I Despise You (Part 8) - Edmund x Reader
Warnings: none
Characters: Edmund, Lucy, Peter and Susan Pevensie and (Y/N)
Setting: The Golden Age, Narnia
Blurb (???i think???): (requested by @alwaysinnarnia)The reader is a Swordswoman/Knight of Doorn and visits Narnia, soon getting off on the wrong hand with King Edmund. She stays in Narnia and they train together, and they become friends and maybe something more…
Tag List: @aisforaltamoda @sanya-gryff @wantingtobekorra @sweetpeasturtleneck @suruhcha @foreverfangirling123 @fosterthe-peter @expellimarvelous @fandoms-allovertheplace @irreplaceable-ecstasy @fiftyshadesofnarnia @heyohheyitsgabi @nimaiwe @thellamaisinthehouse @hopebaker @a-studying-narnian-demigod @margot-black @fangirled-101 @aisforaltamoda @ajediherowitchrunner @spinning-oysters @hopebaker @just-my-weirdness-and-i @fandom-writer642 @xcyber-queenx @disfunctionalcrab @changing-constantly @answer-the-sirens @wildflowersrm @lizziel1410 @hocus-pocus-i-dont-focus @torisecrets @mya-bleu @hunnybunimdun @andycanbeemotional @lady-miidnight @writingweirdness413 @just-my-weirdness-and-i
(sorry if I missed anyone!! Also, there are some accounts I’ve attempted to tag but it doesn’t seem to fully work - please let me know if it did! Also please comment on this post if you would like to be added to the tag list! ❤️)
*
“...and have the supplies out by the end of the month,” Peter said, dragging a finger across the map before (Y/N) to gesture to Tashbaan’s port. “it’ll take around four months for the iron and oil supplies to arrive.“
Yaro nodded, his hands braced on the edges of the wide table. “With the King and Queen now increasing the mining and production work in the country, Doorn will surely have their products delivered to Tashbaan a little while after Cair Paravel’s shipment would have arrived.”
The High King and Yaro looked up to (Y/N) who had a stern look on her face as she crossed her arms.
She nodded. “There’ll still be a spare month before their deadline. It may work in our favor if something goes wrong-”
“It won’t,” Peter stated confidently. “Everything will go according to plan.”
(Y/N) sighed, letting her arms fall to her side. It was a relief that she didn’t have to go back home yet, especially with the Knight’s meeting just around the corner. (Y/N) couldn’t shake off the crawling feeling of anxiety, though. The terrible thought that her family and people could be in danger terrorised her. So much so that insomnia would consume her days and follow her into the night, never allowing her a moment’s rest.
It was easier with Edmund. (Y/N) had often visited him when the moon was still shining overhead in the star-scattered sky and the woodland creatures whispered into the wind. He would give her comfort when she crawled into his bed, kissing her forehead and the spot behind her ear she had always found ticklish. He would tell her stories about his first time wondering through the wood in the summer, and how he felt when he had stepped into the castle for the first time.
Those stories made her feel warm, and there were nights when he came into her room, too. His shirt would be dampened by sweat, his voice just shy of a tremble as he lay his head onto her stomach and asked for a tale of her own. He would often fall asleep with his arm draped around her, and his soft snores lulled her into her own slumber.
Now with the meeting finished and the organisation for the iron and oil shipments were finalised, (Y/N) felt a slight weight lift from her chest. Yaro took a long look at her and sent a reassuring look when she met his eyes.
“Your Highness?” he said carefully.
(Y/N) almost smiled. Hardly anyone had called her by her formal title, and she genuinely would’ve preferred anything else than that. But now, hearing that title, it reminded her of her older brother and how he used it to mock her incessantly. It comforted her.
“I’m fine,” she said, a small smile on her face. “Thank you, Yaro.”
He nodded curtly and gave her a bow, his arms resting by his sides. (Y/N) turned to Peter who offered her a sympathetic smile and a firm hand on her shoulder.
“Your family will be okay,” he said confidently. “We will never turn away from our allies, or our friends.”
Smiling despite the tears shimmering in her eyes, (Y/N) let herself be swept up into Peter’s brief embrace. He let her go, offering a reassuring nod before she began to walk towards the exit of the war room.
