So with the purge, I have decided to move most of my totalcox stuff over to AO3.
Most of my work was SFW sure, but Jesse even says himself, he has an unfortunate last name, and detection bots flag his vids for demonetization from youtube all the time because of it, so in interest of keeping all of my fluffy stuff and just plot bunny ideas, I have decided to move all those over as well.. not just the explicit stuff.
For those who want to follow Mystlin, as that has been ongoing for a long time and honestly is the only one I am still sort of updating (though I have not posted any of these yet because I am seriously considering just making it an original and posting that) or you may want to come back and read my older stuff like “Lets Play a Game”, you can find my AO3 here:
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaya4114
Sometimes, I like to sit and watch him train. He always looks so focused.. Like he's calculating some sort of plan..
The way his raven hair seems to begin to stand on end a little, as the energies around him crackle and you can just barely see the light glow emitting from his body.
I like that..
We've been here for, what... 4 months now? Still not even a hint or a sign we are approaching the end of this game.. Heh.. Sometimes it's hard to remember we're in a game at all.
It seems like it was only a dream long ago when I had put on my headset to hear his voice chime over Skype, "Ladies and Gentlemen welcome. My name is TotalBiscuit and I am joined today by everybody’s favorite annoying youtube gamer, Jesse Cox."
...And then we were here.
Well.. I was here-- and he was.. elsewhere?..
As John casts a ring of fire around him self I begin to reminisce.
I wonder how Aleena is doing...
Ebora I would guess is around fifty miles off Alumawyn Woods, and Vindius another ten from the entry point.. The forest its self being about forty miles in any direction give or take. If we were to go visit, it would take us about a week on mount.
I shake my head, yet smile in spite of my self. No.. We don't have any time for that. The Dark Lord's forces have been moving around a lot lately, and we're more needed here right now than anywhere else. We'll just have to hope that Vindius is alright for now.
John casts a fireball at one of the stationary targets we set up over the last week. My eyes glint with a twinge of envy.
I wish I was that powerful. To be able to wield fire and ice at my will, without a blade to aid me. He has no idea how strong he really is.
The other night, he called me the muscle of our little team. Told me I was his rock and that he wouldn't be where he is without me. He said it with a smile on his face, and I know he meant it in good will... but I suppose that's true in more ways than one.. It was my fault we wound up here in the first place.
But really, it's his strength that keeps me going. I can't let him fall into despair. Not like those first few nights... God his tears... The poor guy.. I promised to get us out of here, and I swear to whatever gods this game has, I will.
Then maybe things will go back to the way they were before..
...And I wont have to feel like this...
John casts me a look, his trademark smirk on his face. I smile back in admiration, yet I can't bring my self to say anything.
It hurts, you know.
When you long for someone so much, yet are forced to be silent. You have to endure every day in their presence, without them catching an inkling of it in any way.
It's ok though..I long since made peace with my self about it, sure.. But it still hurts.
The first few nights here were the worst.
Some time on our journey through the woods, we ended up with only one sleeping quarter in the little log cabin. I had grown accustom to his presence beside me and I think a little part of him missed sleeping next to a warm body him self.
It started off as sharing the space, but gradually turned into something a little more.. What would you call it? Friendlier?
So when we eventually made it to Ebora, the trade off from the small cots and tiny beds, to the large extravagant inns we stayed at left me with a large feather bed to my self... and no warm body to cuddle up to.
It took a while before I could sleep again.
John begins to throw ice daggers at the bulls eyes set up in the branches of the four trees around us. He hits them dead on.. his eyes are glowing blue like the sea.. I wonder how it would be to stare into them directly...
It's maddening sometimes to think the one person you count on happens to be the one person you've lusted after harder than any woman ever to be in your presence. Damn this game for making me realize what kind of a person he is.. Not that I didn't see it before.. But it wasn't like this.
His laugh is infectious. He actually smiles more now. Hell, he isn't even afraid to tell me what's on his mind if I ever ask anymore, though a lot of the time I'm still afraid to.
I don't know how I would feel if he were to confess about how much he misses his wife. I can see it in his face, he's lonely.
God those nights at Widows Point... He actually let me hold him. I can tell he misses her.. but .. I just like to pretend that it's me he thinks about. Selfish, I know.. But I never claimed to be a white knight anyways.
I miss those nights..
As time continues to pass, I will continue to harbor this secret. He doesn't have to know. No one does. When this is all over, and we go back to what was before, he and I will be closer friends regardless of anything else.
For that I am grateful. And for that, I keep silent.
My pain is only for me.
And he can never know.
John: I shouldn't feel this way Jesse... Is it wrong to want you as much as I do? To love you the way I do? I have Genna.. I am strait.. or at least I thought I was.
*John looked up into the stars with a far away look on his face, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.*
John: Heh, it's funny you know... I used to be bothered by all those fan fics that tumblr writes about us, but.. maybe the reason it bothered me so much is because I actually felt that way from the start.
