Turning a terrible night into a lesson in sisterhood
Last night I was stuck in the situation of not only meeting my boyfriend's ex-sexual-tension-for-3-years-let's-cheat-on-our-partners-with-one-another girl, but I took care of her when she was absolutely, horribly drunk. She is in Auckland to drop her boyfriend off at the airport. I wasn't looking forward to meeting her in the first place, but then it was also spring on me that she would be sleeping on our couch.
She came over at 4:30. I had, of course, to look more attractive than her to prove that he wouldn't have sexual tension with her anymore. I know that's such an awful petty girl-world thing to do, but I think it happens to a lot of people when they're meeting their SO's ex-love interests. You have to prove yourself and show that you are an improvement from the last love interest. So, after I had showered, put my bangs back, and threw on a t-shirt and jeans that were flattering, I was ready.
Chris was surprised at the way she looked. He hadn't seen her in about a year, and apparently she gained weight. It seemed to be a theme of the night. While she bought 2 frozen pizzas for us for dinner, she proceeded to drink 6 drinks in the course of me drinking 4. I had 3/4 of a pizza, so did Chris, and she had none. She kept commenting about the calories she had already consumed…as she chugged back 4 more drinks in the course of the night, followed by a shot.
Perhaps you can see why this went poorly.
She started making comments (within the text of the conversation) about how women have been cooking "since back in the day" when Neanderthal men were out hunting. So women are naturally better cooks. And Chris should have been carrying the bag of alcohol because it was heavy and apparently I am incapable, etc, etc.
I kept my mouth shut but made it known that I was not happy with these discussions. I don't think she got it.
Our flatmate showed up. Apparently I wasn't keeping tabs on the drinks he and Chris consumed, because they ended up drunk. We were going to go out, despite the fact it was a Tuesday. This led to her wanting to dress me. She and Chris went down to her car. They came back about 15 minutes later and made me try dresses on. There was one coral colored one that didn't fit me. Chris saw it on me and: "Weird, take it off, I used to jack off to pictures of her in that dress". … … enter bad mood.
He does that sometimes; comment on what he is/was attracted to in girls, love interest or otherwise. I don't understand why he feels the need. As much self esteem as I have, when he says things like that it makes me compare myself to those things. It's actually awful we do that. Patriarchy. It pits girls against each other; we tell our friends they look good in that bikini even though we notice the stretch marks on their legs. We hate our A cups when we see girls with Cs. I have yet to meet a woman who is COMPLETELY comfortable with her body. If you are one, I give you so many props.
At any rate, she really wanted me to try on the blue dress. So I did. Opened the door to find three adoring fans on the other side, telling me how good I look. Then, all of a sudden, she was lying on the couch with her eyes closed. She stood up, threw up outside my bedroom, then all over the bathroom.
I felt an obligation to help her. The boys were not helping. I put her hair back in a ponytail the best I could while her head was over the toilet. She went out on the balcony; I went out with her and rubbed her back while she hung her head over. The boys were inside laughing about something, drinking more. She started to cry.
Here I was, comforting the near sexy time friend of my boyfriend for about a half an hour. I got her to the shower, and took off her dress, but she wouldn't let me take off any more.
I was very mad at him, and our flatmate was still trying to get me to go out. They were getting irrationally angry, but I was rationally angry. I wasn't drunk enough to deal with any of it.
Once she was out of the shower and passed out, the boys still went out. I got her a glass of water I had to help a sister out.
I wish I could spread the feminist word in this country. So far, I have failed because absolutely no one takes me seriously. I have never come across more racism or ignorance. I think it's just being out of school and being around younger people. It makes me sad. Most of them come from small towns in a country that doesn't matter in the world scheme of things, which leads to me getting mad in many situations.
But then, I need to check myself too. Why shouldn't I have just thrown on sweatpants and a tshirt like I usually do when I get home? Should I have done that? Shown her that I don't look good all the time? My ego didn't need fed. I actually don't like that much attention. I like to feel like I look good and that's it. The rest is always confidence. And she is taking diet pills because she lost her confidence.
I should be spreading body love and feminism instead of trying to be hotter than her. If all women did that - reached out to other women to support them and boost their self esteem - instead of talking behind each other's backs and comparing ourselves to others, the world would be a much better place. Sisterhood is powerful, and we need much more of it in order to make a difference, both on the individual level, and the bonding up to the political stage. Every act of sisterly goodness makes a difference.