Her hands automatically began to smooth out her tunic and readjust the belt hanging from her hips. She brushed her fingers over the silver dagger safely positioned at her side. Susan had gifted it to her last week for assisting with the organsation of the ball, and (Y/N) felt her chest lighten when running a hand over the hilt which was decorated with sapphire gems.
(Y/N) unsheathed it from her side as she walked down the main hallway towards her quarters. She moved the dagger skilfully between her fingers and flipped it over her hand to rest in her palm again. The cool metal tempered the anxiousness creeping in her chest and left her to focus on the movement of spinning silver.
As quickly as she had flipped the dagger into her other hand, a force hit her from the side and drove her towards the wall. She let out a grunt as the hands she knew so well had skilfully twisted the knife from her hand and held her wrist to the wall; leaving her body trapped between his.
A smile graced her lips as Edmund let out a low laugh. “Your lack of peripheral vision is concerning.”
(Y/N) rolled her eyes, leaning her head back against the velvety curtains that covered the sunlight. She let her free hand move to his shoulder, and up into his hair as he leaned forward to kiss her chastely. The kiss could only be returned enthusiastically, and soon, Edmund let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her waist.
The weakness in his movements caused her to smirk into their kiss, not giving a second thought before gripping the collar of his clothing and spinning him around to press him to the wall.
Edmund shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes as he let himself smile at her antics.
“Doesn’t feel so good, does it?” (Y/N) said, teasingly raising an eyebrow.
The dark haired king leaned forward, his breath tickling her lips. “On the contrary - this feels perfect.”
(Y/N) huffed out a laugh before taking his lips with hers again, softly and with determined slowness. Edmund wound a hand into her hair and melted into their embrace, and (Y/N) felt how rapidly his heart beat against hers.
She pulled away from the kiss to catch her breath, and Edmund‘s lips followed her to give her a light peck.
He took both her hands in his. “How was the meeting?”
(Y/N) smiled briefly, and she was sure that Edmund saw right through it and into her troubled mind.
“The shipments will arrive soon,” she said, intertwining her fingers with his. “I’m praying that it will go smoothly. My family cannot afford a war.”
Edmund’s eyes wandered across her face, pulling one of his hands from hers to caress her cheek.
“Hey,” he whispered softly, furrowing his dark eyebrows. “Everything will be fine. If there is anyone you can trust with a task like this, it’s Peter.”
(Y/N) could only nod and lean into his warm hand, moving her face to peck his palm before giving him a tight hug. His strong arms wrapped around her and tucked her as close to his chest as possible. She breathed in his familiar woodsy scent, and she let herself smile at the faint smell of chocolate that always found its way to him.
As they heard scuffling from down the hallway, they pulled apart only to see Lucy come into view with her chin high, and her pale yellow dress swaying and sweeping across the marble floors.
“(Y/N)!” she exclaimed, rushing towards them with her eyes crinkled into a smile. “How did it go? I heard that the supplies are being shipped out soon.”
(Y/N) brushed a hair behind her ear and nodded. “You heard correctly.”
Lucy squealed and tackled (Y/N) with a hug, and Edmund chuckled at the surprise on (Y/N)’s face.
“Oh! We need to celebrate! Should I request for the kitchen to make your favourite dinner?”
“Oh, that’s alright,” (Y/N) said. “I appreciate it, but that’s not necessary.”
Lucy squeezed the young woman’s arms in response and whisked back down the hall excitedly as she called out, “I didn’t hear a no!”
Edmund pushed himself from the wall and took (Y/N)’s hand. “Come on, let’s go somewhere.”
“Oh?” she said, raising her eyebrows. “Where to, my king?”
“Horse riding,” he chuckled, turning to pinch (Y/N)’s waist. “Where else would we go?”
The swordswoman rolled her eyes and smacked his hand away.
Edmund shook his head, his hair moving away from his eyes as he continued to lead the way. They walked along the east wing and descended down the marble staircase, (Y/N)’s hand running along the smooth handrail.
