#neighbor guy

[aesudan-kholin]

remember king hanavanar? yeah me neither

[gravityr00m]

[moonotter]

I am so SICK of thinking things for me are going good! Because Melodys always in watergate! Or however that goes! I do NOT care! I let myself down! Bc ppl never change and it’s SHIT!

[moonotter]

Ohmygod so I was with Neighbor Guy and we were just sorta snuggling and then my stomach started growling like mad. Which was really embarrassing before he was like "I can do it on command" all smug and then it went back and forth with the stomach growling. Ultimately his was growling more than mine by the time I left and I'm cracking up.

[moonotter]

Personal Rant

(I apologize for this rant that came out longer than expected) You know I’m amazed absolutely fucking amazed that I thought things were going good for me. I mean I went on a date with Christmas Bread (I literally couldn’t think of a better nickname at the time so I’m just rolling w it) Friday, which was sorta impromptu out of me originally wanting to get away from my parents and him wanting to go over prom. Which it was great, why should I be upset? Here’s the thing, everything has ended up feeling more like a movie than a life. I’m literally going through the fucking motions just to get by. It’s like, I’m supposed to be happy or have small problems if I’m gonna have any. “My” prom has mostly come out to my mom making decisions about what will happen so I might as well stay quiet because any decision I make regardless of my mother isn’t the right decision for everyone else. I mean, it’s “my mothers” redo at prom because I have the ability to do shit she never got to! And then there’s college and I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do about that. At this point I might as well say fuck itto college or getting a job because neither of those are gonna happen because I’m fucking mediocre. To top it off, Neighbor Guys gonna start driving on his own last week of April which is real fucking convenient for me when my parents are out of town and you’d think “well why don’t you just get a ride with Christmas Bread? Can’t you get a ride w someone else? Why can’t you just ask neighbor guy for a lift?” Good theoretical question because my mom wants me to go with this group my moms friend takes home instead and I hate them. Mostly the toddler in the car. She gave me the fucking stink eye when I asked about asking Christmas Bread if I could ever get a lift. He [Neighbor Guy] hasn’t even bothered telling me about this situation because it’s not like it’s gonna affect me. Then he’s always going back and forth between our arrangement and liking another girl and it’s shit. Srsly wth is up with “I like you as a friend I thought we established we’d stay friends bc I like this other girl but you can strip tease Thursday”? Which I’d be fine if it remained Just Friends or if he wanted to be physical but this I all sorta fucked up. And then he's like "I figured I don't want tee strip tease anymore so do it to someone else." Like I'm sorry that was a then mutual agreement, not so much "I'm trying to be a goddamn hooker." Oh and Christmas Bread is so much better because it feels more like I’m the classic case of Fix It Girl. It’s not like he told me he liked me because it started out more as him feeling pity for me. Or the fact that the feeling of I’m gonna try to be used for physical purposes later on despite my instance that I’m not that into it. It was one thing for me to do shit with Neighbor Guy out of a then close bond after months, it’s another when I feel nothing along the lines of being on the Ace Scale. The whole “own yourself” gag is so over played. I’m literally still plastic to everyone. My decisions end up being dictated by everyone else. Rn Im thinking about getting rid of a majority of my other social media accounts over the fact that I’m finding they’re too idk cluttery? Just no one seems to give a shit and it’s the same shit over diff platforms??? I just, I want to be away from everyone. It doesn’t matter if I’m over thinking half these scenarios because I’m just fucking done with it.

[moonotter]

Personal (Skip Over)

Basically my life isn’t my life anymore. It’s like some sort of sick twisted romantic comedy drama. Now when one part of your life goes good another part has to go bad, and this hasn’t seemed relevant until recently. In which case I thought the sour was my last minute homework to things going good with Neighbor Guy and my parents. Since the day I snuck out to Neighbor Guys he’s been relatively MIA although this is partially due to his soccer things and whatever else. I’m not tooo concerned otherwise that’s too clingy for the situation. Then I’d been talking to Christmas Bread and I ended up going to his family’s place for dinner because like our family’s are close and yeah all that good stuff. Anyways in a turn of events he showed up for dinner on time. Meanwhile things between us were a little flirtier than normal. Which at times I would panic and back out but overall remaining cool. And then I get home and he starts messaging me. Leading into what my relationship is with Neighbor Guy but that’s already complicated. Point blank, Christmas Bread likely liked me but over my unofficial relationship with Neighbor Guy, pretty much shot me down in the romantic territory. At this point I shouldn’t be complaining over the fact that I still have a date to prom, and I’m unofficially with Neighbor Guy again, and Christmas Bread should over all not be a problem. Except like over this unofficial relationship and lack of contact make things complicated with Neighbor Guy, ignoring the shady parts. And then Christmas Bread is nice and I feel horrible about putting him in this position and the fact that maybe if I bothered to leave Neighbor Guy could’ve led to a decent possible relationship and. I don’t know. I really don’t. The last thing I ever mean to do is hurt anyone. Although tbh I never asked for this effed up love triangle. Hopefully things start going good again over all because I really really don’t need this drama movie shit in my life.

[moonotter]

I found the only reason I woke up this morning was because of the cologne lingering on his shirt that I passed out in

[moonotter]

I’ve never really related to people who go on about spooning with their partner with awkward butt rubbing but wow do I appreciate being the small spoon since Sunday morning happened