-i got the infinite hours glitch at work (im working sm now)
-i'm broke af still cause i honestly genuinely truthfully laurv grocery shopping too much (the horrors of the economy are incomprehensible)
-i love homicipher!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyways. that's basically it. i'm trying to get back in here cause i feel so bad for all the unanswered prompts and asks in my inbox. i know i kinda flopped. im doing my best!!
also small announcement below the cut!!! especially considering ive been experimenting more with dead dove/nonconventional topics and themes.
first thing; i made a side blog for my dead dove and other extreme fics. the reason why i'm doing this is bc some people don't want to see that kind of stuff- and that's totally okay! and ik the filtering/blocking tags thing doesn't always work, especially for more "niche" topics.
i plan on branching out my repertoire by writing about topics that are "scary" or "new" to me- so this little counterpart to my blog will make it easier for me to post things that aren't typically sought after by the gen. pop. things like sickfics, whump, noncon, and other graphic or heavy themes.
in addition/addendum to that:
idk if this is common knowledge for any of my followers, moots, etc, but i have a severe phobia of vomit. like. huge. and at my big ass age of 21 (lol) i think it's time to start...getting through that fear. i've struggled with contamination OCD for a really long time and it's something i never thought id even try to overcome- but then i came across a creator on here who makes fetish art- which def wasn't something i was looking to encounter. but like a car crash, i couldn't stop looking at their work and i ended up coming across a post of theirs where they explain that they do what they do to get over their fear. at first i was fucking baffled as to how they couldn't manage to do that, but i get it now. taking something innately fucking horrifying and flipping the narrative so casually can be cathartic, and i finally after over a year of contemplation, gave it a whirl in my own writing. i mean, what better way to get over something by attacking it from my best angle??
typically this isn't something i'd ever consider doing. but...here we are. and i feel like im doing myself, and other people who feel the same way, a disservice by hiding this type of content in my notes app, never to be seen by anyone but me.
my blog has always been a safe space for the freaks and weirdos, and i want to keep facilitating that space while also keeping it enjoyable for all crowds. so by keeping a little separation between the two blogs, it'll ensure i feel comfortable, and others do too. i'm not gonna force everyone who follows me to come across some crazy fetish content they didn't sign up for, especially when previously i'd stated i don't write that kind of stuff. but alas people change and grow and i don't want to stifle myself from writing good things because im too afraid of judgement or my own insecurities.
i think kink is a very important thing in the fanfic world, because it allows the writer, as well as the audience, to connect on an even further level through the delivery of fetish content. as someone who hyperfixates on the development and accumulation of fetish and kinks, especially from a psychological level, this is something i was considering in the past- but not to this level, yk? like yeah, i could continue to just write sweet little hcs of softgaraki, and i love doing that, but also...like, i need these freak ass men to live their truths, and i need to live mine.
with that all being said, @compendiumofdecay is where these nasty fics will be for any and all who are interested.
Bit of an general update. This is probably a snoozefest for must of you, sorry my loves 💕
Went for a lovely sunny walk today! My tendonitis has finally stopped hurting on walks, my doctor said she thought I would be ready to try a very short run today but I think it’s still a little too soon. I am planning to go out at the weekend and see how running feels, I will only be running for a very short length of time (likely to be 1 minute of running with 9 minutes of walking to be repeated 3/4 times).
This past week or so has been rough in terms of food. Not being able to run really put a dampener on things and with it being by birthday at the weekend lots of foods have entered my kitchen that I struggle to say no to. I am really trying to work on my binge-type relationship with these types of foods; it’s not realistic for me to go my whole life without these foods being in my house. I have to learn how to have them there without eating them in an uncontrolled manner. Judging by this week I clearly have a long way to go!
In other news I’ve booked my first yoga class since lockdown for this Sunday. I’m really hopeful that the class feels well managed and safe because I have really missed yoga and would love to get back to classes. Whilst I’m there I can also scope out the gym and see if I want to consider booking a slot for next week. Because I’m unlikely to be running any significant distance over the next few weeks it would be great if I could supplement it in the meantime with the bike or elliptical
Hi darlings! Things have been going pretty okay so far!! While things still could be better, my college life has been better than any horror stories I’ve heard about it! Despite troubles, I feel like my life is on the right track. I just need to find time to practice my art, make money, and keep on getting my high marks like the perfectionist I am, lol.
I really didn’t mention it when I made the switch, but I’m now using my real name! Personally, I felt like one hurdle I needed to climb was stopping myself from separating who I am with what my online persona is. A lot of my work, I felt I couldn’t show because it was tied to my real name. But ever since I made the switch, I generally feel a lot more comfortable displaying more of who I am rather than having to selectively pick things I knew couldn’t be traced back.
You can find the sort of work I stopped myself from showing on my ArtStation account here!
So feel free to call me by my name, if you’d like! Now that I am using my real name in association with my username, I will be attempting to show more of the work I’ve been doing in college every now and then!
Anyways, I’m hoping to submit some work into a gallery this week! Even with it submitted, that doesn’t mean it’ll be selected for the gallery itself, so... please hope everything works out!!
I’ve been sick for almost two weeks now, should probably go to a doctor next week.
It’s annoying because I haven’t been reaching my step goals or calorie goals..
I’m still eating in a deficit, so not off track, but it’s not a lot. My goal is at least 500 a day and I’m more around 300/200 but oh well, better than 0!
I really hope I’ll get better soon so I can run again!
Btw my W2 & W3 updates will be online on tuesday. 😊
however i did wanna say as i start to pick this back up from my slump, i made a ko-fi! (i promise im not a sellout im just in fucking poverty). i'm still working on the setup but i decided (and this is completely optional. my inbox here is always open) that i wanted to offer a few commission-based fics/writing if anyone wants to show support! it would mean the absolute world to me if even just a few people wanted to even check out the page itself :,) again, not at all a requirement. i figured id just shoot my shot anyways cause i see a few very beautiful and talented writers doing this as well, and maybe im being a bit overzealous but again, it never hurts to try!
also; i've been slacking a lot and i apologize greatly. if you guys didn't know already, ive had a fuck of a month. the ao3 writers curse? it's real! i got sliced and diced like a cucumber in a mandoline and recovery was lowkey ass. not to mention i've just had a super duper busy month; birthday, work, family matters, health issues, and a bachelorette weekend at the end of this month. basically, im running on E. it's a partial reason why i started the ko-fi: im fucking so broke and my job sucks and AGH! being an adult is hard. LOL!
but ANEEWAYZ
enough of my pity party! it's my birthday and i don't wanna ruin the vibes :3 thank u guys for your continuous love and support. just know how much i appreciate all of you. knowing i have....nearly 400 followers now...is fucking wild and keeps me going. genuinely. my mental health has increased tenfold. i cannot thank you all enough.
bai bai for now my loves <3 !!!!!!!!!!
Become a supporter of d1s1ntegrated today! ❤️ Ko-fi lets you support the creators you love with no fees on donations.
i had plans to write today but guess what! i am fucking dying! i slept for like 13 hours and my body is spent. perhaps walking around all day in 95° heat for the concert wasn't a great idea.
my POTS is also flaring so it's a double whammy (prob got triggered by the heat :,) )
i might take a slight break lol, not long, maybe if i feel better tonight i'll write a few things from my inbox but im not gonna count on it :( i know ive been kinda slacking for a few days but i am not having a great time haha.
thank u all for being patient and as always feel free to request and send asks, when i'm feeling better ill get down to business and write about our fav boys.
