I’ve got a few things I wanted to reflect/vent about regarding writing fanfic. I'm posting this on my main because I'm done separating the fragments of my online self.
Recently, I had a go at fic writing as another way to engage with fandom. And not just writing fics! When I fixate on something, I want to delve into the culture and meta, so I read a bit about the origins of fanfic and the current attitudes surrounding it on reddit (I’d be posting there, but I’m banned from all of reddit for joking about bashing nazis.)
Much to my surprise, I found a huge divide between readers and writers, and clashing attitudes about fanfic. In bullet points:
Readers feel they owe writers nothing
Readers are anxious and don’t know what to say so they don’t comment
Readers think writers are entitled for wanting any feedback or comments
Readers think kudos should be enough to satisfy a writer
Writers feel like they’re shouting into a void and are being treated like content machines
Writers are berated for wanting engagement and are told Ao3 “isn’t social media”
Writers are told Ao3 is an archive, not social media
Writers are told they should write for themselves
I read that “old fandom” was much more of a community
I read that Ao3 was created to be more like Livejournal and foster discussion and community, not an “archive” as so many people say
I got the impression that the sentiments above between readers and writers are prevalent no matter how large the fandom is ie, being in a larger fandom that bestows larger interaction by default does not change the attitudes of readers and writers
I feel like people think of "engagement" as a social media term, but I'm using it to mean interacting with a work
Most of this is from the Ao3 Reddit and a bit of Fanlore, so I’m trying to take it all with a grain of salt, but having become a fic writer myself, I found myself more on the side of the writers than the readers, with my opinion shaped by my own experience. I want to talk about some of that.
In the paraphrased statements above, you may have noticed some from readers and writers that serve as explanations and consequences for each other. For example, readers feel they owe writers nothing and don't interact, so writers feel like they’re shouting into a void. Writers are told Ao3 is an archive, not social media, and readers think kudos should be enough to satisfy a writer, and so do not comment… and you get the idea.
There’s a lot of discourse on reddit about this (I did a search for topics about writers quitting or deleting their work), and I was shocked to see little sympathy for writers who felt discouraged at the lack of feedback or community, and the entitlement of readers who expected writers to “write for themselves” so they could be the silent beneficiaries. As if writers aren’t people with feelings spending hours putting effort and creativity into things readers consume in a matter of minutes, and then say nothing about what they thought of it.
You’ve probably realised that I’m heavily team writer by now, not that I think we should need to take sides at all; it’s not as simple as writer vs reader. I spent a lot of time considering the opinions I read, trying to balance them and consider different perspectives, but cleverer people than I gave such excellent rebuttals on behalf of the writers, that they won me over in the end, while people on the reader side wanted to scorn writers who dared express dissatisfaction, or writers who acted morally superior because they "didn't care about engagement."
So, to address some of the above. Yes, readers might be anxious about commenting, but why does the empathy only go one way? Why does their anxiety negate any feelings the writer—the one who is actually risking more and putting in more effort— might have? I’m sure there have been authors who have responded negatively to comments and scared readers off, but surely they’re the minority?
Writers are told to “write for themselves” for “the love of the game”, and I do agree with that to an extent. In my own experience, the writing is so much fun! It’s so exciting to see where a story goes next or what might happen every time I sit down at my laptop to write! It’s the sharing and posting that isn’t fun, and if writers are truly going to write for themselves, not sharing their work is what that looks like, and I don’t believe anyone who says otherwise. Posting is sharing, and we share for feedback, to learn what others think of our work, good or bad, even if it’s just a simple emoji or someone saying “I read this and had a good time” or “Not my cup of tea”.
I think any writer claiming they don’t care about feedback or what people think of their work is lying, putting on a brave face, or trying to keep in good standing with their fanfic community so they don’t come off as entitled. Not caring is cool, after all (no it’s not). If one genuinely didn’t care, then why share at all? So others might enjoy it? Hah! That sentiment negates the “I don’t care” attitude of a writer. If they want others to enjoy it, they do care, and they do share, and we’re damn lucky as readers that they do. I’d be interested in hearing opinions on why an author who allegedly doesn’t care about engagement with their work on why they share it. If they want to store it somewhere online, then there’s all manner of non-public ways to do that.
But about my own experiences which have heavily coloured my views.
I started my first fanfic in March 2026. I had an idea that evolved as I wrote it, and my story ended up being a Wheel of Time fanfic where I cast canon characters in the roles of masked agents working to counter plots by the Black Ajah. The gimmick was that the agents didn’t know who each other were because they wore masks and followed rules to preserve their anonymity. The readers were intended to not know either and pick up the identities from the writing clues until it was confirmed in text (but I did post a cast list in case people wanted to read without guessing). It went well beyond my initial idea, and I accidentally ended up writing the only Lan/Galad fic in existence, it turned into a trauma-fest, and I had so much fun! I finished at 224, 318 words and set up a sequel.