She found herself being pulled to an abrupt stop by Edmund, who took one more step as he focused on a middle aged man standing at the end of the stairs. He wasn’t burly, but he looked strong. His broad shoulders and chest were clad with armour, and a shiny helmet was tucked under his right arm. Dark green eyes flicked up to (Y/N), who also took another step down to stand in line with Edmund.
Edmund spoke first after a tense silence. “Lord Rami.”
The man took a step forward, his eyes still searching (Y/N) and Edmund’s faces. Something in his gaze told (Y/N) that the man didn’t seem too keen on having kind conversation. He didn’t seem to want to address Edmund’s existence.
“Forgive me, Lord Rami,” she spoke out, calmly. “But King Edmund is addressing you. It is only common courtesy for you to respond.”
His cold eyes lay on her, and she felt her skin prickle as he scanned her from head to toe.
“King Edmund,” he said quietly before bowing briefly. “It is an honour to be in your presence.”
Lord Rami turned to (Y/N) again. “And you, milady?”
“(Y/N) (L/N),” she stated. “Knight and Princess of Doorn.”
Trying to keep her face as stoic as possible, (Y/N) tilted her head up as Lord Rami bowed once more.
“Forgive me,” he responded to her. “I must make my way to my quarters.”
The man slowly began to ascend up the staircase, and with one final look at the pair of them, he continued on his way and disappeared as he turned a corner.
(Y/N) tightened her fist and let it go in an attempt to settle her nerves, and she turned to Edmund who seemed to be doing the same, but with a flick of fury in his dark eyes. He clenched his jaw and looked back up to where the man had been, almost as though he was expecting him to reappear.
“Ed,” (Y/N) said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Ed, are you alright?”
He stayed quiet and took a long look at her before continuing to walk down the stairs.
“Who was he?” she asked, feeling quite ridiculous because of her cluelessness.
“No one,” he said quietly.
(Y/N) continued to follow him as he turned left at the staircase and down another hallway, opposite the exit towards the stables.
“Let’s still go on that horse ride,” she said earnestly, moving closer to him. “It’ll get your mind off of whatever you’re thinking.”
Edmund stopped abruptly and worked his hands through his hair. “I don’t need a horse ride.”
“Then what do you need?” She didn’t want to pry it out of him, but she needed to know. “Edmund, what did he-”
“I just need some peace and quiet,” he interrupted, hands falling to his sides. “Can you give me that?”
(Y/N)’s immediate reaction was to scoff. “You’ve never given that to me, so why should I do the same?”
Edmund turned to her, his dark eyes gleaming. “You can never give anyone a moment’s rest, can you?”
“Ed, I just want to know-”
“But I don’t want you to know!” He said, his voice raising. “Stop asking, stop pushing, just stop! Some things are better left unsaid, but that isn’t enough for you! You have this habit of pecking your nose into things that clearly don’t concern you.”
(Y/N)’s heart sank, and her words of comfort died on her tongue. His tone of geniune impatience and fury was one she hadn’t heard in a while. She pressed her lips together, angry at the painful words he spewed, but she grew even angrier when she felt tears prickle at her eyes.
“You’re so ungrateful, you know that?” She retaliated. “And frankly, you’re quite stupid for not thinking that I’m asking you all this because I want to help you. Not everyone here is trying to attack you, Edmund!”
Edmund stepped closer to her, his eyes dark and challenging. “You have no idea what I’ve been through.”
“You’re right, I don’t - so help me understand. Or I’m not going to waste my time chasing you around trying to figure you out. You have a family that loves you but you never focus on that! At any sign of conflict, you lash out; just like you’re doing now! Like a child!”
He moved past her and continued down the hall, not looking back as he made his way to his quarters. (Y/N) took a deep breath a wiped away any evidence of the tears that formed in her eyes. She spun around and headed towards the exit of the castle, suddenly missing the feeling of Edmund and his warmth beside her.
*
A couple of hours had gone by since (Y/N)’s return from her ride, and nothing about her mood had changed in the slightest. She fidgeted with the book in her hands, the words not processing in her mind due to all the anger that clouded it.
“It’s Edmund, isn’t it?” Susan asked, looking at (Y/N) from across the room with a book of her own on her lap.
