He texted. Heart emoji. This is just the start. There is so much more to come.
Ich liebe dich, Brennan.