I also started writing a lighter, shorter, funner fic that I had an absolute blast with. The idea for that one was a tournament run by the Green Ajah for Accepted paired with a trainee Warder. The tournament was written as something that existed thousands of years ago to try and get girls to choose the Green, so the Amyrlin brings it back as a publicity/recruitment stunt for the White Tower. This fic was a slice of life friendship fluff fighting and action fic, and I set up a whole tournament structure with fixtures and group stages that I’d eventually write the fights and whole event for. It remains unfinished after 115, 573 words, just before the tournament was to begin.
The third fic I started was the sequel to my secret agent fic. That story was going to pick up the threads about the corruption in the Tower with Nynaeve, Siuan, and Moiraine playing detective, the secret agency trying to replace lost or dead agents, Sammy and Graendal causing shit, and Lan, Berelain, and Galad trying to find each other with very little clues about who they all were. It derailed terribly, and when it started to become “Fifty Shades of Galad” and that story got way more interesting to me than my actual intended premise, I quit writing it because I felt like I wanted a completely different story and that maybe I’d be cheating people by tagging Siuan/Moiraine when the story moved too far away from them. That one was quit at around 50k words including the Galad storyline stuff I didn’t post.
But how did these stories do? The first one, the secret agent fic, got mild interest from a few readers who said they’d become really invested in the plot. I knew it wasn’t going to get much attention when it became primarily an m/m fic in a heavily f/f fandom, so those comments were like diamonds to me! I know I made the premise a bit unclear and my summary wasn’t the greatest, but I was new and learned I should have been less mysterious about it. I got one comment where someone got mad at me for writing “gay sex” because they thought the premise might have been a good one if not for the dudes shagging each other. I had one reader interested in the sequel, but I quit writing that, and it felt good to stop sharing what I did write.
The Green Ajah Battle Games fic did much better. There’s probably more of an appetite for fun fluff about friendship and the characters learning to get along as teams. For teams, I paired Egwene and Gawyn, Mat and Elayne, and Nynaeve and Galad, and set the thing roughly during TDR in canon. I had maybe two people regularly engage with it every chapter, and it made me so excited to write the next chapter and see what they thought. But… this is where I also started to turn sour on fic writing.
That fic did so much better in terms of readership with 8 people subscribing (but never commenting). The hits kept rising and after every update, I’d get a solid chunk of views… but maybe one comment per chapter if I was lucky. For awhile, that felt ok. I know Ao3 isn’t social media or whatever, but it does have the option to comment or leave kudos and it shows hits, and when neither the comments came and the kudos stayed the same, I felt really used, and I think that’s a valid way to feel. So people were reading this fic, jumping on every update, but didn’t care to tell me what they thought? Not for me, I’m afraid.
Then I started reading reddit to try and understand this culture, and I saw all those horrible attitudes about entitled authors. I wondered if I was one of them. Was I really supposed to keep writing and posting just so others could consume my work, and expect not even a few words in return? I started to feel very resentful, and I didn’t like that. I didn’t think my writing was bad— people wouldn’t have kept reading if it was, unless they were hate reading? Who knows. I don’t, because they never said anything.
So I thought, if that’s how writers are expected to be, to spend hours alone writing and editing and then sending their stories off into the void for nothing, then it wasn’t for me. I think I went into fic writing with the wrong expectations. I wanted community. I wanted discussion. I wanted all the stupid crazy crackbrained fun that other forms of fandom gave (tumblr is great for this btw. Tumblr never feels lonely), but I think that fanfic isn’t a good place to look for that. Writing fic is such an isolating and lonely experience, or at least mine has been. I can only assume that perhaps the things I want to write are not the things that people want to engage with. The hit counter going up must be people clicking on it, deciding they don't like it, then clicking away? But why do that after every update?
I’ve decided that I can still have fun writing my stories, but the sharing bit isn’t really for me. That’s what it really looks like when an author is writing for themselves. I don’t have to shout into that empty void and feel like shit when people treat my stuff like just more content, as if there’s no real person behind its creation who isn’t getting any other form of feedback or money for doing it. I thought a lot about it, about why it feels bad to share my work, and that’s the essence of it. The fun of writing it is tainted by the silent, indifferent consumption of it, and if I never share my fics, then I'm never left with an expectation of engagement and disappointment when it doesn't happen. Fic writers and creatives are people with feelings, unfortunately, and I’m tired of pretending we aren’t.