Susan had spotted (Y/N) riding in the woods and it didn’t take her much to figure out she was basically losing her mind. (Y/N) wanted to be alone at first, but she realised how much Susan had helped in trying to get her mind off of Edmund’s angry outburst. The high queen hadn’t asked questions, or pressed for answers; she just rode around with (Y/N) for a couple of hours before they returned at dusk.
(Y/N) sat up, pulling her hair behind her shoulders and closing the book she barely read. “He’s stupid.”
“Oh, we know that,” commented Susan. “What did he do this time?”
Waving her hand impatiently in the air, (Y/N) let the frustration pour out in a wave of almost incomprehensible words. “He was angry at me for no reason! I really thought we were more than fine now, but when something doesn’t go his way - he just lashes out! I was clearly trying to help him when he got all bothered and upset after seeing Lord Rami arrive-”
“Lord Rami?” Susan interrupted, closing her book slowly. “He’s arrived?”
(Y/N) nodded, and Susan sighed frustratedly before leaning back with her hands covering her face.
“I knew something would go wrong,” she said through muffled hands. “He wasn’t meant to come this year.”
“Who’s Lord Rami?” (Y/N) asked.
“A noble from Arnchenland...”
Susan stood by the nearest window and looked out at the sky that began to darken, the faintest of pink and orange dusting the horizon. Her thumb was between her teeth as she turned and gave (Y/N) a worried look.
“This meeting won’t go well,” She stated.
(Y/N) simply watched Susan walk quickly to peer down the library’s exit before standing next to the couch (Y/N) was seated on.
“Lord Rami and Edmund had gotten into...an altercation.”
The swordswoman raised an eyebrow at the queen as she continued, “Edmund had made a comment about how the alliance between Archenland and Narnia was dissipating overtime - a fair observation, might I add. He knew that after Lord Rami had gotten more power over lands ruled by Archenland, he might have tried to take some of our own. Lord Rami retaliated, and of course so did Edmund.”
Susan took a deep breath and pressed a hand to her temple. “And then he had brought up what had happened in the past...with Edmund.”
(Y/N) unconsciously grimaced, standing up slowly and putting the book down. She stood closer to Susan with her arms folded.
“He kept blabbering on, and on, and on...about the White Witch...how Ed...”
Susan shook her head and (Y/N) put a hand out to touch her shoulder.
“Edmund knows what he did. He knows. But he’s learnt...so much. He’s changed. And it’s awful that only we know how much he has - there are some people in the palace that still can’t trust him. He thinks we don’t know, Peter, Lucy, and I, but we do. We truly do.”
(Y/N) pulled in Susan for a quick hug, and the queen immediately reciprocated. (Y/N) loosened her grasp on Susan’s arms as they separated.
“You should see how he is,” (Y/N) said.
“But-”
“You’ve known him your entire life,” she replied, hoping her confident voice was enough to mask the hurt in her eyes. “You’ll know what to say.”
Susan was now holding the swordswoman’s hands, tightening her grip for a brief moment before letting go and breathing deeply. (Y/N) knew she couldn’t do much except wish Susan a good evening and watch her disappear out of the library.
(Y/N) knew that it wasn’t her place to interfere with such situations. There was no possible way that she would be able to comfort him like his siblings would, and it amazed her quite a lot how much they cared for one another. Of course, her own siblings did show their affection every now and then, but not like the Kings and Queens of Narnia. It seemed as though they would pour out their whole heart to each other, and in the end, they knew that everything would all be alright.
She couldn’t help but think of how Edmund might act now. She worried that with Lord Rami here, his patience with her purposefully annoying antics would run short, and he would not treat her the same. (Y/N) wiped her hands along her trousers and then tucked a few stray hairs behind her ears. She needed to calm down a little. She let her feet take her to exit of the library and ascend the nearest staircase, not realising how much her legs had ached from horse riding until she had reached the top step.
Her leather boots clicked softly on the tiled floor as she made her way to her chambers, the familar intricate paintings and detailed rug that lay outside her door welcomed her. She entered with a long sigh and shut the door quietly behind her, peeling her clothes off and throwing them off to the side. She was too tired to take a bath right now, so she settled for washing her face and putting on her nightgown.
