“mine has been a life of much shame. i can’t even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.”
drew dazai on dazai’s no longer human!! i had this idea recently, and couldn’t get it out of my head. i read no longer human a bit ago, and i found it indescribably haunting, and beautiful, and relatable all at once, which scares me in some ways. still, i can’t recommend the book enough. my new favorite book 🫶
v' movies
pairing: Gabe Perreault x fem!reader
summary: You trusted Gabe until Amber appeared in his life
warning: swear words
You never felt jealous. Gabe never gave you any reasons to doubt his love. That’s why you were always chilled about him hanging out with his girl friends because you trusted him that he would do anything stupid. The same kind of trust Gabe had towards you and never saw a problem with you meeting your boy friends.
But one particular girl grew your suspicious. Her name was Amber. When Gabe met you with her, she looked sweet. Some of her behaviour was alarming for you but you trusted Gabe and knew that he would shut her down if she would start being too much.
It was one of Gabe’s teammates' birthday party. Like always, you two went together and bought a gift for him. To your surprise, you also saw Amber there. You hugged her as a welcome but deep in you, you wanted to kick her out of there. Your intuition was telling you that she's evil.
And your intuition was right. When you left Gabe for just a minute, she was next to him, laughing and baffling her eyelashes. It was clear that she’s flirting with him. You stayed a little longer behind, trying to see how Gabe’s gonna react. But he didn’t react. He stood there and laughed with her.
This situation turned out to be the final straw for you for the night. With a loud sound, you put your cup on the table and left the party. You wanted to believe this to be a sick joke, a dream but you knew what you saw. You never had worries about how Gabe was acting around women, after this situation brought you only worries and left you wondering if this happened earlier.
Gabe didn’t even notice your disappearance until he was ready to leave the party. He made you a promise that he’ll walk you back to your dorm but you were nowhere to be found. He tried to call you but you weren’t picking up your phone. Panicked, he ran out from the party and went to check if you’re back in your room. The loud pounding on the door woke you up.
“It’s 3 am, what the hell are you doing?” You asked him half asleep.
“You weren’t at the party and I panicked” Gabe told you out of breath.
“Wow” You laughed in disbelief. “I left the party around midnight and you just noticed. I guess Amber really kept you busy”
“What does it supposed to mean?” Gabe asked with a rougher voice.
“Oh please, she was clearly flirting with you and you didn’t seem like you mind it” You told him and sat on your bed.
“I didn’t know she was flirting with me. I thought that she’s just polite” Gabe told you. “I’m sorry, I’ll do better next time” He grabbed your hand.
“Okay” You said quietly. You wanted to believe him but this situation was still bugging you. “Do you want to stay the night?”
“Would love that” Gabe kissed the top of your head.
Since that night, the doubts never left your head. You became more possessive over Gabe. It wasn’t only about Amber but every girl. You didn’t trust him like earlier. He hated the sudden change of your behaviour. He believed that he didn’t do anything and you were acting crazy.
The love that the both of you shared, met a huge crisis. You were controlling every Gabe’s move which led him to lying to you just to have peace. He didn’t like the fact that he had to go behind your back but he didn’t see any other option because he knew that telling you the truth would lead to an argument.
One day, you called Gabe but he told you that he’s on his way to training and can’t see you. But you heard a sound of someone’s jewellery and this brought your suspicion. That’s why you called one of Gabe’s teammates to ask about the training but he told you that they have a free day. You dug deeper and asked where Gabe and when you heard the name Amber, you knew that this is over. The only thing you did, you sent to Gabe a message.
Have fun with Amber and don’t call me ever again
You laid in your bed and started crying. This is not how you pictured the end of your relationship with Gabe. You didn’t even know what to do now. You wanted to scream, to break something. The sadness quickly became a rage and you were walking around your room. The knocking brought you back to reality.
“Have I interrupted your date?” You asked with irony.
“I can explain” Gabe said and you laughed. “Amber needed my help and I couldn’t say no. I care about her and…” Before he could finish, you stopped him.
“I’m the only one you should care about” You yelled. “I’m your girlfriend. Maybe I also needed you and that’s why I called you”
“Okay, you’re overreacting” Gabe said and you looked at him, not believing what you just heard.
“You know what? I don’t care. We’re done. I… I don’t trust you Gabe” You told him with tears in your eyes.
“Baby i love you” Gabe tried to reach you but you took a step back.
“I love you too but I can’t do this. This is killing me. Just look at us. You had to lie to me because I don’t trust you enough. It’s the best option for us to break up because we’re only hurting each other” You told him. “I’m for real Gabe”
“I’m sorry but please, give me one more chance” Gabe begged you.
“I can’t” You cried. “Maybe one day, we’ll reunite again but now, I can’t be with you. Please leave me now, I can’t even look at you”
“I love you and I didn’t want this to end up this way” Gabe said and turned around to leave you.
“Maybe you should think for the next time” You whispered. Gabe heard that but decided not to say anything back.
With the closing door, you knew that you were closing the relationship and the best chapter of your life. You wanted to run after him but you knew that this is the best for both of you. The tears were rolling down your face, already missing him.
Gabe knew he fucked up but he never thought that you’d break up with him. The pain in your voice showed him that this is what you want. He wanted to fight for you and your forgiveness but he gave up. He felt defeated but hoped that maybe one day, you two will have a chance for a happy ending.