There’s something about writing that just takes more out of me than painting, like, the expectations are different. Sharing my visual art doesn’t feel bad at all, even when people barely react to it. I see my fanart project as a way of contributing to the fandom, something for others to discover, so I don’t know why it feels so different when I try to do the same with writing. I guess I’m just not cut out for it.
I’m probably going to get flamed to all hell for expressing any of this, but so be it. I know there are other fic writers out there who feel this, and I’m sick of them being told their feelings aren’t valid, and that it’s wrong for them to be disappointed, or to be dismissed and accused of treating fic writing like social media. I’m sure there’s a few out there who do write fic for the clout, but for those of us who just wanted to find a bit of fun and community through a creative medium, I’m so sorry if you’re feeling this way too.
I have no solutions for anyone feeling the same, but I’m trying to regain some perspective and peace of mind by just making my stuff on Ao3 private and continuing to truly write fic just for myself.
Readers are absolutely free not to comment or engage as is their right, but they have to accept that's going to lead to authors feeling discouraged and some, like me, might stop sharing. And writers? If you're tough enough to keep screaming into the void, then you're a stronger person than I.
If you’re a reader of fanfic, please please please engage more with your favourite authors if you’ve been a silent reader so far. I'm begging you on behalf of the authors who won't, or are scared of being called entitled. Kudos is good but can only be left once, but you can leave many comments. Tell them what you liked, or even if you just had a good time reading (one of the most treasured comments I ever got was from someone who told me they had such a good time with my fic and that it was a delight to read – that was all).
Even an emoji is better than nothing. I think a lot of readers might be people who think their opinions don’t matter. They do, I promise you. What you think matters, even if you think someone else already said it. I’ve read you're anxious or don’t know what to say, but as I said to a commenter once on my fic who told me they usually don’t comment because they don’t know what to say, everything and anything you say is perfect!
The author is generally grateful to know someone cared enough to say something at all, and speaking for myself in the role of fic writer, I adore every single person who ever took the time to comment on my fic, even the ones who expressed dislike (lol that one guy who didn’t read the tags on my m/m fic and was unpleasantly surprised by the gay sex - I'm sorry, but honestly where did you think the fic was heading when Lan palmed Galad's cock to see if it was hard?)
I always leave a comment and kudos when I read, and now more than I ever, I know how important that is.
I do feel bad for the three or four people who were invested in my stories. I’m sorry to leave you hanging, but I need to take a step back. Irl, things have been a bit shit, and I think that’s altering my headspace. I started engaging with fandom in the first place because of an injury that left me unable to live my life the way I usually do, two surgeries, endless rehab, and am waiting for my third surgery later this year. I know I’m rather depressed and on meds to help with that, but the meds don't replace what I lost. I’d go outside and touch grass, but it’s a little more difficult to do that these days lol. I'll honestly be ok, really. I'm just adjusting and learning to navigate how things are, and I think I looked in the wrong place for something to make up for what I've lost. I'm sorry you're the collateral in this.
I might finish my fics one of these days, when I’m feeling less sore about this whole thing and not in such need of community or feedback, but I’m going to get back in my box and focus on fanart again for the time being.
I finished my Japanese (Client) playthrough, between gathering, crafting, raiding, and maps.
Moko has finished his story, and I now have a lot to write up.
My very first question had been, "If the English Quests are written with weird letters that have hidden messages, then what do the Japanese quests look like?"
First problem was realizing the quest log only showed like 4 of the 8 you actually got, so I had to play through.
I also wanted the zone intros and some of the cutscenes that are subbed on screen, but not in the chat log; like the masks pre-Zodiark fight.
So~... When I started EW with Moko, I did it completely in the Japanese Client, and committed to only progressing his story in JP... which I just finished yesterday. (1/19/22)
There's a lot to sort through and write up, but I did the last zone as I went through, so it'll be the easiest to clean up. lol
For now, I'll give you this as I spend today writing up a better formatted post than the 50 Discord DMs I threw at my friends. lol
(Snip for image. It's the buff you get near the end. If you know, you know, if you don't, don't click for Spoilers. ^^; )
It was the same as English, but those feelings still hit.
Kanji
エンドウォーカー
終わりの旅を孤独歩む状態。その足取りわ重い。
Romaji
ENDOUOOKAA
owari no tabi o kodoku ayumu joutai. sono ashidori wa omoi.
English
Endwalker
Solitary walk to journey's end. Your footsteps are heavy.
I had a dream I drew a glimbow comic where Bow was dying of old age and Queen Glimmer used her magic to extend Bow’s life for thousands of years. The day came where Bow told Glimmer to just let him go. But Glimmer didn’t want to let him go that she wasn’t ready. She finally after another thousand years surrounded by several generations of their children and their families, he promised that they will meet again.
