Wow. I cannot believe the journey have i been on in the last 75 days. “What happened 75 days ago, Morgan?” you may be thinking to yourself (or not). Either way, that was November 7th, 2015 and was the day I decided to stop drinking and drugging. This was the beginning of my new life, and for once, I wasn’t standing there, arms crossed & brow furrowed at the mention of countless suggestions. Instead, I was calm, clear-headed, and willing. “I’m gunna start a new kind of ‘27 Club’”, I said to myself.
A series of unfortunate events led me to this life saving decision. Some of which are not easy to share. As I’ll have to (for once) set my pride aside and admit that I am not perfect and, in fact, make mistakes. Actually, I make tons of them.
But now I’ve gotta take you back to a night, that even with the lethal amounts of alcohol & drugs I had ingested, I can remember clear as day. I never knew why I had such a clear recollection of this night, and for years, but it’s all coming full circle now and makes the world of sense.
It was a bitterly cold Boston night (ha! what else is new?), but that wouldn’t keep me inside whichever downtown apartment I was struggling to afford at this point. (Considering I had moved 10 times in 10 years) Nothing could keep me in. My friend Jeremy M. and I decided to go to this nightclub, Splash, on Kneeland Street by South Station. DJ Tommy Trash was “spinning” and we knew the promoters who would have a table, bottle service, shots ready & waiting for us. I mean why not? And, um, Wednesday? Always a good enough reason to party, for me anyways. I was usually found hanging out with guys because they seemed to party like I partied and never got on my case like my girlfriends did with all that “Seriously Morgan, another one?!” crap.
Let’s fast forward before I lose your interest. At the table, drinking champagne from the bottle, because who has the time, or a desire, for a glass? Dancing on furniture with my “friends”, most of whom I didn’t know their last names, what they did for work, or remember how I initially met them, and frankly, I didn’t care. What I did know was that they had money for the table, booze, drugs, and would likely invite me to an after party simply to help the guy-girl ratio – and that was enough for me.
That table was where I met Jamie. I had noticed her because she was rocking a SICK pair of super distressed vintage Levi’s . She gave off this attitude that she had no f*cks left to give, which I desperately tried daily to emulate. She just pulled it off so effortlessly because it was her truth and not something she was pretending to be, like I was.
We get to chatting, and by chatting I mean screaming directly into each others eardrums to entertain any type of conversation over the dirty beats of DJ Tommy Trash. This girl was so rad. Naturally gorgeous, sick bod, and just a positive vibe radiating from her core.
On to exchanging numbers, because well, us “party girls” gotta stick together. She then proceeds to stamp the back of my sweaty hand. This simple little symbol was “Rough House Style”, Jamie’s brand and from which her custom bad ass Levi’s derived from. Dude, can anyone say “girl crush”?
FF again. Two years later. I’m working at Equinox Dartmouth Street in the Back Bay and recognize the girl behind the counter in the pro shop. How did I knew her? And why was it bothering me so much that I couldn’t figure it out. It would take me months to connect the dots, well, because of the pure hell I’ve put my poor brain and body through via partying.
I’ve never really felt so inclined to bring up that “fateful night” at Splash to Jamie at work because there was no way she’d remember me, right? And if she did, it’d probably be all the bad stuff like how much I drank, which boy I left with that night, or that we never ended up hanging out after that because I never texted her back.
So through my short-n-sweet stint at Equinox as a membership advisor, I let it all go unsaid. Mainly due to the paralyzing irrational fear of what she and others thought of me.
2014 was a blur and sadly, 2015 followed suit. I’ll get into my story at some point in this blog-tastic journey, but today we’re NamaStaying on all things Jamie.
New Years Eve 2015 came, and with 55 days clean & sober, all I wanted to do to “celebrate” was leave it all on the mat in a two hour workshop that brought you from 10pm, 2015 into 12:05 am, 2016.
Any Bostonians reading this will understand the struggle is real to find parking in Southie at all, never mind on NYE. After finally landing in a spot a few streets over, my friends and I got to the yoga studio with five minutes to spare. I grabbed one of the last open spaces on the far left wall in a room with what had to be upwards of 75 people.
It was warm & steamy. There was condensation forming on the white brick walls which then began to drip from the ceiling and we hadn't even started the flow yet! The energy in the room was infections and traveled through me like the blood in my veins. At that moment, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
As our fearless leaders, instructors, and co-owners of South Boston Yoga, Todd Skoglund & David Vendetti, began our New Year vinyasa flow, they asked us all to lean over to the person on the mat next to us and introduce ourselves.
This adorable little red-head leaned over and said “Hi, I’m Tiffany!” We exchanged smiles and I looked past her to the next mat over. Then, I saw her. Jamie. From Splash. From Equinox. From social media who had begun a hashtag and handle “NamaStay Sober” of which I had hash-tagged at the end of my journal enteries during my time at detox and in rehab. Ya. Unlike Amy Winehouse, they tried to make me go to rehab and I said “Let’s go, go, go!” It’s been the best decision I’ve ever made.
The only “shots” I have in my life these days are what I call “God shots”, and this was a major one! Basically, its inexplicable moments, experiences, “coincidences”, that come to me through people usually yielding majorly incredible opportunities. Out of all the things to do in the city on NYE, even all five of those “yoga-thons” that were taking place, and then find a mat right by Jamie (and Tiff!) was not a coincidence. Just a total God shot.
THIS time, with my serenity, clarity, and complete loss of irrational fears -- I asked if she remembered me from Equinox, but really, how could she when I never even talked to her there?
We were then able to share what is a practice I will remember for years to come (Thanks again Todd & David!). I was grateful to be leaving all the loss, trouble, drama, and pain I had experienced in 2015 on that bright pink mat, which of course, just so happened to match my yoga pants. (Some things will never change!)
After, we exchanged info, talked a bit about NamaStay Sober and the progress her Bali-based idea (spoiler alert=next blog post!) has grown into since the first time I had noticed this brilliant handle online. We continued to connect later that week, setting plans to practice again together and have coffee. And the rest, ladies and gentlemen, is history. We picked up right where we left off that night in the club sans booze, loud bumping music, and people we didn’t know. Instead, Jamie and I would be embarking on a physical, spiritual, and mental journey together to use fitness as a part of my recovery.
NamaStay Sober gives recovering addicts, like me, the opportunity to create a healthy community in active environments. Our mission is to aid those recovering from addiction by reconnecting their bodies and minds through complimentary yoga, fitness and meditation classes. Mindfulness in the body leads individuals to self awareness, and that is where healing begins.
An ex-boyfriend told me once “Morgan, you’re totally going to be in the 27 club.” You know, referring to the club of cult musicians that died at the age of 27 primarily due to alcohol and drug overdose. People identified as being in this “club” include Kurt Cobain, Jimi Henrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, and Amy Winehouse. As much as I’d enjoy being associated with such incredible aforementioned artists, I’d also like to live a full, amazing, beautiful, and long life more. So welcome to my new kind of 27 club. That of which I prove everyone wrong.
If you’ve made it all the way to this point in my post, then thanks. I’m honestly proud of you, because DAMN I blog just like I talk -- A LOT. It’s been scary for me to share this openly and honestly with whomever may be in my audience. I’m doing this because if sharing my story in early recovery and how the integration of yoga & fitness helps me to stay sober allows another person struggling in a similar way to know they’re not alone, I’m truly grateful.
For more information please visit www.NamaStaySober.com .