(Y/N) tugged her hair down from its tight knot and massaged her scalp as she collapsed onto her soft bed. Her long day began to catch up to her as her eyelids grew heavy, and as she lazily promised herself she would get up in an hour to check on Edmund, sleep had already begun to wrap around her mind. She let her hand fall from her scalp and nuzzled her nose into her pillow, and only seconds later did she fall into a deep slumber.
*
“(Y/N)?”
A quiet voice called out to her softly, stirring her awake. (Y/N) frowned in confusion, taking a moment to wake herself up. She blinked a few times and the first thing she noticed was that the room was almost pitch black. The sun had obviously set, and a soft breeze was circling the room, tickling (Y/N)’s bare legs.
The next thing she noticed was the person sitting up in her bed and their one hand that was laying on her calf, stroking the skin there softly with their thumb. (Y/N) immediately brought herself to sit up as Edmund shifted away and let his hand fall into his lap. Her stomach was swarming with nervous butterflies as she tried to make out the expression on his face.
“Edmund?” she began, watching Edmund as his eyes went from his lap to her eyes, the simple move giving her goosebumps. “Are you okay?”
Edmund nodded slowly and brought his hand to scratch the back of his head. “Can I stay?”
(Y/N)’s heart fluttered, and her mind reeled back to when he appeared in her room for the first time in the middle of the night. The moonlight had illuminated his terror-stricken face, with a sheen of sweat on his neck and chest. She had welcomed him into her arms without hesitation.
But, this time was different. When her eyes adjusted to the dark, and they roamed across Edmund’s face, she noticed a wetness around his eyes. She uncovered herself from the sheets and moved to the edge of the bed beside him.
(Y/N) guided a hand to his freckled cheek, letting it hover for a moment before resting it on his icy skin. At the sound of his soft sigh, her stomach twisted and she felt tears of her own prickle at her eyes. She swiped her thumb under his eye and Edmund’s tears met her soft hand.
Immediately, Edmund broke. A fresh stream of tears ran down his cheeks as he let out a quiet whimper and brought his hands to his face. (Y/N) didn’t wait any longer before sitting up on her knees and wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling him towards her tightly. He responded just as quickly, his arms enveloping her torso as he cried into her nightgown. She brought her lips to the top of his head and closed her eyes, her tears falling into his hair.
(Y/N) let him cry, and soon his cries turned to sobs. His shoulders shook as he swallowed deep breaths, muttering things that she couldn’t comprehend. Her stomach had dropped down to her feet as he began to apologise; over, and over again, with his face burying deeper into her chest. A couple of minutes passed, accompanied by Edmund’s cries and the soft whistling noise that the wind made. When she felt him loosen his grip on her, (Y/N) brought her hands to both sides of his face and pulled his head from her body so that she could meet his eyes.
His bloodshot eyes met her own.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, shaking his head slightly. “I shouldn’t have said that to you, I should’ve held my tongue. I just...I got so angry. I didn’t mean any of it-”
(Y/N) began to hush him as more tears began to pool in his eyes. She pushed his silky hair out of his face and wiped the rest of his tears away.
“I know, I know,” she began as she sniffled. “It’s okay...Ed, it’s okay. I’m so sorry. For everything. I never meant any of it either.”
Edmund shook his head and brought his hands to (Y/N)‘s face. Silence danced between them as they caught their breaths.
“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered, smoothing down the young woman’s tousled hair.
(Y/N) brought her hands to his tunic and pulled him in to place a soft kiss on his lips. He kissed her back, his chapped lips moving against her carefully and (Y/N) tasted tears. She leaned further into his embrace and took her hand to the nape of his neck, the other placed on his shoulder.
Edmund broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. He pressed his hands against (Y/N)‘s back as she sat down on her heels, her face now level with his. She opened her eyes lazily, and saw that his were still closed. His hands moved up and down her back in soft, slow motions.
Edmund took a hand to her cheek and sniffled. He opened his eyes and leaned back to look at her longingly.
“Come,” she said earnestly, pulling at his hand as she shuffled back underneath the sheets. “Stay with me.”
