Nothing, just thinking about how much Bucky had to have loved Steve to follow him back into war after already being traumatized when he was captured. And then, in the future, to not have blamed him once, never shown resentment towards the world for blaming him for things he did when he wasn’t himself and even trying to make up for it by continuing to fight the good fight all because he was trying to live up to Steve’s morals because Steve said he believed in him
Hi hi hi I’m checking on you because I missed you hello
speaking of which.. Julian patiently waiting for you to come back in his room
The GIF actually made me fucking WHEEZE from laughter. Omg. Welcome back to my inbox, I’m happy to see you teehee.
Soooo, this is kinda his room, but it’s also yours. It’ll make sense. I think.
Julian was easily the most patient person he knew. He's used to waiting. For everything. He's especially patient with and for you. He will always be patient when it comes to you.
However.
Julian would really like you to come home right now. He's been pacing around, anxious for no fucking reason, and wearing a hole into the carpet.
Okay… maybe it wasn't for no reason. Julian had gotten into a 'fight' so to speak with his mother. It wasn't a true argument or anything. It was just his mother berating and screaming at him for 10 minutes straight.
…Maybe that wasn't the full truth. But his mother did yell until her throat grew sore.
Julian had just sat there, chair opposite her, with his mouth wired shut and let her tire herself out. He knew how to play this game: Just be patient. It'll be over soon.
When it did end and his mother told him to 'fuck off', Julian had come straight to your apartment. Not his. Yours. You had this ability to calm him down that he'd always marveled at. The fact you even stayed with him constantly threw him for a loop… but he was incredibly grateful. Even if you were staying out of pity or something, he loved you.
Julian finally stopped pacing and sat on the edge of your bed, careful not to disturb the sheets. Whenever you invited him over or brought him inside, Julian felt out of place and tried to make himself scarce. You always told him to 'make himself at home', but Julian didn't really understand what that phrase meant.
Your home was cozy and inviting, unlike any home he'd ever been in since birth. You never said it in a tone that indicated to Julian that you were angry, so he just nodded and sat wherever you pointed stiffly.
Julian looked down at the sheets and brushed his hands over the soft material. Of course it was soft. It was yours.
Julian kept tracing patterns into the sheets until he heard your front door being unlocked, opened, and then closed gently.
You had given him a key to your place awhile ago, saying he could let himself in whenever, regardless of whether or not you were there.
Julian had taken the key with a shaky hand and clenched it in a tight fist for hours until he was able to let it go and attach it to a small lanyard.
Julian always kept the key on him. It was a small comfort, like a piece of you with him at all times. Whenever he started getting anxious or felt the need to escape from whereever he was, Julian would wrap a hand around the key and fidget with it until he calmed down or decided to go to your place.
You never questioned him about why he was in your apartment when Julian showed up. You only smiled and invited him in with a wave of your hand.
Julian clenched the sheets in his hands and looked up towards the open door of your room. He could see most of the living room and connecting kitchen from where he was sitting.
Julian saw you place your bag down and toss your keys on the counter. You glanced around your apartment, feeling eyes on you, and saw Julian sitting in the edge of your bed.
"Hey!" You called out happily. You wanted to tease him about actually letting himself in but something about his eyes and posture looked off.
You walked over to your room and leaned against the door frame. "What's wrong?" You asked softly.
Julian looked away from you and stared at his shoes. "Sorry," He wiggled his foot at you and you glanced down.
Julian always took his shoes off when he came in. Something about manners when you had asked why a while ago. He'd forgotten to take them off today, just too all over the place to remember to do it.
"It's only shoes. You're pretty clean anyways." You said with a shrug. An apology at the beginning of the conversation was never a good sign with Julian. The only time he started apologizing like this was when something bad happened. And if something bad happened, you could bet your life on his mother being involved.
You pushed yourself off the door frame and entered the room slowly. Your footsteps were light and you sat down on the end of the bed before looking over at him.
"You tired?" You asked. You knew better than to ask if he was alright or what happened. He wouldn't tell you anyways. When Julian had tried to once, he'd fallen silent and stared off into the distance for 20 minutes and you couldn't get him out of it. It freaked you out but the only thing you could do was wait.
When he did come back to himself, you had set a cup of water down in front of him and threw a blanket over his shoulders. Julian had tugged the blanket closer to him subconsciously and drank sips of water, still staring off but more present now.
It had taken about an hour for the whole ordeal to be over, and you never spoke of what happened, fearing that Julian would completely shut down or run off.
So you asked if he was tired or hungry… anything other than questions about what happened to him.
Julian looked away from his shoes and stared at a place just over your shoulder. "Little," He mumbled with a shrug.
You nodded and got up. You opened a drawer of your bureau and pulled out some clothes you'd bought for him so he'd had stuff for when he'd come over.
You tossed the shirt and pants down on the bed beside him. "They're comfy," You said with a little smile.
Julian glanced between you and the clothes a few times before he nodded. "Thanks."
You left the room, closing the door behind you.
Julian started pulling his shirt off as he thought about what you'd just done for him. Julian wasn't used to people giving him space. Giving him what he wanted. He sighed to himself and tried to clear his head as he took off his pants.
He was tired, but not physically. It was all mental. It usually was when it came to his mother.
Julian tugged on the clean, comfortable clothes you'd given him and felt the cotton between his fingers. It was soft.
Julian picked up his old clothes and set them neatly on top of your bureau. He didn't like leaving a mess anywhere, but especially in your home.
Julian walked over to the door and opened it. He looked around as he held the door handle and spotted you throwing blankets on the couch.
"Come on," You said as he opened the door fully. "We can just watch a movie." You weren't sure if Julian would be able to sleep. Sometimes when he did sleep over, he'd wake up in a sweat and refuse to look at you after. Julian was always embarrassed about his nightmares. Embarrassed you'd witnessed it. Embarrassed they even bothered him.
He made his way over to the couch and sat down tentatively. You grabbed the remote and turned the TV on before grabbing a blanket and throwing it over your laps.
Julian brought his hands to rest over the material that laid on his lap and started tracing patterns into it. It was a small way to get himself to relax. To focus.
You shifted the blanket around on yourself and slumped back into the couch. You pulled a movie up and it started playing.
Julian finally started to relax and shifted further back into the cushions, letting his shoulders drop.
Neither of you spoke for most of the film, and by three-fourths of the way through, Julian felt his head drop down to your shoulder.
He went to pull up and away from you, humiliated that he'd nearly fallen asleep on you or moved so close, but you grabbed his hand and stroked a thumb over his knuckles.
You didn't say anything but you glanced over at him. You wanted to tell him it was okay, but a part of you was afraid that if you spoke, he'd run, so you remained silent.
Julian stared at your hand over his before hesitantly resting his head back on your shoulder. You squeezed his palm in encouragement in response, and Julian pushed his head more into you.
You kept tracing his knuckles and squeezing his hand as the movie played, and Julian fell asleep as the credits started rolling.
You glanced over at him and he was fast asleep against your shoulder, breathing softly onto your arm.
Julian was far more relaxed in his sleep than he was when awake. That was for sure.
You grabbed the remote to shut the TV off, leaving Julian's breathing as the only sound in the room.
You pulled the blanket tightly around the two of you and tilted your head to rest gently on top of his.
