#needing approval

[nogoinghomegame]

Noel: "He's got... well, the…the jump in class from Little James to Songbird was amazing, because Songbird is such a great song and it's really, really simple, and the jump again in class from Songbird to Guess God Thinks I'm Abel, and the meaning is massive, so he's getting there, but you've got to kind of whisper, let's whisper it between me, you and the rest of the world, you know, because he can get a bit big headed, you know. But he's doing great. I mean, I love his... love his songs, you know, and that's probably the biggest compliment I can pay him."

Source: Webchat transcript with Gary Crowley, 2005.

[ophelia-network]

"We each make our solo voyages to deep, expansive waters. Alone in our contest with the wider world, we test our mettle and seek our trophies, promotions, compliments, and accolades. We strive to be needed and to thereby know that there is a reason for us. We seek to be told we are good because we're too unsure of ourselves to know. Yet often we remain so focused on our neediness that we forget the creatures—human and otherwise—we're drawing into the vortex of our own passion play. All of us have compulsive loves we must forbear. We forget to see that we can engage the world without harming it. And although we fish for approval, the challenge is: to capture our prizes while bringing more to the world than we take." ― Carl Safina, The View from Lazy Point: A Natural Year in an Unnatural World

The Tamer by Marco Mazzoni

[healinghealthy]

So where I am at mentally.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

This whole peering into my soul thing that I have been doing by floowing FMLS90, in what was just meant to be a fun challenge has kind of taken over my life.

@fatmaninalittlesuit​ (thank you John) In a good way and the best way. Honestly I needed something like this, I needed to see that my habits played a huge role in how bad I have been feeling about myself.

Especially the amount of time I was using my phone, the amount of time I spent scrolling social media. Wanting to have likes to feel appreciated, to validate myself and if I wasn’t getting those things (validation fro outside sources) Hw upset I was.

But I digress, really I was just using it to numb or block out  any negative emotions and try and force myself to have a very fragile sense of self based on the image I wanted to portray online. 

I have since deleted facebook and stopped using social media and to a large extent my phone. Which was a huge thing for me.

The first couple of days was hell, my emotions felt like raw nerves, everything felt too loud, or to much. I was really sensative and emotional, I couldn’t tollerate to much. I tried to do this just before my daughters birthday, and thats when I was annoyed and had a go at a fair amount of people.

Which looking back I can see I had reached some sort of massive breaking point and if I had’t basically put up a massive boundry of fuck off I think I might have actually had a break down.

Not that this has been a picnic, I’ve had massive up and down days since, but I haven't really wanted to go back on to it. Just moments of weakness where I’ve looked and then deactivated again. Which is good because I know I don’t need it in my life and it was actually just taking away from my enjoyment of it. It’s been intresting. Even though it has been hard, I would seriously recommend a detox for anyone especially facebook, which can be so full of negative comments. It also forces you to face the reality that what you see on line is mostly fictional. Its the slices of peoples lives that they chose to share and really we’re all struggling or feeling bad about something.

But going through this, I now know that I have massive self essteme issues, that not only have an effect on how much I trust my husband (because I feel unattractive so I assume he’ll leave me for someone better), to not actually going for dreams (incase I fail), to wanting approval online all the time so that I can just for a second feel okay about myself (massivly unhealthy, I want to love myself just the way I am and not need that) and last but not least to thinking that I am boring or everyone secretly hates me (not true at all.)

So I really need to work on self-love this year it’s my main goal to really find a place where outside influences don’t affect how I view myself and where I can get to a point of feeling comfortable and confident in who i  am.

It’s also opened up huge amounts of time that I didn’t have before. I feel more connected to those around me, I am practicing mindfulness, I’m journalling again, using meditation.  I’m more loving and open with my husband, I’m spending better time with the kids, and I’m reconnecting with myself.

[nogoinghomegame]

Oasis bad boy Liam Gallagher has had an emotional reunion with brother Noel - thanks to his new baby. The two had been barely speaking to each other after a bust-up earlier this year. Liam's baby son Lennon was born a month ago - but neither Uncle Noel nor wife Meg had even been to see him. Until last week that is. Liam, 26, has been left 'angry and hurt' by his big brother's astonishing snub.

The wild singer first clashed with Noel, 31, while they worked on songs for the new Oasis album in a New York recording studio just days after Lennon was born. Guitarist Noel had insisted that Liam tear himself away from Patsy, 31, and their newborn baby to go to the States. Liam flew back from America last weekend and rushed to be with his wife and first child.

A source close to Liam told Sunday People: "Liam couldn't believe the way Noel had behaved over the birth of Lennon. It was one of the biggest if not the biggest day in his entire life. Noel's absence for nearly three weeks after the birth had soured his relationship with Liam to an all-time low. But it's all sorted out now. They've made up and they are now getting on better than ever.”

Source: People, October 1999

[nogoinghomegame]

"I can't be him either," chirps Noel. "I've seen him, on tour, drink for days and days and days and you'll see him in the hotel lobby and he looks like he's just got back off holiday. I'd be in fucking tears. He's got that force of nature thing. But he can't get his head round the fact that it wouldn't be Oasis without him. End of story. If he wasn't the singer, I'd have written all those songs regardless. I might have even been a singer in a band but it wouldn't have been anywhere near as exciting or as big without him, but he doesn't see that. He constantly needs to reassure himself that he's vital to what Oasis is. When we're doing these big stadium gigs and there 60,000 people chanting, 'Lee-um! Lee-um!' I'm like, 'Is that not enough for you?' So I just put it down to... he's a fucking idiot. But he's my idiot, I guess."

Source:  Big Issue, November 2006.

[nogoinghomegame]

”I also find it funny how Noel mocks Liam’s unhinged behaviour; then I think it’s tragic. That attitude was typical of the Liam that Noel had encouraged all those years ago. Noel knew the media were intoxicated with the snorting, aggressive, working-class hero that Liam was. Perhaps all Liam wanted was acknowledgement from Noel, to hear ‘I couldn’t have done it without you’ just once. But with Noel, everybody has their time. Even his brother.’”

 Source: Oasis: The Truth (Tony McCarroll, Blake Publishing, 2010).

[nogoinghomegame]

"There’s Bald Oasis," says Liam Gallagher, nudging up to the other four as they pose against a purple backdrop, "there’s Stoned Oasis, Rich Oasis, Cockney Oasis..."

"And what are you?" barks his brother, in the manner of one who can’t help but behave like a substitute parent. Liam pauses for about four seconds. "Misunderstood Oasis." The band fall about. And then Liam repeats it, hoping for the extra laugh - which he gets in spades.

Source: Select, August 1997