The young king followed her as he did all those nights before, folding the sheets back gently and slipping right beside her. They found warmth and comfort as soon as their bodies met, and as they wrapped themselves around eachother, with Edmund’s head resting on her shoulder, (Y/N)’s cheek finding itself atop his head, they drifted into a dreamless sleep unlike any other.
*
Bright rays of sunlight shook the sleep from (Y/N)’s eyes, leaving her in a frustrating fight to fall back into unconscious. Warm breaths fell delicately on her left cheek, and as she fully awakened, she felt Edmund’s body by her side. His legs were tangled with hers and as one arm lay behind her head, the other was draped across her stomach. The blanket of warmth he provided lulled her to press herself closer to him, and rest her face in the crook of his neck before breathing him in softly. She leaned back again and took a long look at him, feeling as though it was like seeing the first break of spring sunlight.
Edmund began to stir, and it took a moment before she finally saw familiar gold-flecked eyes staring up at the ceiling. (Y/N) smiled at the sight of him, her chest bleeding happiness. She leaned towards his jaw and pressed a kiss there, and under his chin, and continued her path down to his chest.
A heavy chuckle escaped Edmund as (Y/N) propped her chin on his chest and looked up at him. He was heavy with sleep, but that didn’t stop him from sitting up and wrapping his arms around the swordswoman to lay her gently on her back. She let out a breathy laugh as he mirrored her previous movements, kissing her jaw, her chin...
(Y/N) grinned and tried to haul him up so she could kiss him properly, but as soon as his face came close to hers, she grimaced.
“Your breath,” she said in a croaky voice. “It smells awful.”
Edmund laugh lowly, sending a chill through her body. “Yours, too.”
He met her lips in a sloppy kiss, and she groaned in disgust.
“Ed, seriously it’s disgusting,” she said, her words muffled against his lips.
He smiled and pulled away, watching her wipe her lips on the pillow next to her. (Y/N) grinned widely as her eyes met his, pulling him in for a hug as she stroked his back.
Edmund spoke first. “We need to be careful tomorrow.”
(Y/N) frowned. “Because of Lord Rami?”
“Yes...and no.” He pulled away from her hug and settled his hand on her hip. “Representatives of Tashbaan will be there, too. And yes, they will have received news of the supply shipments making way to their ports, but it won’t stop their hostility towards you. You mustn’t do what I did. Don’t show your anger.”
(Y/N) feigned a gasp. “Me? Show my anger? How could I ever?”
Edmund gave her a half-hearted smile before brushing a hair behind her ear. “You would be very surprised.”
She chuckled softly and closed her eyes, reveling in the young king’s warm arms and his quiet breaths.
“I wish I could stay here,” she began. “Forever.”
“Then stay.”
(Y/N) opened her eyes to find Edmund’s gaze already on her, a serious expression taking a hold on his face.
“Ed-”
“After your siblings’ wedding, you can come back. I mean, if you really aren’t happy there...if you’re happier here...”
(Y/N) blinked slowly, her chest clenching as she realised that sooner or later, she would have to leave Cair Paravel. She would leave its woods and sun-kissed cliff side. She’d leave Peter, Susan, Lucy...Edmund.
And she would be miserable.
(Y/N) let her hand drift over to Edmund’s face to rest in his soft hair and stroke her thumb across the shell of his ear.
“My family needs me, Ed.”
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, so carefully, as though it would be the last time. But it wasn’t. It couldn’t be.
Leaning back slightly, he pressed the tip of his nose against hers. “You won’t be leaving your family alone, we can help them. Of course, you’ll visit them whenever and for however long you like. You won’t have to choose.”
“But I do,” she replied softly. “We all do. I can’t be both in my head and in my heart. Especially not now. Maybe later down the track, when everything is better, we can do that.”
(Y/N) brought a hand up to the young king’s face, making a path of his freckles with her eyes. He leaned into her touch, eyelids falling shut. She forced back tears that sprung to her eyes and tried to swallow the burning lump that appeared in her throat.
If I leave, it won’t be forever, she willed herself to say over and over again until the lump almost disappeared.
Almost.
