#negative experiences

[ashenbot]

it’s a good thing tumblr posts don’t have titles

job interviews are bad enough

[autumnalhappiness]

Negative experiences don't define who you are. It feels bad at the time, I get it. I remember the time I had to interview people in public spaces for an assignment but many people walked away because "I looked too scary" according to the people with me. I was seething at the time, and I wondered if the problem was truly me. But after a while, I realised that all because I had one bad experience didn't mean I was bad at everything, or worthless. It's just an opportunity to learn. Don't give up!

[jewishconvertthings]

Is there such a thing as de-conversion?

I found out recently that someone I know who is also a ger and who completed conversion a number of years ago and who last time we were in regular contact was actually quite observant and invested in Jewish identity and community, is now "formally and permanently" walking away from Jewish identity and community.

It's honestly an extremely sad commentary on the way this person has been treated in Jewish community, and there's a lot that could be said about that as well. Let me preface what I am about to say by stating that I do not think that this is this person's fault and that this choice lays bare a lot of ongoing issues with how we marginalize certain identities within Jewish community.

However for the moment, I want to address this concept of walking away. Is this person still Jewish? I think the uncomfortable answer is yes - halachicly if one accepts this person's conversion to begin with, then one must traditionally hold that they are now an apostate rather than a gentile. Of course, on a human level, I would not stress this identity, but that does not make the former less true.

While this is the first person I've seen try to formally walk away, it is not the first time I've seen other gerim drop out of community, become substantially less religious, and/or syncretize it with something else they find more palatable. Even for myself, while I am still a religiously-observant and involved Jew, I have had numerous post-conversion struggles with my Jewish identity. I've definitely had to rethink and reinvent my Jewish self a bit in the wake of these struggles.

Which leads me to why I'm posting about this on this blog: I think most prospective gerim need to do a few things that generally I don't see recommended to them before finalizing their conversion. Because at the end of the day, this is a bell that cannot be un-rung.

Come in to Judaism knowing that it will not only not solve all of your problems, but for every problem it does solve, it will likely create several more. Consider what Judaism and Jewish community do for you, and then consider how you will respond if it stops doing that for you.

Think about exactly how observant you want to be and compare that to how much observance you can realistically maintain with the resources and support network you have. Do they match? If not, is there anything you can do to reconcile them?

How well do you know yourself, and how stable is your mental health and self-identity? How do you handle major shifts in identity? How do you handle the finality of decisions that cannot be undone?

How resilient are you to change, to disappointment, to serious emotional blows? How will you cope if you begin to seriously question your decision to become Jewish? If you begin to regret it?

How will you handle community rejection and/or if you feel like you no longer belong in your specific community? Are you willing to walk away from the community you are currently in if it becomes toxic and do the work to find a Jewish community that does nurture your spirit and actually support you? Are you willing to change your level of observance and still find it meaningful if that is necessary for your mental health and well-being?

I'm certainly not trying to discourage anyone here - far from it. All of these are things that have answers and can be overcome. But you should go in eyes open, and for your own peace of mind and security, you should make sure you have your own answers to them. The good news is that the Jewish community is extremely diverse and there are a huge number of ways to be a Jew that are equally valid. There are lots of good people who have built wonderful communities, and they are usually quite happy to help you on your way. I try to be one of them, so if you have questions I can help with, I will do my best.

[theemotionmachine]

Accepting Emotional Complexity: Why We Often Experience a Cocktail of Different Emotions At Once

We rarely experience one singular emotion, but often a cocktail of different emotions at the same time. Embracing the "emotional complexity" of life is key to becoming more emotionally intelligent.

Click here to learn more!

[theemotionmachine]

Power of the Pen: 5 Scientific Reasons You Should be Writing More

Discover the many ways that writing can benefit your life, including relieving anxiety, improving learning and memory, and overcoming negative experiences. How often do you write? It could make a big difference in both your physical and mental health.

Click here to read more

[sacredbloominglotus]

“Bag Lady/Man you gonna hurt your back, dragging on them bags like that” Erykah Badu

[thatpsychnerd]

How Negative Childhood Experiences Impact Us

Image Source: Andrew Seaman on Unsplash Love is a powerful emotion that lifts us up and guides us through life. From the love of family to the love of a romantic partner, it’s ingrained in our life. It helps us find our passions, brings us joy and inspires us to be kind. There’s no doubt that love is a fundamental part of the human experience. But did you know that early childhood experiences…

How Negative Childhood Experiences Impact Us