Jesse: Maybe... But then, I remember when I started having these feelings about you too... You remember that night where I first crawled into bed with you? It started out as a joke - I wanted to see the look on your face when you woke up with me next to you in bed--
John: heh you would.
Jesse: heh yeah, but.. Then I started thinking. About you and me.. and how we make a good team. I thought about how you are: That on the outside, you pretend to be this big angry cynical british guy.. but on the inside really you are just an ol' softy. And I fell. Hard. The real reason I was so quiet that morning was... well...
*Jesse started to blush*
John: *notices this and smirks evilly* Go on..
Jesse: Well I thought the only reason I felt that way was because I hadn't jacked off in a while, so.. I went into the shower and tried to think of a sexy lady.. but I ended up calling out your name instead.
*Jesse, blushing profusely now, couldn't look John in the eye*
John: *chuckling a little* I see. *his face turns serious again* But.. is this right? I have a wife.. What will I tell her when we get back. How do I explain where I've been the past year? And what about.......us ?
Jesse: Well.. You see.. *Jesse looked a little unsure about saying something*
John: Hmm?
Jesse: Well.. Umm.. I have a theory about that.. But if I tell you, I don't want you taking it the wrong way, ok?
John: *frowning* ..Ok..
Jesse: Well.. You know dreams, right? *John nods* Well.. Sometimes, how you can have a strange fucked up dream, where you're fucking your sister or something *Johns expression changes to slightly hurt* -- that is to say, this isn't fucked up! I want to make that a million percent clear ok?
*John frowned, a little hurt at the analogy, but continued to listen*
Jesse: But like, say something happens in the dream that is out of the norm of what is when you are awake. In the dream it all seems perfectly normal, but then.. You wake up and it's like, "What the hell just happened?" Because all those feelings and thoughts that seemed normal, aren't actually there. I think maybe this game world is like that too. So when we get out of here....
*Jesse's face falls sadly at the thought, his voice quiet*
Jesse: You'll go back to your wife, in love with her... as if nothing ever happened. And .. I'll go back to.. well.. Back to being a swinging single ladies man I guess. We'll both probably not want to talk about it.... And pretend as if ... us... didn't happen in the game, if everyone else asks... But it'll be ok because we both wont ... feel that way.
*Jesse looks like a kicked puppy as he explained all this, and John is quiet, the thoughts running through his mind. Jesse is probably right. The two of them still have no idea how that head gear affects their neural system. A moment of silence passes between them before Jesse speaks up again, eyes a little hopeful*
Jesse: But that doesn't mean we can't enjoy what we have now. I say, what happens in game can stay in game, and we should just deal with the repercussions when we get out of here. Right now John, I love you. I've never been more in love with anyone else before, and to know you feel the same, just takes a giant weight off my shoulders. Can't we just forget the real world while we're here?
*Instead of answering, John just smiles, leans in and presses his lips against Jesse's.*
Mystlin Migration Ch 20ish spoiler. I'M SORRY I COULDN'T RESIST!!
Don't worry, it doesn't really ruin too much of the plot. We all knew this was going to happen eventually anyways right?
Consider this a gift to make up for the fillery Ch 10
Warning: Contains things that will pull at your heart strings.
-----------------------------------
The giant colossi had been more than the duo had seemingly been prepared for, and as a result, both Jesse and John were taken off guard.
John had done his best to cast a defensive magic shield, but the barrier could only hold for so long, meanwhile Jesse had leaped to the fore front, on the offense to try and take the monster down.
The beast roared in anger while casting many electrical attacks towards the both of them, the reverb echoing off of Johns shield barrier. Damn, that thing was strong. One hit from it's attacks and it could kill both of them instantly. Grimacing towards his American friend, John said to Jesse who was just up ahead,
"I'll cast a frost blast to try and slow it down while you use your whirlwind. I'll back you from behind. Be careful. That thing hits HARD."
Jesse glanced back to John with a nod,
"Got it."
John then proceeded to close his eyes and concentrate, before unleashing a massive icy bolt towards the giant colossi. Shortly after the blow had connected, Jesse leaped into the air and began to cast his whirlwind, the fire from with two blades growing hotter and hotter.
John continued to cast ice magic at the beast, doing everything he could to slow the things movements. He was already really low on Mana as it was, and without enough to cast offensive fire attacks, John began to worry. They had to finish the beast off, and do it fast.
The colossi, yet again, cast another electrical blast at the both of them as John's magic barrier finally gave out leaving the two heroes defenseless.
"SHIT!" John yelled as Jesse's Flaming blades finally connected with the beast, tearing it to pieces, just in time.
Jesse laughed happily as his blades had connected, the sweet taste of victory firmly within his grasp. The beast howled in pain as the swords sliced into it's flesh, mortally wounding the giant creature. A lucky blow.
As the world began to spin, John collapsed to the ground, his mana completely gone, just hoping the two of them managed to kill the thing in time.
Jesse landed upon the ground as the beast fell to its knees. But in one final attempt, the colossi cast a single lightning bolt toward it's attackers, as the life was finally snuffed out of it's limp body, and it exploded into data particles.
Jesse watched on in horror as John sat there on the ground, his mana depleted, unable to move as the creatures final attack was coming strait at him.
Time seemed to move in slow motion as all the events and experiences the two friends had been through flashed through Jesse's mind in an instant, and without a farther thought, the blonde had leaped in the path of the oncoming bolt.
As John sat upon the ground, he knew the attack was headed in his direction. He knew he needed to move, but his body was just so tired. The world was spinning and all he could see, was the bright yellow glow of the electrical waves heading his way.---
---As Jesse jumped in front...
....And the blast hit him clean dead on...
...As his best friend..
"Why worry about things you have no control over?"
...The one who had always been there...
" as I always tell you.. I am here for you if you need me. We aren’t just a team. You’re my bro."
..Without a single regret..
" I will get you out of here and you wont ever have to play another game with me ever again."
...Through better or worse...
" There are some things I want to tell you, and if I don’t say them now, I probably never will… "
..Thick and thin....
"Come back here foul man, and I shall deliver swift Justice, I must say!!”
..Collapsed to the ground.. Unmoving.
John snapped out of his stupor and ran over to the blonde, who laid there, motionless.
"God...No...." John whispered as he checked Jesse's pulse.
Nothing.
He then placed both of his hands atop of Jesse and tried his hardest to conjure a healing spell, but his mana was still too low.
"Please... no..." John said, a little louder into the empty room.
The Brit then placed both of his hands upon where Jesse's heart should have been, and began to administer CPR. He had no idea if it would work in game, but if electrical blasts could caught cardiac arrest, it was worth a try to revive him the old fashioned way.
He pumped hard and fast upon Jesse's chest, as real gut wrenching fear began to build up in his mind.
No... Jesse couldn't die... This was his game! They were meant to be heroes! It can't end now! Not like this!!
Tilting the blondes head back and pinching his nose, John hesitated only briefly before pressing his lips to his best friend and exhaling deeply, before returning once again to the warriors chest.
Tears began to form upon the brim of his eyes as he pushed hard and fast upon Jesse's torso, willing his heart to beat.
Memories of everything the two of them went through, passed through his mind in a blur. The tears began to fall freely, fear and sadness gripping John with a vice.
Jesse's laugh. Jesse's smile. Jesse's positivity. His strength. His companionship. All of it playing though John's mind as he mercilessly pushed against the blondes chest.
It can't happen. This can't be happening.
Once again John pressed his lips to Jesse's, exhaling as deeply as he could.
The one thought it in mind, crying out with everything he had.
~Please Jesse.. I can't win this game without you. I can't live without you... I need you.. Please... Don't. Die!~
...
...
...
As if fate, or Gods will had decided to pay favors.. Against all odds, Jesse began to stir.
Upon realization of this, John froze, lips still pressed firmly against his blonde companion, tears running freely.
A moment passed that seemed almost an eternity, as Jesse slowly opened his eyes to see John's staring back into his own, filled with shock and hope.
Wordlessly the two of them sat there, unmoving. Their eyes seemed to do all the talking, as relief washed over John, his tears of fear quickly turning to tears of joy.
Jesse, only mildly aware of what just transpired, began to blush lightly as their lips slowly parted, their faces still mere inches away from one another.
John didn't know why or what came over him, really.. but in that moment, the world fell away and there was only this one moment. The brit stared into Jesses beautiful eyes, and began to realize just exactly how much the man truly meant to him.
You never know what you have, until you almost lose it.
Jesse, still with the blush on his cheeks, just stared back at his best friend. Of course he would choose to save him. As far as he was concerned, the game was not worth finishing if John couldn't be there to finish it with him.
His emotions for the man, he had long ago come to terms with, and whether manufactured or real, he know how he felt. At this point, the next move was up to John.
Something had changed. The Brit knew it. But the strangest thing in all of this was, at that point he no longer cared. Closing his eyes, he once again pressed his lips to the blonde. Unlike before-- not in fear for his life, but this time, in celebration of it!
Shocked and surprised, Jesse closed his own eyes and began to kiss back, bringing his hand up behind him, to rest on John's back.
The kiss was simple at first.. only lips upon lips, a wordless statement between the two.
But simplicity only lasted so long as the kiss soon became much deeper.. More passionate. Soon tongues began to dance, and teeth began to nibble as John too brought his own hands to the back of Jesse's head pulling him closer.
He didn't care anymore about what anyone would think. None of that mattered now. The only thing that truly mattered was him and Jesse. He would deal with the rest once he came to it.
~It's like Jesse says...Why worry about things you have no control over, right?~
